Saturday, 8 January 2011


She hesitated sitting on the wooden, damp bench for she was afraid of ruining her expensive jeans. A huge tear escaped her soft lid only to land on the already wet bench, she cried for her, for her loss, for this dark, merciless night.

Her legs began aching so she surrendered and sat down on that bench she dreaded. How very human of her. She looked up at the dark , star less night sky and more tears began falling, one after another. Desperation invaded her heart, her body, her precious soul and she didn’t find a way to rescue herself. So innapropriate for a girl to be out in this hour, yet she chose life. Staying in her bedroom meant death and she wasn’t ready for that.

A little wind coming from somewhere, blew across her body and ruffled her shoulder length straight hair and her body shivered in response. Her phone; her major source of unhappiness rang, breaking the painful silence of the night, her heart didn’t jump like it used to, she didn’t glance at the screen emmediatly like she used to do everytime it rang and she didn’t pick up like she used to.

"shhh" she muttered, soothing her wounded soul while keeping her wet eyes shut.

A single droplet of rainwater fell from the sky and landed on her left cheek. She opened her eyes and looked up at the sky again, to face the natural shower that was about to wash her clean.

" you're crying too?" she spoke directly to the sky. " I'm sorry"

Three hours ago she was the first to attend his event to support him, his crappy event. She was too sick to move from bed yet she showed up Wearing her hair down exactly the way he loved it, and the red lipstick he thought looked good on her perfectly covered her full lips. She smiled, clapped her hands excitedly until they turned a deep shade of red and she tried so hard to love his crappy work that lacked originality. She tried.

Not a word of appreciation or even a simple text message, he smiled breifly when he saw her but never stopped to chat with her even though she saw him talking and thanking many people she didn't know, mostly very pretty girls.

" it's 2 a.m Hessa…why arent you safely tucked in your bed?" The night said.

" I see his face while awake, while on a public park…" she chuckled between tears. "sleep makes everything worse…I am not ready to die and see his face in my grave"

" Go home" The night ordered.

She did as she was told. She got in her car and played her current favorite song " ما ظنتي" while driving. The way abdulmajeed sang " thaya3tnii 7isbi allah 3alaik" made her cry so much as she could relate to the song, she literally was lost.

A year has passed and it feels like an eternity ago but the pain is as fresh as ever.

She is still trapped.

Friday, 7 January 2011

my name is Nouf (13)

I sat awkwardly in the limo with Hessa the excellent accounting girl and Maryam's assistant next to me in the back of the car. Up front sat maryam the pretty-young-for-a-supervisor supervisor. She never took her IPHONE off of her ear as she kept talking to Sagir about business related issues. I secretly wished I were in her shoes.
I was just wondering how I was going to endure the rest of the car ride with the arrogant accountant who ignored my existence and the nagging headache on the right side of my head when the driver pulled up in front of the Movenpick hotel.

Relief washed over me as the driver rushed to open the car door for us. I adjusted my black, shiny Abaya and equally black hijab and draped my small bag over my shoulder. My heart did a back flip and I felt nauseous for some reason as we stepped out of the limo. I could see Sagir and the rest of the men getting out of their limo too, which was parking right before our's.

As soon as I reached my tiny hotel room I took off the veil that was covering my head and lied straight on the bed. I wasn’t feeling very well as I had only two cups of coffee in me and sleep deprivation started to have its horrible effects. The conference was supposed to be held in less than an hour from now so I didn’t really have the time to nap. I let a little groan as I left the clean bed and headed my way to the small bathroom. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and reapplied my essential make up, tied my hair into a neat pony tail and covered my head with the now wrinkly black hijab.
I swallowed two pain killers and three bottles of water and took several deep breaths before I left the room.

the conference has dragged on for too long and I started getting bored out of my mind since no one asked for my help or opinion about anything, I was sitting there like an invisible someone, like a useless statue and I so wished I was in my warm bed back at home. I could feel my head pounding and my hand shaking furiously; damn I needed food and sleep.

I came out of my trance as I felt a hand very gently nudging me. It was maryam's assistant, indicating that the meeting was over. My face burned with embarrassment as I looked up and saw everyone's talking and gathering their things, I must have slept with my eyes opened.

I stood up and gathered my notes and pen with my shaking hands; I glanced at my watch while doing so and was slightly shocked that it was nine p.m already. I was about to head out when my favorite voice spoke, to me.

" 3afwan Nouf, momkin el awrag elli wasaitich 3lehom?" Sagir said.

It took me a moment to register what he had requested before I handed him the papers. "Thank you" he nodded.

I smiled without looking at him directly in the eyes and left the conference room.

I flopped back into the soft pillow. Moving my head alone was enough torture. My stomach growled with hunger yet just thinking of the effort of leaving this bed made me decide otherwise.I shut my heavy lids and the next thing I knew that I fell into a dead sleep.
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing loudly, my head throbbed achingly and my heart fluttered, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. It took me a while for the far-away bell in my dream to register as my phone. I finally found my phone hiding between the messy duvet mountain.

It was Sagir. " aloo" I answered huskily. "Are you okay, do you need anything?"

"No, no…did I wake you?"

Yes you did Mr. "la, 3adii" I said with my sleep filled voice.

" Asif..." he said in a low tone. " bes..I missed you"

I breathed deeply into the phone, my tongue failing me yet again with words.
" khalas ana akhaleech etkamleen nomtich…o mrra thania asif 3l ez3aj" he said in a more serious tone.

"No, please don’t hang up" I was already wide awake and I kind of missed him very much too.

He chuckled heartily. "I have an idea,can we meet now?"

That took me by surprise. "now? laish?"

"weddi ashoofich... ana brra el hotel eb my car t3ali…everyone's asleep already" he said.

"Are you sure ma7ad be6ee7 3ley?" I felt like a teenager sneaking to meet her boyfriend.
"I wouldn’t put you in this situation if I wasn’t sure" he said with that lovely, masculine tone of his. I felt my heart melting. "yallah, I'm waiting."

I brushed my teeth and washed my face hastily, put on the wrinkly Abaya and hijab and quickly left the room. I was aware of how horrible I looked but I knew if I started with makeup, Sagir would have to wait for a long time.

The reception was literally empty for my relief; I quickly dialed Sagir's number as I made my way out of the hotel.

"Turn to the left; I'm in the black-"

"ee shiftik" I interrupted him when I saw a black G class parked outside the hotel.I emmediatly knew it was him.

As soon as I got inside the car he drove off. "Where are we going?" I said.

"To park somewhere else, mala da3ii chethi ogaf barra el hotel" he said while driving.

" shaklik daal 6ireejik" I said. He really looked like he knew where he was going.

" ee rab3ii kelehom ehnii" he turned to grin at me. I blushed involutarily.

It didn’t take so long before he pulled up the car and turned to look at me.

" eshloonich..?" he said gently.

" zaina, how are you?"

"ta3ban, weddi anaam o bes" He sighed.

" ya36eek el3afia…the conference is over, you get to sleep le bachir sa7?"

"allah e3afeech… I wish.. mara7 ekhalooni"

" ma3alaih…enshalla eb tirtaa7 soon."

" Nouf?" He said in a much softer tone. " I never had the chance to say this to you directly but I like you very much and I think enni bedait.."

"I like you too Sagir, but…"

" latkhafeen mara7 athgha6 3laich.." he interrupted me while his hand reached for my face, I didn’t know what he was doing until he tucked the large lock of hair that was dangling on my face inside the black Hijab that was covering my head.

" nisait enni mit7ajba" I said sarcastically.

" 7ilo 3laich…" he almost whispered.

I laughed while blushing furiously. " thanks"

" ee, tithakart…I got you something" he suddenly said and started fumbling in some of the many little bags in his car, he seemed like a very messy person.

His hands finally rested upon the familiar beauty of the deep red carrier bag , I gasped when he took out the little red velvet box within and opened it to reveal a set of diamond cartier earrings from the "love" collection I adored very much.

"No Sagir I cant accept this!" I croaked. I wanted to decorate my earlobes with them so bad but it wasn't appropriate to show him how excited I was. Diamonds were literally my best friend and I couldn't deny it neither hide it.

" I'm sorry but you have to…" his face lit up with a radiant smile as if he sensed my excitement about the little gift. " may I?"

I nodded. I could feel my face turning a twenty different shades of red as he got closer to me. He took the silky black fabric easily off of my head and when my earlobes were on full view he placed the sparkly pairs one by one on each ear while mumbling "perfect" in my right ear. I shuddered as I felt the warmth of his breath and then the soft touch of his lips on my hair.

His fingers found their way between the spaces in my own fingers. I tried to pull my hand away but before I knew it, I was squeezing it back, wanting him closer to me more than anyone I've ever met. He raised my hand to the level of his lips, his eyes smiled up to me and then he kissed it for a long time before he pulled it away from his mouth, still cradling my hand between his.He started the engine and drove off without saying anything to me. Words were not necessary, it was all so obvious now; we were falling very hard for one another.

I stopped for a moment to compose myself before I entered the hotel and then as I came through the door I could see Sagir, out of the corner of my eye, following me inside. I was very pleased when my phone vibrated in my hand, it was another very cute message from Sagir "you take my breath away" it said. I sighed and reread the message for what seemed like a million times before I replied him with a simple yet meaningful text. " I'm glad I do...goodnight ;* ". He sure had a way with words.He really was something.

I nervously slid the plastic key down the slot, opened the hotel room's door and walked in. I threw my bag on the bed, took off my shoes, unbuttoned my Abaya and headed straight to the small bathroom to shower. I never took the diamond earrings off.

to be continued