Wednesday, 22 September 2010

My name is Nouf(6)

I stepped into the wataniya airways plane the next morning. The hostess immediately greeted me and led me to my big, wide seat. I couldn’t smile; I couldn’t even take my shades off. My eyes were puffy from last night's hysterical crying and I didn’t bother wear any makeup.

I literally threw my body on the seat. I sighed and stared out of the window. The sun shone brightly, directly into my eyes.

"Thank you" a close masculine voice spoke to the air hostess.

"No problem sir" the air hostess smiled and walked away.

I flinched as he adjusted his weight on the seat next to mine. He wasn’t so close yet I could smell him and feel him moving. He smelled awful. As if he was out in the dessert or something.

I looked him up from head to toe; I didn’t care if he noticed me looking. I didn’t care about anything at all. He was wearing gray sweatpants. A white polo shirt and a navy coat. And was wrapping a"chmagh" around his neck. Yes a "chmagh"!

"yummah ana bil 6ayara" he said while holding the phone in his hand . He was obviously recording something to his mother.

I was looking at him all the time. He shut his phone and turned to look at me. He smiled and looked away.

It was about fifteen minutes in the flight, the seat belt signs had switched off, and we were taking off. I breathed with relief. I felt relaxed as soon as the air craft was no longer touching the Kuwaiti soil.

I started counting very slowly with my eyes closed, and that worked because by the time I reached thirty nine I was already moved to dream land only that I wasn’t dreaming.


I stepped into the large hotel lobby, suddenly finding myself in such perfect surroundings. This would be my perfect weekend getaway in my normal days but I just couldn’t feel it, this wasn’t a normal day.

My hair was frizzy and my skin was dehydrated and itched so badly. I was fully aware that I looked like complete, utter crap. I was also aware of the familiar face that was standing next to me at the counter. The guy from the plane was there, standing right next to me.

"I was wondering if you had a room available." I said to the foreign woman behind the counter.

"Yes actually there is a plenty of excellent choices for you Madame" she smiled widely while tapping on the keyboard before her. "Would you like a single or perhaps a junior suite?"

"I-I'm not sure about the suite since I-"

"Suite a7sanlich" the guy from the plane said interrupting me. I turned to look at him ,surprised.

"You need it" he said while looking down at his phone's screen and before I could say something, he left with the room's key in his hand.

"mako faida Kuwaiti" I muttered under my breath.

" So, have you decided miss?" she said, the smile never leaving her friendly face.

"The suite. I'll take the suite"

I dropped my travel bag on the floor as soon as I was inside the "junior suite". It was huge, modern, beautiful but most importantly it was unfamiliar.

I skipped everything and headed straight to the huge white bed centered the tastefully cream bedroom.

I ran my hand on the soft white sheet and turned to look out at the floor to ceiling window which showed a beautiful view of a large blue pool. The surface of the water glittered from the ray of sunlight reflecting against it. It looked beautiful, safe, and calm.
I could drown in it. I would drown in it. So calm, beautiful, safe…

My heart throbbed. Ouch, that hurt. I needed a painkiller. I opened my purse and took out a packet of Panadol Actifast, a bottle of multi vitamins and a another bottle of Brufen.

I washed down a couple of panadol. Ouch, the pain didn’t go away! It actually intensified.

I took two more. Oh god I couldn’t take it anymore! I should try Brufen. It's stronger. Yes yes it should take the pain away.


Oh god my heart is burning, it's so hot in there, I needed a swim. I don’t care if it's cold outside, I should take a quick swim and I shall feel better afterwards.

dying in a swimming pool in a five stars hotel in Bahrain was never the plan...

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

my name is Nouf (5)

"We just had a small fight, it was nothing" I blew my nose.

"What do you mean by nothing? You look like a widow" Noura said.

"It was my fault I upset him but it's all going to be fine in the morning, I'll call him and apologize" I mumbled while rubbing my wet eyes hard.

Noura came to sit next to me and touched my arm gently. " 7abeebtii you look horrible, please tell me what really happened?"

" mojarrad argument 3adii! But I got emotional, I'm getting my period that’s why" I lied.

"I'm sorry" she rested her head on my shoulder and then my heart shredded into million tiny pieces but I had a slight ray of hope that made me able to breathe.

I didn’t sleep all night. I tossed and turned in bed and was grabbing my phone so hard that I could feel my hand  leaving a trail of sweat on the phone's screen.

I was going crazy lying there doing nothing, I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t even cry. So the unthinkable happened. I threw on a large jumper, took my car keys and rushed downstairs. I turned the engine and drove straight to his house.
I parked in front of his house and called him. I waited for him to pick up but he didn’t, I called again and still he didn’t pick up so I decided to get in. his parents were travelling so it was only him and the maids. I pressed the buzzer and waited for a response.


I pressed the buzzer again. No response.

I gave up and decided to wait. I sat on the wet porch. It was cold, actually freezing. I stared at the sky; it was star less tonight. I rested my head against the grand gate and closed my eyes. "besmillah el rahman al raheem" I murmured and that was the last thing I said before I lost connection with this world.

"Nouf!" a loud voice interrupted my joyful, dreamless sleep. What the fuck are you doing here??"

"hmm" I grunted.

"eshyaybich hnee?? Tabeeny adig 3l shir6a!!" the voice was getting higher.

My eyes cracked open. "Huh? Oh, Faris I…um.."

"Are you stalking me??" I could see his eyes widening with disbelief.

"No, no! Faris I came to apologize…" I said with my sleep filled voice. I could feel my throat tighten.

"Apologize for what?? What part of "I don’t want you" you are failing to understand?"

Painful, warm tears collected in the corners of my eyes. And my heart throbbed with pain. "I love you" I whispered between tears.

" etha mari7tay al7een tara wallah…" was he threatening me?

"Why are you doing this to me?? hal kethir hint 3leeek??" I cried. "I hate you so much!! You heartless piece of…" and before I even realized what was happening I felt his big hand gripping my arm hard and walking me to my car. He overpowered me. I couldn’t do anything but cry and beg for help.
He opened my car's door furiously and threw me on the driver's seat. "sem3eeny 3adil, mu entail elli etyeen 3ind bab baiti wetsabebeeli fethee7a o qalaq, emshai bil 6eeb la tara wallah betshofeen shai 3umrich mashifteeh, o la ashoof rig3at wayhich again, fahma?" and with that he slammed the door violently on me that I screamed and jumped with fear.

My hands shook furiously and I tried to move but couldn’t. I started to turn over the engine but failed miserably. I was in total shock and that shock paralyzed me! I reached for my phone with difficulty, tried with the little power that was left in me to dial shaikha's number. I succeeded. Luckily for me Shaikha picked up straight away.

"ta3alai bait f-faris bsir3a" I said in a low, drained voice.

"Oh god! Nouf?? Noufa? Whats wrong? Ok ok kani yaya" she yelled, panic was filling her soft voice.


A soft plumped object brushed against my face as I opened my eyes slowly. All I could see was white; I was sleeping against a soft, white pillow which wasn't mine. I was sure there wasn’t a single white pillow on my bed. I turned to my other side slowly, feeling my long brown hair slapping against my shoulders.

"She awoke!" a familiar voice spoke.

"shhh, roo7ai yibeelaha mai!" another familiar voice muttered. It was Noura  but I couldn’t hear her properly.

My entire body ached, I moaned. There had obviously been a breakup disaster. And I obviously had lost consciousness. How was I supposed to face my friends after all that they said about Faris? after all the warnings!
"where am I? I mumbled.

"You're in my bedroom noufie, shame on you to not recognize it!" Shaikha snapped.

"why am I here?"


" I want to go" I said, interrupting her.

"go where??" Shaikha said. "your'e too weak to move"

"Here's your water babe!" Noura rushed to my bedside with a glass of water in her hand.

"To Bahrain" I myself couldn’t believe the sudden decision.

I packed lightly for the first time in my life. I didn’t even see what I was packing. I stuffed whatever reached my sight. My parents weren’t an issue because my cousin was studying there and I visited her on a monthly basis.

Why Bahrain? I always thought of it as my sanctuary. The only place in the world that made me feel at home after Kuwait; my real home town. And at this moment home didn't feel like one, so I had to run, I had to protect myself or else I'd die.

Little did I know that even running to china couldn't save me from the heartache. A heartbreak is a heartbreak, you could never run from it...