Saturday, 31 January 2009

love is in the air(17)

I didn’t want to upset my heart so I said yes. Yet I did upset my mind. I went to my parents room to get my passport, dad was out of town as usual, mom was in the bathroom. I opened the drawer of the family's documents, all four passports were there. phew! I thought, I took my passport and ran out of their room.

I put on a long white gypsy skirt, sleeveless white tank top and a small missoni cardigan. I let my natural waves down , skipped make-up since I don’t do make-up on summer, took my large bottega tote and went downstairs.

I was putting on my earrings when I saw Mother in the livingroom, I approached her and kissed the crown of
her head. " shemga3dech hal 7azza yumma?" she said.

" mama elyoum 3eed melady shfeech?"

" kel 3am wentay eb5air 7abeebti wana agool ana nasya shay, wain ray7a?" she forgot, great.

" ba6la3 , ra7 at2a5ar shway mama"

" laish ba3ad?" typical!

"mama! Ba3ad its my birthday!"

" enzain, bas still latet2a5erain wayed obooch mayertha"

"mama a5af bas oboy bel bait! you know what? whatever , ana mashya"

I ignored her "te7el6em" behind me and left. I heard this conversation million times and I was in no mood to argue, especially when it came to my dad, he was never here, why bother and talk about him! And I was even more furious with her because im her only daughter and she forgot my freakin birthday!


I arrived at terki's old house, great! He wasn’t in his car, I dialed his number and waited.

"haa wainek?" I yelled.

"besmella shfech! Nezlay lel7en ma5ala9t" he said.

" uff, okay okay" I was seriously mad.

i got out of my car, locked it and headed to the big brown gate. I pressed the buzzer. His voice came through the intercom right away. "deshay its open"

I made my way upstairs to his room, I knocked on his door. "Are you descent?" I said.

"ee baby deshay" he said.

To say that my heart stopped would be an understatement. he was in only his jeans, his brown body was even browner , I couldn’t help staring. Seriously broad shoulders, a perfectly smooth muscular chest, a taut flat stomach and those deep hip lines. The guy had a body of an Olympic swimmer. I gulped.

Before I knew it he pulled me into a deep soft kiss. He pulled away slightly "happy birthday" he said. And I had this feeling that this birthday was going to be the best birthday ever.

"9ayra Rosalinda elyom madry Maria Mercedes madry shesamonha " he said with a big grin on his face.

" shtabyy 7elwa tanoorty!" I giggled.

" wenta shdarak ebhal sowalef, no3ek etabe3?" I teased.

His face turned crimson " la shako, elwalda kanat edman 3ala hal sowalef"

" sure" I winked.

" wallah I don’t watch soaps sheno mako sh'3el!" he looked like a seven year old, I couldn’t help laughing at him.

I pinched his cheeks, his eyes were so green against his brown skin, katkooot,summer did a great job on him. I thought.

" a77 wa5ray eedech! Sawai shay useful o 6al3ely shirt min el kabat" he said.

The idea amused me at once. His scent slapped me when I opened the closet's door. His clothes smelled so much like him that I wanted to kiss the shirts.

I picked a white Armani shirt; it would look striking on his brown skin. " try this one" I said handing him the shirt.

" hmm chenna thayej shway" he rubbed his hair. Honey that's the point. I thought.

" I liked it, I don’t think its thayej" I said nonchalantly.

" okay, labseenyah" he grinned.

"laish mat3aref talbes?!" I grinned back at him.

" la ma3aref" he said.

No problem sexy. I put the shirt over his head, pulled his arms through the holes of the sleeves and straightened the shirt at his stomach.

" gorgeous" I blushed when I realized that I said it out loud.

"3yooonech el gorgeous 7abebti" he said.

" tarookii, wain benroo7?" I said softly.

"wait and see" he said.

" wallah mayendara 3anek, madry laish gelt yes!"

"lat5afeen I promise that you'll be okay, I wont let anything happen to you" he smiled. Where the hell was he taking me?


The sign of Kuwait airport stopped my heart. What the hell are we doing here?! I couldn’t travel with him! no I would never do it!


" hehe wallah el3atheem ena I wanted to take you to paris wela italy wela somewhere bas adry ena you cant so I picked a place nearby" he said calmly.

"sheno nearby!!!!! Oh my god! redny baitna!" I was freaking out.

he pulled over the car, and looked deep into my eyes. " janoona you trust me, 9a7?" he held my left hand.

" eee but.."

"mako buts" he interrupted " benroo7 el ba7rain, for a few hours o radeen, 3ady tara 7dha gereeba , etha bel sayara no9al within five hours, let alone a plane, enshallah 3al 10 e7na benkoon bel Kuwait, etha mu abchar ba3ad"

I sighed and looked away.

We entered the airport, after parking the car in the departures parking. He held my hand; we were like a cute young married couple.
I felt dizzy and nauseous in the airplane, I was worried, I couldn’t relax. Terki couldn’t stop touching me; he'd play with my hair and kiss my cheek every now and then.

I finally managed to relax when the air hostess served us tea.


is it okay for him to tell me "you are my panadol"?, should i be happy that im the one who clear his head and take the pain off of it? or should i be mad because he reffered to me as a panadol? a panadol pill that he can call at night and complain about his long stressful day to her, a panadol that cant complain back because her job is to make him feel comfortable and relaxed. is it my job? to make him feel better and relaxed? am i making sense? why do i feel used? i know, a relationship is all about giving, caring, loving, sharing whatever, i know. do i really feel used or im just pmsing?

okay okay, maybe im not pmsing, i just hated it when he didnt listen to my senseless " 7ash o hathra" . AND IM NOT ANYONE'S PANADOL:@!

what would you do\say if your bf\fiance\husband\partner whatever, told you "you are my panadol?"

what would you do\say if he didnt listen to your "hathra" at night because he had a long day and he didnt want to hear "7anna"?

Friday, 30 January 2009

priceless moments(16)

Okay. I should go after her, I hated when one of us was angry at the other , it's enough that we didn’t have anyone else but eachother, I mean it, I didn’t have sisters, I had two little brothers that I was practically their mom, Farah too, she had a sister but she was older and they were never close, Fay was one of those older sisters ely kelshay 3ndhom 3aib, farah was close with her twin brother but oh well he died. And since then we became closer than ever.
I got out of her room, and headed to the kitchen. Luckily for me she was sitting there,sipping milk on one of the chairs around the old fashioned dining table.


she looked up "what?"

" are you upset?"

"shal so2al el'3aby?"

" please dont talk to me like that!fara7, I was trying to protect you bas!! "

"Protect me from what? Being rejected?"

" no! I just didn’t want you to get hurt" tears were stinging my eyes now, I was tired from studying and I didn’t know what to say to her.

She sighed " look Jana, you should've told me, I'll figure out sooner or later ya3ny! Just stop keeping things from me!!

" I know! I didn’t mean to.." my voice broke and I was crying now. I couldn’t afford any tension , I had a very very long day , I was worried about not graduating and other million things.

" huff! Jana please don’t cry! Mu 3ala ay shay you cry! Please we're just having a normal discussion!" normal discussion?!

I covered my face with my hands " im sorry uff, I hate today"

" listen, I know im being really harsh on you Jana, but im.. scared"

"scared of what?" I looked up at her.

" madry Jana a7es gumt a5af min el denia" she bit her lower lip.

" you had your share of perfect men, fahad, you cant deny how great he was with you , now terki , I never had one of those, don’t count a7med , he didn’t even love me back, Jana I feel so lonely , I never thought I would feel this way, e7na ga3deen nekbar o ana lel7en bro7y, la a7ad ga3d eyey ya56ebny wela boyfriend wela 3amat 3ain , jana for gods sake im twenty three! , even nour got engaged!" now it was her turn to cry.

I didn’t know what to say, I was speechless, I never thought that this moment would come, this moment of desperation. She was right , we were "eb sin el zawaj" yet no one came to knock our doors. For the first time in my life I felt scared, I thought about terki, he loved me, I could see it but what if we didn’t end up together? What if he found someone else? Million what ifs raced through my head. it was a new painful feeling, feeling of desperation and longing , I loved him more than myself , I wanted more of him, I wanted him for me only, I never felt this way with fahad, he was the one who wanted more. and I didn’t like the new feeling, actually I despised it, it killed me, and it killed me slowly.

I approached the kitchen table and sat on a chair next to her, we didn’t say a word, I just held her hand. We were both lost in our own thoughts.

After a long while I managed to open my mouth " you know fara7, when the going gets tough there's always VEGAS"

She burst out laughing " you stupid devil hehee"

I smiled at her, I was glad she was laughing now.

" yalla gomay let's resume our studies" I said.

" lazem?" she made a face.

"ee lazem, yalla!"

"okay mama hehe"

When I got home, I was so tired and depressed, I didn’t even shower I just put on yesterday's pajamas and lied down with my phone in my hand. I was waiting terki's phone call.

* wainek 7abebi?:(* I sent him a message.

* ga3ed weya s3ood enshoof film 7abebti, walahtay 3ley?*

* bas walaht 3laik? ;), 5alny sakta, ay film ga3den t6al3oon?*

* transformers, suddenly maby akamla , kella min w7da shai6ana 5a9begatny;)*

* Transformers? Lool that sucks! Latkamla then;)*

* you know I cant resist you;*, shwaya we5ale9 ok baby? Latnameen! Wait for me*

After half an hour , terki called . I picked on the first ring; it was embarrassing but I just didn’t care.

" aloo" I said in a soft "dala3" way.

"hala hala wallah eb7abebat galby" he greeted me warmly.

" missed you" I kissed the phone.

He kissed me back one, two , three times , he didn’t stop.

" heyy stop hehe" I demanded.

" am I killing you with my kisses?" he said huskily.

" as if they were real! " my heart was pounding so hard.

" I know you can feel them" he said so confidently.

I sighed. Get a grip of yourself Jana . I thought.

" terki?"


" t7ebni?" I wanted to hear it so badly to assure my worried heart.

" hmm let me think about it for an hour o b3den a36ech 5abar" he teased.

i didn’t laugh nor said a word. That subject was too sensitive for me to joke about.

"I do" he said finally.

"you do what? Say it" I wanted to hear the word.

"I love you jana" he said.

"thank you"

" thank you? Okay you're welcome"

" hmm"

"hmm back at you!" he said confused.

" so when will you graduate miss jana?" he quickly changed the subject.

" enshallah at5araj now, im not ready to fail wallah!"

" ee shedday 7ailech ba3ad 3ash3ashtay bel jam3a" he said.

" hehe 7aram 3alaaik" he was right, I did "3ash3asht bel jam3a" , my twenty-three birthday was coming in three weeks.

" wallah baby sheday 7ailech 3ashan teftakain, and I promise etha ta5arajtay I'll get you whatever you want" his tone changed to a serious one.


Farah graduated before me, el7emdella she passed all her six subjects, I passed three subjects, and I was waiting for the last one to come. I went to the university that day, and to my utter shock I got an F.

Talk about devastation , I didn’t accept it, I couldn’t , I didn’t want to leave with defeat. I waited in front of the professor's office , it was 8:30 am. he didn’t come, I waited more and more and still he didn’t show up.

After three hours of fighting tears, bad mood and lots of cursing. The damn professor decided to come. I stood up when I recognized his familiar face entering the office. I rushed towards him.

" esalam 3alaikom , eshlonik doctor? Doctor baqet I discuss you eb my grade" I said breathlessly.

He gave me THE once over "etfathelay"

" shesmich bel5air?"

" jana al-flany"

" hmm jana you got a C+" he winked. WHAT THE HELL?!!!!!!!!!

" im sorry?" i asked stupidly.

" you got a C+ jana" he was smiling now.

" doctor ana sheft my grade barra kan F!"

" kan" he grinned.

" um..mashkooor doctor!"

He nodded, I thanked him again and left his office stunned.

" fara7oo ta5araaaajt!!!! Bas 5ala9 neja7t eb kel shay!! Wohoooooooooo!!!" I said loudly on the phone.

" mabrooooooook 7abebti waaai wa2a5eraaan maba'3ainaa!!! Ahh im so happy!!" she said excitedly.

" t5ayely el doctor mas5araa! Kan 7a6ly F re7t kalamta chan e7e6ly C+!"
" 7elfaaay?!! Ambee 3ajeeb!"

" I knowwww madry en3ejab feny madry eshsalfeta hehe, anyways we should celebrate , tonight!"


25-july it was my twenty three birthday ! i woke up very early that day, terki told me yesterday that he "7ajezny" for the entire day, and that he wanted to be with me from morning 'til night.

I called him at 8 , luckily for me , he was awake.

" hala eb my bday girl!" he said.

" esket im old!"

" bel3aks the older you get the sexier you become hehe"

" 3ad i heard enna men e7ebon older women! yuck!"

" mu yuck, YUM! hehehe"

"maleeq terkeyoo, enzain wain benro7 now min 9oba7 allah 5air?!"

" bas abech tsaween shay wa7ed janoon, lebsay shay muree7 o yebay your civil id weyach k? ee o its better ba3ad if you bring jawazech weyach"

" haw! esh7aga?"

" shofay, it depend on your answer to my question, do YOU trust me?" he asked.

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

"but i bite my lip and turn around ,cause you're the warmest thing i ever found"(15)

He got so close to me , as close as two people with their clothes on could manage. God his smell,his skin,his clean heat , that was breaking my heart in a very beautiful delicious way. I could feel his breath by now so close to my face. I touched his beautiful red lips because I knew that I would be in a big trouble. "easy tiger!" I managed to speak.

"what? I missed you…" he looked taken aback.

" I missed you too but.."

"shhh.." he planted a light small kiss on my chin.

Okay that was getting dangerous, that man was dangerously sexy and I had strong feelings for him, and I didn’t trust my heart then, it could betray me at any minute.

I moved my arms up so that they draped over his shoulders, and hugged him the hardest possible. I sniffed his neck to remember that scent of his ,LANVIN APREGE , it still make my heart stop.

" i love you, as stupid as it may sound, Im crazy in love with you..i know that its so early, I know enna mamedana en3aref ba3ath but I do.." he whispered while kissing my ear.

" I feel the same way" I said, and I meant it.

He pulled away slightly, and looked deep into my eyes. I caught my breath. God those pierced eyes.

" lets go home terki" I paused "we shouldn’t be here"

" I wish I could take you home with me" he said.

I smiled at him. " yalla lets go"

It was the most joyful ride I had ever experienced, we couldn’t stop loving and touching eachother, we didn’t say a word, I rested my head on his shoulder while he drove , and every now and then he would plant a warm kiss on my head.

He walked me to my car , tried to kiss me but I MIRACLE-Y stopped him. Because I knew that I'll be obsessing about his kiss for the rest of my life.

When I got home, I called him immediately , he was sleeping at the old house, we talked forever, we both couldn’t be away from eachother, we both couldn’t hang up.

2 months had passed , and we were even more in love, my life revolved around him , I couldn’t spend a single day without him, his voice, his presence , and in times when he traveled for work, I would go all cranky and moody and cry all day.

Fahad was still sending me stupid mean messages, i ignored him bas mako faida, he would stop for a week or two then he'd come back with even more evil messages.

Saud on the other hand was a silent lover, I knew he had feelings for me and I didn’t care. He was very disrespectful, his messages and phone calls were endless, I hated them and I hated him. I couldn’t tell Farah about his feelings for me. she was by now head over heels in love with him, it was stupid he didn’t like\love her back and it was sad.

One afternoon I was studying with Farah in her room, it was our senior year in college , me in law school, her in college of business administration. We were supposed to graduate a year earlier but I had difficulties , since law school was in Arabic and I wasn’t that good in Arabic, Farah on the other hand was late for graduation because back in the day when we were in highscool , her twin brother passed away(allah yer7ema) and she skipped school for a whole year, she was so attached to him and it was heartbreaking.

" how's terki?" she asked.

" hmm?" I was distracted with the fat book in my hand.

" how's terki?" she repeated.

"oh, terki is fineee" my cheeks flushed right away for the thought of him.

" you love him don’t you?" she asked.

" t9adgen 3ad , sometimes I feel enny a7eba akthar min nafsy, I never felt like this before faroo7" when I said that my eyes started tearing, I didn’t know why.

She smiled " you're lucky you know, s3ood mayadry 3anny" she said miserably.

" aww honey , ana getlech shofelech wa7ed '3aira wela be single the way you are a7sanlech" I tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

" I have feelings for him, madry a7es he's the one" she sighed " i tried to show him bas '3aby ! he cant see it"

" I don’t know he's the one for you fara7" I said.

"laishh ya3ny ana nage9ny shay!! Laish ya3ny may6ale3ny, why he's not the one for me?!!"

" OFCOURSE MU NAG9ECH SHAY!! , I told you this before, e7a9ela! , trust me fara7 he's not the one for you and I have to tell you something" I bit my lower lip.

And I told her about that day when he called me and said "ana a3teberkom nafs 5awati les'3ar" ofcourse I deleted the " I want you" messages and acts.

" why didn’t you tell me about that min zman?" she was almost yelling.

" I didn’t wanna hurt your feelings"

" well you did, o ethaher enich gumty et5esheen wayed ashya2 3anny" she said and left the room leaving me alone in it.

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

true story

for those of you who ARE STILL WONDERING , yes it is a true story, and jana is not me, she is someone im proud to write about, iam a part of the story though, and im sure you figured out meno ana in the story by now. maybe the story is against our kuwaiti islamic traditions, but back in the day , we lived like that, and i wont lie and edit things just to please everyone, i did edit events that werent necessary but im sure i didnt miss the point of why i wrote this story. no one's perfect and im sure each one of you did things that you werent proud of, or things you wont do again. i wrote this story to let go of that past that has been haunting me , and so far it feels goooooooooood:)


Sunday, 25 January 2009


what would you do if you were LONELY , bored , insomniac and REALLY depressed while you shouldnt?

Friday, 23 January 2009

the chasm (14)

"and when is that exactly?" I asked .

" tonight"

" madry terki, a7es ana shako, they're your friends"

" baby,my friends are so cool, im sure they wont mind, besides I want them to meet you"

" as your girlfriend? It's not like im your wife or..or anything" I blushed when I realized what I just said.

" enty 7abeebat galby"

" aww , terkeyoo you're so good with words"

" hehehe afa 3alaich, so what's gonna be? You coming?"

" hmm I guess I can meet some NEW people!" I said excitedly.

" ba3ad 3umry..! Enzain jana oboy, ana baroo7 7ag elwalda ashofha sheno taby, tamreny ebshay 7abebti?"

" mayamer 3alaik 3adow, bas wait!"


"wain ashofek tonight?"

" I'll meet you at 7 ebaitna el qadeem, ba3ad mayabela edlala, bas 9ef6ay bel me9afe6 ely wara elbait o get in the car with me, 7elo?"


" good, yalla 3ayal baby, I'll see you tonight, bye"

" bye"

Ok. this was hard. I didn’t know what to wear for the damn dinner, I didn't even know what kind of dinner was that!

After two hours of knocking the hell out of my closet , I settled for a baby pink MILLY cashmere sweater along with my favorite skinny jeans. I let my hair down and applied no- make-up make-up, that is a girl's best secret. I accessorized my outfit with classic Chanel pearl earrings , a silver watch and finally my navy Balenciaga city bag.

I entered the living room and to my utter surprise, my dad was there sitting on the couch with the twins around him . okay, so between all those days he was away, he chose today to get back home. just my stupid stupid luck.
" baba, you're here!" I pretended to be excited.

" ee yuba, ta3aly 7ebbay ras uboch" he demanded.

I approached him, kissed the crown of his head and sat down next to him.

" meta radait men esefar yuba?" I asked.

" elyom e9eb7 , shlonich yuba o shlon ederasa, mata5arajtay?"

" enshallah hal course , hal course 5atheta extra 3ashan arfa3 mo3adely"

" zain zain, wain ray7a?"

" ray7a 3end fara7 ebnet3asha barra weya some friends"

" salmay 3alehom o latet2a5erain "

"enshallah, bas yuba gool 7ag omy eny 6ala3t ok? "

He nodded.


" ma3a elsalama " he said.

My father was one of these fathers who were always away from home, he traveled every week, and we didn’t see enough of him , and what really bothered me was that he didn’t know anything about me , and it's not like he cared or anything.
I parked behind terki's old house , he was already there waiting for me in his car. I locked my car and head to his.

" hala..hala wallah ebshai5at el zain" he said when I opened the passenger's door.

" hehe, hala feek" I blushed.

"shloonich?? Walaht 3alaich" he said. he was wearing a white sweater that made him look even darker.

"eb5air el7emdella, wallah ana akthaar"

"7ayati entay.." he said.

He held my hand tight and drove off.


Terki parked in front of one of those beautiful looking flats in al-messila. I have to admit, I was really impressed.

" yalla jooj nezlay" he said.

We got off of the car hand in hand and walked to the trendy wood gate. Terki pressed the buzzer .

" who is it?" an obviously maid voice spoke over the intercom.

" terki, open the door" terki said.

The door was opened automatically shortly after that , terki still holding my hand headed inside the beautiful decorated apartment. I tried to take in the d├ęcor but I couldn’t since Terki was walking a bit fast.

We reached the living room , two men were there chatting happily, one was black but very attractive and the other one looked so Kuwaiti. Two girls were sitting there too, I acknowledged one of them. deema. I thought he said "a college buddy and his wife"! deema is NOT a college buddy!

" esalam 3alaikom" they all stood up when terki greeted them.

" halaaa bel6ayeb el 7abeeb" the Kuwaiti guy said while embracing terki in a manly hug.

" this is jana " terki introduced me to the Kuwaiti guy.

" halaa jana shlonich ?sha5barech?" he said sweetly.

" jana this is my best friend jassim" i liked jassim immediately , he was such a sweetheart.

Then he introduced me to the wife shaikha , she was very sweet. And the black dude, jay he was a dear friend from college, as terki called him.

" and this is deema, you guys met before" Terki said.

we shared pleasantries, there was lots of hugs and kisses for that matter.

" enzain le meta ebnogaf!come sit down jana, while the boys finish their whatever ..chatting" shaikha said.

" haha, sure that would be lovely"
we sat down , and started chatting randomly, shaikha was so cute, she had a long black hair , a round face and small features. she was wearing a light green dress with gold prada wedges. deema on the other hand was wearing a very short red dress , ruby red lipstick and what seemed like the highest heels in her closet. i felt like a fat teletubby next to her! and the feeling of discomfort began when she started blabbing about terki. " i remember eb california lamma kenna enro7 el beach ana o terki waaai 3ajeeeb, 9ij 9ij a7la tan eb california" she said. i swallowed hard, i coudlnt bear the idea of her in a swimsuit around Terki. she continued talking about him and ignoring me completely , the bitch.

" ma'am, the dinner is ready" to my relief , the maid's voice interuppted us.

i felt more uncomfortable over dinner , the five of them were talking college memories and i had nothing to say,instead i focused on the Delicious crabcakes and the spicy thai shrimps.

" so how did you and Terki meet?" asked jay. i couldn’t help admiring those crystal earrings that were decorating his earlobes .

" at a wedding" i grinned.

terki put his arm around me " no actually, we met in a hospital" he winked.

"lamma kentay emsawya salfa o tabcheen o 7altech 7ala a5er shay e6la3at bas eedich maksoora" he teased.

i stuck my tongue out at him.

he got closer and wispered into my ears " i fell for you the day of our accidents, in that hospital"

my face turned crimson and my heart raced a mile a minute. that really did me in.
" aww thats so cute!" shaikha said.

" i knew all of Terki's girlfriends" deema said " i was one of them haha, did he tell you?" okay that was it , i wasnt going to take any more ice-maiden shit from her.

" no he didnt actually consider you as a gf, he said you two dated breifly o bas, shaikha 7abebti wheres the rest room?" i said brightly.
" oh , it's over there, on the right" shaikha looked taken aback.

i got in the bathroom, i was getting can-I-go-home-now -please uncomfortable, I didnt fit in with those people, they were so different from our traditional kuwaiti lifestyle. i simply didnt fit in.

Terki stood up when i approached the dining table . "im done, el7emdella" he said obviously sensing my discomfort and i really loved him for doing such thing to me.

" jassim , shaikha e7na lazem namshy, mashkoreen wayed 3ala hal ga3da el7elwa " Terki said.

" it was nice meeting you all" i smiled at them.

" taw ennas! ge3daw " shaikha said.

"sorry shaikha 7abebti wallah magdar at2a5ar, enshallah next time"

"enshallah 5anshofech 3ad soon, enty our friend now" she winked.
"sure 7abebti , mashkooreen wayed o sefra daima"

"bel3afia" shaikha and jassim both muttered.
i shook jassim's and jay's hand, ignored ice queen and left with Terki behind me.

as soon as we got outside terki turned me around "are you upset??" he asked.

" hmm la 6af"

"enzain wait ..missy, im not done with you yet.." he said huskily and pushed me against the wall.

Thursday, 22 January 2009

im her lover's love(13)

I covered my exposed chest with both hands immediately. Though it was too late, he saw everything already.

"oh , im so sorry" saud said while covering his eyes with his hands in mock horror.

" it's..o-okay , I was.. I was at the pool with farah she..she told me to bring some food from the kitchen I ..I really… I didn’t" I stuttered stupidly.

He slowly brought his hands down from his face and I could see he was laughing , I started laughing too. What a tension breaker.

The microwave suddenly beeped announcing that the pop corn was ready.

" sorry for all this jana, I have to go upstairs 3ashan a36y el bags 7ag Khalid, tamreeny ebshay?" he said gently.

" mayamer 3alaik 3adow, sorry too" I smiled at him.

"bye" he grinned, checking me out shamelessly before he left.

I was in total shock, I barely took the whole thing in. I pulled the popcorn bag out of the microwave, put it in a large plastic IKEA bowl, placed the bowl on the tray along with the rest of the foods and made my way out of the kitchen.

I caught my reflection in the hall's mirror ,placed the tray on the antique drawer and stared at the brown wet waves tucked up in a bun ,framing my make-up-less chlorine smooth face . I looked down at my body , I adjusted the strap of the bra that was cupping my breasts so perfectly and couldn’t help but guiltily thinking what Saud thought of me.
" he saw you LIKE THIS?? Eshyayba?? Laish manadaitenyy?" million questions poured from Farah's mouth.

" ee he did, egool bege6 cham sha'3la 3ala Khalid , hehe esh7aga anadeech?? " I said blushing.

" waai a7ebaa jano a7ebaa!" she whined.

" medaaach? Shofelech '3aira ana agool" I said.

"laish ashofly '3aira? I like him, no no I don’t LIKE him, I have deep feelings for him!"

I gulped, I didn’t tell her about "entaw nafs 5awati les'3ar" thingy. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, I just thought that if I convinced her that he wasn’t the one she would forget all those feelings for him.

" um..madry Farah a7essa not interested in you, e7a9ela wa7da nafsech 6ab3an!! Bas madry you deserve better!" I said.
" Jana I really like him, I deserve HIM" she concluded, and looked away.

Kaifha she's the one who's going to get hurt. I thought, sinking my head under the water in order to cool down.


I took a shower , wore my comfiest pjs and tucked myself under the fluffy soft sheets of my bed. As soon as I lied my head on the pillow, my phone beeped that a message had arrived. I reached for it on the nightstand flipped it open and gazed at the screen.

* el a7mar yet7acha 3alaich…sweet dreams;)* saud. huh?!!!

I deleted the message right away, and threw the phone away. My heart was pounding furiously, what the hell was that?! he shouldn’t send messages like that!

I woke up the next day feeling like shit, I couldn’t sleep last night due to saud's inappropriate message.
I rubbed my eyes and sat myself in bed. Darn it! my phone was resting there on the beige rug ,right in front of me.
I got up slowly , picked it up , said besmella and flipped it open.
Two missed calls from Terki!!!! and three messages.

* wainech 7abebti?* Terki.

*awal matgoomen call me* Terki.

*9aba7 el5air;)* freaking Saud!!!!

i dialled Terki's number , and closed my eyes.

" halaa wallaah eb janoonty" his voice made me jump.

" hala feek" i said sleepily.

" shlonich 7abeebti?"

" zaina, you?"

" walla 3al el 3al hehe, naima?"
" shlon naima o ga3da a7acheek?"
" hehe la i mean kenty naima?"

" ee, Terki?"

" i've missed you..."

" i missed you more wallah"

" you feeling better now?"

" ee el7emdella much better"

" take good care of yourself okay? yawailek etha dashet el mustashfa again"

"7ather, 3ala amrech hehe"

God i missed his voice.

" jana? elyoum one of my best college budies and his wife invited me for dinner, would you like to come with me?"

Sunday, 18 January 2009


earlier today my dearest called me , we were taking a break from eachother to figure things out, it was my idea though, he didnt want to take a break from me as he claimed. anyways, he called o galy ena he wanted to see me in X restaurant (our favourite japanese rest) it's always empty o romantic o el staff rabe3na;p , elmohem he had this serious tone o 7da i freaked out, because i knew enna ra7 yefta7 mawtho3 el marriage again *gulps* , so i told him that i'll be meeting him at 7, 6b3an mn esa3a 12 pm (the time he called) le 5 o ana mu gadra ag3ad, wallah it was the worst feeling ever!! el muhem 3ogeb ma 9alait el ma'3reb , i applied my make up carefully o kesha5t o teba5arat;p , o ofcourse i wore my favourite pink diamond earrings( his gift on my bday).

at 6:20 6ala3t mn el bait, we9alt elmukan leflany at taqreban 6:43 , as usual we9alt gabla, i messaged him o getla eny we9alt, our table was ready as usual so ge3adt ne6arta, o yat 9adeqty el waitress et'hather 3ala rasy , waitress: helloooooo madame moi!! how are youuuuuuu?? where's mr HH?? (masra3 masawatny madame!)

moi: im finee, he's coming, how are you?

waitress: im goooooooood , so your having the usual ?

moi: i'll order when he gets here, ok?

waitress: suree

elmuhem solaft weyaha o lel7en HH masharraf, it was 7:03, 7ady etnarfazt, i know enny getla at 7 bas kent so nervous! o 9ayerly mn zman mu shayfeta so i missed him like hell!!

a family of four came in. waitress had to go, so i was left alone with my thoughts.

i was playing with my phone when the hottest hottie opened the door of the restaurant , his face lit up when he recognized me, and made his way to our table. wallah el3athem enna everytime i see him madry she9er feny i feel weak, i feel like i cant function! 7ada not fair:(!

he kissed my cheek and sat down before me. i couldnt stop smiling , i really really missed him.

HH: shlonich baby?

moi: el7emdella eb5air, enta shlonik?

HH: much better now enny sheftech..

(moi dies)

moi: so ..lets order?

HH: sure

he ordered the usual , crab salad with tempura shrimps, shrimp noodles o 3afsa on top (sowalfy 6b3an, HH 7da tharb he usually eats smoked salmon, i know 7da boring!)

solafna randomly o ashwa mayab el6ary yet, o b3d shway chan our order yo9al

HH: moi ?

moi: hala? (ambee!!)

HH: ga3ed afaker eb mashroo3 (what?)

moi: mashroo3 sheno?

HH: you know, my job, a7es i should move to the next level

moi: thats a great idea HH! start from now , i mean you have the capablity 9a7?

he nodded

HH: moi, i've been thinking of alot of things these last couple of days, ana mu s'3eer anymore, o enty ba3ad mu s'3era 9a7? " he reached for my hand.

moi: i guess.

HH: so i've been thinking about my job " he grinned"

moi: your job? ee 9a7 embayen!

HH: hehe, i love you yal kalba

moi: i love you too

HH: la 9ij 9ij, i've been thinking, shlon alagy wa7da nafsech? short tempered, jobless, a cry baby, malgoofa, o..

moi: heyy!! it's not funny!!!!

HH: *giggles* let me finish...

HH: i love your anger issues, i love the fact that you cry 3ala everything and anything, i love yout hair, your beautiful dimply face , walla wela 3umry sheft wai matroos '3amazat chethy hehe, i love everything about you , i mean it.. o moi, ana we9alt 7ag mar7ala ely i wanna wake up with you next to me, i wanna sleep at night with you next to me, e7na cham 9ayerlena together 3,4 years?

moi: 3

HH: moi 7abebti im ready to take the next step.

bal3oomy enshag i was going to cry.

moi: you know i thought about it too

HH: and..?

moi: i think that.. i cant live without you

a stupid tear crept down my cheek, i brushed it bser3a!!

HH: dont.. he squeezed my hand

HH: i take that your..ready??

i nodded.

7abebi he was soooo happy! :***

HH: ana already kallamt el walda, o enshallah 3ogub three days beshofonech (WAIT A SEC WHAT??!!)

moi: besmella! 5al ahaly yadroon awal!

HH: dont worry , it's been taken care of . he winked

moi: aham shay enik wayed watheq!

HH: iam , kaify you're mine..

moi: 7abebi latehsta6 wayed hehe!

HH: sektay sektay you are mine , plus i got you something . he took something out from his pocket .

HH: there you go ( it was a beautiful pink diamond ring)

moi: sheno hatha?!

HH: baby i know you love pink diamonds, sheft this ring o 7ady 7asaita 7agech , gimme your hand o lat5afeen its not THE ENGAGEMENT RING

i gave him my hand. i was shocked!!

moi: thanxxx 7abebi!!! you didnt have to!!!!!!

HH: shh, malech sh'3el, your my fiance now

he wasnt helping!!! tears were stinging my eyes, wai wai fashla!!

awal maradait elbait i opened my laptop o ketabt this:P!! o I guess I GOT ENGAGED ELYOM!!!

Friday, 16 January 2009

three guys and a girl(12)

thank you all for sharing your great openions and help with me on the proposal thingy, who knows i might post good news soon:), wallah you guys are great, thanxx a millionnn:****

"fara7,look" I said surprisingly calm, handing her my phone.

"sheno hatha?" she said distractedly.


She stared at the screen with disbelief . "wait a second, let me get this straight" she began " fahad ,your crazy ex, who lied his hands on you just sent a message to say enich mats2elen 3anna??" now she was shouting.

I nodded.


"fara7o calm down, wallah he's not worth it! ra7 emoot etha 7agarta, so ba7gera"


" fara7ooo chill!, shofay ana ra7 a7gera el7en etha shefta etmada wella sawwa shay thech elsa3a I'll do something about it o it will be ugly" I said softly .

"5air enshallah " she said sarcastically.

Sensing her anger ,I decided to keep quiet. Farah's short temper and anger issues had always frightened me. she's sweet and everything but when you reach her dark side there's no going back.

I was so relieved when we reached familiar mishref, I needed a hot shower and new clothes, I was still wearing last night's clothes and trust me it's not so comfy to wear a jersey dress in the morning.

She slowed down when we reached my "fereej" , and turned her head towards me . "jano , im sorry"

" im sorry too" I said.

"for what?"

" for making you angry" I whispered.

She burst out laughing " tara enty mu ga3da et2athen a7ad ella yourself, you know that?"

" I know, bas 6af, I told you etha etmada ra7 al3an 5aira"

She smiled. " golele if you want help 3ashan azaheb n3al zanooba"

I giggled "enshallah"

I opened the door of the passenger seat, waved at her and ran my way inside my house.
As the hot water droplets trickled down my bare body , I couldn’t get fahad's message off of my head. How could he say such things about me! I was nothing but a great girlfriend to him, hell I even did everything he wanted me to do! And I wasn’t happy. After all these years together, I discovered that he cheated on me twice, maybe more.

My eyelids were getting heavy and I was down right exhausted, I sprayed my pillow with terki's ARPEGE LANVIN'S perfume and buried my head in it. after two minutes I was fast asleep and dreaming. I dreamt that saud came to me and told me that terki was dead , and that fahad was gay!

I woke up to the not very pleasant sound of my phone, I was kind of sweating. I reached for it and gazed at the screen .

Saud was calling.

"aloo" I said groggily.

" aloo, hala jana, shlonich?" saud said.

"el7emdella eb5air, um enta shlonik?"

" el7emdella..naima?"

" la 3ady , el mafroth I wake up now"

" asef 3la el ez3aj, bas b'3et agolech enna terki enshallah ra7 ye6la3 min el hospital bacher"

" 9ij? Thanks for letting me know, wallah it means a lot"

"el3afow ba'3ety ay shay just call wella message, mayrdech ella lsanich"


I got up from bed feeling uneasy; I didn’t know why I felt uncomfortable around Saud. Even though he's my boyfriend's brother.

I washed my face , brushed my teeth and poured myself into my sonia by sonia rykiel's stripped oversized sweater , with black leggings and my favorite black Willingtons.
As soon as I got inside my car, I called farah , she picked up on the third ring " hala janoo" she said.

"ahlan , fara7o sh3endich ? lets do something "

"ma3ndy shay wllah , 9ayerly alf sa3a embjabla el tv la3at chabdy, sheno betswen?"

" madry, get dressed ,I'll pick you up"

" shalbes? 3ady wela ashed el7ail?"

" laa lebsay 3ady"

"okie dokie , bye!"

We went to qortuba's co-op , farah was throwing chocolates in the cart like crazy, "abee hatha! La la maby , abe ferrero , allaaah janoo shofay hatha kakaw awal!! A7ebaa!"

"fara7oo shway shway, eshda3wa ebnakla kella!" I said while throwing more chocolates and junk in the cart.

" look whose talking!!"

"kaify ! im getting my period , lazem I eat lotsa chocolates!"

" ana b3d! kaify bakel"

" alaah fara7o look!" I said pointing at pepsi jelly "sha5baryy jelly pepsi , 6a3ma thaim bas eyanin!"

She giggled "eee e3awer el bala3em bas still eyanin! 7e6ay 7e6ay"

After half an hour we headed to my car with seven bags of junk. We decided to eat at Farah's house in front of the TV. Since Farah overreacted with wearing "3ady", she wore oysho's hello kitty training which considered pajamas.

Back at farah's, we sat ourselves on the big squashy leather sofa in the living room. We adored classic movies so we settled for GONE WITH THE WIND.

After two hours, adorable Scarlett was crying in Rhett's arms. " aby Rhett! He's so sexy!" farah said.

" ana ba9eer Scarlett 7dha katkoota! Look at those bue eyes , o her dresses! I love her dresses ! I want my wedding dress nafs el white dress malha" I said excitedly.

" ee 7elo bas chenna shway over? "

" ee 3ad mu nafsa bethab6! Bas the inspiration ya3ny"

" ya3ainy, hehe, enzian maleet shrayech nsawy shay thany!"

"hmm okay, bas shensawy? Ma7booseen belbait, o it's too late enna ne6la3!"

" 3araft!!! Shrayech enro7 netsaba7 bel pool!"

" POOL?!! Fara7o yanaity? Bardd barra!"

" laa I mean the Jacuzzi! Plus el pool indoors, mu bel sekka, o en5aly el Jacuzzi extra hot"

" okay bas mako a7ad belbait?"

" la khaled o fayoon 6al3een o mama o baba b3d shway wagt nomhom so 7dna ebna5eth ra7tna" khaled and fay lived in farah's parents house.

" great! Yalla lets go undress, bas wait a second! Ma3endy bathing suit"

" allah yer7am ayam gabel jano, topless o shorts " she winked.

"hahaaay ya7mara! "

" 5alas 3ayal I have tons of bikinis you can borrow one" she said.

We changed into our bikinis, mine was ridiculously small , since farah's "stuff" were two sizes smaller than mines, it was deep red lycra with double string bottom.

I wrapped a towel around my waist and covered my chest with both hands. "farah im not comfortable in this!"

" it looks sooo hot on your skin wallah! Plus , 3ady meno beshof? It's just me and you, yalla emshay let's heat the water"

We headed to the basement , the pool was beautifully located there with large fake palm trees, and cute dolphins sketches surrounding it.

After the water was heated , I stood at the edge of the shallow end ,dipping my toes in to see if the water was bearable. Farah on the other hand jumped right in. " ta3aly janoo 7ada eyaninnn so warm!!" she yelled.

"kany , wait a second" I slid myself into the pool slowly , mmm it felt so good. It felt so..liberating.

We swam back and forth , talked and drowned each others, it was so much fun, old times fun. then The beast awoke again , we were hungry.

" jana ro7ay el kitchen yebay bal3a, 5anakel"

"maby entay ro7ay, magdar afareg el water"

" pleaseee pleasee ro7ay entay " that puppy face always did me in.

"OK! bas you owe me fara7o!"

"fine, yalla ro7ay , yebay toast o jeben o kel shay"

" 7ather 3amety"

I dried myself up with the towel and wrapped it around my waist. I sang while running my way upstairs.

I got inside the kitchen, opened the fridge and pulled out every eatable piece of food. Cupcakes, Americana club sandwiches, cheese, and two redbulls. I threw a bag of cheese pop corn in the microwave.

I was waiting the pop corn to get ready , when I heard footsteps. "Farah?" I called.

A man standing there before me, holding two large bags . for a second I thought it was terki. But to my utter dismay it was Saud.

3ady, no big deal, he saw me kissing his brother two days ago, now I was half naked in NOT even my house's kitchen.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

help moi!

i cant sleep :( , i cant stop thinking of him..

im so in love with him, and he proposed million marra , why cant i just say yes?

*sigh* whats wrong with me?;\

if any of you have such problem , please share with poor moi:(, if not,what should i do?!!

Monday, 12 January 2009

playing with fire( 11)

heres a long post for you my priceless readers , sorry for the previous short ones , hope you enjoy this one;** because i wont be posting any time soon since my finals are next week:(
ps: wish me luck!

Panic was expanding inside me while I waited in the hospital corridor, the smell made me dizzy, I always hated hospitals smell. I swallowed my tears and closed my eyes. it's going to be okay, it's going to be just fine, i desperately tried to calm myself down.

Terki was still inside there, with a bunch of nurses and two doctors, I didn’t know what really happened to him other than the fact that he passed out in my car and that he looked seriously ,utterly sick.

I jumped at the sight of a young Kuwaiti doctor making his way out of the ER, I approached him, my legs were shaking furiously.

"doctor, whats wrong with him? is he going to be okay??"

" are you his wife?"

" no, im his cousin"

" he seems to have a heart problem, and I think that he has a doctor, right?" HEART PROBLEM??SINCE WHEN?!!

" i..i don’t know, what kind of heart problems?" I gulped.

" well, his doctor should see him, now he's in a temporary coma, he might wake up in less than 24 hours"

"WHAT KIND OF HEART PROBLEMS?" I yelled "would you please tell me??"

He was shocked by my reaction " well, one of the blood vessels in his heart is not working properly , he probably was born like that"

" can I see him?"

" it's best not to"

" i have to, pleaseee doctor just for five minutes please"

" just for five minutes" he smiled , obviously enjoying this. Asshole!

I opened the door slowly , a nurse was injecting terki's drip with some fluid , the other doctor looked up at me.

" I took the doctor's permission to get in here" I said .

"what doctor?"

" the ..the other doctor!" I was already losing my cool and those doctors weren’t helping. " im a member of the family, and I really need to see him now, I already called his parents and they are on their way, meanwhile I need to see him, alone, please??" I wasn’t even sure that I made sense.

" sure" he said coldly , he motioned to the nurse to go outside with him. the door was shut .

Terki was lying there on the bed, breathing through a tube. I sat before him on the bed , my heart was ripping from my chest , I bit my lower trembling lip.

"terki?" I whispered. No response.

" can you hear me 7abebi?" I touched his arm gently. No response.

I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks; one tear fell down on his shirt. I gently ran my fingers over his hand ,taking it in mine. It was so lifelessly cold.

" why all these bad things keep happening to me?" I whispered between sobs.

"why didn’t you tell me that you were sick? " I started sobbing uncontrollably. I kissed my finger and touched his chest with it, right above his sick heart.

"guess what terki?" i continued talking to unconscious terki . " I love you too"

I wasn’t thinking straight, all I could think of was being there for him, I couldn’t leave him alone, I couldn’t be away from my terki. My poor precious terki.

" I wont leave you, I promise" I whispered while adjusting myself in a lying position next to him, I wrapped my arms around him, closed my eyes and lost connection with the world.


"ma'am wake up" a voice interrupted my dreamless sleep.

"mmm" I murmured .

" wake up ma'am ?" now the voice was really annoying and a hand was nudging me.

"what?? What happened??" I said ,opening my eyes and getting up fast. Ouch! .

" I think you slept here ma'am" she thinks? …" you should get out of here, it's not allowed " she said in her Indian accent.

"s-sorry.., I'll go now" I got up and left the room without looking at terki. That was so embarrassing and technically I was still asleep.

To my utter dismay, saud and khaled were sitting on the chairs in the corridor facing the ER. I couldn’t run away, they would see me sooner or later! I didn’t think this day would get any worse! I sighed deeply and decided to act normal.
"esalam 3alekom" I was sweating like a whore in a church.

"3alekom el salam" both muttered.

Saud gazed quizzically at me , I looked away, I really hated Saud at that moment, and Khalid was too slow to realize that I was inside with his younger brother.

I reached my car, got inside and turned the heater, my head was throbbing and my hair was all over the place . I dialed farah.


"haaa janoo"

"banam 3ndech elyom , I cant sleep alone tonight, hatha etha I slept"

"afa 3alech basss, 7ayaaach 7abebi"

"terki is in the hospital fara7"

"so I've heard, fayoon tgol Khalid ra7 el mustashfa, bas magalaw 7ag his parents yet "

I sighed loudly.

"that was louder than usual, yalla get your ass over here I know your tormented" she said sympathetically .

I texted my mother and drove to farah's house.

"fara7 yakser el5a6eeeerrr ,my heart broke million times lamma shefta on the hospital bed, 7abebi…" I sniffed while sitting on her bed.

"it's okaaaay 7abebti enshallah he'll be fine" she stroked my hair gently.

"et5ayely he was born like that! egol el doctor ohwa 3aib 5elqy, waaai maskeeeen ,madry laish he didn’t tell me!" I sobbed.

" I don’t know what to say really, enshallah he'll wake up tomorrow, egol Khalid it's not the first time they move him to the hospital"

"really?? Ya3ny 3ady??"

"mu 3ady bas enshallah he'll wake up"


I took two panadol nights and dozed off to sleep with a heavy heart. Only to wake up after three hours . farah was fast asleep cuddling with luka; her childhood teddy bear, she could never sleep without him.
I was worried sick about terki and I couldn’t do nothing but wait until I could see him again. There was this tiny problem , I COUDLNT WAIT!!

I came up with a very stupid idea that seemed a great one at the time. And to my surprise saud texted me back almost immediately!

*terki lel7en ma9a7a , enty kenty weyah ams 3adel?* what the hell!

*yes I was, if he wakes up please let me know, nite* I was feeling uneasy towards this guy and I didn’t know why.

Farah finally awoke at 8:00 am. " janon 7abebti meta ga3adtay?"

" ana nemt 3ashan ag3ad, I slept for 3 hours, maybe less madry"

"aww yalla kany gaima"

" farah?"


" is there any chance enna enro7 the hospital now?"

" suree ,bas 5ala agom a'3asel"

We went to the co op, because I had something in mind for terki. I wanted him to be happy when he sees me , I remembered him telling me that he loved "darabeel" a lot, so I got him two kinds of darabeel ,al-7alwachi and al-shamali and got them wrapped beautifully , and I bought him a large bouquet of roses.

We reached the hospital, my heart was pounding furiously. I hoped that he was awake.

I saw a nurse exiting terki's room. " excuse me? the guy inside there, did he wake up?" farah asked.

"yes ma'am" she nodded " you can go see him ma'am"

Terki's face lit up when he recognized us. He tried to get up slowly. I rushed to his bed side and sat before him " el7emdella 3la el salamaa" I said handing him the darabeel and the bouquet . " ollah sheno hatha kella?" he said almost whispering.

" a surprise" I grinned. He squeezed my hand.

"salamaat terki, matshof shar" farah said.

"eshar mayech, allah esalmich" he said.

" I'll go get a coffee min starbucks ,taboon shay?" she said.

" skimmed late pleasee"

"bel3afia" terki whispered.

She left me alone with him, with the man I love. He looked at my eyes and they couldn’t help but tear up.

" I was worried sick about you" I said trembling.

" im fine now" he said while touching my right arm.

" 6ala3t sekrab terkeyoo " I joked .

" afaa, ana sekrab" he punched my arm playfully .

" heart problems o madry sheno…, you really were born like that?"

He nodded " well ,one of the blood vessels cant deliver blood properly"

"how's that?"

"lazem I take care of myself, ya3ny I should jog everyday, eat healthy, have my meds on time, etc"

"that’s why you cook"

"that’s why I cook" he said smiling.

" aww 7abebi .." I said. And blushed unexpectedly.

" open it " I pointed to the wrapped darabeel.

"okay..7abebti.." he winked. I never knew that sick people are so sexy!

He roared with laughter when he saw the green pack " did I mention that I love you before?"

"that, you did" I said happily.

"come here" he said

He hugged me so hard and tight. God I loved him so much at that time.

" I love you" he whispered into my ear and then he kissed it gently while still holding me.

I pulled away gently. " tara saud and Khalid were here ams" I said.
" I know ,saud was here earlier today" he said. What??? Why didn’t he tell me that terki had woken up! god ,what’s his problem!

" oh ok"

" im sorry eny magetlech about my health problems, I didn’t wanna freak you out"

" sh3ogba?! i cant run away from you now" I teased.

" I wont let you" he giggled.

A gentle knocking on the door interrupted our sweet ,senseless conversation. " it's mee" farah's voice came behind the door.

"come in fara7o"

She handed me the skimmed late and sat on the chair beside his bed.

" soo how is it to be in a coma?" farah asked stupidly

" wallah wanasa break min el denia" he laughed.

" allaah abee" she giggled.

" smella 3alech yal minona" I said.

" ee terki, tara your parents are on their way, that means we should go, o ajer o 3afia enshallah"

" maga9artaw, 3azeza o '3alia ya farah" he said.

" tamerna ebshay gabel la namshy?" farah asked.

" mashkoora, wallah enna you made my day, especially enich yebtay janoona here" he said ,meeting my eyes . I blushed.

" aww" she giggled.

" yalla 3ayal ma3a elsalama" she said.

" bye .." I said.

I turned around at him before I exit and fly kissed him. he pretended to catch it and laughed.

I knew that being with terki was like playing with fire. I would bear a life of taking care of a man, being there for him and making sure that he got his meds , his right foods and whatever made him live longer.
But I didn’t care. I was happy that he was okay. that MY terki was okay. and I've never been happier my entire life.

I was smiling all the way during our drive in farah's car. little did I know that a single beep from my phone would ruin my entire day.

* I took care of you yal 5ara, kel shay sawetlech, to you i was your salvation min el 3oqad ely enty feha, to me you were life, bas enty mu kafo, enty wa7da mon7a66a o 7aqeera , o chenich ma9adaqtay , shaklech la3ba le3eb lates2elen 3anny wala shay, ro7ay agol ana 5al tenfi3ich 7ayatech hathy ely mara7 tyeblich ella el balawi, allah yaster 3alech*

Friday, 9 January 2009

is it love?(10)

I didn’t believe saud. i couldn’t and I didn’t want to. There was this thing about terki that made me fall for him, hard!. I didn’t know if it was love, but I was sure that I've never felt like this towards any guy before, even fahad.

I needed to talk to someone , but I couldn’t call the only person who understands me; farah. I just couldn’t face her after what I heard from mr saud . and you all know what part im talking about.

So I decided to do what I always did when I was angry. I hung my punching bag, and started beating the hell out of it. I even imagined that it was terki and I punched it harder. It felt good!

After a while of punching, kicking and um.. spitting , i could hear a sound coming from behind me. I turned around slowly ,three astonished faces were looking at me. mom's hand clasped over her mouth, poor thing, her face was really pale, and the twins were behind her ,holding her dress tightly.

" hehe ,how long have you been here?" i pretended to be normal.

" jana? " mom said " are you o-okay??"

" never been better hehe" I lied, looking stupid obviously.

" wahab ,7amani go to your room I need to talk to e5etkom here" mom demanded. " now!" they raced ,slamming the door behind them , and leaving me alone with my mother.

" jana mama, are you getting yourself in ..some kind of trouble?" my mother gulped.

I didn’t know what to say to her, she was really concerned and it broke my heart . so I decided to lie.

I sighed deeply " mama, enty tadreen enna i ,right?"

She nodded.

" last week this thing happened at the gym mama.." I said feeling horrible at lying to her .

" enzain?"

" I kinda got myself into a fight, tehawasht weya a girl.." i bit my lower lip.

" wey wey wey! Shlon??? Laish????" crap!

" madry mama ,ehya ely bedat!"

I'll never forgive myself. poor mom she was really worried and shocked from her only daughter ,aka myself. I've always been a good girl my entire life, now at the age of twenty two, I was a trouble maker in her eyes.

At 8:00 pm my heart skipped a beat when I saw terki's message " jana I need to see you". my mom was at some of her friends gatherings ,since my dad was out of town ,as usual. And the twins were fast asleep. I had nothing to lose so I accepted to meet him.

I blow dried my hair, put on my Emilio pucci tunic dress with the highest heels I owned. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I really liked the girl staring at me, I blew her a kiss , took my car keys and left the bedroom.

I pulled into the car parking of the x co op. the x area was where his family's new house . I didn’t want to meet him at his old house, ever!

I waited for what seemed like five minutes when he called.

"hala terki" I answered coldly.

" hala janoon,wainech?"

" im here bel parking 9ayerly sena" shda3wa sena.

" im sorry baby, kany degega o yay, kent raye7 ayeeb sha'3la 7ag el walda wallah" baby? Woaah.

" ok, bye"

After less than five minutes I could see his car parking next to mine. He called.

" yalla nezlay"

"maby ,enta enzel"

" oh..ok" he hesitated.

I could swear the world went slow motion as he walked over to my car. He opened the door and sat himself on the passenger seat .

" esalam 3lekum" he said short breathed.

"3alaikum el salam" I said not looking at him. I couldn’t look at those pair of fresh hazel eyes. but I did notice his beautiful arms and chest under that grey sweater , his chest was heaving.

" have you been jogging?" I asked.

" no" he said ,taking a deep breath.

" you look stunning" he said, reaching for my hand. if he didn’t shut up now,im going to kiss him, I thought, pulling my hand away from his.

"why did you lie to me terki?" I said ,my eyes welled up with tears. Stupid tears ,go away!

" what? About what?" he said breathlessly.

" I know your with someone else"

" what?! Who told you that?? did she?? I knew deema wouldn’t let go" he said. DEEMA!!!!!!!!! Please god ,tell me it's not the one and only.

" she didn’t tell me, and I didn’t know you were going out with her, I just knew that you ARE with someone else"

" baby, jana, I broke up with deema about two months ago" he said .

" oh really? I heard otherwise"

" wallah el3atheem I broke up with her, a9lan we didn’t have anything special, she had feelings for me and I gave it a try for her sake, bas it didn’t work. I was good to her bas I never loved her, I broke up with her 3ashan la athlemha, she was okay with it, kanat betsafer again, now she came back to settle here for good" he exhaled .

" why didn’t you tell me all this? You just told me that she was a friend of yours since you were kids" I could feel a warm tear trickling down my cheek, I so wanted to believe him .

He was shocked at the sight of my tears. " jana..god, im really sorry! , wallah el3atheem im sorry, you must think im a total bastard , bas I didn’t see her as my ex, I swear jana , I didn’t mean to lie in your face" he looked exhausted.

" terki, are you okay?" I started panicking.

" fine fine, bas shwaya ta3ban" he said , irritated.

" adry eny 5ara3tech when I told you that i..that I love you" he said " ana asef bas kanat 6al3a min galby, I didn’t mean to say it out loud"

My tears were now falling so heavily , I hoped my no make-up make-up wasn’t smudged all over my face.

His hands reached my face, he wiped my tears gently with both hands. His hands were shaking and sweating

" shhh stop crying" he said softly ,hands still shaking.

"terki ,shfeeek?!" I said in alarm.

"mafe..mafeny shay"

"shlon mafeek shay!! Your not even breathing properly!!!" I yelled. " awal marra e9er fek chethy??? Please tell me !, should I take you to the hospital??"

His face was so weak, he threw his head back resting it on the seat, his hand was tugging at my dress.

" shway.. ta3ban" he whispered "ta3ban" he added while his eyes shut .

ps: when i said that this story is based on true events, i didnt mean that all the details are true! ofcourse i changed,added few things;p, and if it's r rated as some of you think ,'3amthaw 3yonkom;P because i wont change the way i write.

pps: it's not my life story, it's my friend's , bless her;*

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

the truth about my terki??(9)

It was like one of those dreams where everyone can see your underwear and you want to run but you cant . I pinched myself 1,2,3 times . Unfortunately it wasn’t a bad dream, saud was really standing there , he saw our..our intimacy!!

Saud looked taken aback " I sorry" he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

I was still on the bed I couldn’t move and terki was still holding my hand tight, he rubbed his face with one hand and stood up ,still holding my hand with the other.

. I couldn’t cope with this I had to get out of here ASAP


"terki I should go" I took my purse and left his room.

He didn’t call out after me, he didn’t follow me. HE SHOULD'VE FOLLOWED ME!

Oh god!!! i just met the guy! I don’t even know him very well , now he've seen me with his brother, no no! kissing his brother! Oh god oh god oh god!

I don’t know what's worse, me kissing terki after ,say two weeks of dating him? Maybe less?! or the fact that I got caught kissing him?! aaarghh.

i sat on the driver seat, I was dumbfounded, I buried my head in my hands, it was so embarrassing so so so embarrassing, I needed to get home as soon as possible because I might………

I threw up twice in the toilet. My head started aching so I decided to sleep the pain off.

Yeah right. I couldn’t sleep, I kept on tossing and turning in bed ,until my duvet was just one big knot . and terki hasn’t called yet.

Sleep finally took me over at 3 am or so.

I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating on the night stand.

"aloo" I said groggily ,without checking who was calling.



"no, ana ..s3ood" SAUD??

I jumped on my bed , eyes opened wide.

"h-hala s3ood"

" im sorry about last night"

" n-no w-worries" I stuttered. it was so embarrassing!

" im sorry that I called bas I had to tell you something"


" jana ana a3tebrech methel farah, entaw nafs 5awati les'3ar, so I had to tell you this" I wasnt sure what farah would say about "5awati les'3ar".


" from what I saw ams enna you have something going on with terki, 9a7?"

" i..i guess!"

" hmm, jana madry shagolich, bas terki is already seeing someone else"

honesty award tag thingy

maly 5lg akteb el conditions o el rules o madry sheno so i'll write the 10 honest things right away;p

1- i hate thongs

2-im in love

3-i have many many gfs but my best friend is a guy

4-im allergic to almost everything

5-jeans suffocate me, i live in dresses

6-i think 5ubez o jeben o chai is art!

7- blonde hair annoys me

8- i say "ya3ny" 5 times ebnafs el jumla:P

9- i want to live in bora bora and shower under the rain everyday!

10-im more of a giver than a taker

i'll tag anyone who wants to be tagged;p

Monday, 5 January 2009


" 6a7 3ley el ..el MICROWAVE! Ee el microwave" I muttered stupidly/

"what? Shal microwave el ragla?"

" haha" I laughed nervously.

" apart from that, everything's fine right?"

" yes" I gulped.

" good" he said.


"5a6ach el sow" he chuckled.

"5a6ak el lash"

"enzain, bashofech bacher, is that possible?"

"sure, meta?"

"I'll be free all day, so meta mafethaity message me"


" hmm,jana..?" oh my damn! My name was so beautiful in his mouth.


"I missed you". Oh god!

"thank you" I almost whispered.

"thank you? Are you sure chethy eredon?"

" sorry, I missed you too" I blushed.

He chuckled " I hope that’s how you really feel janoona" janoona?? How can I not miss him!



"rest assured"

When I woke up the next day I felt much better, I would lie if I said that I forgot about fahad's incident, I didn’t and I wont forget any time soon, I just shoved it in the back of my head and decided to enjoy the surprisingly cold weather. Plus farah called me earlier, she wanted me to join her and saud for lunch " to see how cute he is" that is. I refused at first, since my face was "mayenshaf" but I knew that it meant a lot to her so I changed my mind.

I was applying the second layer of foundation when to my utter dismay, my mother entered my room .without knocking, and sat herself on my bed. I was avoiding her all morning because I hadn’t come up with something yet to cover my story.

" jana,7abebti, esh9arlech yumma? Please golely ,im your mother"

" mama im kinda busy here, I'll tell you later wallah, a5af at2a5ar 3ala fara7" I lied.

" jano ana ba5alech el7en bas betgolely ya3ny betgolely fahma?"

"enshallah mama" god! That was close.

Every time I walk into NAPKET I cant stop admiring the murano glass chandeliers, they look just amazing with the dark wood flooring. And that smell.. I just love winter's smell mixed with good food. Yum! , I looked around for farah, and there she was sitting on a corner table , looking amazing as usual. And saud sat in front of her.

farah nudged saud ,he turned around and waved at me, I motioned to them that I would get my order before joining them at the table.

" one prawn wrap, one Caesar salad and one pineapple juice" I muttered my order.

" okay ma'am ,you can have a seat" the waiter said.

I made my way to their table, they both stood up to greet me, saud was really tall And hot! , his face was so beautifully structured, his hair was so thick and black, just like his eyes,sharp and black, he got the same thick eyebrows and cute little nose as terki. My heart flipped unexpectedly for the thought of him. I was going to meet him after lunch.

After exchanging pleasantries , we sat down at the table,waiting for our lunch . The atmosphere was so charmingly cozy and quiet.

" fara7 kella tsolef 3anich" saud began, smiling sweetly.

"9ij? Enshallah tgol ashya2 zaina 3anny 3ad" I blushed.

"ofcourse ashya2 zaina" he said.

"she talks about you too"I said cheerily. ouch! Farah kicked my leg under the table, with that killer heels she was wearing. Okay she was playing hard to get. I thought he knew that she liked him!

"e7em ,I mean she talks a lot about your family especially khaled rayel fay,ya7lelhom" what the hell was that?!

The food was great, and saud was such a sweet heart. I couldn’t stop noticing how farah looked at him. poor thing she couldn’t even eat properly . she would eat one bite, drop the fork and play with her beautiful long hair. I hoped he felt the same way towards her.

We talked some more, had some deserts and then it was time to leave.

"thanks a lot 3ala el lunch , wallah I really had fun" I said standing up.

"taw ennas janoon, ge3day weyana" farah said.

" la wllah, you two have fun, 3ndy cham sha'3la lazem asaweha " sha'3la? Yeah right.

" bel3afia, o enshallah enshofech marra thania" saud stood up shaking my hand.

I hugged farah and left .

I reapplied my pink lip gloss , checked my reflection in the rear view mirror and got off of the car. Our date was at his house, he said that he had a surprise for me. I know,scary.

Luckily for me the big wooden gate was open. I pushed it and got inside . the odor of spices and oils was undeniable, someone was cooking in the house.

"terki?" I called out for him. no response.

"terki?? Are you there?" I shouted, no response.

I decided to head to the kitchen, what if someone was inside?? No it couldn’t be. He said it would be just us. As I approached the kitchen , the glass door was closed, and he was there, cooking.

I slid the door open , he turned around immediately sensing my presence . a wide smile spread across his face.

"what are you doing??" I asked without saying hi.

" ya3ny shga3ed asawy, im cooking" he chuckled.

" '3areeba! Guys don’t cook!"

"some of them do, now have a seat" could he be anymore perfect??!!

I sat at the kitchen counter on a high stool, he came over to me and held my hand . " tabeen drink? 3ala ma a5ale9?" he asked gently.

" no thanks, tawny radda min lunch o sharabt o kalet everything" I laughed.

" 3ayal ana 7ag meno sha6 3umry bel cooking?"

" im sorry bas jad jad shab3ana!" I said.

"you wont resist" he winked. Oh god! What was that suppose to mean?!

i was a total waste at the kitchen I just sat there staring at how beautiful he was while he cooked. He clearly loved it and he enjoyed every bit of it.

my phone beeped with a message,it was from farah .

*wat do ya thnk?!*

*hot hot hotttttt;)* I sent her back.

*told ya!*

* terki cooks!*

" foods up" said terki interrupting my "sowalef" with farah.

We sat down at the kitchen's round table , it was great to be with him but it was so alien to me to stay at a guy's place. I never even did it with fahad.

"you really can cook!" I said looking at all these professionally made dishes, they looked so mouth watering so I decided to give it a go.

I took my first mouthful and gasped with delight, it was so delicious much better than NAPKET.

He smiled warmly " bel3afia"

" e3afeek, how did you learn all this?? Cooking class?"

" not really, I always loved cooking, o lamma kent adres barra ma7eb akelhom so kent kella a6ba5 7ag my friends o chethy" he said.

" by the way, I met saud your brother elyom" I started a conversation.

"yeah? Wain o lesh?"

" farah 3azmatny 3ala lunch with both of them"

" hmm, lesh ma3ezamtony?" he teased.

" makent aby distraction, I wanted to concentrate" I flirted.

" ana chethy amoooot!" he said pinching my cheek lightly.

I blushed. My heart stopped every time he touched me.

After ten minutes or so, he wiped his mouth with his hand and declared "el7emdella"

"bas? You didn’t eat!"

" lamma you cook, mat7eben your food wayed"

"really? Ashwa enna I don’t cook!"

He roared with laughter.

" are you done?"

"yeah yeah" I blushed ,putting my fork down ,I was so shameless I had two lunches.

" good, yalla come I wanna show you something"

" is it the surprise you told me about?" I asked.

" it's a surprise" he grinned.

he led me upstairs by the hand.

his room was so fascinating . the bed was so stunningly white with starched white linen pillows pilled up on it. it looked so clean comparing to other guys bedrooms. I thought.

i sat myself on the bed. While he opened his closet to show me the surprise.My heart was pounding so hard I looked down at my orange marc Jacobs heels. Before I could get any further with my thoughts ,terki lolled beside me , handing me a big painting.

It was me! he drew me! and I looked stunning, even better than real life me! my hair was loosely swept to one side just like the time I met him at fay's wedding,weird. my eyes were so twinkly and I was smiling in the drawing. "wow!" I mean WOW!!" I said.

He laughed" like it?"

" no I don’t like it! terki I LOVE it…" I said .

" I love you" he whispered.


"what?" I said stupidly looking up at his face.

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear " you heard it right, I think im crazy in love with you" he said.

I was speechless. Seriously, I didn’t know what to say so I remained quiet . he raised his hand to gently run a finger over my face. he touched my chin and moved his finger on my lips, sending a delicious feeling through my entire body. As the warmth of his hand transfused my face, my lips parted and my eyes shut closed in surrender.

"jana.." he breathed my name and then I felt his lips pressed on mine, so soft yet so charged with emotion, I knew it was wrong but it felt just so right.

As his kisses deepened and intensified I started feeling dizzy. I wasn’t used to this. I was feeling the rollercoaster I always longed for.

Just when I was about to push him away, the bedroom's door swung open ,revealing a shocked familiar face.

p.s : thank you evensweeter for the tag;**, i'll do it later!

Friday, 2 January 2009


HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU 7ABAYBEE O A3EZA2EE;***, enshallah all your hopes and dreams will come true eb this year - yours : moi

I sat on a corner inside my shower box. Slapping water drops working their way against my hair and body , slapping my heart , my wounds, my swollen lips and bruised face. I couldn’t see a thing except the foggy glass before me and his face.

I dont know how long I've spent under the shower but when I got out my skin was wrinkled like a seventy year old.

I lied on bed , wearing my oversized football jersey. My wet hair was sending shivers down my spine but I didn’t have the energy to dry it. I didn’t drop a single tear, or any kind of emotion for that matter, Everything went blank.

I awoke to the sound of the stupid birds nesting on my window's deck. " shut up!!" I cried. I couldn’t stand a thing, everything ached, even my eyelids; they were so heavy I couldn’t open my eyes. "sektaww!! Leave me alone" I sniffed and cried my heart out. I felt my heart ripping from my chest. I screamed at the top of my lungs but no sound came out. "please.. leave me alone" I whispered talking to no one in particular. I cried myself to sleep.

5 days later

I lied on my back on the floor staring up at the ceiling planks and reflecting on the event which had led me to be lying here in filthy track pants and a stained t-shirt, my hair was unwashed for days. It was 7 pm on Monday. I was so wrapped up in my miserable thoughts ,I didn’t hear anyone entering my bedroom door and jumped when a little hand reached my hair stroking it gently. It was wahab my little brother. I looked up at him ,still lying down . he stared at me with concerned eyes. It was killing stuff. My throat tightened and a single tear crept down my cheek .
" janona shfech?" he asked.

"shway ta3bana 7abebi" I said hardening my voice. I sat myself up and faced him. "you know what will make me feel better?"

" what?" he said so innocently I just couldn’t take it.

" a big bigggg hug!" and I hugged him the hardest and tightest possible. he struggled to pull away from my arms. " enzain enzain you can go now" I laughed.

" ta3aly downstairs shofay power rangers weyana" he said .

" o-ok" i hesitated. I've spent the last five days in my room and I don’t know if im ready to go out, let alone downstairs. " 5alas ana ra7 ayey b3d shway 7abebi, go watch with 7amani ok?" he nodded and ran his way out of my room.

I switched on my phone for the first time in days. Nine messages, seventeen missed calls from farah, four from terki and none from fahad. I sighed so deeply , I think I was relieved .

I went downstairs. My mother was sitting on the big couch , I've told her that I was sick and that I needed to be left alone , she was so understanding and calm but I've seen the worry in her dark eyes. Poor mother.

Her entire face lit up when she saw my face. I kissed her head and sat beside her. "9ertay a7san 7abebti?" she said while trying hard to be normal about it.

"yes mama" I said.

" ee tara farah daggat 3alech wayed bas ana getlaha enna enty mareetha, maskeena she's worried about you, lesh matdgen 3leha ,5al teyey 3endich twansich?"

" mama shakly ana baroo7 laha 3ashan a'3ayer jaw shwaya" I said.

" okay 7abebti" she said " bas ra7 a3aref what happened exactly o you'll tell me, understood?"

I nodded. What would I tell her? That my long term sweet boyfriend( that she don’t know about) has beat me up? that he left me alone in the dark street at night?? What would I tell her?!

I put on a large sweater over my stained t-shirt , a pair of jeans and wellington boots. I looked like hell. The bruises on my left cheek were fading to a greeny-yellowy color and my lips were so red and swollen which made it worse. To top it all my hair was all greasy and messy and I didn’t bother combing it.

I dialed farah . " kany we9alt baitkom, laish za7ma barra?" I said.

" omy 3azma ahal khaled rayel fay" she said nonchalantly.

"oh, ok 3ayal ana shway wa93adlech" I hoped terki wasn’t there.

Farah's face drained of color when she saw me, she clamped her hand over her mouth. " omg!! What happened???!!!"

" calm down farah" I said softly.

"sheno calm down??!! Meno mkaf5ech??!!" she yelled.

"i'll tell you everything I promise! Bas calm down first, will you?"

And then I did. I told her everything from A to Z she didn’t say a thing , she was so surprisingly calm and quiet. When I finished she got up from her bed and sat next to me on the floor. " when did you start hiding things from me?" her voice broke while her eyes welled up with tears. She hugged me and started sobbing " im so sorry 7abebti" she murmured on my shoulder , I didn’t know what to do. I just hugged her back harder " you are something fara7o , ana ely en6aget o now im the one who's trying to make you feel better" .

"sektay, I hate you" she giggled.

We spent the entire night in her room. She tried her best to entertain me , we watched GOSSIP GIRL , she forced me to eat caramel popcorn and we talked. A lot actually. I told her about my feelings towards terki , and the nights I spent with him at his old house , she hasn't yet forgiven me , but I could see the excitement in her eyes when I told her how gentle he was and that he might have the same feelings for me.

" fara7 7abebti I really have to go, it's getting late" it was time to go home, besides I needed my soft fluffy bed.

" okay , I'll come check on you tomorrow" she said and hugged me tight.

" bye babes"

I made my way down the stairs . I could hear the chattering in the near living room. I decided to exit through the kitchen door to avoid bumping into someone. The kitchen was empty except for a familiar pretty striking face. he was there . terki was there.

His jaw dropped and his eyes bulged right out when he saw me. " jana? Are you okay?" he said rushing over to me.

" i-im f-fine , I was just s-ssick!" i stuttered stupidly.

he pulled me into his arms.

"you left me in a terrible state in the last few days" he said " how could you do this to me?" my heart stopped for a second.

I smiled at him ,as I breathed in his wonderful smell. But I couldn’t relax into his embrace so I pulled away.

" terki I cant talk to you here , anyone can see us" I said.

" magdar a6la3 now, it's inappropriate , I'll call you tonight, and you better tell me what happened" he said . his tone was so concerned and there was something different in his eyes. something I never saw before.