Thursday, 28 May 2009


I recieved a very funny mail and I decided to share it with you;p, a woman makes lingerie for married women 3ala their husbands names:P, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ahlag?!!

kash5a sa7?;p, et5ayelaw asawy 3ala HH's name?:P

Saturday, 23 May 2009

behind these hazel eyes(new)

im going to tell their news in a storytelling way just like i've started...


I've always known that we will always be in each other's lives, no matter what obstacles we face, problems we go through, and even no matter whom we end up with, I'll always be his and he'll always be mine. I've always been aware of my unconditional feelings for him. I've always been aware of us.

So him contacting me again was not at all a surprise, I was even expecting it. It all started again last year, in winter. I secretly believe that winter is our season, since we met in winter, broke up in London's winter and got back together in Kuwait's winter again. It was 12:30 am, I was indulging my big Mac and watching friends on mbc4, when all of the sudden my phone beeped announcing a message. I reached for my cell phone casually with my burger greasy hand. Flipped it open and faced the message that made me whole again. " my heart misses it's life source…" Terki.

My heart did a back flip and my hand trembled, I took a deep breath, put the phone down and continued biting off my sandwich, ignoring my rapid heartbeats. After I finished eating, I ran to my bedroom, sat on the bed and stared at my phone again. I reread the message several times and decided to send him something in return. Something smart. "Did u cut back ur pills?"I sent him. Very smart Jana, I thought.

"I wish it was the pills, it's actually sumthin else, sumthin stronger...wud u take a guess Miss. Jana?" He sent me back, less than a minute later.

"No you tell me" I rolled my eyes, my messages were so lame, I should be smart, I should impress him after all these years!

"Something small, breathtaking, unbelievably cute and oh so stubborn!" he sent.

My cheeks got really warm and flushed unexpectedly; I held my cheeks with my both hands and stared at his message. After five whole minutes I decided to send a message. "What took you so long?" and as soon as I sent it my eyes filled with huge, warm, painful tears.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

who needs sanity anyway?(part 2 of 2)

I ran down the wet street with wet eyes and a heavy heart. I couldn’t get over the fact that ahmed, the only person who believed me among all the people in my life, gave me that look, that look that only means one thing. I was mad.

My tears turned to sobs and the rain poured even heavier. I have to find him, please god help me find him! I muttered under my breath…

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, waited two seconds and then opened them again. Talk about magic. Talk about shock and euphoria. Angelo in his flesh and blood was standing right before my eyes.

I blinked once, twice, he was still standing there. Right before my eyes.

"A..angelo?" I hesitated.

" im sorry?" he said.

" you're angelo?" I asked him, more confident this time.

" I'm sorry I'm not the one" he grinned widely, sending electric shocks through my entire body.

" oh..wh..then what's your name?" I trembled.

He frowned. And before he opened his mouth a blonde woman came behind him and held his hand. "Everything's ok?" she almost whispered.

He nodded and they left hand in hand.


a month later

I've seen two shrinks, one of them was too scared of my story and the other one couldn’t help. He gave me anti-depressants, as if they would help. Angelo stopped visiting my dreams after that night, the night I really saw him. I missed him terribly and I hated sleeping so much; sleeping was tasteless without him.

I couldn’t possibly stay awake for a long time; neither could I sleep for more than two hours. So I took two sleeping pills and surprisingly I slept like a baby.


I saw him in my dream that night. but I only saw him breifly. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, He reached out for my hand and held it tightly. " I can't help you anymore Hannah, he needs you, and you need him. I'll leave you now dear, I know you don't need me anymore". he said that and left.

I was hurt to say the least, I didn't understand, who was he? why did he started visiting me 15 years ago and now he quit? I needed an explanation, but I haven't got one yet.

I went to ahmed just like Angelo had told me, he was so happy to see me, and he admitted that he loved me from day 1.

I loved ahmed back, but he was no Angelo. he wasn't that guy who grew up with me, who took care of me, who spent every night with me. who made sure that I slept safe and warm every night...

after two years of my Angelo-free life I'm still looking for answers. and I haven't find any.I'm still with Ahmed, he loves me like no other but I never talk about Angelo, this time I kept it to myself.

I still need answers..I still need help...

Sunday, 10 May 2009

who needs sanity anyway?(part 1 of 2)

A dear friend of mine told me a story about herself, a story, my imagination loved so much that it decided to share it with you and make it a more interesting(moi) version. after all that what jobless moi does...she sees people through her crowded, interesting head...

hope you readers enjoy it.


" watch out 7abebti..the floor is wet" ahmed said while touching my arm slightly.

" I'm fine" I pushed his hand away.

Ahmed is my listener and my best friend. He's the one who listens to my delicious, beautifully strange dreams and endless talks about "Angelo" that lacks sanity.
Another rainy day in Cape Town. Another ordinary day to be precise. I made my way down the library's stairs carefully, while he watched me with his intense eyes. " hey..hannah?"

" what?" I looked at him.

"why don’t you spend the night at my place?um… I can cook you that blue cheese steak you like..." he offered.

"hmm sounds tempting, you know what? I guess beef at 12 am wont kill me!"

He chuckled " great!"

We walked to his apartment together, him talking about things I wouldn’t give a damn about, me dreaming about my one and only, my beloved "Angelo".

When we reached his house he changed and made his way to his tiny kitchen, and I sat down on my favorite seat.

Angelo didn’t visit me last night and I needed to tell someone about it, ahmed to be precise, since he's the only one who knows about him.

" um..ahmed?" I called out for him.


" angelo didn’t visit me last night"

He sighed " and?"

" and im upset" I said, while tears stung my eyes. god I missed him.

He leaned against the wall, while I could see him. "Hannah, I didn’t think I would say this, but don’t you think that this Angelo dude thingy is getting a bit ridiculous?"

"I'm sorry Hannah, I do believe you and everything, and you know it! But you have to move on because I'm sorry but the dude is not real."

"I don’t believe this!" my voice broke. " you said you understood! God, I don’t believe this, im outta here!" I took my jacket and ran my way out of his house.

"Are you serious? Hannah wait!" he followed me to the door.

" come back, it's raining! And you didn’t have to get angry!! Im telling the truth! " he snapped.

" go away ahmed I don’t want to talk to you!!" I said between tears.

Angelo. I was 8 years old when I first dreamt of him. He was 12, he was handsome, funny and I fell in love with his smile the moment I laid my sleepy eyes on him. I don’t know if he was real but it's been 15 years with him in my dreams. He grew up with me, he's the reason behind my success, he's the reason behind my happiness, and he's the reason of my existence.

I used to long for sleep just to meet my beloved Angelo, I still do. I love sleeping so much to the point that I sometimes skip my works and sleep early, and when that happens Angelo would yell at me and he would get really upset with me for doing such thing, once he threatened " Hannah if you ever skipped your priorities for me I wouldn’t show up again here, okay?" . and since that day, I haven’t skipped a single priority for angelo, although secretly he was my priority.

I searched for him for whole 15 years, and never found him. I was sure Angelo was real, I mean ofcourse he was, and he's just waiting for me to find him. And I will.

I never told a single soul about my beloved Angelo, except for ahmed, the only person who understood my craziness, who nodded and smiled when I told him my story from A to Z.