Monday, 29 December 2008


2 weeks later

I woke up to find chinks of morning light edging underneath my half closed shutter. My phone was on the night stand. i reached for it, 1 message from terki "good morning sunshine:D", I sighed.
it has been like this for the past two weeks, we messaged each other daily and i haven’t told any soul about it, even Farah my soul mate .

I went downstairs , mom and the twins were sitting at the dining table having breakfast . "jana t3aly mama emsawya baith o 6oma6! " 7amani said with his mouth full. I chuckled "mama! Sha5bary baith o 6oma6!"

" ta3aly mama, el6abakh msawy kel shy, o sowalef hnood ba3ad 7amsat ma 7amsat" mom said.

" wai mama ma7eb chethy mn e9eb7!" I made a disgusted face.

"feh pancakes etha taben, , honey and chocolate syrup " mom declared.

I sat down on the table with them, having a lil bite from every dish, even the ones I hated just to please my mother. " mama, elyom yemken shway at2a5ar" I said hoping that she wouldn’t ask questions.

" haw lesh ba3ad?" mom asked.

" mama because awal shy baro7 weya fara7 terki's exhibition , khalid's brother… o b3den.."

" meno Khalid??" she asked interrupting me.

" mama shfech ,Khalid rayel fay bent 5alti muneera, e5et farah? Ring a bell?"

" eee ee 3arafta , ya7lela okhoh msawy gallery?"

"ee mama, I'll go with them, bashof his artworks" I said innocently.

" enzain lesh ra7 ete2a5erain?"

" I'll stay at faroo7 shwaya, benshof movies o chethy, mama please??" I begged.

" khalas 3ayal nami 3endaha mu a7san?"

"ee eee mama a7san!!" I rushed to her, kissing her forehead. She smiled, patting my cheeks softly.

I drove all the way to the avenues to buy a new dress for tonight, I shopped everywhere from phase 2 to phase 1 , and I didn’t find what I wanted , with frustration I dialed farah's number " hala joono"

" hala faroo7, im at the avenues, el sog we3! Ma3ejabny shy" I said, dissapointed filled my voice.

" borrow something from me, or wear an old thing , you have lots of nice dresses. " she suggested.

" madryyy, you know how I feel about re-wearing my clothes!"

" el7emdella weshker!! Janoo minona! You have lots of dresses labsat'hom bas marra w7da!! 7araaaam!!! , 5ala9 3ayal give 'em to me!"

" okay ta3aly take them bacher!" I joked.

" wallah seriously mala da3y el5abba, wear anything as long as you look clean and good" I would wear anything if it wasn’t terki's event!

" hey farah I'll call you back I think fahad's calling" I said.

" okay, salami 3leh , bye babes."


" aloo, hala fahad"

" hala jana" his voice was undeniably pissed off. He never called me jana, Unless he's angry.

" shlonik fahad?"

" I know enich met'3yra o 7dech distracted , bas I hope enna kel hatha for something that is worth it" he ignored my question.

" fahad ana .."

" maby asma3 your excuses , we both know enich met'3yra, 9a7 wela la2?" his voice was getting higher. Uh oh!

" yes, fahad I have to see you tonight"

" enshallah, bye" for the first time in three years he didn’t say "a7ibich".

I held my phone ,staring at his name on the screen, i should tell him the truth tonight, I thought. he don’t deserve this. And im going to.

At 7:00 pm I was all dressed up in my favorite donna karan black dress , diamond earrings, and my killer zanottis . I decided to go classic, since nobody can go wrong with it. I checked my reflection for the last time ,staring at the long mirror and talking to myself " terki , your artworks are spectacular" no no! "terki i like.." the gentle knocking on my door made me jump, crap! I dropped one earring on the floor " meno?" I yelled , looking for my earring.

"ana ana farah!" farah's voice came behind the door.

"come on in it's not locked!"

"la 3abaly your not decent " she said laughing.

"as if! Fara7o , remember when we were four? When we used to go to the chalet together o I was always topless bel ba7ar? "

" eee, kent kella agol hathy lesh matalbes bikini nafsy!" she giggled.

" ayal klba!! Ba3ad shasawy wla mrra 9ar 3ndy swimsuit ella when I turned 6!" I couldn’t help laughing at the memory.

" enzain yal topless yalla we don’t wanna be late!"

" wait im looking for my earring!"

" kaho hanging from your dress!" she said pointing at it.

"Oh,3ayal yalla im done!" I took the earring off my dress and replaced it on my left ear.

Our drive was so much fun, we listened to our favorite songs and farah couldn’t stop talking about saud which relieved me, because I didn’t want to talk, I might say something I shouldn’t say about either terki or fahad.

" et5ayely eyaninnnn , 3enda lad'3a mayegdar egol 7arf el R!! " farah was still talking about him.

"ya7ayatiii!!! Maskeen!" I said " enzain he knows that you like him?? He likes you?? You have the same feelings towards each other?? Shno bethab6 elwath3? Million questions poured from my mouth. Because honestly I was busy with my own love triangle that I forgot to even think about farah's love life.

" madry ,all I know enna we get along very well, ya3ny we talk a lot belyam3at o chethy"

" hmm, enshallah it will work out, if you really want it"

I reached terki's house since the exhibition was held there , it was an event for close people only, family and friends, and It was very nice of him to invite me over, he even begged me not to miss it. We parked behind khalid's range rover, "how do I look??" I asked farah urgently before getting inside.

" you look like yourself" she joked "ofcourse you look nice jano!"

I made a face to her. "yalla lets go" I said.

The decoration was amazing, nothing like that day when i spent the night at his house. It was dark, no lights except the ones framing each painting which made them stand out so magically and a few red lights here and there. i held farah's hand so tight, I felt like a total stranger between the huge crowd. Terki was nowhere to be seen. i spotted Khalid and fay chatting to someone. "theres fay,lets go say hi" I said to farah.

Fay looked so good in a red silk dress , her hair was in big shiny waves and her face was glowing , Khalid is an old version of terki , I came to notice that.

" shlonkom banat sha5barkom?" Khalid began "terki is over there 9ob el kitchen ,etha taboon tsalmoon 3leh wetbarkolla"

"sure, emshay jana" said farah.

We headed "9ob el kitchen" , it was dark , a small group gathered there, terki was one of them. ofcourse. we approached them and they all turned around. I recognized one face aside from terki's, deema's; the one and only.

terki's face lit up "ahlaaan, you made it" he said looking at me. Farah narrowed her eyes.i think she was getting suspicious at the way terki was looking at me, my cheeks were flaming. " shlonkom? " he asked ,smiling sweetly.

"tamam, el7emdella" we muttered together.

"shlonich deema?" farah was being polite as usual.

" im fine, shlonich?" she asked farah while sliding her arm around terki's , if im not mistaken she was doing it on purpose! She smoothed his hair with her tall fingers while giving me a very unreadable look. I need to get out of here! i felt so uncomfortable and irritated, That I wished that the dogs outside would chew off her butt.

" farah lets go check the paintings, nice to meet you all" I gave them a polite smile and pulled farah . we walked far enough from them when her mouth opened "shfeeech??" she hissed.

"mafeny shay bas I don’t like this deema, tnarfezny" I muttered angrily.

She chuckled " she is annoying! especially when she touches terki, wedy agolaha 3aib!"

My phone beeped in my hand , I looked at the screen : 1 message, I opened the message it was from terki! " stay… bagolech shay later."

My heart stopped for a second. Okay. He wants to tell me something. what on earth he wanted to tell me?!

The rest of the evening passed so slowly and I couldn’t wait, I so wanted to know what terki had to tell me. There was plenty of photographers, farah and I made sure that we appeared on every magazine and newspaper, that part was fun atleast, it made me forget the churning in my stomach . at 10 pm we had to get back home but I couldn’t go , I wanted to know what terki had to tell me so I lied to farah "farah ro7ay weya your parents elbait o ana ra7 al7agkom later on, ok?"

"lesh?" farah asked stupidly.

" because bashof fahad shwaya o radda,ok?"

"yeah sure" she said.

"wer shud I wait u?" I texted terki.

" here, latro7een" he texted back.

"I cnt! They'l notice!"

" khalas 3ayal park wara o stay in the car,k?"


I waited in the car for what seemed like thirteen minutes, maybe more.I wasn't sure, Until he called. "hala terki"

"yalla nezlay kelehom ra7aw"

"you sure?"

"ee 100% sure, yalla nezlay ,I'll open el bab ely 9obich"

He opened the door almost immediately I didn’t even had to wait, he smiled and I couldn’t take it! His eyes were gray now just like his gray shirt. God, why did he have to do this to me?!!! " come on in" he said politely.

"thanks" I smiled " so sheno betgoly?"

"besmella" he laughed " shfech mesta3yela, emshay lets go outside bel 7adeqa ,eljaw 7elo" he led me to their garden ,it was so huge and beautiful and there was a big trampoline in the middle.

" allah! Trampoline!" I said laughing.

"taben tnagzen feha??" he offered.

" laaa mn 9ijek"I laughed

"eee mn 9ijy! Wllah im serious ,it's so much fun tara, o now that you mentioned it, wedy anagez myself!" he said excitedly like a seven year old.

He got inside the trampoline, waiting for me to join him. " yalla jana" he said laughing.

" maby! Wallah wallah" I said . I cant jump! Not now! Not like this!

" yallaa come , wallah I wont let you get away with it" he said . I couldn’t resist him so I took off my shoes and joined him there.

" good girl" he said grinning. " its fun all you have to do is jump"

" la wallah?" I giggled.

I couldn’t move I just stood there , worrying that my dress would flew up , he jumped and my body couldn’t help but jump with him and betray me , he held my hands tight and we started jumping together , it was so refreshing, the cold air was slapping our bodies from each and every side, yet I felt warm. We talked while jumping, and I couldn't cared less about my dress later on.

After a little while he laid on the elastic ground of the trampoline and I continued jumping , I couldn’t stop! It was an amazing feeling. " shway shway " he laughed.

" it's fun wallah! Its been a long long time since I last jumped, let alone jumped in a trampoline!" I said short breathed.

" ya7lailech, with that frame of yours ,you look like a little girl"

"afaa!! " I said giggling.

" it's sooo cute, wallah" he said

His complement made me blush, thank god my face was already flushed from the effort of jumping. He was gazing at me and smiling , I avoided eye contact with him but I continued jumping and talking about random things . before I knew what was happening my feet were skidding and I lost my balance , I tried to grab anything near me but I failed , there was nothing to grab, and I couldn't do nothing but fall straight on top of terki . SHIT!

He grabbed me so hard and tight " you okay?" he asked, I could feel his warm breath against my face. I nodded quickly " I think I hurt my finger"

He rolled me around and put me on the elastic ground. His eyes never leaving mine. "let me see" he took my hand in his , looking at it for a moment , then he started massaging it slowly, his fingers were leaving a warm, delesious sensation wherever it went. " mafeha shay" he said. I didn't want him to let go off my hand! , before I knew it, I had my hand on his, clinging to it. He smiled warmly, brushing a strand of hair off of my forehead carefully. he got closer. " I wanted to tell you that I.." before he could continue his sentence my stupid phone rang, making us both jump , I sat myself up quickly ,it was fahad! " terki, I think I ..i should go" . I got off the trampoline , leaving him speechless.
I got in my car, and drove as fast as I could. My heart was pounding so hard, my hair was all over the palce, and my cheeks were flaming. I called fahad. "hala fahad, I'll meet you eb the usual place" I said.

"okay ,kany five minutes wakoon 3indich" he said.

He showed up after less than five minutes , he parked next to my car. "yalla come in" he mimed through the window.

I got in his car, he was wearing his pajama pants with his navy polo sweater which I got him a year ago. " kash5a ashof, o taly elail ba3ad, wain kenty?" he didn’t even say hi.

" ee, kent ma3zoma 3end ahal fara7" I said.

" aha, so shba'3aity tgolin?" he said coldly.

I sighed deeply. I can do it, I thought to myself . " fahad, I don’t think that me and you ne9la7 7ag eachother" I said.

"na3am? O men meta hal 7achy anesa jana?" he said sarcastically .

"fahad, I know that we shared three years of our lives together , and it was beautiful, wallah I'll never forget you bas I don’t think enna it will work out"

" theres someone else 9a7?" he said quietly .

" no it's not about that, I just don’t think that I love you" I said honestly.

" you don’t love me? hmm"

I remained quiet because there wasn’t anything else to add .

" enty met2akda mn ely ga3da tgolena?" he asked even quieter, his reaction surprised me.

"yes, I think so" I said. Silence.
Just then when I was about to say something else to break the icy silence , his big hand reached my face slapping it so hard, and then he slapped me even harder and again harder than the time before. I was speechless, I tried to fight him off but I was so weak comparing to his masculine big figure. I screamed and pushed him away but he grabbed my arms and pushed me off his car, I fell on the ground shocked . "thelfay 3an wayhe yal 7aqeera!! Enty 7emday rabich enna wa7ed nafsy e7ebich o ga3ed weyach all these years! Ee o by the way tara I cheated on you twice, bye!" he drove away ,leaving me alone on the cold street's ground . my body was numb, I couldn’t move. I was so shocked to feel anything.

That night we both did things for the very first time. I broke his heart. He lied his hands on me.

Monday, 22 December 2008

fahad (part 4)

i sighed deeply. why was he the last thing I remember?always! I felt guilty dialing his number . he picked up on the second ring.

" aloo.." his voice was sleepy.

"nayem?.." I asked him almost whispering.

" la , I was watching a movie o ethaher eny '3afait" he said yawning.

" you wanna go back to sleep 7abebi?" I asked him , hoping he would say yes.

" you were so distant elyom, tara sending a message is easier than you think" he said coldly ignoring my question.

" I know! Wllah I know, bas you know .. I was busy at the wedding o chethy!" I started my usual list of excuses ,almost yelling .


" im not! Bas agolek , im sorry.." I said in a low voice.

" hmm luckily for you maly 5elg at'hawash ,im really tired, I had a long day." He said " and I missed my baby…" he added huskily.

I gulped. Why cant he just be mad at me?! One day is all I ask for!

" I missed you more" I said feeling uncomfortable.

" you wanna sleep now 7abebti?

" in 5 minutes I'll be ready for bed, let me just wash up" I said.

" okay baby, miscall me when you finish, a7ibichh" he said.

" ana akthar" I hung up.

Fahad. What can I say about fahad. He's every Kuwaiti girl's dream, he's so gentle and sweet and adorable and handsome, to top it all he's from al-x family, one of the richest families in Kuwait. Fahad and I met three years back. At a library in Switzerland, we picked the same book , he smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back at him. Since then we became "the couple" . everyone thought that we were born to be together. And it made sense. We look good together, we know eachother very well. he loves me like no other. And he sure knows how to make me happy with all his gifts and sweet gestures. And I always feel safe around him, he feels like family. But , There's just this tiny teeny problem , I do love him. Really, I mean how can I not? It's just that im not" in love" with him. Or maybe its just stupid me shoving bad ideas into my head? I don’t know really, Its just that whenever I read a romance novel or watch a love scene, fahad don’t pop in my head, I never pictured myself with him , I never felt like I want to kiss him . I never felt like wanting him to be around me all day just like he feels about me. I never felt a rollercoaster in my heart. I want to feel the rollercoaster.
After I finished washing up and applying my moisturizers , I lied on bed wrapping the covers on top of me until it reached my forehead. I picked up the phone and dialed fahad. He didn’t pick up. i was about to turn off my nightlight when my phone started beeping . it's fahad.

" hmm 7ayati.." he whispered.

" hey.." I whispered back.

"ready for your beauty sleep?"

" aha.." I said softly.

" you want me to tuck you in?" he asked his usual question.

" yes please" I giggled.

" okay, yalla put your head on the pillow, golay besmella elra7man elra7eem , and close your beautiful eyes" he ordered.

" besmella.." I murmured falling asleep.

" goodnight 7ayati." He kissed the phone and hung up.

I woke up at 11 am , my head ached and I could hear annoying humming in my ears. it must be last night's wedding hang over! , I couldn’t move. I picked up my phone, a single message from farah "janooo I have sowalif!! Call me when you wake up! asap!"

I dialed her number. She picked up immediately , "9aba7 el5air.." I said groggily.

" ahlan sleepyhead!, guess who I spent the whole night with yesterday??" she said eagerly.

" the groom's fa…….."
"s3oood!!!" she said interrupting me.

" ebayen , wela this excitement mo lallah" I teased.

" laa 7aram 3lech im excited for fayon too!" she said giggling.

" eeee shlon el newlyweds?! Ya7lailhom" I said.

" wllah mashefna fayoon ams chenha mo m9adga enna she finally married him"

"ya7aytee they must be thrilled!, enzain faro7 I got to go wash up and say hi to dad, tawwa rad men el sefar" I said.

"Okay , esh3endech today?" she asked.

" wllah I don’t know yet, I'll check with my mom etha feh shay o I'll let you know , if not lets do something fun with the girls"

"sounds great, yalla bye"

I sat on the comfiest armchair in our cozy living room sipping my Irish cream coffee , my twin brothers were watching tom&jerry and laughing hysterically every second disturbing my serenity.

"shabab .." I began, they liked when I called them that they felt like grown ups despite the fact that they were only 7 years old. " ro7aw shofaw tv eb dar mama mako a7ad." No response.
" yalla gomaw!" I snapped at them. A snort of laughter and still ignoring.

" lesh ta7geron??" I yelled angrily "haa?" I came down to them on the floor, they started giggling furiously sensing me approaching , I started tickling 7amani's tummy he laughed hysterically trying with all his power to push me away, wahab came and tickled me from behind " aaa wa5eer!!! " I jumped laughing . "5ala9 5ala9 wa5raw 3anny I wont tickle" I said covering my body with my hands. I think I woke up the beast in them that can never have enough of playing because they don’t want to go back to tom&jerry. "come here" I opened my arms to them , they rushed tickling me , I shoved them hard" hey hey don’t tickle I meant ta3alaw hug me!" they laughed hugging me hard. God I loved my lil brothers, they drove me crazy but I couldnt live without our morning hugs.

I waited outside farah's house in my car , desperately trying to warm up my hands since the stupid heater was making me colder. After what seemed like five minutes she came outside wearing burberry's Hemmingway quilted trench coat with jimmy choo patent ankle boots. Her hair was perfectly sweeping with the air. " hellooo" she opened the door of my car, adjusting herself on the passenger's seat.

" ahlaan" I beamed at her. " wain benta3asha?" I asked.

"slider station, im craving burgers" she bit her lips.

" yum yum 7elo el burgers bel bard!" I agreed.

We were waiting on the chairs before the entrance of the restaurant ,it was freezing outside and the long stupid waiting list was still long!, but we didn't want to sit on the bar. Cold air was stinging my eyes, I closed them briefly because I didn't want to cause mascara disaster.
" mr terki your table is ready" I was not sure if I heared the name right but when I opened my eyes he was standing there wearing Abercrombie and fitch green sweater ,his hair was messy in a sexy way and his eyes were in thatvery moment the same color as his sweater.