Wednesday, 25 February 2015
I took off my dress and tossed it on the floor. I just didn't have the energy to care, I started to feel weak again, every time I exchanged a look or a word with him I felt like that, it must be love. It burned, it fucking burned when they didn't love you back. I took off my bra and it joined my dress on the floor, got under the cold sheets and waited for sleep to claim me. More tears. I started to shake, with fury, agony and everything, a cluster fuck of emotions I couldn't bear, I wanted to scream and kick like a child but I didn't. So much for enjoying the city, it was a fake hope, I was still miserable. sometimes later I slept. Even my dreams betrayed me; I saw him joining me on the bed, touching me expertly on all the places that ached, I woke up miserable and aroused. He was staring out the window, his back to me when I opened my eyes, if only he could come closer. I sighed. love played with your head. one minute I was ready to kill him and the next I wanted to kiss his feet.. As if on cue he turned around. " you're awake. we have dinner reservations" " What time is it?" I asked huskily. " 8:30, you slept for long" His eyes travelled to my bare arms and cleavage. Bastard. One hour later we were ready for dinner, I didn't want to fight anymore, I had other plans..and I was hungry. I wore a black bondage dress,my highest black black pumps and cherry lips. Spray tanned my skin and let my hair down, it should do. His eyes betrayed him and he stared at me again. Good. Men were such simple creatures, even if they adored a single woman they still had eyes for another, this one's heart belonged to another but he still couldnt keep his eyes off of me. his wife. I felt his hand at my lower back, I flinched but I didn't ask him to remove it. I took a deep breath and went along with him to the car outside the hotel. The ride to the restaurant was quiet. And I respected him for that. He was too handsome, in a white T shirt and black pants, his skin contrasting against the white T shirt, I wanted to touch him, his muscled arms, his gleaming black hair slightly longer than necessary, it was too sexy, I had difficulty breathing. The restaurant was very chic and..romantic. My husband was a nut case, pretending that everything was normal. We looked like the happy young couple we pretended to be. Everyone looked deathly gorgeous and thin, sipping on wine and having green salads, I beamed, this was my perfect scene, I loved watching beautiful people with killer wardrobes. This was actually proving to be not a bad idea. " You like?" He asked. " y-yes" I was taken aback. this was too strange. I was pleased. " Good, I want you to enjoy yourself" " thanks" Awkward silence. I needed my phone. I unashamedly ordered everything on the menu, bread, steak, lobster and that green salad everyone was having. I couldn't care about the way I looked to him anymore, I wanted to eat , really eat. Typically he had the oysters and caviar. We were so different.. " Why did you choose Rome?" He asked, desperately trying to connect with me. It was painful to watch. " Because..." I smiled and forked some green leaves, stuffing my mouth "I've heard it was nice for couples" He flinched. " I really want us to get along, we could make this..arrangement work" He said, so cold, so fucking cold. Arrangement??? it was a fucking arrangement for him, I was a convenience for him and his awful,awful mother. A lump formed in my throat, hold it Shaikha, get a grip! I nodded, trying so hard to hold back the tears, my throat burned. " I can provide you with everything you need. you can travel as much as you want with your friends, you don't even have to work, I'll give you all the money you need, all the jewelery and..and the things you women like" I nodded again, my sight getting blurry. " We can even have children and live in peace, I wouldn't even ask you for more, just a couple of children and then you can live and do as you wish" A fat, hot tear fell down my cheek, this was too painful I couldn't, I just couldn't listen to his voice muttering those horrible things. " Shaikha..." He sighed and reached for my hand, I didn't even pull away, my energy draining already. Told you, Love played with your head and burned, too much. " I don't want to hurt you, Shaikha, you're a good woman and one day you'll realize that love isn't the only thing that make relationships work, we can be friends" but I don't want to be a good woman,I don't want to be your friend, I want to be the one you love and adore, the one you keep her pictures, even the bad ones in your phone..I thought miserably. " Friends" I whispered. " Yes..don't make this harder, please." " Of course" I sniffed. " I'm fine, friends, yes we can make it work" My heart broke into a million little pieces, if only we died when that happened it wouldn't be as painful.. the problem with heartbreak is that you had to live with it, no painkiller in the world would make it go away.. After that everything was a blur. I remember him unzipping my dress, slipping it off my shoulder, touching my nipples, my belly, my thighs..I was drunk with it all, I let him pleasure me, tears falling down my face , I kissed him back harder, biting him, hurting him. He was using my body for his own pleasure and I didn't mind because I wanted to use him too. I wanted him to love me physically if that the only thing he could do..and boy was it good, he knew exactly how to drive a woman over the edge..my body loved it, even if my brain was aware of the amount of damage I was causing myself. This was too wrong, he didn't care about me, he didn't want me,yet he gave me what I needed, he wasn't a selfish lover and my traitor body responded to him in every way.. there wasn't hope for me. to be continued..