Sunday, 27 December 2015

Merry xmas

Hello readers, I didn't bail on you I promise ! I came down with the flu and still recovering, BUT a new long and extended part will be out tommorow enshallaa. Goodnight and stay warm xx 

Friday, 18 December 2015

Betrayal (9)

Head resting against the wheel, I tried to even out my ragged breathing. Another panic attack and this time a witness. I hated the attacks, they made me feel weak and helpless and he's the one to blame. 

No your weakness caused this. Shit , now the little voice in my head was being a bitch too. 

I needed my bed. 

I woke up hours later , head pounding , disoriented , my iphone blaring with text messages. I sat up straight and reached for it. 15 messages from my closest friends in our whatsapp group. 

Mariam: a little birdie told me you are in town, shaikha!!

Sabeeka: what? Already?

Nouf: omg! Shayoooookh u back?

And more messages. My stomach flipped nervously, kuwait was so small, everyone knew everything and I couldn't hide anymore, couldnt tell the truth either, i had to come up with a convincing lie. 

* yes babies Unfortunately I'm back, husband has urgent work :(*

Wow, lying was easy, and I've yet to master it since I was going to do it for a long time until this "issue" was resolved. I sighed and flopped back down the soft mattress. 

Another text message, this time from non other than the husband. 

* I'm back, need to see you asap*

Screw him! My nerves were practically distroyed and now this, I couldnt take all this stress anymore, it was starting to jeopardize my mental and physical health and truly ruin my skin, long gone the baby softnes I've spend thousands to achieve. I had to sort this out before it killed me. 

* come to my family's house, now* I replied  straight away. 

Less than thirty minutes later, he arrived, all travel disheveled and looking even sexier than the last I saw him, damn his good looks, if he was balding and short and round it would be much easier to leave him. 

" shaikha, I'm not here to give you divorce, so I'm telling you, dont even think about it . This will not make either of us look good, my mother and yours as well won't make this easy for you if I ever accept to divorce you , so you might as well remove that idea from your head and  pack your stuff to come with me" 

Fury was an underestatement. If I was furious and hurt and bitter before, I was murderous now! That's it I'll murder him in his sleep and spend the rest of my life in a psyche ward. 

I took a deep breath. " and then what?"

" and then you live like a queen. You get whatever you want" 

Again with the shit talk. I wanted attention and love and sex and passion, not this! But, what if he was right? What if all marriages were based on lies and other women and cheating and ugliness? What if I was delusional and khaleeji men werent capable of fidelity? 

Besides divorce was a mess, especially if the other party wasn't willing to cooperate. I sighed, things were appearantly going as he planned. 

I sighed in defeat. " fine. I'll pack my bags"

" thank you" he exhaled loudly, and kissed the top of my head totally taking me by surprise. 

My suitcase was ready since I barely had time to unpack thank god, I wasn't in the mood to concentrate. 

Our sea view apartment exceeded my expectations , the exclusive residence had only foreigners policy but obviously the husband had his ways.  eveything was luxurious and modern it was vogue decor kind of pretty. At least he had money, I thought gloomily. 

I stared out the window at the vivid blue swimming pool and tennis court , I could get used to that...

By the time I finished unpacking and getting most of my stuff out I was exhausted and it was past 7 pm. He was still working on his laptop, checking his phone frequently. We barely exchanged any words. 

" you hungry?" He asked. 

" Not really" I said, warily. He was trying so hard to act normal, this was far from normal, I only agreed to stay with him for the sake of my own sanity and because I've decided that  I'm going to make his life a living hell or Even better I'll make him love me even if I died trying. 

" I'll order takeout" He announced. " italian? Sushi? Whatever you want"

" yes" I said distractedly 

I could feel his gaze at me, I ignored and headed to the bathroom to take a calming bubble bath. 

Damn, it was gorgeous. All glass and sparkly torquoise...and spacious! I could spend all day here. The bath tub seperated from the shower box, both looking tempting, I opted for a quick shower first and then I had to christen that bath! 

Loud knocking on the door woke me up from my dreamless sleep. Shit, I must have slept in the tub. 

" Shaikha?" Mubarak's head appeared from behind the door. " it's been almost an hour"

" I must have slept" I rubbed my eyes, voice all husky. 

My skin was all wrinkly like a 90 year old, and the water was now cold. Urgh , I was freezing. 

" need help?" He asked, his color deepening. 

" it's okay, I'll be out in a minute" I wasn't going to let him see me naked. 

We ate in awkward silence around the huge glass table. He ate ravenously, Not bothering with conversation, he must be as tired as I was. I played with the food in my plate , my mind miles away. Suddenly my thoughts wandered toward a dangerous route; the stranger With the smoldering eyes I met yesterday. The mystery behind it all. What happend at the airplane? Why was he so interested in me? I looked like a corpse recently, not bothering with makeup or even doing my hair. 

Two hous later I was in bed , hands shaking while holding my phone. My heart was thumbing so hard, breath ragged; I was going to have another panic attack this time because I just sent that stranger a text message. 

Just because my husband was a cheating bastard , I wasn't going to stoop to his level and do the same. But it was too late now because I'd already texted him. 

" hello there" less than a minute later. 

Omg omg omg ...

Wednesday, 16 December 2015


Hello gorgeous readers! i'm back for real and I'm to start posting regularly, been travelling all year long and it's hard to keep up with blogging! Anyways I'm going to publish a new part tonight enshallaa but I want you guys to support my other new personal blog/journal where I'm going to write non-fiction ,aaand I need your support! 

Follow and read my other blog

Thank you xoxo

Monday, 7 December 2015

Betrayal (8)

My hands shook, spilling coffee all over my white shirt, I inhaled loudly, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. * as soon as I land we meet and talk things through* I reread the message I just received from Mubarak again and the icy fingers of despair wrap around my heart just like the first time I found out about the other woman.

"are you okay?" My friend frowned, snapping my attention.

By now I was sweating like a pig, my thoughts all jumbled, and I just needed to leave.

" I'm sorry I...that was home, they're coming back I've to go"

"But shaikha! at least finish your coffee.."

" I really have to go..we'll definitely go out soon, salami!" I blew her a kiss, threw my untouched coffee in the nearest bin and literally jogged to my car.

I expected the tears to flow once I settled in my car seat, instead I could feel the beginning of a panic attack. I groaned and splayed my hands against my stomach, pressing my fingers hard,as if that's going to help, I rubbed my head frantically, shaking and sweating all over, I couldn't breathe, I let out a whimper , of fear, of helplessness, and then I began to lose it...I was going to die, this was it....

A loud knock at my window and then strong arms hauling me outside the car, I still remember the scent; pure masculinity, cars and gas and tobacco and some cologne die for.

" are you okay??" he asked, while cradling my useless limps in his arms. " esmallah 3alaich, what was that? You scared the hell out of me, I had to do something, calling the ambulance would take ages"

I was surprised. I was beginning to get back to reality, slowly, my heartbeats and breathing slowing down. eyes willing with tears, I chocked out whispered words " who are you? why are you everywhere?"

A hint of a smile tugged at bee-stung lips. " I was starting to think you were stalking me"

I stared at him, too tired to feel embarrassed or any other emotion other than exhaustion. still laying in his arms, I wet my parched lips and said " I thought I had a heart attack, I-"

"it's okay, you're safe now.." He soothed me, his voice like a caress to my wounded heart. Was I too desperate that the slight attention of a man made me feel wanted?? I felt sick with myself. I tried to move from him but dizziness and his strong, unrelenting arms deterred me.

" I'm Abdulwahab, I want you to remember this time" He said, referring to the airport situation where I didn't remember a damn thing.

"and I'm going to take you to the hospital or home , any which one you want as long as I take you" He said looking straight into my eyes.

" it''s uh..okay I can drive, I'm sure I-"

" No. you're not driving" He said, and it kind of amuse me, caveman mentality...

A reluctant smile appear on my face and I try to stand up, this time he's supporting me with his arm. "thank you that was very nice, you don't have to"

" I want to" He said looking at me intensely. what was wrong with the guy? I was wearing a huge rock on my wedding finger, how hadn't he notice?

He took my phone and saved his number and handed it back to me, it was all so strange and inappropriate and I had to do something, I had to clarify the situation.

" I saved my number now you can call whenever you want" He said, those intense eyes boring into mine. I looked away.

" Abdulwahab.." calling strangers with their first name was a first..this was going to be embarrassing.

"Shaikha" He said at the same time and we both chuckled. " ladies first"

" no you go first" I urged, not wanting to disappoint him with my news.

" okay" He said. " so you do remember what we had in the airplane?"

I swallowed hard. " what? I-I'm sorry it's all a blur"

He sighed. " so you really don't remember"

" No, and I want to seem to know things about me, I just-"

" I'll tell you on the phone, tonight.." He said gently

my heart squeezed, I had to tell him the truth, this was totally wrong. " No, Abdulwahab I can't call you"

"why?" He was confused.

" because..I'm married" I involuntarily raise my hand with the finger.

" are you kidding me?" He looked genuinely surprised.

I nodded. " and I don't remember anything about you, I'm sorry"

He shook his head as if in disbelief, a humorless laugh escaping him. " I'm sorry, consider this thing never happened, I'm truly sorry, maybe it was someone else. I'll leave as soon as I give you a lift"

"no, I'm sorry, it's okay I can drive, really" my face flooded with heat, this need to be over, soon.

He stared at me for a moment and then nodded and left without a word.


what really happened in the airplane
Shaikha popped a whole pill instead of a half as recommended by her doctor, if she was too anxious or stressed. On top of all that she was depressed and broken hearted. she didn't know that beautiful things were about to unfold, beautiful things that she failed later on to remember.
As soon as she was seated she was beginning to feel calmer, and a whole lot more cheerful. She noticed the hunk occupying the seat right next to her's. He was impossibly large, all muscles and really tall. His swarthy skin and facial hair was what made her stare, and that hair...and lashes and eye brows. too much hair everywhere and it looked amazing, he looked like a Spanish god.
She kept staring like a lunatic, oblivious to the world, the evil pill made her that way, if she knew how badly this would go she'd hire a chaperone!
He finally looked back at her. A dimple appearing in his left cheek, amidst all the hair. " hi"
" you have pretty eye lashes" She blurted, making him laugh suddenly.
"you too" His eyes danced. he was enjoying the game she was playing.
She was tiny, her barely eve noticed her but the lack of size was compensated for the outrageous personality. He was never approached by girls that way, simple and forward. they always schemed to make him marry them, pretending to be someone they aren't , this girl was different, she didn't give a rat's ass about his opinion and for that he was very impressed. it wasn't the looks although she did look good what with the milky fair skin and blonde hair but she wasn't his type, he preferred bigger, thicker girls with dark hair .
"oh they're fake, totally" She grinned stupidly making him laugh again.
" is anything else fake?" He pretended to be shocked.
" maybe" She challenged.
" I'm sure I don't want to know"
She grinned at him " what brings you to Italy?" Finally a decent question.
" here for the prix, I drive"
" you drive?"
"race drive"
" am I pretty?" She suddenly asked. what the..he was starting to suspect that she was on something, was she drunk?
Suddenly her eyes filled with tears and she let out a sob, covering her mouth. " I'm sorry" She whispered and it tugged at his heart.
" hey hey don't cry" He soothed her like a child. " yes you are really pretty, just like that Israeli actress, the same cat tipped eyes, tiny nose, full lips..should I go on?"
She looked at him, tears swimming in her eyes, mesmerized . " really?"
" yes really, and whoever made you not believe that is a tasteless asshole"
She giggled. "I wish you were my hus- I need to rest my head, my uncle is riding the airplane, you know , the made me the rice and the .." she babbled until she dropped her head on his shoulder, snuggling deeper into his warmth. his manners and the fact that he felt sorry and something else for her made her sleep their all five hours. He was then hundred percent sure that she was on something and he didn't care, the woman was obviously in too much pain and she looked weak, his nature for saving strays drew him to her....
to be continued

Sunday, 26 July 2015

Betrayal (7)


I snuggled closer to the strong, rock hard very warm arm hmmm this was delicious I could sleep forever ..I wonder if I could have that doughnut My aunt used to where did I put my neon bathing suit? I hope it still fits...when did Nike become so chic? Marshmallows and-

" can you ..uh move a little?" A distant gruff male voice invaded my swirling confusion of dreams/hallucinations; whatever I experienced whenever I took that evil pill. 

My heavy eyelids won't cooperate, and I was pulled back to the dark abyss of sleep. 

" Shaikha? Shaikha" a gentle nudge and that gruff voice again. 

I grunted. What the fuck?!

"Shaikha!" The voice was a little annoyed now. I mutter an incoherent sound under my breath and try my hardest to lift my heavy eyelids. My mouth was parched and my head throbbing excruciatingly ,I needed water...and coffee, and a pain killer...a whole packet of them. 

I opened my unfocused eyes slowly..I could see three of the man in front of me. Woah...

Thick longish black hair, curled at the ends, thick, incredibly long lashes and eyebrows.. He must be using a lot of castor oil! And amidst all that facial hair, a I spotted a single dimple in his left cheek. 

"Wh-who are you?" I crocked. 

"You don't remember?" He shock his head, smiling obviously in disbelief, and I see his imperfect crocked tooth, bad boy looks all the way so unlike Mubarak who's polished, and just perfect. 

" no" I slurred.  I was panicking, shit shit I shouldn't have taken that horrible pill which was pretty disturbing to the brain (according to my doctor and uncle Google) it causes  amnesia and well it was like consuming a whole bottle of tequila ; you acted and sounded drunk. 

" wh- uh what happened?" Talking was painfully hard. 

He looked thoughtful for a moment, eyes moving from my face and lingering on my wedding finger. " nothing. Nothing happened" he smiled politely. " I'm Abdul Wahab by the way, nice to meet you" 

And before I could react , he picked up his suitcase and left the plane. 

I was finally back home, my family's home. Everyone was luckily out of town ;I was physically and emotionally exhausted, I didn't have it in me to talk about my failed marriage and divorce plans especially to mother. 

After sleeping for what seemed like forever I finally awoke at 8 pm , depressed and hungry. I charged my dead phone, took a shower , put on a white tee and a pair of yoga pants and drove off Kuwait City. 

I put my iPod on shuffle, rolled down the windows and sped off. 

I drove aimlessly for a while , but then hunger became painfull and I desperately needed coffee. I remember my friends telling me about that new coffee place which sells good coffee down town. I headed there with the help of my car's GPS, those little places had the worst locations...

When I finally parked in front of the tiny cafe , it was busy inside but unfortunately there were closing, there goes my bad luck again...

Just when I was about to head back to my car I heard someone calling my name. I turned around and saw a close friend of mine. 

" shayoookh, 7ayaach I know the owner we'll serve you!" We hugged and I ordered their special which was well..nothing special..overrated  

We sipped our coffee and she did most of the talking ; and I was very grateful for the distraction. The warm coffee filled my cold stomach and I was slightly feeling better, the med finally wearing off. 

" ambaih, do I look good?" She hissed. 

" what?" I whispered back. 

" salon wayhi? "

" 7ilo" I grinned. " whyyy?"

" this guy " she whispered. " omg I'm in love, he's right behind you bs la teltaftain omg la yesma3!"

" act casual, so who's he?" I asked , no idea who was the mysterious guy behind me and I honestly didn't care but I was trying to distract myself from my personal hell. 

" Abdul Wahab Al Fulani" she whispered " mat3rfena? He drives cars, as in car racing ?he's our own formula 1 racer!"

" formula what?"

" shhhhhhh la yesma3"

I laughed. " calm down the music is loud in sure mu ga3id yisma3"

" bsir3a eltaftai! He's not looking" she nudged my hand. 

I flipped my hair to the side and looked back casually and I recognise the all rugged and casual masculinity that was even bigger now in the smaller space.. and at the exact same time my phone beeped loudly indicating a text message...

To be continued ..

Feedback is appreciated! Xx-moi 

betrayal (6)

the music went up and I could see the people at the modern luxurious bar swaying with the melody. Nouf joining them on her seat; her energy was contagious and I found myself giggling and clapping. For a refreshing change I wasn't worried aout how I looked to Mubarak, I wasn't even aware of him staring at me with intense eyes at that moment, I was totally lost to the sexy music.

I closed my eyes and hummed, the Dj's voice electrifying...

when I opened my eyes he was staring at me with those smoldering eyes, my breath hitched and I felt my insides tightening..I could see the lust in his eyes, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed; I needed to touch him.

just when I was about to ask him to leave, he suddenly looked taken aback, he stood up, as if in a daze, his wallet fell on the sparkly floor unoticed, and he strode past the swaying bodies to a figure...

The familiar figure of the woman in the photos!

what the...

my smile froze on my face, I was suddenly hot and cold all over, my heart beating so hard, what was wrong with me? was this a nightmare? a fucking cruel joke? how come she's here?? of all the places in the world..


unless this was planned between the two! No! please don't make this happen to me, no, no, noooo

I felt Nouf's gentle hand on my shoulder, Ahmed's attempt at a joke to distract me, but I couldn't, this was too much, I had to leave.

"Excuse me" I suddenly blurted, picked up my purse and hurried out the restaurant and just as expected he didn't follow me.

back at the hotel, like a madwoman I opened my suitcase, threw everything I could see; piles and piles of discarded items, and when I was finished, the damned zipper would'nt budge. the bag was too stuffed and I clearly ripped the zipper or something, at thatg point the tears flowed freely.

I sat on top of the suitcase and wept my heart out.

hours later or  most probably minutes, I heard a noise at the door enterance. perfect, he was here.

Through my tear blurred eyes I could see the shock upon his face, and something else. " Shaikha, its not what you think"

" It's exactly what I think. I'm leaving Mubarak" My voice was clogged with tears.

" Please listen to me, It was a mere coincedence, call it a-"

" I'll call it a wake up call, I'm leaving Mubarak!"

" I was fucking surprised as much as you! I had to go there and-"

" You had to humiliate me in front of your friends! in front of her!! god Mubarak you're truly stupid if you think I'd stay after this"

"Fuck it Shaikha! I'd never do that to you I fucking respect you!" He was shouting now.

" very well, if you respect me, you let me go now. " My voice was laced with fury.

He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. " if that's what you want , we'll leave in the morning"

" No" I said. " Now"

" then I'll come with you"

" I said alone"

Maybe it was sympathy or the fact that that woman was there with him on the same country,  but he agreed with one condition; to drop me to the airport and stay til I was safely seated in the airplane, I reluctantly went with it, I needed to get home, as soon as possible and that was the only way.

As soon as I was seated , I popped a sleeping pill and was lost to the world, oblivious to the fact that when I opened my eyes that fated night, I would see the face that would be engraved in my soul forever...
moi's note: dear readers, your feedback would be appreciated! xx

Tuesday, 21 July 2015


hello readers; the ones I love so much for keeping this blog (still) alive! I was thinking.. do you guys want me to continue writing my name is Nouf? or the one im currently writing? please vote. yours moi xx

betrayal (5)

I woke up the next morning to the sight of a bulgari small box with a card and ribbons,I reached for the card hastily, ripped it open and read "thank you for last night-M" ....... I was stunned. He west rewarding me for using my body with a box of Italy's finest jeweler. The low life. A cloud of fury and hurt clouded my vision but I wasn't going to cry again. Not this time. I didn't even open the box, despite my undeniable love for diamonds, I was really hurting and I wanted to prove something to him. I'm not a whore, you will not use my body again. Screw you.

I put on a bathrobe and went to the living room area, as expected he was lounging on the couch with the paper and a cup of espresso. He nodded when he saw me and continued reading. My fury intensified. I ordered a cappuccino and sat on The sofa right next to him and reached for the remote control. I wasn't gonna make this easy for him.

"So did you like it?" He finally asked. What a nerve. "What?" I played stupid.

"You didn't er see..."


He cleared his throat. "I got you a present, it's In the bedroom. I was hoping that" "

Oh that" I delibaretly interrupted. He looked at me with puzzlement and then went back to reading his paper. Did He think I was gonna thank him and kiss his feet? I could feel him stiffening, trying to concentrate and warmth of victory filled me, I bit my lip to prevent a smile. Asshole is getting What He deserves.

"My friend and his wife is here, we'll have dinner with them tonight" he suddenly announced

  " we're on our honey moon darling, we dont have to do that" i said sarcastically He frowned.

" shaikha! Whats with you?"

"Oh nothing" I examined my nails "it's just bad taste.."

" you're coming tonight and that's final"

" you can't force me. But don't worry husband I'll come with you " The rest of the day I noticed something different about him, I was happily ignoring his existence but I could feel his stares, the stolen glances, the way He tried hard not to be around me but He was..this was new and it gave me a teeny tiny flicker of hope.

  I bought a New dress because I couldn't think of a better way to spend the afternoon alone other than shopping. I chose the most flattering to my body type.I might be a total failure when it came to relationships but looking good, this I knew how to do.

Red wasn't the color I usually went for but I saw dolce and gabbana's all prints collection and I was a goner; the floral red printed mini dress specifically, I paired it with the clip earrings from the same collection, a pair of satin sandals and tan. Hair half up and the rest in flirty tendrils I was ready to own the night. The husband was in a tailored insides melted. All my efforts went to waste with that cold brief nod of his. The bastard didn't seem to notice my supposedly flattering mini dress, show of tanned skin and everything else. I wanted to burst into tears and dissapear. The ride was quiet as usual, I was getting ready to that, and this time he didn't try to fill the awkward silence with pointless conversation thank god. His friends were nothing like I'd expected; I liked them emmediately! The man was short and balding,slightly thick on the stomach area, He gave off a brotherly aura and his eyes seemed so kind. the wife on the other hand was small and beautiful; her wild curly hair and geniune big smile won me over straight away; this is someone I could be friends with.

The dinner was surprisingly fun. Conversation easy, I felt like myself again, laughing and truly enjoying myself . Ahmed and Mubarak were really close, since college days and hearing stories from the time made us all crack up, and I started looking at him in a new way..

" So tell us more about you did you two meet?" Nouf, his wife and my new fried said I cleared my throat and was about to come up with a totally fictional story when Mubarak decided to interrupt. " let's just say that I was lucky to find her" He said with a lazy smile. what?? WHAT? okay, he's a pathological liar.

" yes he is haha" I fake smiled at them. " What about you two? you seem in love" My heart fell at the realization, of course they were.. Nouf talked about how they met, all sparkly eyes and pink cheeks. He wasnt a good looking fellow yet he made her happy. while my very beautiful, very successfull husband didn't. We exchanged numbers and I was glad I'd someone to hang out with other than myself in this foreign country, I hope this honeymoon ends soon. little did I know that night was just about to begin...

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

betrayal (4)

I took off my dress and tossed it on the floor. I just didn't have the energy to care, I started to feel weak again, every time I exchanged a look or a word with him I felt like that, it must be love. It burned, it fucking burned when they didn't love you back. I took off my bra and it joined my dress on the floor, got under the cold sheets and waited for sleep to claim me. More tears. I started to shake, with fury, agony and everything, a cluster fuck of emotions I couldn't bear, I wanted to scream and kick like a child but I didn't. So much for enjoying the city, it was a fake hope, I was still miserable. sometimes later I slept. Even my dreams betrayed me; I saw him joining me on the bed, touching me expertly on all the places that ached, I woke up miserable and aroused. He was staring out the window, his back to me when I opened my eyes, if only he could come closer. I sighed. love played with your head. one minute I was ready to kill him and the next I wanted to kiss his feet.. As if on cue he turned around. " you're awake. we have dinner reservations" " What time is it?" I asked huskily. " 8:30, you slept for long" His eyes travelled to my bare arms and cleavage. Bastard. One hour later we were ready for dinner, I didn't want to fight anymore, I had other plans..and I was hungry. I wore a black bondage dress,my highest black black pumps and cherry lips. Spray tanned my skin and let my hair down, it should do. His eyes betrayed him and he stared at me again. Good. Men were such simple creatures, even if they adored a single woman they still had eyes for another, this one's heart belonged to another but he still couldnt keep his eyes off of me. his wife. I felt his hand at my lower back, I flinched but I didn't ask him to remove it. I took a deep breath and went along with him to the car outside the hotel. The ride to the restaurant was quiet. And I respected him for that. He was too handsome, in a white T shirt and black pants, his skin contrasting against the white T shirt, I wanted to touch him, his muscled arms, his gleaming black hair slightly longer than necessary, it was too sexy, I had difficulty breathing. The restaurant was very chic and..romantic. My husband was a nut case, pretending that everything was normal. We looked like the happy young couple we pretended to be. Everyone looked deathly gorgeous and thin, sipping on wine and having green salads, I beamed, this was my perfect scene, I loved watching beautiful people with killer wardrobes. This was actually proving to be not a bad idea. " You like?" He asked. " y-yes" I was taken aback. this was too strange. I was pleased. " Good, I want you to enjoy yourself" " thanks" Awkward silence. I needed my phone. I unashamedly ordered everything on the menu, bread, steak, lobster and that green salad everyone was having. I couldn't care about the way I looked to him anymore, I wanted to eat , really eat. Typically he had the oysters and caviar. We were so different.. " Why did you choose Rome?" He asked, desperately trying to connect with me. It was painful to watch. " Because..." I smiled and forked some green leaves, stuffing my mouth "I've heard it was nice for couples" He flinched. " I really want us to get along, we could make this..arrangement work" He said, so cold, so fucking cold. Arrangement??? it was a fucking arrangement for him, I was a convenience for him and his awful,awful mother. A lump formed in my throat, hold it Shaikha, get a grip! I nodded, trying so hard to hold back the tears, my throat burned. " I can provide you with everything you need. you can travel as much as you want with your friends, you don't even have to work, I'll give you all the money you need, all the jewelery and..and the things you women like" I nodded again, my sight getting blurry. " We can even have children and live in peace, I wouldn't even ask you for more, just a couple of children and then you can live and do as you wish" A fat, hot tear fell down my cheek, this was too painful I couldn't, I just couldn't listen to his voice muttering those horrible things. " Shaikha..." He sighed and reached for my hand, I didn't even pull away, my energy draining already. Told you, Love played with your head and burned, too much. " I don't want to hurt you, Shaikha, you're a good woman and one day you'll realize that love isn't the only thing that make relationships work, we can be friends" but I don't want to be a good woman,I don't want to be your friend, I want to be the one you love and adore, the one you keep her pictures, even the bad ones in your phone..I thought miserably. " Friends" I whispered. " Yes..don't make this harder, please." " Of course" I sniffed. " I'm fine, friends, yes we can make it work" My heart broke into a million little pieces, if only we died when that happened it wouldn't be as painful.. the problem with heartbreak is that you had to live with it, no painkiller in the world would make it go away.. After that everything was a blur. I remember him unzipping my dress, slipping it off my shoulder, touching my nipples, my belly, my thighs..I was drunk with it all, I let him pleasure me, tears falling down my face , I kissed him back harder, biting him, hurting him. He was using my body for his own pleasure and I didn't mind because I wanted to use him too. I wanted him to love me physically if that the only thing he could do..and boy was it good, he knew exactly how to drive a woman over the body loved it, even if my brain was aware of the amount of damage I was causing myself. This was too wrong, he didn't care about me, he didn't want me,yet he gave me what I needed, he wasn't a selfish lover and my traitor body responded to him in every way.. there wasn't hope for me. to be continued..

Friday, 23 January 2015

betrayal (3)

with a trembling hand, I put the cursed phone down on the small table, chocked back a threatening sob and left the room. The world was suddenly too dark, too cruel, I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. Why me?? why?? why did he choose me? endless, hot tears fell down my cheeks, I was dying, suffocating, I had to do something, oh god I had to do something. I brushed the relentless tears furiously and headed back to the living room. I nudged him hard, as hard as I possibly could. He stirred, one eye opened and then the next, confusion evident in his beautiful , lying face. " Why?" I whispered, tears falling down my cheeks. " What? What is it??" He said gruffly. " I know everything. I want d-divorce" " What the hell are you talking about?" He was suddenly alert. I could see wariness in his face. " I saw your texts, everything" I spat out. "I want divorce" " It's not what you think..."He said carefully, panic evident in his beautiful features. "It's.." "I'm not stupid Mubarak I want divorce!!" " The hell you're getting one!" He yelled. " you have no right to talk to me like that, you lying, cheating bastard!" I cried. " I never chose you, my mother did" He shouted. "I didn't fucking cheat on you, now quit the fucking drama, ever since I married you it all stopped!" " what??? what?? the fact that you still have her texts and pictures!!!! god, Mubarak, what are you?? what have I done to you?? why did you marry me??? why didn't you marry her? I don't get it, I'm a fucking fool, I loved you! god I loved someone I don't know, I thought you were decent, I thought...oh god" I was sobbing and yelling at this point. I've lost it, I was dying inside. " Why didn't you marry the fat, ugly bitch?" " Don't you dare!" I sobbed harder, the fact that he was defending her was more than I could bear. This was a nightmare. " Listen to me Shaikha, don't you dare talk to me like that, ever! now Calm the fuck down and hear what I have to say" He said almost dangerously calm. " I married you because I had to. I'm going to provide everything you need. Any expensive shit you want, you'll have. All my money is yours, in return I want babies. I can't offer love I'm sorry, I'll respect you and we'll try to coexist together." " Respect?" I gave a humorless laugh. " I'm sure after what I saw-" " Shaikha!" He yelled. " Forget about divorce. you're not getting one" " please" I whispered brokenly, suddenly feeling trapped. " I beg you" " Forget it. I'm sorry you had to know the truth this way and I'm sorry, I can't change it and I won't divorce you" I later discovered the full ugly story. The damage was already done, we were married; it was too late. He fucked me. It was too late. He was with her for five years, a Delicate Saudi princess; the love of his life. People said it was the greatest love story. A Kuwaiti powerful, beautiful young man, and a princess, they met in a foreign country and couldn't stay away from each other. Everyone thought it was the most romantic story, except his mother. She hated the idea of her only son, living away from her, and married to a woman she didn't know. She wanted a local girl from a family she knows and trusts. Me, the clueless child bride, who'll make beautiful babies and shut her mouth. Little did she know that I wasn't what I seemed. I'm make his life a living hell, and then I'll get divorce. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me, I wanted to see him fall. He created a monster and the monster had a plan. Divorce can wait, I had to destroy him first, ruin his life and kill him first. My tears as if in a cue dried instantly. " Okay, fine" I said. " I'll forget about divorce for now. We have a plane to catch" He was shocked, or furious or both and I didn't give a damn. I had to leave the room. Now! " Excuse me" I miraculously made it to the airport with him. I even looked nice. My dirty blonde hair curled to perfection, my fair skin radiant, nothing some BB cream and blusher can't fix. And some mascara and lip gloss. I wore my most flattering sweatpants and a white T shirt. He was a beautiful giant in sweats next to me, we turned heads. We happily ignored each other on the plane. I had movies, a book, a super comfy seat and sleeping pills. This should be enough. It had to be. I didn't want to lose it here, not now. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I had to win this. I was nudged awake several hours later. " we've arrived" The husband announced. Without looking at him I pulled myself together, gathered my stuff and prepared to leave the aircraft. We were in Rome. The city of love. It was a cruel joke and I had to laugh. The minute I stepped into our honeymoon suite I wanted to scream. Honeymoon was written all over it. Damn it, it was the most romantic thing I've ever seen. This was proving to be harder than I'd anticipated. The room was absolutely gorgeous, and I specially loved the bathroom; I decided to take a bubble bath, someone had to take good use of it, such a waste.. Between my long luxury bath and unpacking, I didn't see him and I was glad. I needed the solitude, and I was too exhausted to act strong. I needed to wallow in self pity a little. I soaked the crisp white, soft pillow with my tears, and dark oblivion finally claimed me. I dreamed of them. Of my heart bleeding, it was too graphic, too vivid. So much for taking refuge in sleep. I woke up exhausted and miserable. The bastard was already up. Sipping his bitter coffee (I knew how he took it), and reading the paper in Italian. In fucking Italian! I wanted to scream. So much for trying to destroy him, I was the one who was hurting, I was in love with him...The day haven't even started and I already felt deflated. Stupid, stupid Shaikha! I shouldn't have came here. I shouldn't have yielded to this, oh god this was a huge mistake, I could've fought and left him and... My phone beeped, interrupting my venomous thoughts. I immediately checked it, nothing important. I was so glad I had my phone with me; it gave me a fake sense of security and I could at least pretend to text if things got awkward between the two of us. And then a sudden thought occurred to me. I was hurt and miserable, but so was he! He was away from his beloved, in a honeymoon with another woman, whom he didn't give a flying fuck about. He was hurting, even if he didn't show it. He was as miserable as I was and I could make it worse, I had to make it worse for him. My spirits soared a little, I decided to make the best of this trip. I showered slowly and luxuriously, did my hair and makeup and carefully picked my wardrobe. I chose a little floral dress that showed off my tiny waist and instantly felt better. Amazing how one can feel good when one looks good.. I took my breakfast in the lobby. A frothy cappuccino with some delicate pastries. This was actually quite nice and I wasn't pretending! I loved hotels, I wish I could live in one. Room service, luxury, white, always clean bed sheets and no heartbreak and husbands who loved other women, the idea was too good to be true. Right after I finished my breakfast I went out to discover the city. Alone. I took long walks and hit the shops. I was actually enjoying myself. It was gorgeous, I was in love with the city, everything looked ancient and stunning, it made my heart ache. heartbreak was much tolerable in a beautiful city like Rome. When I finally went back to the hotel, my arms were loaded with shopping bags and I was down right exhausted, I was gone all afternoon, shopping and walking and I desperately needed a power nap and some refreshments. " Where the hell were you?" Mubarak's vehement voice came as soon as I entered the suite. " why do you care?" I asked, defiantly. " Shaikha!" " I'm not in the mood to fight" He reached me in two strides, fuck he was too big, scary.. " I said, where were you?" " Shopping, discovering the city." " mat3arfeen tgooleli?" " I just did, now may I go to bed?" I said and walked past him, not giving him a chance to more verbal abuse.