Tuesday, 15 December 2009


hellooo lovely readers ;***, I miss yall tremendously!! especially those who sent me emails and commented while I was away! I decided to post part 6 of my last story, I know its very short! but it's just a reminder since I forgot the story myself!! hehe ;p , so you guys remember it? :o, anyway I'm inspired now ;p so I think I'll be posting alot! enjoy! xoxoxo


The white pearly light blinded my eyes as I tried to take in the whole scene that was happening right before my wondering, innocent eyes. the world spun around me slowly and I miraculously fought the urge to surrender to the other side of the world, to faint. I ignored every object around me and focused on the amazing creature that was glistening and shining furiously. Beads of sweat trickled down the rusty dark body of the wings holder. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him , I was so mesmirized by his beauty that I forgot about Jon's arms tightly wrapped around me. He was suffering, silently. the creature was in pain; invisible pain.

I didn't know how I managed to slightly look away from the dazzling beauty of the creature and finally notice the beautiful glittering , human butterflies that were surrounding him, as if they were out of a beautiful painting.

I recognized one of the beautiful faces surrounding him, it was the guy I saw at Alex's house the day I went to thank him for saving my life. I recognized his beautiful face. cassius's beautiful face.

their beauty was so dizzying, or was it the blinding light that was radiating from them? I wasn't really sure but whatever it was , it sent me to the other side of the world in a blink of an eye.

"Nessa?...Ness?" I found Jon's soft voice whispering in my ears while his big hand stroked my head, reviving my heart again, and I was sent back to the real side of the world.

"I wasn't dreaming was I?"

He shook his head. "Nope"

"o-okay.." I gulped.

" Do you think you have the time to listen to a, um...different kind of story?" he asked.

I sighed. "why not."

Monday, 12 October 2009

a night in bora bora

I put on a short white caftan while dipping my feet in the warm water in the glass tub of the small dining table in our bungalow. The small bright fishes swam around my feet making me ticklish all over my body. A giggle escaped my mouth breaking the beautiful silence of the night. I ran my fingers through my sun streaked hair and picked my phone with the other hand. His gentle voice came at the other end as soon as I dialed his number. One of the things I love about him; he never makes me wait. " khala9tay?"

"ee shway o nazlatlik"

"Don’t make me wait"


I stood up, my feet still in the tub. I grabbed my purse and my little diamond studs which were lying on the small dining table. I replaced the studs on my ears, wiped my feet with a fresh towel and wore my tacky Swarovski encrusted flip flops.


'' 7abeebti, don’t you think your dress is short?" I found his warm mouth whispering in my ear, making me shiver.

"No" I said without looking at him in the eye. "I mean it looks short, but… it's not really that short, besides nobody's around!"

He rolled his eyes. " ba6aweflich now because we're in our "honeymoon" "

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Fine, let's go!"

I grabbed his hand and we left the hotel.


"Oh my god!" I laughed out loud. "barrrrddd but I'm enjoying this!!"

"3asa matemarethain wallah" he gave me a disapproving look.

"You're a typical Kuwaiti! Aren’t you?! Come on baby this is fun! Ahem this is why I wanted to come here in the first place" I splashed water on his face and tried to run as fast as I could but accidently fell hard on my bum.

He bursts into laughter. " testahlain! And I'm not going to follow you, you little sneak!"

"Ouch, my butt!" I shot him a resentful look. Suddenly the rain started falling harder than before making my vision blurry.

"wow!" I almost shrieked. "HH come here this is amazing!"

He came to the edge of the ocean immediately offering me his hand. But I refused to get up and pulled him back down with me. "I always wanted to shower under the rain" I said innocently.

" '3aragtay mo bas tesaba7tay!" he grinned at me teasingly.

I brushed his wet hair. "You don’t know how to have fun!"

"Me?! etrahneen?" he challenged me defensively.

"No you don’t" I shook my head. I knew this was going well.

He stood up, took off his damp shirt and ran over the sand and into the dark, cold ocean. He disappeared.

I scanned the ocean; it was too dark and too blurry for me to focus. "HH" I called out his name. "I can't see you"

"Don’t you wanna join me Moi?!" he challenged. "It's freezing"

"Oh, there you are!"

" yalla, come" he motioned with his finger towards me.

" o-okay" I hesitated. "I'm coming in"

It was cold, yet it felt warm since I was already so wet. I swam into the middle of the ocean and found him waiting for me with a charming smile plastered all over his handsome face.

I clung to him as if I were a baby chimp on my mother's back and He kissed my hand that was wrapped around his neck.

We swam for a while, wind blowing us with rain and enormous waves from the deep ocean. I didn’t stop shivering and deep down I was sort of…bored. "um, HH…?" I called out his name.

"Your lips are purple" he said.

"Get me out of here!" I said desperately.

He chuckled. "6ala3tay ekhre6y, emshay, I have a better idea"

I wrapped my body with the white bath robe tighter while sipping my warm hot chocolate. I was still shaking and dripping wet when HH's voice came louder than I expected making me jump.

"It's ready" he announced.

He was already waiting for me next to the Jacuzzi tub. He took off my robe and held my hand. "Ready?"

I nodded.

Next morning I was sneezing and coughing like a pathetic old lady. after all we are really a typical kuwaiti couple.

Monday, 24 August 2009

the ballad of J&T

awwal shay mubarak 3lekom el shahar 7abaybeee;*** o 3asakom men el 3aydeeen wel fayzeen...I was away for a couple of days so mamedaanii abareklekom bel shahar..sam7ooni 3l eg9ooor in this blog :( adri kelesh mo ma36eta 7agga bas I promise I'll make it up;** and I hope you guys enjoy this post!


A wave of pain hit my chest for a second but I stopped it before it cut my heart slowly. I tried to think of what will happen instead of what would've happen between us if we never broke up. It's not late, yet. He's not married, I'm obviously not either. He still has feelings for me. I'm crazy in love with him and…I need him so much! If I don't see him now I'll …die! Yes, yes! I need to breathe again. I thought.

Two weeks later we met. He was even sexier than I remember. He looked so mature and simply breathtaking in that crisp white Dishdasha. and his scent surprised me. His scent didn't change at all; aprege lanvin with a hint of tobacco.

"I'm turning 31 this week, I should find a wife" he said casually while we sat across each other in his car.

"Yes you should" I agreed.

" kel mrra agool chethy o ba3den a'3ayer rayey, fekrat el zawaj ebkoberha eta3eb!" he sighed.

" hathy sennat el 7ayat" I said jokingly. "o enta mo s'3eer"

"you don’t have to remind me yal s'3eera" he rolled his eyes.

"eskit eskit, I'm six years younger than you! Dad!"

" bas enty eb sen el zawaj, ya3ny ana weyach nafs el 7ala" he shrugged.

" allah kareem, bas ana mo mesta3yela" I said defensively.

" weddy ashtrey sayara yededa" he said cheerfully. He was obviously trying to change the subject. Typical.

"Then do" I said coldly. For some reason he was pissing me off.

"I love speed. It takes my mind of off things" he muttered while staring at my eyes directly.

"Great" I stared back.

"walaht" he said. And suddenly my heart softened and I was no longer angry at him.

"walaht 3laich jana. Ta3abteeni" he sighed.

" tawik etgool? I was around you know"

"matabeeni…you broke up with me, remember?" he stared at me again.

" manesait, latkhaf"

"you suppose to say I miss you too, shay chethy"

"I miss you too, shay chethy!" I said sarcastically.

He chuckled. "Not funny"

"I waited for you" I almost whispered, I didn’t want to be defeated by my emotions.

He extended his hand to reach my hair, and brushed a lock of hair with his fingers swiftly. "jameela" he murmured.

My cheeks turned crimson pink like the shade of my fingernails and words caught up in my throat. I had nothing to say so I stared at his pretty face.

"enty lel7een teste7een?" he teased. "makebartay 3la hal sowalef?"

I chuckled. "ley bacher"

" amooot 3lech" he said.

" I've been in relationships after you, o adri enta ba3ad, bas all I wanted was you"

" I loved someone...but she wasn't you" he admited.

" so you're single now?!" I asked, hoping for a positive answer.

He nodded. " agolech zawjooni etgoleli you're single! ofcourse I'm single"

" and by the way I love your new hair" he added.

Friday, 14 August 2009

beautiful nights

I love nights! especially beautiful cold nights..full of sparkly stars night...romantic ones...and so on;p

btw I'm back :D with lots of news and stories;p;p miss everyone;******

so what's new with you my lovelies?

Friday, 10 July 2009

confessions of a giant kuwaiti girl

I always have been a big child. I was so tall for my age. It started when I turned four; I was taller than everyone, even the boys. It embarrassed me so much and I remember always asking my mother why all the other kids were small and I wasn’t, she'd say things like; "everyone's different and you are a very special child". It never made me feel better because I never stopped growing. At the age of 10 I became so tall, my legs were impossible! I was the tallest in the entire school and to make things worse I became the best friend of the tiniest, cutest and most adorable girl in school. She was so small and her features were so soft and girly. Unlike myself, my hands were big, my jaw was strong, not to mention my height. I always wished I was her. And she always wished that she was me LOL, of course we found out about that many years later. Anyways, at the age of 14 I looked 20 because of my height even though I was skinny and my thick eyebrows weren’t touched yet. And I didn’t wear any make up but still, I looked older. I couldn’t wear heels since I was already so tall although I liked them a lot and I always wanted to try them, my best friend used to wear whatever she wanted. She looked like a doll with all those pretty dresses and heels while I stuck to shorts or mostly man jeans since I felt self conscious about my legs and most girl jeans were short on me. I loathed my height until one sunny afternoon in California; we were in a vacation with the family. so I was walking down the street with my twin brother(allaa yer7ema), I was so not attractive at that time with my messy ponytail , short shorts , dirty flip flops and the smear of chocolate ice cream on my chin. We were so similar to each other except that I was taller, yes I was that tall, and anyway this man stopped us. He looked really cool with his black shades and expensive clothes. "hello kids" he said.

We looked at each other and then my brother finally muttered "hi"

" is she your sister?" the man asked.

My brother nodded.

"How old are you honey?" the man asked me. I was so shocked LOL and so young!

"14 sir" I said politely.

"You're not really young aren’t you? You're a woman" he grinned while he talked to himself. Of course I don’t remember what he had said exactly but it was something like that.

"Are you interested in modeling honey?" he said.

I looked at him, wide eyed with shock and then at my brother, my brother watched my expression and giggled. "I'm sorry but were not from here and she's a kid" my brother said.

"Look, I won't consider this an answer, think about it and then give me a call. Here's my business card" the man handed my brother the card, winked at me and left.
When I turned back home I felt much confident about my size. Of course I still found it really hard to accept my looks, and I dreamed of a small, feminine figure but when I turned 18 every girl I knew wanted my body and that’s when I started liking the way I look. I didn’t stop growing until the age of 21 and all men I liked were shorter than me but that was okay because I was a shy girl and never dated. Until I met my husband…who became my bf of 3 years..he was the tallest! I looked small next to him, awwal marra 6ab3an;p and to be honest that's the first thing that attracted me to him. now I'm just worrying about the kids. If I ever have one it's going to be a tower:/ since his parents are giants! poor baby..

ps: I still think this tall figure does not belong to me and that I'm small and adorable;p!

Wednesday, 8 July 2009


My pillow was damp with tears as I struggled to surrender to sleep. I couldn’t sleep that night. I got so used to the simplicity of our relationship that I didn’t even imagine complication would hit it. And unfortunately it did. I sobbed to the thought, I didn’t know why I felt so hurt, I was going to see him again, what all these tears were for? Besides he was only a friend, a friend I got used to so much that his departure made me hurt so deep.

When I finally slept I saw the same dream, except for one small difference. I was lying on the same bed, hurting, Alex was there looking at me blankly and Jon too. Except that Jon was crying, because I was in pain.

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling disoriented. I rubbed my eyes and covered my body with the soft blanket tighter. The bitter cold outside the bedroom window tried to seep in and work its way under my covered body. I shuddered furiously. Jon invaded my feverish mind. Jon was all I heard, all I saw, and all I wanted. Jon, Jon, Jon.

I sighed heavily and extended my arm to reach the cell phone I rarely used on the nightstand. I gazed at Jon's saved number in the contact list before I pressed dial. The phone rang several times before someone picked up. "Hello?" a crisp deep voice answered the phone. I recognized it, it was Alex's.

"Hello, um can I speak to Jon please?" I didn’t know why but Alex intimidated me.

"Whoever you are, don’t you think it's a bit late to make phone calls?" he asked coldly.

"I don’t think it's any of your business; if Jon is awake please give him to me!" I snapped. Suddenly I felt really furious towards him, he didn’t have the right to speak to me that way.

"Give me the phone" I heard Jon's soft voice on the other end.

"It's 3 am for god's sake!" Alex almost hissed.

"Hello Vanessa" Jon's friendly voice finally filled the other end.

"What was that all about? I thought this was your phone"

He sighed. " Nessa it's late"

"I don’t sleep remember?" my voice softened a bit.

"Yeah right, you're voice is filled with sleep" he said desperately trying to get rid of me.

"I don’t need too much sleep" I muttered. "Why are you awake? Isn’t a bit too late for you too?!"

"What do you want Nessa?" patience was running out from his voice.

"I need to talk to you" I almost whispered.

"Couldn’t you wait for tomorrow morning or something?"

"No" I answered honestly.

He was silent for a minute before he spoke. "Fine, what do you want to talk about?"

"Yesterday" I kept my answers short and straight to the point.

"Nothing happened yesterday Ness, we had dinner and then I left because I needed to get some sleep, what was the problem?"

"I don’t see anybody asleep, not you Jon!" my voice was raising involuntarily and I couldn’t help the anger and pain I felt inside my chest.

"What's with the attitude detective!" his voice got higher too.

"Look who's talking!" I snapped. "You're unbelievable!"

"I thought we were friends" he concluded.

"So did I, goodnight Jon" I hung up the phone before he could say a word. That was better.

I got up from bed and into the bathroom directly. I needed a hot bath to clear my feverish head.

My body was fully relaxed when I came out of the bathroom; I changed into short shorts and put my wet hair up into a ponytail high on my head. It was past five o'clock in the morning, I must've slept in the bathtub.

I ate breakfast slowly to waste the long time I had before going to work. I washed the dishes and the entire kitchen too.

After two hours of productive time wasting I was downright exhausted but it felt good because I didn’t think of Jon or any of whatever was happening while I was at it. I sprayed cherry vanilla; a perfume I mixed a long time ago and became my signature, which consisted basically of wild cherry and French vanilla.

Work was getting repetitive and I didn’t enjoy it today like I usually did. I yawned and looked at my watch. It was still too early to leave and I couldn’t stay any longer so I mixed two easy perfumes and told Wendy that I didn’t feel well, she was kind enough to let me go without questions.

The next couple of days were the same; I spent most of it alone, between my house and the scent shop. There was no sign of Jon, he never came to see me or even called and I missed him terribly.

For some reason work ended quickly today and I had to close down the shop. Wendy was already gone since I stayed here longer than usual, avoiding getting back home as much as I could. I dreaded loneliness after meeting that amazing friend I got attached to so quickly and easily.

I saw a shadow leaning against my little house's door when I reached home. "Jon?" I muttered his name loudly as I approached the door.

" Nessa" he nodded. His cute face was clearer now that I was closer to him.

"What are you doing here?" I said without looking at him, I unlocked the door and got inside with him right behind me.

"Aren’t you happy to see me? " he asked. I ignored him.

"Fine! I came here to apologize"

That caught me by surprise. I turned around and looked directly into his eyes. "For what?" I played stupid. I wanted him to say it.

"For what happened last night"

"Sure, what happened exactly Jon, why did you leave when I mentioned that…thing?"

"I think I was upset" he said apologetically.

"Upset? Why?"

He looked down. "It's complicated. You just won't….understand.

"People are just so selfish, when someone's different they start talking and making terrible judgments" he added.

"So you're telling me that Alex is different" I frowned. "But how?"

"I told you, it's complicated"

"Why were you awake at three am yesterday? And why did Alex answer your phone?" I asked suddenly. My questions caught him off guard.

" I came here to apologize, isn’t it enough? I don’t see the reason behind all these unnecessary questions!"

"Are you in love with him or something?" I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

He rolled his eyes. "What are you doing Nessa?"

"I don’t know! I don’t get this" I sighed heavily.

"I've missed you" he said. I gazed at him, his expression filled with strange pain and sincerity.

Something inside me twisted, subconsciously moving and I found my arms draped over his shoulders and pulling him closer to me. I hugged him as tighter as I possibly could. It wasn’t a sexual hug, I didn’t have those sorts of feelings for him, I guess I just needed him and I really did miss him.

He hesitated for a second before he pulled me even closer to his body. He brushed my hair with his fingers softly. "You have some double personality disorder, don’t you Ness?" he whispered into my ears.

I pushed him away slightly. "You stupid devil!"

He laughed and pulled me again into a bear hug.

"Jon" I mumbled through his shoulder.


" I'll let you spend the night here and I'll cook a very delicious supper" I began.

"Sounds good to me" he said.

"In one condition" I challenged.

He looked down at me. "uh oh"

" please Jon, I want you to tell me why people talk about Alex and why is it so complicated please" I begged pathetically.

" I will, since you became a close friend of mine and that means you're already involved in this" he said matter-of-factly.

"Thank you Jon"

He looked away without saying a word.

I made grilled cheese sandwiches which were the easiest and fastest since Jon wanted to show me instead of telling me as he had put it. And I wanted this meal to be as fast as possible because curiosity began killing me slowly.

When we finished our meal we got into his car and he drove off to a very familiar place that didn’t even need a car to get to. He drove to my happy place.

" I know this place" I said.

He ignored me and pulled over. He opened the door for me and led me through a narrow path between the big palm trees and greens. After a few minutes we reached the rocky mountains of the island. He turned around to face me. " what you're about to see now is different. It's something you never witnessed before. It might seem wrong to you, but if you see it from their perspective..er I mean ours and only ours it will seem the most normal and right thing you've ever saw, so I just need you to believe in what you'll see, after that I'll tell you everything" he said calmly.

I nodded.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I sighed and nodded again.

And then he opened a door I wasn’t aware of before this minute and I was facing the most abnormal thing I had ever witnessed, the thing that changed my life…forever.

I wasn’t aware of Jon when he clamped his hand over my mouth because I gasped louder than I should.


"white is the color of clarity and innocence"

Yet every cell in my body ached while I lied on that white bed....

Tuesday, 30 June 2009


El marath thabe7ny...I'm literally sick, god. I can do nothing but lay on the sofa. my family is travelling next week and this is when I wish I wasn't married. I wish I can go with them, summer is so boring here. and marriage is not really perfect if you ask me. *sigh*

they say: * a perfect writer can make an emperor weep*, hope you guys enjoy this part;**


I poured the gravy carefully on top of Enola's special chicken and potato dish and put it down with the rest of the dishes on the big, wooden dining table. The strong odors of the cheese, garlic and curry made my stomach growl louder. I hadn't eaten all day and I couldn’t wait any longer.

We gathered around the dining table noisily and started reciting our prayers together, it was some sort of a tradition here to pray, and connect with each other through the food. Food was a symbol of love and care in this family that I belonged to now.

"Hey, Iris, your mother told me that you worked at that pink house in town" I stuffed more grilled potato in my mouth and shoved it down my throat with a big swig of lemon juice.

"What pink house?" she frowned. Iris was Enola's younger daughter and she used to work at houses to pay her college funds.

"Donna carina's house" Enola answered her.

"Oh, yeah that house was creepy" she made a face.

"Creepy? Why?!" I bit my lower lip in confusion.

She looked around the table, examining the curious faces, including the kids, fortunately for me they were distracted. "How do you know about that house Nessa? I thought you hated going to town"

" um, actually they're kinda my friends. Alex and his cousin Jon" I admitted.

" Nessa, I don't know about Jon, but you don’t want to be friends with Alex" she warned.

"And …why is that?!" Although he wasn’t really my friend, I felt defensive towards him.

"He's not really nice" she said. "And people say that he was cursed and his mother was a…sorceress" she was whispering by now.

"A what?" my eyes bulged out and my body became hotter. "And you believe this shit?!"

"Well, I've seen the mother, she looked normal" she shrugged. "But that house looks different and people talk, anyway how did you meet him Nessa?"

"He's the man who saved me" my stomach did a back flip as I muttered the words.
When I got home that night I was unnaturally and utterly exhausted, I brushed my teeth, combed my long hair hastily and put on my long, white night gown. I climbed into bed and covered my body with the sheets. The bed sheets were soft and welcoming as ever, I buried my face against the soft, fluffy pillow and sighed heavily before I fell to the darkness of that other world I rarely visited.

I struggled to wake up but couldn’t, the dream held me too tightly in its coils. It was the same dream I had a few days ago, same white bed, same pain. I couldn’t breathe or move, the pain hurt so much that it felt real. And Alex was there. He was wearing a white lab coat and was staring at me while I was moaning and screaming with agony and he didn’t do anything to stop it.

I was really dazed when I woke up first thing in the morning. I took a quick shower and spent longer than usual in front of my little closet. I wasn’t really obsessed about the way I looked. We all dressed the same in this island, especially in the village, since we lived near the beach and the weather was always so sunny. But this once it was different, I wanted to impress Jon since he was coming today as I promised him to bake him cookies. And Alex might come along with him. I wanted to impress Alex too.

I finally decided on an orange embroidered shirt and my same old jeans. I braided my hair and wrapped a colorful scarf around my head. I knew the permanent scar on my face would be showing fully with my hair away from my face but I just didn't care.

When I reached the scent shop it was already opened which meant that Wendy was already there.

I entered the shop, and to my surprise Wendy wasn’t alone, Jon's cheerful face appeared next to her's. "Good morning Wendy, Jon" I greeted them.

"Morning, you look good" Jon smiled that dazzling smile of his.

"Yes you look good" Wendy chuckled. I shot her a hard glance.

"Thank you Jon, you're… early!" I muttered excitedly.

"You're late" he laughed. " Nessa it's 10"

"I don’t come early on Saturdays"

"Oh, um. So can I steal you now?"

"I don’t think so, I have to be at least here for two hours" I said apologetically. His face fell with disappointment.

"You know Nessa I can manage alone" Wendy smiled at me.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"Oh please, go!" She ordered. I laughed.

"Thank you" I mouthed the words silently.

I took Jon around the village and showed him my favorite places, including my former happy place. He wasn’t amazed by the beauty, he sounded as if he had seen much better than this in his life.

"Nice" he said.

"Nice? This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

"Ok ok, calm down" he grinned.

"You're mean!" I laughed.

He looked away and continued walking to the beautiful, glistening turquoise sea. I followed him and he turned around, facing me now.

"Breathtaking" he said.

My mouth opened involuntarily to say nothing in particular but he answered my thoughts. "Your eyes. They remind me of the beach, they are a different shade of blue obviously; hyacinth-blue, but they are so deep that’s why they remind me of the beach" he blushed.

I laughed. "That was so poetic, thanks, I guess"

"Yeah" he grinned.

We then walked along the beach and talked a lot. Jon was an easy person to be around, I enjoyed every second of being with him, I didn’t even feel self conscious with that hideous, big scar on my face and he didn’t seem to notice how ugly it looked. Instead he admired my eyes.

When we went to my house to bake the cookies I was already starving, we ate olives and drank water because that was the only thing in the kitchen that was ready without cooking.

"How's Alex?" I asked him.

"He's fine" he said with his mouth full of olives.

"wh-why didn’t he come along with you?" I hesitated.

" you want him to come with me?" he asked.

" I don’t care" I lied.

He smiled. "Aren’t they ready yet?"

"Oh, they'll take long" I grinned. "Sorry!" I looked apologetically at the oven.

"That's okay because it means I'll enjoy more of you" he said and laughed at the way he said it.

"You're definitely a poet, I'm sure of it!" I laughed along with him.

In the upcoming days we became closer, we'd meet every day and spend the entire day with each other, and I enjoyed it a lot, I didn’t want this simple friendship to end.

One day after I finished work, I closed the shop and headed home. Jon had promised me that he would come by for dinner tonight. It was seven pm and I was very tired, I had a long day and I didn’t have the time to cook a decent meal.
I changed my clothes quickly to a more comfy shirt and pants, washed my face and headed to the kitchen. He was there.

"How did you get in?" I asked him. I wasn’t surprised, I was just happy.

"The door was open" he said, smiling.

"I brought something, thought you’d be hungry"

"Oh I am, thanks Jon!" I put down two plates on the little, wooden table along with two forks and knives.

We talked a lot while we ate, as usual. I loved talking to Jon a lot, he was a good listener and a good well, speaker.

"I heard something very strange about Donna Carina's house, and…Alex" I said, finally deciding on telling him.

He looked up in surprise. "What did you hear?"

"That…that he was cursed and" I broke off hesitantly. " and that his mother is a...sorceress"

His face turned red, he looked utterly angry. "That's plain bullshit Nessa"

"I'm…sorry, I know it's not true" I looked away in shame.

"It's okay, people talk a lot when you're different" he sighed.

He was silent for a minute before he spoke"You probably need to sleep now, I'll see you tomorrow Ness" he put his fork down

"No!" I almost screamed. "Don’t leave, please. I don’t really sleep early, I barely sleep"

" it's okay Nessa I should go" he stood up.

Suddenly my eyes filled with huge, warm tears when I realized that he was gone without even looking at me in the eye.

Friday, 26 June 2009


I fell in love with this story and all my characters, I think about them all day! and I think I'll write it as longer as I can. hope you guys love it too;*

" your aunt is very lucky, she has two lives; the one she's living and the book she's writing" the hours.


white(part 3)

The yellow, bright sunlight was what woke me up. So yellow, so painfully shiny, coming from the crack between the curtains. I blinked several times as the sunlight shone directly on my face, burning my eyes yet it felt so good; sometimes I thought it what made me wake up every day and go on with my life, it just looked so cheerful and bright next to the dullness of my universe and that was an enough reason for my existence.

I was a lonely person. I lived between my house, Enola's and the scent shop. But it never really occurred to me that I was lonely. I mean I was okay with my life, not happy but I wasn’t sad either, until the age of innocence vanished. Until my mother killed herself and a year later, my dear old man's departure. It was the summer after I finished my school years. I was fifteen. A child, but I had a mind and a soul of a woman. I woke up that morning feeling uneasy; waiting for a disaster to happen. I headed to the kitchen in my white night gown; my father was already at the kitchen table. He wore a pained expression, it was another kind of pain; one I had never seen before.

"Morning papa"

"Morning…Ness" he'd begun. "I'm leaving"

"Of course you're leaving, you should go to work!" I avoided looking at his eyes.

"No, Carina" he'd said in his thick Italian accent. "I'm leaving for good"

"wh-why?" my voice trembled.

He sighed heavily. "I can no longer take care of you Nessa, my part is over"

"But…but I'm your favorite ugly duckling" I laughed bitterly. "You love me papa, I need you! You can't abandon me!"

"You're not an ugly duckling Carina, you’re a swan, you will always be my swan but I have to let go, the rest of your life is for you to discover, goodbye Ness" he kissed my forehead and left with his burlap suitcase before I could recover from the shock and move my wobbly legs to catch him.

I groaned as I struggled up, out of my warm, comfortable bed. A smear of blood against the white sheet caught my attention, and then my eyes moved involuntarily to the slight cut on my wrist. I sighed; I always seemed to forget how delicate my skin could be.

I poured myself into my old jeans and my orange, long sleeved kaftan, for some reason I had been feeling cold lately. I brushed my long hair hastily and as always, swept it to the side. I was already running late and tourists tended to come more often to the scent shop on weekends so I didn’t have time to pass by Enola's.

The amazing mixture of scents slapped my nose as soon as I arrived to the shop. My partner Wendy wasn’t there yet. I switched on the lights and put on the "open" sign outside the door. I played the usual, soothing Brazilian music CD and switched the air conditioner in moderate mode, I just couldn’t take the cold, maybe I was sick or something, I thought.

Today was a very thriving day for the shop. We didn’t stop mixing, we even ran out of fresh pomegranates and oranges. People really loved floral scents.
It was Wendy's lunch break when an unexpected customer came to visit our humble, little shop. I looked up in surprise when I saw Alex's imperfect face entering the store with another man. A very handsome man too. The man grinned and pointed at me, Alex nodded and they both approached my counter.

"Good afternoon Vanessa" Alex's voice came deep and husky.

"Good afternoon Alex and Alex's friend" I said in a businesslike tone. "How can I help you?"

His friend laughed. "Hello Vanessa, I heard so much about you, or may I say, your cookies"

I grinned widely. "Oh, we don’t sell cookies here"

He laughed again. "I know, but seriously girl, I nagged Alex for meeting the famous chef in person"

Alex rolled his eyes.

"I'm no chef, but I can cook" I said matter-of-factly.

"And you're beautiful too" he grinned.

I laughed, hiding my embarrassment. This guy was a total stranger but I felt as if I had known him forever.

"So what's your name Alex's friend?" I asked him, grinning.

"Jon" he stretched out his hand to shake mine.

"Nice to meet you Jon, call me Nessa" I shook his hand, It was soft and warm.

He nodded. "Sure, Nessa"

"So don’t we get to have free cookies?" he asked in a childish way. I laughed.

"Of course!" I muttered excitedly. "After all, Alex saved my life and you're his friend?"

"I'm his-"

"Cousin" Alex answered coldly, interrupting Jon. I could see the resemblance; they both had dark, bronze skin, thick eyebrows and beautiful, imperfect features. Except for the hair, Jon's hair was so short, almost bald.

"Sure" I smiled at Jon sweetly. "So, what are your favorite scents guys? I can certainly help you here!"

"I think we better get going" Alex said.

"You go, I'll stay. I want to have my own scent" Jon winked at me. I giggled. He was adorable.

Alex looked at Jon and then at me. "You know what? I think I want my own scent too, I can't leave you alone here Jon, she might hurt you" he had a half smile on his face, yet his eyes were serious.

"I don’t think she will" Jon smiled at me and I had the feeling that he might hurt me with that dazzling smile of his.

"Great" I said hesitantly.

"So what's your fave scent Jon?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I don’t know, what do you think I'd like?"

I made a "come here" motion at him. He hesitated at first and then he saw my serious expression and got closer to me almost immediately. I sniffed his neck, his collarbone and his chest. I nodded.

"Apple spice" I answered his thoughts. "Wait a second I'll get the ingredients and you can watch me do it!"

"Great" he wore his dazzling grin again.

I sat the ingredients before me on the counter; apple juice, cinnamon, and drops of grapefruit. , I mixed the fresh apple juice with the rest of the ingredients and poured the liquid into the small glass bottle; both men were watching me in fascination.
I closed the bottle with the cork, wrapped a small baby blue ribbon around it and handed it to Jon.

"Wow" he said. "Thank you very much Nessa!, how much?"

"It's on me" I grinned.

He opened his mouth to say something but I didn’t let him. "Look, next time you can pay, just not this once, 'kay?"

"You're amazing girl" he said. "She's amazing" he turned to Alex.

And for the first time since I met him, Alex laughed. He looked different; much younger.

"So, you want to sniff me too?" Alex asked, preparing himself to get close to me.

"Nah, no need, I can smell you from across the room" I said casually.

" oh" he grunted.

"Almond joy" I said, catching his eyes accidently. "But…with a zest of lime.

Um, we have it ready, I'll just mix some lime with it"

Wendy's gold head appeared at the door. Her lunch break was already over. "Hi" she said to nobody in particular.

"Hey wends!" I exclaimed.

"We have customers" she grinned while eyeing them both. "Hot ones!" she whispered into my ears.

" hello, I'm Wendy, Nessa's partner" she introduced herself " I can see you guys are liking it here"

"Oh, you both have Disney names?" Jon asked. "Charming!"

We all laughed. "Vanessa is a Disney name?" I asked him, I watched Disney cartoons on my childhood, never came across a Vanessa.

"The little mermaid" he said, blushing. I laughed. "Little mermaid? I know an Ariel, not a Vanessa"

"Vanessa is the sea witch" he winked. "When she turns to a chick"

Wendy chuckled and nudged me playfully. I looked at Jon and gazed at the natrual content glow on his face.


When we closed the shop at sun set, I went to Enola's straight away. Every Friday we'd gather at her house for dinner, her daughters and all their kids would come. I loved them so much, they were my family now. Besides I was so eager to tell them about my new friends, about Jon in particular, I wouldn't consider Alex a friend. Yet.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009


three days later

I was going to go down to the small town to find my savior, I wanted to give him something and thank him for saving me since I didn’t even have the chance to say thank you. But I needed to do a special dish since that was the only thing I was capable of to show my gratitude.

I was baking my special coconut cookies all day. I added a few slices of mangos to make the cookies fancier. My neighbor and god mother Enola came over to help me, she stuck around the house for the past three days, she was really afraid to leave me alone.

At noon the cookies were warm and ready. I sprinkled coconut on top of them and left them with Enola while I went to my bedroom to get dressed. I put on my old jeans, and the top I wore for occasions; an embroidered blouse Enola got me for my birthday.

I let my hair down and swept it to the side to hide the permanent scar on my left cheek. I got my keys, threw them in my purse and went downstairs to find Enola waiting for me.

Enola saw the man who saved me and recognized him, he was a town resident, she declared. So I had to bring her along with me since she knew where to find him. We took a cab and drove all the way to the small town. I wasn’t fond of our little trip, cars made me nauseous and I wished we could walk but the heat and distance weren’t helping.

The house was huge comparing to the houses next to it. It was also very different. The house's bricks were a combination of baby pink and purple, surrounding enormous windows, and a little green door. And then came the little garden, which was breathtaking, it consisted of different kinds of flowers; peonies, lilies, jasmine, hibiscus and roses. It looked like a house from a fairytale.

"Should we knock?" I asked Enola.
She nodded and headed to the little door with me behind her.

A short old woman opened the door for us; she welcomed us inside after hearing what we wanted. "You probably mean Mr. Casseus, I'll give him a call, he'll be here in a minute" she said.

A blonde guy came to us after less than a couple of minutes. He had a friendly smile on his beautiful, tanned face. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him, his hair crowned his head like leaves of gold under the sunlight, he was wearing white from head to toe, his blue eyes were so pierced against his dark skin, and I would have mistaken him for a Greek god with that name of his.

"Rosa said you wanted to meet me, How can I help you?" he asked politely.

" I think she got it wrong… I, um…do you have a brother Mr. casseus?" I asked hesitatingly.

"No" he frowned. "Are you sure you got the address right?"
"Isn’t this Donna Carina's residence?" Enola raised her brow.

"It is the one" a different male voice came behind us.

I looked up at the voice's source. He was the same man who was at my bedside three days ago. He sat on the edge of the sofa beside Casseius.

I examined him shamelessly before I spoke, he looked so messy, his hair naturally disarrayed and wild. His dark skin so smooth yet he needed to shave, he was so huge but he had a body of an athlete. He was beautiful, yet his face wasn’t perfect like Casseius's, his face looked alive, there was this aspect of life in his beautiful, imperfect features.

"Hey I'm Vanessa, I didn’t have the chance to say thank you the other day" I began. "So I…I decided to come by and…"

"I know who you are, sure" he interrupted me coldly.

"oh" I grunted. " um, I thought you might like this" I handed him the cookies.

He looked at me blankly.

"That's very nice of you Vanessa, Alex likes cookies, we all do" Casseius shot Alex a hard glance.

"Yeah, thanks" Alex said coldly, eyeing my scar.

I was taken by surprise by Alex's attitude. What was that all about? Maybe he was upset about something else. I thought, suddenly defending him.
When we left the strange fairytale house, I felt uneasy and was really irritated.
"what are you thinking of Nessa?" Enola eyed me suspiciously, interrupting my thoughts while we were in the cab.
" Those people were weird, I didn't get them, what were they to eachother if they weren't brothers?!"
" well, Donna Carina is Alex's mother, I think the other man is the son in law or something, I'm not sure" Enola said.
" and how on earth you know so much about them?!" I asked her urgently.
" my daughter used to work at their house Nessa" she said.
" oh, okay, that guy,Alex wasn't really nice" I muttered angrily.
the cab pulled over and I stepped out hastily. " thanks for coming with me today Enola, it meant a lot" I forced a smile.
" of course I'll come with you, you silly!" she patted my hand gently.
" um, I'll be needing my privacy, there's no need to stay with me all day, I'll be fine!" I sounded desperate for my freedom. she laughed.
"sure" she said. " just don't forget to come by to my house tonight, the kids will be around".


I lay on the white, strange bed, I shriek and moan with agony, the pain is so close to my heart, my heart aches. I try to open my eyes, I can't. a very dark, evil force is pulling me down, down , down...until I'm out of bandwidth.

to be continued....

Sunday, 21 June 2009


I was really inspired by the beach and the ridiculous beauty of the islands so I wrote this, I don't know if there's more of this story but I think whenever I'm free I'll write...hope you enjoy it PEOPLEZZ;**


"Kill yourself?-what's the point? It achieves absolutely nothing." Precisely: it achieves nothing and nothingness is what I want." I recited these famous words once again in my head. Words were written by the Austrian poet, who killed herself two months after writing them. Why would anyone crave "nothingness"?. Does the question even matter? The damage was done. She wasn’t happy with us. My mother wasn’t happy with us, that’s why she killed herself. Maybe she craved nothingness. Maybe nothingness was her aim.

I enjoyed lying between my own sheets, free and unbound but I couldn’t sleep, I tossed and turned in bed just like any other night. Hell, it had even become a routine to me. Dark circles were a dominant part of my soft, baby face. They were a part of my eccentric, dark personality.

There wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to be able to sleep so I decided to get up and head to my favorite place in this island; the private beach.

I wrapped my crochet shawl over my nightdress, pulled my thick long hair into a ponytail and took my keys. I caught my reflection accidently in the mirror and gasped, I avoided mirrors as much as I could. I never liked what I saw.
I ran down the short stairs of my small shack-like house, and into the narrow street. The air was crisp and delicate as it surrounded the midnight streets. It slapped me gently, as soon as I was out. I inhaled it deeply and started walking to my favorite place. I lived two streets away from the beach, so getting there by foot was easy. As I walked past the small buildings near my house I could see the moonlight painting patterns upon the dark, asleep island.

I could smell the salty sea breeze as I approached. The rich scent filling my lungs as I inhaled. I sat on my usual spot preparing myself for my own ultimate bliss. I slid down the rubber band that was in my hair and let my hair fall down my back forcefully. This was my personal heaven, my own little happy place; there was no need to hide. I shut my eyes. The air blew my nightdress furiously; I let out a giggle while I remained still with my eyes closed. My hands automatically reached for the sand, grabbing it gently, playing with its softness.

The usual feeling of relief washed over me, the relaxation that came with the sense of isolation and serenity, the ease and the familiar comfort. But there was something different about that relief, it wasn’t the same one I felt every single day since I started coming to this little haven of mine. And I couldn’t fully relax. There was definitely something different tonight and I couldn’t blame it on the suddenly cold weather. Different wasn’t even the word. Something was wrong about my happy place.

I shifted uneasily from my position, and opened my eyes slowly. I took in the beige sands and the glittering dark sea water under the moon light, the ridiculously bright green palm trees and the long grass. But something else caught my eyes, a new thing in my happy place, a scary thing…a dark shadow behind a tall tree.

I caught my breath and jumped to my feet when I noticed the shadow approaching me. I wrapped my shawl tightly around my body and brushed my hair back with my fingers. I could see the shadow clearly by now, a man was standing right before me, a dangerous looking man.

"Perfect night for a murder, huh?" His thick, masculine voice spoke, making me jump in my place.

A bead of cold sweat trickled down my forehead; I shivered slightly although it wasn’t really cold.

"What's wrong pumpkin? I'm not really scary" he flashed his yellow, jagged teeth in a very wicked grin.

"Um…I think I'll head home" I muttered softly.

Suddenly he ran towards me and held my arm in an incredible strength "not so fast" he said.

"Get off me you…" I was about to finish my sentence when his big hand reached for my face and shut my mouth. I tried to scream but he wouldn’t let me go. I struggled to free myself from his strong, dirty grasp, but he was much stronger than I was.

His other hand reached for my thigh, I screamed at the top of my lungs but it was muffled with his hand covering my mouth. "Don’t scream you bitch, I'll finish it quickly" he said huskily while he tried desperately kissing me.

I started crying violently because at this point I knew that I was completely alone and completely…dead. His small, dark eyes bore into mine and I couldn’t take it, I lifted my head up and looked at the beautiful moon above me, trying with the little strength that was left in me to ignore watching my slow death. I closed my eyes.

I didn’t feel a thing, not a single thing. No pain, no nothing. My death was so painless, so soft and comfortable, just like…bed sheets. My eyes hurt. I could feel a luminous light directing my eyes. Was this hell? I didn’t even deserve hell; I was raped and murdered for god's sake.

I struggled to open my eyes; the light wasn’t getting any better. Sour Tears stung my eyes as I opened them slowly; the bright light was surrounding someone before me. Someone I didn’t know; a man was sitting at my bedside, surrounded by the bright sun that was coming from the window. But it didn’t matter, I was dead.

"I'm dead aren’t I?" I whispered.

He laughed without humor. "No you're not"

"Oh" I looked around me; I was on my bed, at my home. So I wasn’t dead after all. I closed my eyes again, I couldn’t take it all in. he didn’t kill me, the ugly monster didn’t kill me and that's all that matters.

"Then who are you?" I asked him, with my eyes closed.

"He didn’t touch you, he won't come near you again, or any other girl" he said sternly.

My eyes flew open, his anger surprised me. "You saved my life" my mouth muttered the words involuntarily.

"You're welcome" he smiled briefly, got up swiftly and left the room.

Monday, 1 June 2009

let me hold you for the last time it's the last chance to feel again

LOOOOOOL this dude is funny!!!, I can't stop laughing;p;p

I have nothing to say I just wanna show you this doll:P! LOL, qalel adab;$

I'll be off to bora bora, next week enshallah:D

Hmmm, what else..yeah! I need hot swimsuits! any advice?

Thursday, 28 May 2009


I recieved a very funny mail and I decided to share it with you;p, a woman makes lingerie for married women 3ala their husbands names:P, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ahlag?!!

kash5a sa7?;p, et5ayelaw asawy 3ala HH's name?:P

Saturday, 23 May 2009

behind these hazel eyes(new)

im going to tell their news in a storytelling way just like i've started...


I've always known that we will always be in each other's lives, no matter what obstacles we face, problems we go through, and even no matter whom we end up with, I'll always be his and he'll always be mine. I've always been aware of my unconditional feelings for him. I've always been aware of us.

So him contacting me again was not at all a surprise, I was even expecting it. It all started again last year, in winter. I secretly believe that winter is our season, since we met in winter, broke up in London's winter and got back together in Kuwait's winter again. It was 12:30 am, I was indulging my big Mac and watching friends on mbc4, when all of the sudden my phone beeped announcing a message. I reached for my cell phone casually with my burger greasy hand. Flipped it open and faced the message that made me whole again. " my heart misses it's life source…" Terki.

My heart did a back flip and my hand trembled, I took a deep breath, put the phone down and continued biting off my sandwich, ignoring my rapid heartbeats. After I finished eating, I ran to my bedroom, sat on the bed and stared at my phone again. I reread the message several times and decided to send him something in return. Something smart. "Did u cut back ur pills?"I sent him. Very smart Jana, I thought.

"I wish it was the pills, it's actually sumthin else, sumthin stronger...wud u take a guess Miss. Jana?" He sent me back, less than a minute later.

"No you tell me" I rolled my eyes, my messages were so lame, I should be smart, I should impress him after all these years!

"Something small, breathtaking, unbelievably cute and oh so stubborn!" he sent.

My cheeks got really warm and flushed unexpectedly; I held my cheeks with my both hands and stared at his message. After five whole minutes I decided to send a message. "What took you so long?" and as soon as I sent it my eyes filled with huge, warm, painful tears.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

who needs sanity anyway?(part 2 of 2)

I ran down the wet street with wet eyes and a heavy heart. I couldn’t get over the fact that ahmed, the only person who believed me among all the people in my life, gave me that look, that look that only means one thing. I was mad.

My tears turned to sobs and the rain poured even heavier. I have to find him, please god help me find him! I muttered under my breath…

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, waited two seconds and then opened them again. Talk about magic. Talk about shock and euphoria. Angelo in his flesh and blood was standing right before my eyes.

I blinked once, twice, he was still standing there. Right before my eyes.

"A..angelo?" I hesitated.

" im sorry?" he said.

" you're angelo?" I asked him, more confident this time.

" I'm sorry I'm not the one" he grinned widely, sending electric shocks through my entire body.

" oh..wh..then what's your name?" I trembled.

He frowned. And before he opened his mouth a blonde woman came behind him and held his hand. "Everything's ok?" she almost whispered.

He nodded and they left hand in hand.


a month later

I've seen two shrinks, one of them was too scared of my story and the other one couldn’t help. He gave me anti-depressants, as if they would help. Angelo stopped visiting my dreams after that night, the night I really saw him. I missed him terribly and I hated sleeping so much; sleeping was tasteless without him.

I couldn’t possibly stay awake for a long time; neither could I sleep for more than two hours. So I took two sleeping pills and surprisingly I slept like a baby.


I saw him in my dream that night. but I only saw him breifly. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, He reached out for my hand and held it tightly. " I can't help you anymore Hannah, he needs you, and you need him. I'll leave you now dear, I know you don't need me anymore". he said that and left.

I was hurt to say the least, I didn't understand, who was he? why did he started visiting me 15 years ago and now he quit? I needed an explanation, but I haven't got one yet.

I went to ahmed just like Angelo had told me, he was so happy to see me, and he admitted that he loved me from day 1.

I loved ahmed back, but he was no Angelo. he wasn't that guy who grew up with me, who took care of me, who spent every night with me. who made sure that I slept safe and warm every night...

after two years of my Angelo-free life I'm still looking for answers. and I haven't find any.I'm still with Ahmed, he loves me like no other but I never talk about Angelo, this time I kept it to myself.

I still need answers..I still need help...

Sunday, 10 May 2009

who needs sanity anyway?(part 1 of 2)

A dear friend of mine told me a story about herself, a story, my imagination loved so much that it decided to share it with you and make it a more interesting(moi) version. after all that what jobless moi does...she sees people through her crowded, interesting head...

hope you readers enjoy it.


" watch out 7abebti..the floor is wet" ahmed said while touching my arm slightly.

" I'm fine" I pushed his hand away.

Ahmed is my listener and my best friend. He's the one who listens to my delicious, beautifully strange dreams and endless talks about "Angelo" that lacks sanity.
Another rainy day in Cape Town. Another ordinary day to be precise. I made my way down the library's stairs carefully, while he watched me with his intense eyes. " hey..hannah?"

" what?" I looked at him.

"why don’t you spend the night at my place?um… I can cook you that blue cheese steak you like..." he offered.

"hmm sounds tempting, you know what? I guess beef at 12 am wont kill me!"

He chuckled " great!"

We walked to his apartment together, him talking about things I wouldn’t give a damn about, me dreaming about my one and only, my beloved "Angelo".

When we reached his house he changed and made his way to his tiny kitchen, and I sat down on my favorite seat.

Angelo didn’t visit me last night and I needed to tell someone about it, ahmed to be precise, since he's the only one who knows about him.

" um..ahmed?" I called out for him.


" angelo didn’t visit me last night"

He sighed " and?"

" and im upset" I said, while tears stung my eyes. god I missed him.

He leaned against the wall, while I could see him. "Hannah, I didn’t think I would say this, but don’t you think that this Angelo dude thingy is getting a bit ridiculous?"

"I'm sorry Hannah, I do believe you and everything, and you know it! But you have to move on because I'm sorry but the dude is not real."

"I don’t believe this!" my voice broke. " you said you understood! God, I don’t believe this, im outta here!" I took my jacket and ran my way out of his house.

"Are you serious? Hannah wait!" he followed me to the door.

" come back, it's raining! And you didn’t have to get angry!! Im telling the truth! " he snapped.

" go away ahmed I don’t want to talk to you!!" I said between tears.

Angelo. I was 8 years old when I first dreamt of him. He was 12, he was handsome, funny and I fell in love with his smile the moment I laid my sleepy eyes on him. I don’t know if he was real but it's been 15 years with him in my dreams. He grew up with me, he's the reason behind my success, he's the reason behind my happiness, and he's the reason of my existence.

I used to long for sleep just to meet my beloved Angelo, I still do. I love sleeping so much to the point that I sometimes skip my works and sleep early, and when that happens Angelo would yell at me and he would get really upset with me for doing such thing, once he threatened " Hannah if you ever skipped your priorities for me I wouldn’t show up again here, okay?" . and since that day, I haven’t skipped a single priority for angelo, although secretly he was my priority.

I searched for him for whole 15 years, and never found him. I was sure Angelo was real, I mean ofcourse he was, and he's just waiting for me to find him. And I will.

I never told a single soul about my beloved Angelo, except for ahmed, the only person who understood my craziness, who nodded and smiled when I told him my story from A to Z.

Wednesday, 18 March 2009


is it me,or once your UNAVAILABLE, guys become soooo interested in you?!! I'm a freak magnet!! okay maybe not FREAK ,because as guilty and horrible as It may sound THOSE GUYS e7em who are interested in MOI are HOTTIEEES..:$!!!

incident n.1

I was dining at this japanese resturaunt with my cousin and her friend, and there was a few men sitting at a table in front of us, looking GORGEOUS, one of them kept staring at me soo shamelessly..when we were about to pay the check , the waitress came and said " ma'am I'm sorry but that gentleman over there gave me this for you, he said give it to the girl in the green dress" she blushed and gave me a piece of paper with his name and number written all over it, along with couple of lame words that I couldnt read;/...

incident n.2
I was at this store with my sister, she was trying on gowns for my wedding and I was waiting 3ala matgayes, when a thirty-something man appeared in the store, he was buying something for a woman I guess:S ...anyway he kept staring and smiling in a really FREAKY way, el mohim I moved to the cashier to pay for my sister's shoes while she get dressed in the fitting room, and the freak man said to the chashier " it's okay, I'll get it" and smiled at me.

moi: asfa o5oy bas ana gabel *smiles*

freak: adry bas ana badfa3

moi: *gulps* um laish?!

freak: *winks* it's okay, I want to....

moi: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! um I'm sorry but I cant accept it, um you can come before me if you want..*sweating*

I discovered something about moi!! I CANT DEAL WITH MEN, THEY SCARE ME!!!! I think I only can deal with my one and only HH!

incident n.3:
driving my way home , 2 cars behind me, even though I only went to my aunt's and passed by the supermarket .................:D

okay I'm positive now, UNAVAILABLE girls do attract freaks!
yours- SEXY moi;p

Monday, 16 March 2009

stunned! and a bit..scared!

My Bahraini friends came to visit me here in Kuwait. These two girls are the closest to me between all my friends from there. They trust me with their lives and I do too, so anyway, they brought a third girl with them; a girl I've never seen before. They said that she's a good friend of theirs who wanted to visit Kuwait and who really wanted to see me!

I was surprised at first because I've never seen here before and she was really excited when I welcomed them in Kuwait airport. She gave me a big hug and said " finally Moi!! I always wanted to meet you since day 1, hehe, btw I'm A! "

"um day 1?!" I asked, confused.

" sema3t wayed 3anich min L and D!" she beamed.

"Oh, nice to meet you!" I faked excitement, I didn’t know why but I didn’t feel comfortable around her.

Anyways, D's mom is Kuwaiti so she already has a house here, so the four of us went to D's house to have breakfast there. What I like about her house is that the food is always ready! Wela marra we prepared it ourselves, kela zaheb o na6erna there;p, we7na manet'3ashmar, we don’t eat cereals o hal sowalef, LA2;P..we eat the following: omelet, baith o 6oma6, baith 3yoon, club sandwitches, labna o za3tar wraps, na5y o bajela o chabati o samboosa;p, pancakes, waffles, toast mini bites(da5elhom balawi;p) etc etc…

Be5te9ar if you want to have breakfast at D's house, you should fast forever! Anyway that’s not the point from this post; this post is about that girl A…

Elmohim, while we were eating, I asked A what she'd heard about me?

A: sema3t 3an your super powers hahaha! Tgool D enich tegrain chaf o fenyaan o kel hal sowalef, so abeech tegraily 3ogob ma ashrab gahweti!

Moi: thinks "ahaaa" hehe wee hathela eshgayleen, e7em, yeah I do these stuff bas 3ad mu 9ij ya3ny it's something I read about a lot o darast 3elm el ferasa o chethy…

A: I don’t care hehe! Elmohim abeech tegrainly chaf O FENYAN!!

Moi: enshallah hehe, wala ehimich.

As I said before I don’t believe in these things I just studied reading tea leafs ,coffee beans and stuff and I studied face features etc..and anywyas it comes naturally.

After we had our breakfast we sat in the living room exhausted from food. The Arabian, Turkish and French coffees were served along with three kinds of tea and sweets.

L offered me her empty Turkish coffee "fenyan" to read it for her. But before I started, A shoved hers in my face.

A: la la me first! L entay ne6ray hehe

L: sure, 5anshoof sheno ye6la3lech , Moi shedday 7ailech hehe

I smiled and took her "fenyan" from her hand.

" entay et7ebeen wa7ed, 9a7?" I asked her while I looked inside her cup.

She nodded eagerly.

" hmmm tabeena for zawaj?" I asked.

" ella mayta 3leeh!" she said sadly.

" aww I'm sorry, laish mu rathy eyey yetqaddam? hehe shemsawyatla?" I tried to cheer her up.

Her eyes widened and she reached for my hand and squeezed it hard " ENTAY ESHGA3DA TGOLIN?!!! MASAWAIT SHAY!!! …he deserves it…bas manefa3 weyah, shasawy ya3ny aqtela?!!"

My heart was pounding so hard and her hand tightened around mine " let me go!" I demanded.

She stood up and pulled me from my shirt while I was speechless! I couldn’t fight her off, I was seriously stunned and she was strangely STRONG!

" MU MIN 7AGICH TGOLIN 3ANY CHETHY!!!! ana masawait lah 3amal wela se7er!!!" she cried.

my friends rushed to pull her away from me, I was still so shocked to move a muscle I just sat there, staring at her WIDE EYED!

she tried to attack me back but they held her tight and moved her away.

after 5 minutes estaw3abt el mahzala ely 9arat chan A3A9EB!!!!!! and suddenly my eyes filled with tears, chan D tyey..

D: im sorryyyy 7abebti, hathy madry esh6ara 3leha! I'm so sorry wallah ana..

Moi: "my throat tightened" min wain yaybeen hal ashkal el mon7a6a D!!! min 9ejkom?!!! el bnia mu 9a7ya!! taby et6eg@@!!!!!!!!!!

D: wallah madry eshfeha moi! ehya mu chethy.. wallah im so sorry..

Moi: I DONT CARE!! " I started sobbing I was seriously angry, shal mas5ara!!! wa7da awwal marra ashofha tgoom et6eg:!!!

L appeard alone without the freak and tried to calm me down, she said :sorry, I'll end my friendship with hal 5eblaa, bla bla, moi latez3leeen, hathy e6la3at maynoona, blaaa blaa blaa!

elmohim radait baitna wana men9adma:/ o za3lana o ME5TAR3A!! nemt chan a7lem bil maynoona wagfa fogy bil frash o ete7acha strange language o 7a66a her hand fog rasy chan et'hef 3la wayhe smoke aswad :/!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gomt min enoom 9raaaaakh :'((((!!!!!!!!

yours- scared moi:'(

Sunday, 1 March 2009


shesalfa?! kelman hab o dab gam yakteb about "being unique" or "stop cloning" or " girls should stop copying eachother"?!! first of all I'd like to talk about the "love stories all over blogger", whoever said that is right because they ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE indeed but that dosent mean that they should stop writing them just because you "DONT LIKE" the fact that there are too many love stories..if you dont like to read it then don't, I admit it, many stories are copy paste of one another bas its not my business ,kaifhom! ,and about the people who "ejamloon" me and write comments just so I'D COMMENT BACK ON THEIR BLOGS , tara I dont comment on articles I dont like.. I mean it shows who's interested in what i have to say and whose not!! and for the record I dont comment on people's blogs so they would comment back on my blog;\!! so flana lata3been ro7ech! and for the so called "old bloggers" I've been blogging since 2003 JUST NOT IN THE KUWAITI BLOGSPHERE ely I joined it later last year on december ,it dosent make me an intruder or to be treated as one, and thats one of the things I've noticed about blogging in the kuwaiti blogsphere , is that some people here are narrow minded , NO OFFENSE, but some offended me.

secondly, ely egolon girls look the same and that they want to be unique by wearing something different. by stop wearing uggs, juicy couture tracksuits, blackberrys etc... YOU'RE NOT BEING UNIQUE, because those things are trends here in kuwait, just like in everyother place in the world.., I lived in a foreign country for four years and trust me THEY DO FOLLOW TRENDS, but the only difference is that they follow trends by making them their own, so for all those girls out there who are trying to be UNIQUE; find what makes you really comfortable ,trendy and UNIQUE at the same time. (ITS EASY)

ps: my birthday is coming....*gulps*!! IM SCARED of getting old:'(

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

I changed my style but my roots were showing(28) FINALE

I am sitting in the most beautiful place you can think of. Literally, the most beautiful. I can see the bright moon's reflection on the sea that is right in front of me, yet I'm nowhere near it. The ac is on since the weather is really dusty outside and The leather sofa's rubbing against my skin is sending chills through my entire body. But I don’t mind because marveling at the lavender beauty on my engagement finger every five minutes alone can warm me up all over. I stretch; I've been writing this post all day long (on this particular sofa!) And suck on my vanilla lip gloss for the hundredth time since my diet prevents me from snacking before dinner and being a food lover, I'm dying of hunger!

Zain aka HH my husband (yes husband no longer fiancé but I don’t live with him.YET) joins me on the sofa, I close the laptop immediately when he pulls me against his chest. "mu bard 3alaich?" he says.

" hmm la 3ady, im enjoying it"

" matabeen peanut butter?" he offers me the jar of peanut butter in his hand.

I frown " la esta'3fer allah"

He chuckles. " kaifich 7adda latheth"

" bel3afia" I say while I wipe the corner of his mouth with my fingertip. I stare at his face for a while and take in his features. His big black eyes, his dark skin and his beautiful lips with that sexy mole on his chin. I smile when I remember the first time I saw him, he's no saud but he's so rayaal! I remember telling Jana.

" enzain matabeen takleen shay?" he asks again.

" in thirty minutes, may9er akel gabel" I tell him.

" faroo7a I love you and everything bas entay film! Mala da3y dieting, enjoy life, and I LOVE your body,wallah.."

" I wanna fit into my wedding dress! O feh farg bain skinny o SUPER skinny and every bride should be super skinny"

" if you say so" he flips open his laptop and begins working on something, I take the chance and open mine and resume writing the last part of the story.
He gasped. I froze. I could hardly believe my eyes, I blinked. Is he really here? Oh god I can't do this, I can't take this! I didn’t even see this coming; I thought I would never see him again. And there he was stunningly standing there, right in front of me.

"You're…different!" his eyes widened.

"You're… HERE" I gulped.

" yes. I am" he said and then his beautiful face broke into a smile.
"happy twenty fourth birthday Jana" he handed me a small bag.

I stared at him blankly; I still couldn’t believe my eyes.

" enzain will you take my humble gift? And will you let me in?" he grinned.

" oh, um..come on in, I um sorry" I stuttered stupidly.

I locked the door behind him and led him to the tiny living room. " you want some coffee?" I asked.


I covered my half naked body with my soft fluffy robe and headed to the kitchen. My hands trembled while I prepared the coffee. It was the worst situation I ever experienced. Why would my ex fiancé come all the way here after a whole year of our break up, why?!

And what scared me the most was that I longed for this moment for as long as I remember and when it finally came I felt nothing,I felt...cold.

I poured the coffee into the thermos and placed it on the tray along with two cups; I sighed deeply and went to the living room.

" et'fathal" I handed him a cup of coffee politely and sat on the chair besides him.

" so how are you?" he began a conversation.

" mashy el 7al, how are YOU?"

" el7emdella, 3ayesh" he said. " jana?"


" wayed met'3ayra, tadreen lo ashofich bel share3 ma3arfech"

" I don’t think I've changed" suddenly I was so annoyed. He didn’t have the right to show up here and act all normal and easy like we're old friends or something.

" your appearance changed I meant" he said " but you're still beautiful" he added.

I ignored him and sipped my coffee.

" why are you angry?" shit! How did he know?!

" im not" I faked a smile.

" you know what was really bad about our relationship?" he said.


"is that we got to know each other way too well" he grinned " so don’t fake it, I know you very well"

I sighed. "you know what? Yes I am angry! You know why? Because I don’t know what you're doing here! why did you come here?! YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE!" I yelled.

" I came here to wish you a happy birthday, and because I've …missed you"

I laughed " it took you a year to miss me? mashallah 5osh love hatha! Terki ana baroo7 anam, and I think you know your way out, bye." I got up from my seat and left him alone in the living room.

" laish tnamen embacher, it's Friday!" he shouted.

I ignored him, turned off the lights and slammed the bedroom's door behind me.

I woke up the next morning with a heavy heart. My body ached and I didn’t want to get up from bed but I wouldn’t let him win again, I suffered for months and that was enough. Him showing here after a year was not a big deal, I didn’t love him anymore. No, I didn’t love him.

I took a quick shower, wore a comfy dress and had my morning coffee while reading the paper. The bag Terki gave me yesterday was there in the kitchen. I took a quick look inside the bag. There was a card that said " happy 24th to the most beautiful person on this planet. You'll always be in my heart.
Ps: I know how much you love decorating your beautiful earlobes:)
Pps: I still own the darabeel box you gave me

I couldn’t help smiling at the card. It was so cute. I took the little velvet box out of the bag. I opened it and the most beautiful pair of pearl and diamond earrings were there. I ran my fingers gently over it and decided to "decorate" my ears with it. I placed one on my right ear and looked at my reflection in the mirror, I gasped when I saw how beautiful it was with my blue-black hair. I placed the other one and took out the rest of the contents in the bag. A dead flower and an album. Weird, I thought.

I opened the album and a picture of myself wearing a red dress and smiling at the camera appeared. I could feel a lump in my throat when pictures of me in Terki's arms started showing while I flipped over through the photo album.

The doorbell's ringing made me jump. I tucked the album inside the bag and went to answer the door.

It was him again.

" you're crying?" he almost whispered.

I couldn’t resist I kissed him back, I didn’t realize how much I missed his taste and his body against me, god I missed him.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my closer. " what are you doing?" I said breathlessly.

He shut me up with an even deeper kiss.

Before I knew it we moved to the bedroom, he picked me up and threw me on the bed and lied besides me. "I have bad news" he whispered into my ears.

"what?" I whispered back.

" we are still madly in love with each other" he said.

" I don’t care, I don’t want you to go" I buried my head against his chest.

He kissed my head. "I won't" he promised.

And then he moved in with me. I knew it was wrong but I wanted him as close as possible to me, besides he would be leaving in two weeks and I wasn’t sure that he would come back again.

It stayed like this for almost two years now. We lived separately, me between Kuwait and London, him in Kuwait and between other countries because of his job and as soon as he gets a vacation he'd visit again. I'd lie if I tell you that I was okay with this weird relationship. We weren’t even a couple. I lived my life normally without him except at some nights when I lose connection with myself and cry myself to sleep.


I lied on bed thinking. For some reason I couldn’t sleep and it was hot. Terki was sleeping there next to me. I thought about us and how wrong our relationship was. I should talk to him, I thought.

His loud breathing interrupted my thoughts. I touched his bare shoulder in an attempt to wake him up.

"baby?" I whispered.

"hmm" he groaned.

" did you take your pills today?" I stroked his hair.

He struggled to open his eyes " eshfech?" he asked.

" 5athait your pills elyoum?"

He rubbed his eyes " la chenny nesait"

"damn it Terki! Where are they?!" I snapped.

" madry , in my case over there maybe" he said with his sleep filled voice.

I rushed towards the kitchen with a glass of water and took his pills out of his case. " DON’T forget it again, PLEASE?!"

" enshallah" he swallowed the pill and shoved it down with water.

Before he drifted back to sleep again, he brushed my hair and said " I can't live without you janoona, this time I'll take you home with me" and then he took me into his arms and slept on the scent of my hair.

" why did you come here?" a single tear trickled down my cheek and before I could say anything else he pulled me into a deep passionate kiss.

farah aka MOI

14-november-2008 Is when I decided to go to London with my sister Fay and her husband Khalid , I was thrilled because I loved shopping in London and I really wanted to see my former best friend Jana.

I didn’t tell her that I was coming; I wanted it to be a surprise. we landed on the British soil in the morning, we stayed at carlton tower and I'm sure you all guessed what was the first thing I did after waking up from my short nap. Well, I took a cab and drove all the way to bond street. I really wanted to see her.


I pressed the buzzer and waited for less than a minute when, surprisingly for me, Terki opened the door.

" farah?!"


We were both shocked.

" is..is .. IS THIS JANA'S APARTMENT?!" I asked him, blushing.

" um, yeah yeah, 7ayach!" he welcomed me inside awkwardly.

I sat on a chair in the living room with him in front of me. Before I could open my mouth to say something, A skinny girl with Cleopatra-like hair showed. "FARAH!!!" she screamed my name.

" who..JANA!!!!!!!!!" I screamed back. god my friend was different! She didn’t look like her old self at all! She was paler and skinnier, her natural golden glow was gone and her beautiful brown waves were replaced by straight shiny black strands.

"OH MY GOD!! FAROO7AAA!!" she said and jumped on me, giving me a monster hug.

I was taken aback; I thought she didn’t want to see me again. I really, really missed her.

And then I hugged her back and to my utter dismay I started crying. " what the hell is he doing here?" I whispered into her ears.

" I'll tell you everything, just get me out of here first" she whispered back.

I pulled away and wiped my eyes. " Terki,can I borrow Jana?"

He smiled when he saw my tears "sure farah, bas please latabcheen, o latbachenha weyach"

I giggled " I'm sorry"

Jana took her coat and we left the apartment.

" wow, long time no see" she said.

I sighed " I've missed you"

" I thought you didn’t want to see me again" she said. her eyes filled with tears.

" you know, ana makent aby aga63ech Jana" I said.
" I was depressed" she said " you cant blame me, and then I needed you and you weren’t there"

"Neither were you"

We continued walking silently to the nearest café in Bond Street. We sat down and ordered our drinks. " so" she began.

" so…tell me first, eshlonich? How's your life here?" I asked.

"el7emdella, everything's great"

"you mean it?"

"yes I mean it" she assured me " I am happy but.."

" but TERKI …9a7?"

" yes, we don’t even have a relationship, it's like when we're on the verge of breaking down he comes back to me, and it sucks" she said. and then she told me about the whole thing between her and Terki.

" hmm, I don’t like it" I said.

" me neither"

" you know, you should write a book about your love life"
" akteb 3an sheno exactly? 7arakat Terki el '3areeba? Wela sowad wai fahad o s3ood?!, plus I don’t have a love life"

I laughed. " show women what men are really like, plus people love those kinds of things"

" Farah I don’t need to show them how men are screwing our lives, they already know! And speaking of which, are you still with your boyfriend?"

I nodded. " I've never been so in love actually"

She reached for my hand across the table. "testahlain 7abebti, tell me about him, what's he like?"

I sighed. "Perfect, he proposed to me twice and I didn’t give him an answer"

" el rayal min zeman kan yabeech eb zawaj, he didn’t want to play around, entay madry laish 7anachtay 3leh, a5er shay kalamteh hehe" she said " ohwa wayed mo7taram Farah, do you want to marry him?"

" I love him but I'm scared, madry ya3ny" I said.

" say yes, you guys deserve each other, at least one of us will end up with the man she loves, do it for me" she smiled.

I squeezed her hand. "eshlon el derasa?" I asked.

" lo3aa, wallah lay3a chabdy , lots of work, what about you?"

" mashy el7al, bas aby aftak! En5ale9 min el jam3a ye6la3lena shay thani" I said "enzain tell me, what are you going to do about Terki?"

" I think I need to talk to him" she said.

" ana agool, golela about what you feel, tell him its either getting official AGAIN or breaking up because what your having now is mala da3y! he shouldn’t come back and stay at your place as if you were a married couple!"

" my mother hates him" she said.

" but you're only happy with him, and she wants you to be happy!" I was getting impatient; I so wanted these two to get back together.

" I will talk to him tonight, I promise" she said.

I walked with Jana to her apartment, hugged her and took a cab to my hotel.

When Jana entered her apartment Terki wasn’t there, she changed her clothes and waited for him in the living room.

After less than thirty minutes he showed up with tons of Harrods bags in his hands. " hi 7ayati, I've missed you" he said.

"where were you?" she asked him. " o sheno kel hatha?"

" re7t ag3ad weya o5oy, he's here with his wife"

" I know, Farah told me"

" and I brought us dinner" he handed her the bags.

" Terki, I need to talk to you"

"me too" he said.

He sat down beside her. " ladies first"

" it's about us Terki, I don’t like what we're doing. It's like you can live without me,3ady 3endek and when you have a vacation you come here and I welcome you wela chenna 9ayer shay, I hate it Terki, and I don’t want it to happen again" she sighed.

" I know, I hate it too, that's why I want you to be my wife, not my fiancé, MY WIFE" he took her hand in his " would you marry me Jana, baby?"

A million thoughts raced across her brain in a split-second as she sat there. she didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t like before, he wasn’t even her boyfriend. she looked at the loving, gentle expression on his face and her eyes betrayed her and she could feel the warm flood of tears streaming down her face.

She touched his face gently " I'm sorry Terki but what you did to me before one week of our wedding was unforgivable, selfish and heartless. Enta mafakart feeny, instead you considered your brother ely el7een 5a6ab o soon ra7 yetzawaj o wela hamma, you didn’t want to hurt your brother bas rethait enik tejra7ny, you know what's the difference between me and you Terki? I love you so much to the point that I let you in my life again without hesitation, I amaze myself when it comes to you, adoos 3la karamty bas 3ashan I satisfy you, o enta wela 3al bal, tsafer o tred o matgool feh w7da 7mara na6ratny here, despite everything I still love you like before and I'll always will, nothing changed except one thing, the fact that I can live without you, I think I can survive without you and I don’t think that my life sucks without you."

He opened his mouth like a gold fish, he couldn’t speak. He was so shocked and very surprised by her reaction.

And then he took her both hands in his and kissed each one of them and stared at her. " I'm sorry 7abebti, I don’t deserve you" he said.

He let go of her hands, stood up and made his way to the door. She was so overwhelmed with the whole situation, she couldn’t stop crying. And then she stood up and went over to him at the door.

When he saw her approaching him he swept her off her feet and hugged her with every nucleolus of love in his body. He crushed her bones with his love and he didn’t care, he hugged her and refused to let go because he knew that it was the last time he'd be this close to her.

After a while he put her down and kissed her deeply on the lips. "good bye Terki" she said.

"you wish" he and pulled her again for a kiss.

" don’t forget me" she said.

"never" he assured her.

"I'll come to pick my stuff tommorow when you're out" he touched her hand slightly, ran his hand over her delicate fingers and then he spoke again " bye 7abebti"
To her utter surprise, she didn’t feel sad when he left. Actually she couldn’t stop smiling, she finally let go of her anger and was able to move on with her life. Of course she still loved him with every pulse in her heart but she knew that she deserved better. She didn’t want another man and she didn’t want to get married, she just wanted to be happy and thank god, she was. she took her coat and her purse and left the apartment with a huge smile on her face and red eyes.
she wandered happily across the cold,wet streets of london. she was finally breathing for the first time in three years.
The end
not really..

Farah (moi): myself, is married to zain and our wedding is in couple of months.
zain(HH): is obviously married to me.
Jana: just finished her phd thesis and called me yesterday to inform me that she'll be coming to kuwait to help me with the wedding arrangements and preparations. and she's still in love with Terki but she's kinda involved with someone, it's not certain but the guy likes her alot.
Terki: is still gorgeous and single. his business is getting better and better because he's so devoted to it and I personally think that he's still in love with Jana.
Saud: is married to a girl who looks exactly like the old Jana, it's scary and embarassing. I think he was in love with Jana's looks NOT personality because he didn't even have the chance to know her.
deema: I saw her profile in facebook two weeks ago, and let me tell you, that girl is in love with herself because she has 104 pictures in her albums!
Fahad: I heard that he's with a girl I used to know at college, but nothing official yet.
Khalid: he's the sweetest thing ever! ;**
Fay: is pregnant with her second child from Khalid.
Jana met my best friend bader and the rest is history....;)

love you all ;**
yours Farah-moi