Thursday, 19 February 2009

the LAST cut is the deepest(26)


25-9-2006


ge3adt min enoom, jesmy metkaser...ta3bana...whats wrong with me? ana adry mafeeny shay, im not sick...eshfeeny?


myself replied me back with a very soft sad voice: you're heart is broken.


I never thought a heart break can cause such a physical pain.


-----------------------------------------------------

I cried for an hour before turning on the engine and drove home. I cried while driving my way home. I cried when I saw the fourteen missed calls from Farah. Then I cried even harder when I reached home.

I took a shuddering breath; I couldn’t go on crying forever, though I felt as if I wanted to. But what was the point? I'd ruined my life. I'd hurt myself and the man I love.

After what seemed like hours of crying I decided to go to the bathroom and clean up my face. I gathered my strength and dragged myself to the bathroom.

I couldn’t help starting crying again when I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was a ruin; my eyes were red and minuscule in the puff pastry around them. My nose, especially around the nostrils was bloody red. I was ugly! I splashed my face with cold water which felt so good on my burning face; I splashed it one more time and shuddered. My eyes filled with tears when I looked at my reflection again. I knew that this breakdown wasn’t just about Terki. I cried because I hurt him and because I myself was hurt, I cried for my past, I cried for getting physically hurt by fahad, I cried for not having a decent chance to love Terki; the guy who made me feel the rollercoaster of emotions I had always longed for.

I was about to start crying again when my phone rang. I ran out of the bathroom quickly, hoping it would be Terki regretting what he had said to me, hoping that he wanted to get me back before losing me for good. I began frantically searching through my purse, the phone was still ringing. Where the hell is it? Where the hell is it?!!

When I finally found it, my face fell with disappointment and shock. It was fahad calling.

I picked up without hesitation, I just couldn’t let that bastard get away with what he had done. It was revenge time. " aloo" I began.

" jana, ma9adeg!" he said.

"shoof fahad ana engaged now okay?!!! malek 7ag etdeg 3ley o et2atheny!! Enta 9ij 7aqeer!! How can you live with yourself?! WAI3 YOU'RE DISCUSTING!! I never loved you, being with you was difficult and DISCUSTING!! I hate you!!!! I hate youuuuuu go to hell!! O dawerlek w7da min esheware3, MABY ASHOF REG3AT WAYHEK HERE FAHEM?!!!" I knew it was harsh but I really needed to let go of my anger.

Silence.

" bye Fahad" I was about to hang up when he spoke.

" jana?" he said.

"WHAT?"

" im sorry for everything, good luck o allah ewafgech, bye" and with that he hung up.

I was taken aback by his reaction, I stared at the phone for a second and then, suddenly I burst out laughing.
----------------------------------------------------------
I woke up the next day to the morning light edging underneath my half closed shutter. Something was different. I woke up today with something I didn’t have yesterday, I woke up today with hope.

I could see Terki while I showered, I could see him all miserable and needing me, I scrubbed my body and soul with the loofa until it ached.

I didn’t want to give up on him, not yet at least. I wouldn’t live with the fact that I didn’t try to get him back, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.

" 9aba7 el5air 7abebi:)* I sent him.

To my utter disappointment, he didn’t reply me back. But I didn’t give up, maybe he was still asleep.

I had breakfast with mother, changed my clothes watched TV with my brothers, and I still hadn’t received a single message from him.

* eshfeek ete'3ala?;p* I sent again.
--------------------------------------------------------------

It had been like this for the past two days I sent him lots of messages yet he hadn’t replied. It was utterly frustrating, but I didn’t lose hope.

One day I decided to call him and see what he was doing. He called me after I gave him two missed calls.

" Terkii" I stretched his name in a dala3 way.

He sighed.

" jana are you okay ? me7taja shay?" he almost whispered.

" I need you Terki, I love you.."

" jana please don’t make this harder than it already is"

" wainek?!" I said ignoring what he just said to me.

" at the hospital"

" why??! Whats wrong?!" I panicked.

" NOTHING'S wrong, im just doing my regular checkups" he said.

" which hospital?!"

" jana.."

"WHICH HOSPITAL?" I interrupted him.

" hadi's hospital, now can we please hang up l2na this isn’t making anything better"

" im coming" I said and hung up on him.

I went to hadi's hospital to see him, I needed to talk to him as soon as possible, I needed to stop this madness, I will get married to him, and I will get married to him next week.

He was sitting on the patient's bed and a nurse was injecting him with a large needle which made me dizzy by looking at it alone.

" eshga3da tsaween hnyy??" he muttered angrily.

" I need to talk to you, Terki you are making a big BIG mistake , 9adegny" I struggled with words.

" jana I've made my mind, laish et7ebeen et9a3been el omoor 3ley o 3laich?? Laish ya3ny?!! E7na mu awwal nas enfel "he sounded irritated.

" MABY Terki maby!! We are meant to be together! Enta eshfeek??!!! Ya3ny ana eshbagool 7ag omy o ennas?!! Eshbagolohom!! Terki this isn’t some boyfriend-girlfriend crap, WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!" I yelled. Terki asked the nurse who was burning holes in me by now, to leave.

He let a big sigh " jana we are NOT together anymore, 5ala9 you need to let go 7abebti, please?" he said softly.

I held his hand tightly " ma3aref o maby! Terki im tired of loosing you, I lost you once and it was unbearable! , maby, it feels like my soul being ripped out of me " I held his hand even tighter " maby"

" ro7ay el bait jana, you need some rest , roo7ay" he said. His eyes were filled with sorrow.

" maby!" I cried. " please don’t do this to me, please" I hugged him hard like a helpless child struggling to be in her father's safe embrace.

He pulled me away " 5ALA9 ROO7AY!! Mabeech jana 5ala9! Tabeen tesme3eny agool chethy ya3ny??!! MABEECH, I don’t want you, I don’t want to marry you" he yelled.

His words were like arrows penetrating my poor heart. I felt so sorry for my heart that I wanted to give it a hug and take all the pain away from it.

I ran my fingers over his beautiful face gently. at least I tried.

" goodbye Terki"

It started in a hospital and ended in a hospital.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

hi .. min kither ma am SHOKE ... couldn't help it , had to comment :D
Don't u dare tell me it's the end !?!?!?!

moi said...

anony: no, its not the end:D,but the end is cose

moi said...

close*

Anonymous said...

sorry ... it's was my first comment o0 fashlaa i think it's kinda rude :S .. bs wallah 3a9aabt ... really didn't want them to end like that 7araaaaaaaaam ;**
3yaal CAN'T WAIT the end ;) keep going the good work .. mashallah ;**

Anonymous said...

terki shfeeeh!
and why isnt jana answering farah? she needs her!

love ;** said...

ya galby Jana....she does not deserve this!

I was in tears, ashwa Fahad is not here he always laughs at me when I tear up min reading blogs ;(

I absolutely loved each and every single post, and I absolutely love each and every comment you leave me ;**

I LOVE YOU ;**

Lost b2amreeka. said...

:| DAMN!

OMG!

AAH

NEXT

DAMN!

moi said...

anony:lol its okay:),;*

anony: jana mgafla:@ o terki 7mar:@

love: looool wallah u guys r so cute, i loveee uuu tooo;***

lost: :S:S:S:S:

Lulwa said...

el 7amdellah it's not the end

waiting the next post!!!

eb ser3a pleeease:))

P.S.: u just got the (I love ur blog) award :D

Pearla said...

OMG ayy y7zeeeeen :(
I mean this is a true story!! and life isn't that nice so i'm crossing my fingers wishing this true love story will end happily ever after !

JuMaNa ;) said...

='((((((( !!!!!!


may9eeeeeer :( !!!!!


i'm crying :'( !!!

Anonymous said...

this is my first comment i guess..
just wanted to say ena im crying ba3ad :( this is so sad :(

Diet Coke said...

FIRST (7aleeb kakaw, pampers, cuteness;p)
I LOVE YOUR STORY WAYEDDDD!!! ;*
Maskeena ehya shthambha? Please, nabe happy ending ;p

Anonymous said...

hii,, ana 7ady endemajt bil qi9a,, tara elyoum bs bedeet feha o now w9alt 7ag this part !! plz la et6awleen 3alena,, aby a3aref shno e9er fehom !!

o thanx alot ;*

wink! said...

lyl7een ba6 chbdy hal s3oood!! uff!! kil mina hal soosa!
i think 7bait fahad though for a minute.

Gutter Flower said...

=| mo 9ij ili 9ar tawa mo 9ij! galby ga3ed ytga6a3 =| mo 9ij!!! sh-hal 3awar il galb thiiii =|

sugar said...

inzain sh9ar ib jana? she's still single

Charmbracelet said...

5ali9aat the story ?! thats it !!?
-N~

Captivated said...

laaa2 latgoleen betkhale9!!!!! umbai umbai 3awerat galbii!!!

Glitter said...

Ashwa I read in the comments before me that it is not the end..
Willa kint baziffich ;-*

±What±Im±about± said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiii :((((((((( bs tra sij sa3ba ena ykon m3aha oo ythayiq o5oh! walla sa3ba! bs ham s3ood &*%$##@*%^! mabii agol shaii oo at7asaf ;p ! YALA NEXT !!!!!

ĐǻñĎõøðñ said...

la2!!
la2 la2 la2!

maly she'3l la2 =(

moi said...

lulwa: thanx 7ayati;*

pearla: i wish life was a fairytale;*

jumana: enshlalah u'll laugh in the next post;*

anony: im soryyyy:\!!!

diet coke: lol enshallah;*

anony: ya36ech el3afia;* will be posting soon

wink: fahad 5al ewaly:@

gutter flower: im so sorry;**

sugar: next post;p

charmbracelet: no:)

captivated: maybe it'll be a happy ending u dont know:)

glitter:lol ashwa;p;*

what im about:latgolinnn:P kelshay ebwagta 7elo;p

dandooon: EEE:@:P;**

Candy said...

i thought my heart was stopped when i i've read the last line! i thought it was the end,thank god its not <_<
so meta el next part ^^"
terki: balah 3al bent???? sho hal ta3theeb el nafsee,a7es ene at3athab weya el ba6ala @@!

FourMe said...

not funny! thought it was the end!!

E said...

it cant stop here... what happens next!
7aram!!!!

Anonymous said...

i feel sorry 4 her ;(
el karama fog kil shay

Anonymous said...

And again, i like s3ood :p

-Lilly

Idream said...

5alaaaaa9 ? LAAAAA2

Starlight<3 said...

Terki and S3ood deserve to die!

I know Terki think he's doing the right thing but can't he see his brother is in love with someone he barely knows? That isn't even love, it's an obsession.

Maybe Fahad turned over a new leaf, let him be her saviour.

Amazing as always ;*

Post soon,

xx

Jacqui said...

Laish esawe chithi Terki, he didn't give her a chance to tell him what happened and how she put s3ood 3end 7ada.. o s3ood sej 7aywan ya3ne shako etgol 7ag ur brother i have the hots for ur fiancee...

i absolutely absolutely hate s3ood he should go die ;/

but i hope things work out shway :/

Anonymous said...

:'(

BananaPie said...

madarait ena galbi ygdar ey3awrni hal kethir!

BananaPie said...

o ba3d aku shai lazem yengal: TERKI 7maar!

S said...

terki ..i cant think of anything mean enough to say!
jana better call fara7 .. mayseer chethy ;@

Ruby Woo said...

c'est qoui????

the last sentence is the most heartbreaking. Awal marra sij taksir kha6ri cuz the way sawat nafsha china masar shay o ba3dain faj'a istaw3ibat 3ugob ma zafha, ambay 7araaam!