white(6)

hellooo lovely readers ;***, I miss yall tremendously!! especially those who sent me emails and commented while I was away! I decided to post part 6 of my last story, I know its very short! but it's just a reminder since I forgot the story myself!! hehe ;p , so you guys remember it? :o, anyway I'm inspired now ;p so I think I'll be posting alot! enjoy! xoxoxo

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The white pearly light blinded my eyes as I tried to take in the whole scene that was happening right before my wondering, innocent eyes. the world spun around me slowly and I miraculously fought the urge to surrender to the other side of the world, to faint. I ignored every object around me and focused on the amazing creature that was glistening and shining furiously. Beads of sweat trickled down the rusty dark body of the wings holder. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him , I was so mesmirized by his beauty that I forgot about Jon's arms tightly wrapped around me. He was suffering, silently. the creature was in pain; invisible pain.

I didn't know how I managed to slightly look away from the dazzling beauty of the creature and finally notice the beautiful glittering , human butterflies that were surrounding him, as if they were out of a beautiful painting.

I recognized one of the beautiful faces surrounding him, it was the guy I saw at Alex's house the day I went to thank him for saving my life. I recognized his beautiful face. cassius's beautiful face.

their beauty was so dizzying, or was it the blinding light that was radiating from them? I wasn't really sure but whatever it was , it sent me to the other side of the world in a blink of an eye.

"Nessa?...Ness?" I found Jon's soft voice whispering in my ears while his big hand stroked my head, reviving my heart again, and I was sent back to the real side of the world.

"I wasn't dreaming was I?"

He shook his head. "Nope"

"o-okay.." I gulped.

" Do you think you have the time to listen to a, um...different kind of story?" he asked.

I sighed. "why not."

a night in bora bora

I put on a short white caftan while dipping my feet in the warm water in the glass tub of the small dining table in our bungalow. The small bright fishes swam around my feet making me ticklish all over my body. A giggle escaped my mouth breaking the beautiful silence of the night. I ran my fingers through my sun streaked hair and picked my phone with the other hand. His gentle voice came at the other end as soon as I dialed his number. One of the things I love about him; he never makes me wait. " khala9tay?"

"ee shway o nazlatlik"

"Don’t make me wait"

"enshallaa"

I stood up, my feet still in the tub. I grabbed my purse and my little diamond studs which were lying on the small dining table. I replaced the studs on my ears, wiped my feet with a fresh towel and wore my tacky Swarovski encrusted flip flops.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'' 7abeebti, don’t you think your dress is short?" I found his warm mouth whispering in my ear, making me shiver.

"No" I said without looking at him in the eye. "I mean it looks short, but… it's not really that short, besides nobody's around!"

He rolled his eyes. " ba6aweflich now because we're in our "honeymoon" "

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Fine, let's go!"

I grabbed his hand and we left the hotel.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh my god!" I laughed out loud. "barrrrddd but I'm enjoying this!!"

"3asa matemarethain wallah" he gave me a disapproving look.

"You're a typical Kuwaiti! Aren’t you?! Come on baby this is fun! Ahem this is why I wanted to come here in the first place" I splashed water on his face and tried to run as fast as I could but accidently fell hard on my bum.

He bursts into laughter. " testahlain! And I'm not going to follow you, you little sneak!"

"Ouch, my butt!" I shot him a resentful look. Suddenly the rain started falling harder than before making my vision blurry.

"wow!" I almost shrieked. "HH come here this is amazing!"

He came to the edge of the ocean immediately offering me his hand. But I refused to get up and pulled him back down with me. "I always wanted to shower under the rain" I said innocently.

" '3aragtay mo bas tesaba7tay!" he grinned at me teasingly.

I brushed his wet hair. "You don’t know how to have fun!"

"Me?! etrahneen?" he challenged me defensively.

"No you don’t" I shook my head. I knew this was going well.

He stood up, took off his damp shirt and ran over the sand and into the dark, cold ocean. He disappeared.

I scanned the ocean; it was too dark and too blurry for me to focus. "HH" I called out his name. "I can't see you"

"Don’t you wanna join me Moi?!" he challenged. "It's freezing"

"Oh, there you are!"

" yalla, come" he motioned with his finger towards me.

" o-okay" I hesitated. "I'm coming in"

It was cold, yet it felt warm since I was already so wet. I swam into the middle of the ocean and found him waiting for me with a charming smile plastered all over his handsome face.

I clung to him as if I were a baby chimp on my mother's back and He kissed my hand that was wrapped around his neck.

We swam for a while, wind blowing us with rain and enormous waves from the deep ocean. I didn’t stop shivering and deep down I was sort of…bored. "um, HH…?" I called out his name.

"Your lips are purple" he said.

"Get me out of here!" I said desperately.

He chuckled. "6ala3tay ekhre6y, emshay, I have a better idea"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wrapped my body with the white bath robe tighter while sipping my warm hot chocolate. I was still shaking and dripping wet when HH's voice came louder than I expected making me jump.

"It's ready" he announced.

He was already waiting for me next to the Jacuzzi tub. He took off my robe and held my hand. "Ready?"

I nodded.

Next morning I was sneezing and coughing like a pathetic old lady. after all we are really a typical kuwaiti couple.

the ballad of J&T

awwal shay mubarak 3lekom el shahar 7abaybeee;*** o 3asakom men el 3aydeeen wel fayzeen...I was away for a couple of days so mamedaanii abareklekom bel shahar..sam7ooni 3l eg9ooor in this blog :( adri kelesh mo ma36eta 7agga bas I promise I'll make it up;** and I hope you guys enjoy this post!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A wave of pain hit my chest for a second but I stopped it before it cut my heart slowly. I tried to think of what will happen instead of what would've happen between us if we never broke up. It's not late, yet. He's not married, I'm obviously not either. He still has feelings for me. I'm crazy in love with him and…I need him so much! If I don't see him now I'll …die! Yes, yes! I need to breathe again. I thought.

Two weeks later we met. He was even sexier than I remember. He looked so mature and simply breathtaking in that crisp white Dishdasha. and his scent surprised me. His scent didn't change at all; aprege lanvin with a hint of tobacco.

"I'm turning 31 this week, I should find a wife" he said casually while we sat across each other in his car.

"Yes you should" I agreed.

" kel mrra agool chethy o ba3den a'3ayer rayey, fekrat el zawaj ebkoberha eta3eb!" he sighed.

" hathy sennat el 7ayat" I said jokingly. "o enta mo s'3eer"

"you don’t have to remind me yal s'3eera" he rolled his eyes.

"eskit eskit, I'm six years younger than you! Dad!"

" bas enty eb sen el zawaj, ya3ny ana weyach nafs el 7ala" he shrugged.

" allah kareem, bas ana mo mesta3yela" I said defensively.

" weddy ashtrey sayara yededa" he said cheerfully. He was obviously trying to change the subject. Typical.

"Then do" I said coldly. For some reason he was pissing me off.

"I love speed. It takes my mind of off things" he muttered while staring at my eyes directly.

"Great" I stared back.

"walaht" he said. And suddenly my heart softened and I was no longer angry at him.

"walaht 3laich jana. Ta3abteeni" he sighed.

" tawik etgool? I was around you know"

"matabeeni…you broke up with me, remember?" he stared at me again.

" manesait, latkhaf"

"you suppose to say I miss you too, shay chethy"

"I miss you too, shay chethy!" I said sarcastically.

He chuckled. "Not funny"

"I waited for you" I almost whispered, I didn’t want to be defeated by my emotions.

He extended his hand to reach my hair, and brushed a lock of hair with his fingers swiftly. "jameela" he murmured.

My cheeks turned crimson pink like the shade of my fingernails and words caught up in my throat. I had nothing to say so I stared at his pretty face.

"enty lel7een teste7een?" he teased. "makebartay 3la hal sowalef?"

I chuckled. "ley bacher"

" amooot 3lech" he said.

" I've been in relationships after you, o adri enta ba3ad, bas all I wanted was you"

" I loved someone...but she wasn't you" he admited.

" so you're single now?!" I asked, hoping for a positive answer.

He nodded. " agolech zawjooni etgoleli you're single! ofcourse I'm single"

" and by the way I love your new hair" he added.

white(5)

My pillow was damp with tears as I struggled to surrender to sleep. I couldn’t sleep that night. I got so used to the simplicity of our relationship that I didn’t even imagine complication would hit it. And unfortunately it did. I sobbed to the thought, I didn’t know why I felt so hurt, I was going to see him again, what all these tears were for? Besides he was only a friend, a friend I got used to so much that his departure made me hurt so deep.

When I finally slept I saw the same dream, except for one small difference. I was lying on the same bed, hurting, Alex was there looking at me blankly and Jon too. Except that Jon was crying, because I was in pain.

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling disoriented. I rubbed my eyes and covered my body with the soft blanket tighter. The bitter cold outside the bedroom window tried to seep in and work its way under my covered body. I shuddered furiously. Jon invaded my feverish mind. Jon was all I heard, all I saw, and all I wanted. Jon, Jon, Jon.

I sighed heavily and extended my arm to reach the cell phone I rarely used on the nightstand. I gazed at Jon's saved number in the contact list before I pressed dial. The phone rang several times before someone picked up. "Hello?" a crisp deep voice answered the phone. I recognized it, it was Alex's.

"Hello, um can I speak to Jon please?" I didn’t know why but Alex intimidated me.

"Whoever you are, don’t you think it's a bit late to make phone calls?" he asked coldly.

"I don’t think it's any of your business; if Jon is awake please give him to me!" I snapped. Suddenly I felt really furious towards him, he didn’t have the right to speak to me that way.

"Give me the phone" I heard Jon's soft voice on the other end.

"It's 3 am for god's sake!" Alex almost hissed.

"Hello Vanessa" Jon's friendly voice finally filled the other end.

"What was that all about? I thought this was your phone"

He sighed. " Nessa it's late"

"I don’t sleep remember?" my voice softened a bit.

"Yeah right, you're voice is filled with sleep" he said desperately trying to get rid of me.

"I don’t need too much sleep" I muttered. "Why are you awake? Isn’t a bit too late for you too?!"

"What do you want Nessa?" patience was running out from his voice.

"I need to talk to you" I almost whispered.

"Couldn’t you wait for tomorrow morning or something?"

"No" I answered honestly.

He was silent for a minute before he spoke. "Fine, what do you want to talk about?"

"Yesterday" I kept my answers short and straight to the point.

"Nothing happened yesterday Ness, we had dinner and then I left because I needed to get some sleep, what was the problem?"

"I don’t see anybody asleep, not you Jon!" my voice was raising involuntarily and I couldn’t help the anger and pain I felt inside my chest.

"What's with the attitude detective!" his voice got higher too.

"Look who's talking!" I snapped. "You're unbelievable!"

"I thought we were friends" he concluded.

"So did I, goodnight Jon" I hung up the phone before he could say a word. That was better.

I got up from bed and into the bathroom directly. I needed a hot bath to clear my feverish head.

My body was fully relaxed when I came out of the bathroom; I changed into short shorts and put my wet hair up into a ponytail high on my head. It was past five o'clock in the morning, I must've slept in the bathtub.

I ate breakfast slowly to waste the long time I had before going to work. I washed the dishes and the entire kitchen too.


After two hours of productive time wasting I was downright exhausted but it felt good because I didn’t think of Jon or any of whatever was happening while I was at it. I sprayed cherry vanilla; a perfume I mixed a long time ago and became my signature, which consisted basically of wild cherry and French vanilla.



Work was getting repetitive and I didn’t enjoy it today like I usually did. I yawned and looked at my watch. It was still too early to leave and I couldn’t stay any longer so I mixed two easy perfumes and told Wendy that I didn’t feel well, she was kind enough to let me go without questions.

The next couple of days were the same; I spent most of it alone, between my house and the scent shop. There was no sign of Jon, he never came to see me or even called and I missed him terribly.

For some reason work ended quickly today and I had to close down the shop. Wendy was already gone since I stayed here longer than usual, avoiding getting back home as much as I could. I dreaded loneliness after meeting that amazing friend I got attached to so quickly and easily.


I saw a shadow leaning against my little house's door when I reached home. "Jon?" I muttered his name loudly as I approached the door.

" Nessa" he nodded. His cute face was clearer now that I was closer to him.

"What are you doing here?" I said without looking at him, I unlocked the door and got inside with him right behind me.

"Aren’t you happy to see me? " he asked. I ignored him.

"Fine! I came here to apologize"

That caught me by surprise. I turned around and looked directly into his eyes. "For what?" I played stupid. I wanted him to say it.

"For what happened last night"

"Sure, what happened exactly Jon, why did you leave when I mentioned that…thing?"

"I think I was upset" he said apologetically.

"Upset? Why?"

He looked down. "It's complicated. You just won't….understand.

"People are just so selfish, when someone's different they start talking and making terrible judgments" he added.

"So you're telling me that Alex is different" I frowned. "But how?"

"I told you, it's complicated"

"Why were you awake at three am yesterday? And why did Alex answer your phone?" I asked suddenly. My questions caught him off guard.

" I came here to apologize, isn’t it enough? I don’t see the reason behind all these unnecessary questions!"

"Are you in love with him or something?" I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

He rolled his eyes. "What are you doing Nessa?"

"I don’t know! I don’t get this" I sighed heavily.

"I've missed you" he said. I gazed at him, his expression filled with strange pain and sincerity.

Something inside me twisted, subconsciously moving and I found my arms draped over his shoulders and pulling him closer to me. I hugged him as tighter as I possibly could. It wasn’t a sexual hug, I didn’t have those sorts of feelings for him, I guess I just needed him and I really did miss him.

He hesitated for a second before he pulled me even closer to his body. He brushed my hair with his fingers softly. "You have some double personality disorder, don’t you Ness?" he whispered into my ears.

I pushed him away slightly. "You stupid devil!"

He laughed and pulled me again into a bear hug.

"Jon" I mumbled through his shoulder.

"yeah?"

" I'll let you spend the night here and I'll cook a very delicious supper" I began.

"Sounds good to me" he said.

"In one condition" I challenged.

He looked down at me. "uh oh"

" please Jon, I want you to tell me why people talk about Alex and why is it so complicated please" I begged pathetically.

" I will, since you became a close friend of mine and that means you're already involved in this" he said matter-of-factly.

"Thank you Jon"

He looked away without saying a word.


I made grilled cheese sandwiches which were the easiest and fastest since Jon wanted to show me instead of telling me as he had put it. And I wanted this meal to be as fast as possible because curiosity began killing me slowly.


When we finished our meal we got into his car and he drove off to a very familiar place that didn’t even need a car to get to. He drove to my happy place.

" I know this place" I said.

He ignored me and pulled over. He opened the door for me and led me through a narrow path between the big palm trees and greens. After a few minutes we reached the rocky mountains of the island. He turned around to face me. " what you're about to see now is different. It's something you never witnessed before. It might seem wrong to you, but if you see it from their perspective..er I mean ours and only ours it will seem the most normal and right thing you've ever saw, so I just need you to believe in what you'll see, after that I'll tell you everything" he said calmly.

I nodded.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I sighed and nodded again.

And then he opened a door I wasn’t aware of before this minute and I was facing the most abnormal thing I had ever witnessed, the thing that changed my life…forever.

I wasn’t aware of Jon when he clamped his hand over my mouth because I gasped louder than I should.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"white is the color of clarity and innocence"

Yet every cell in my body ached while I lied on that white bed....

white(4)

El marath thabe7ny...I'm literally sick, god. I can do nothing but lay on the sofa. my family is travelling next week and this is when I wish I wasn't married. I wish I can go with them, summer is so boring here. and marriage is not really perfect if you ask me. *sigh*

they say: * a perfect writer can make an emperor weep*, hope you guys enjoy this part;**

---------------------------------------------------------------

I poured the gravy carefully on top of Enola's special chicken and potato dish and put it down with the rest of the dishes on the big, wooden dining table. The strong odors of the cheese, garlic and curry made my stomach growl louder. I hadn't eaten all day and I couldn’t wait any longer.

We gathered around the dining table noisily and started reciting our prayers together, it was some sort of a tradition here to pray, and connect with each other through the food. Food was a symbol of love and care in this family that I belonged to now.

"Hey, Iris, your mother told me that you worked at that pink house in town" I stuffed more grilled potato in my mouth and shoved it down my throat with a big swig of lemon juice.

"What pink house?" she frowned. Iris was Enola's younger daughter and she used to work at houses to pay her college funds.

"Donna carina's house" Enola answered her.

"Oh, yeah that house was creepy" she made a face.

"Creepy? Why?!" I bit my lower lip in confusion.

She looked around the table, examining the curious faces, including the kids, fortunately for me they were distracted. "How do you know about that house Nessa? I thought you hated going to town"

" um, actually they're kinda my friends. Alex and his cousin Jon" I admitted.

" Nessa, I don't know about Jon, but you don’t want to be friends with Alex" she warned.

"And …why is that?!" Although he wasn’t really my friend, I felt defensive towards him.

"He's not really nice" she said. "And people say that he was cursed and his mother was a…sorceress" she was whispering by now.

"A what?" my eyes bulged out and my body became hotter. "And you believe this shit?!"

"Well, I've seen the mother, she looked normal" she shrugged. "But that house looks different and people talk, anyway how did you meet him Nessa?"

"He's the man who saved me" my stomach did a back flip as I muttered the words.
When I got home that night I was unnaturally and utterly exhausted, I brushed my teeth, combed my long hair hastily and put on my long, white night gown. I climbed into bed and covered my body with the sheets. The bed sheets were soft and welcoming as ever, I buried my face against the soft, fluffy pillow and sighed heavily before I fell to the darkness of that other world I rarely visited.

I struggled to wake up but couldn’t, the dream held me too tightly in its coils. It was the same dream I had a few days ago, same white bed, same pain. I couldn’t breathe or move, the pain hurt so much that it felt real. And Alex was there. He was wearing a white lab coat and was staring at me while I was moaning and screaming with agony and he didn’t do anything to stop it.

I was really dazed when I woke up first thing in the morning. I took a quick shower and spent longer than usual in front of my little closet. I wasn’t really obsessed about the way I looked. We all dressed the same in this island, especially in the village, since we lived near the beach and the weather was always so sunny. But this once it was different, I wanted to impress Jon since he was coming today as I promised him to bake him cookies. And Alex might come along with him. I wanted to impress Alex too.

I finally decided on an orange embroidered shirt and my same old jeans. I braided my hair and wrapped a colorful scarf around my head. I knew the permanent scar on my face would be showing fully with my hair away from my face but I just didn't care.

When I reached the scent shop it was already opened which meant that Wendy was already there.

I entered the shop, and to my surprise Wendy wasn’t alone, Jon's cheerful face appeared next to her's. "Good morning Wendy, Jon" I greeted them.

"Morning, you look good" Jon smiled that dazzling smile of his.

"Yes you look good" Wendy chuckled. I shot her a hard glance.

"Thank you Jon, you're… early!" I muttered excitedly.

"You're late" he laughed. " Nessa it's 10"

"I don’t come early on Saturdays"

"Oh, um. So can I steal you now?"

"I don’t think so, I have to be at least here for two hours" I said apologetically. His face fell with disappointment.

"You know Nessa I can manage alone" Wendy smiled at me.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"Oh please, go!" She ordered. I laughed.

"Thank you" I mouthed the words silently.

I took Jon around the village and showed him my favorite places, including my former happy place. He wasn’t amazed by the beauty, he sounded as if he had seen much better than this in his life.

"Nice" he said.

"Nice? This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

"Ok ok, calm down" he grinned.

"You're mean!" I laughed.

He looked away and continued walking to the beautiful, glistening turquoise sea. I followed him and he turned around, facing me now.

"Breathtaking" he said.

My mouth opened involuntarily to say nothing in particular but he answered my thoughts. "Your eyes. They remind me of the beach, they are a different shade of blue obviously; hyacinth-blue, but they are so deep that’s why they remind me of the beach" he blushed.

I laughed. "That was so poetic, thanks, I guess"

"Yeah" he grinned.

We then walked along the beach and talked a lot. Jon was an easy person to be around, I enjoyed every second of being with him, I didn’t even feel self conscious with that hideous, big scar on my face and he didn’t seem to notice how ugly it looked. Instead he admired my eyes.


When we went to my house to bake the cookies I was already starving, we ate olives and drank water because that was the only thing in the kitchen that was ready without cooking.

"How's Alex?" I asked him.

"He's fine" he said with his mouth full of olives.

"wh-why didn’t he come along with you?" I hesitated.

" you want him to come with me?" he asked.

" I don’t care" I lied.

He smiled. "Aren’t they ready yet?"

"Oh, they'll take long" I grinned. "Sorry!" I looked apologetically at the oven.

"That's okay because it means I'll enjoy more of you" he said and laughed at the way he said it.

"You're definitely a poet, I'm sure of it!" I laughed along with him.


In the upcoming days we became closer, we'd meet every day and spend the entire day with each other, and I enjoyed it a lot, I didn’t want this simple friendship to end.


One day after I finished work, I closed the shop and headed home. Jon had promised me that he would come by for dinner tonight. It was seven pm and I was very tired, I had a long day and I didn’t have the time to cook a decent meal.
I changed my clothes quickly to a more comfy shirt and pants, washed my face and headed to the kitchen. He was there.

"How did you get in?" I asked him. I wasn’t surprised, I was just happy.

"The door was open" he said, smiling.

"I brought something, thought you’d be hungry"

"Oh I am, thanks Jon!" I put down two plates on the little, wooden table along with two forks and knives.

We talked a lot while we ate, as usual. I loved talking to Jon a lot, he was a good listener and a good well, speaker.

"I heard something very strange about Donna Carina's house, and…Alex" I said, finally deciding on telling him.

He looked up in surprise. "What did you hear?"

"That…that he was cursed and" I broke off hesitantly. " and that his mother is a...sorceress"

His face turned red, he looked utterly angry. "That's plain bullshit Nessa"

"I'm…sorry, I know it's not true" I looked away in shame.

"It's okay, people talk a lot when you're different" he sighed.

He was silent for a minute before he spoke"You probably need to sleep now, I'll see you tomorrow Ness" he put his fork down

"No!" I almost screamed. "Don’t leave, please. I don’t really sleep early, I barely sleep"

" it's okay Nessa I should go" he stood up.


Suddenly my eyes filled with huge, warm tears when I realized that he was gone without even looking at me in the eye.

white(3)

I fell in love with this story and all my characters, I think about them all day! and I think I'll write it as longer as I can. hope you guys love it too;*



" your aunt is very lucky, she has two lives; the one she's living and the book she's writing" the hours.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

white(part 3)

The yellow, bright sunlight was what woke me up. So yellow, so painfully shiny, coming from the crack between the curtains. I blinked several times as the sunlight shone directly on my face, burning my eyes yet it felt so good; sometimes I thought it what made me wake up every day and go on with my life, it just looked so cheerful and bright next to the dullness of my universe and that was an enough reason for my existence.

I was a lonely person. I lived between my house, Enola's and the scent shop. But it never really occurred to me that I was lonely. I mean I was okay with my life, not happy but I wasn’t sad either, until the age of innocence vanished. Until my mother killed herself and a year later, my dear old man's departure. It was the summer after I finished my school years. I was fifteen. A child, but I had a mind and a soul of a woman. I woke up that morning feeling uneasy; waiting for a disaster to happen. I headed to the kitchen in my white night gown; my father was already at the kitchen table. He wore a pained expression, it was another kind of pain; one I had never seen before.

"Morning papa"


"Morning…Ness" he'd begun. "I'm leaving"

"Of course you're leaving, you should go to work!" I avoided looking at his eyes.

"No, Carina" he'd said in his thick Italian accent. "I'm leaving for good"

"wh-why?" my voice trembled.

He sighed heavily. "I can no longer take care of you Nessa, my part is over"

"But…but I'm your favorite ugly duckling" I laughed bitterly. "You love me papa, I need you! You can't abandon me!"

"You're not an ugly duckling Carina, you’re a swan, you will always be my swan but I have to let go, the rest of your life is for you to discover, goodbye Ness" he kissed my forehead and left with his burlap suitcase before I could recover from the shock and move my wobbly legs to catch him.


I groaned as I struggled up, out of my warm, comfortable bed. A smear of blood against the white sheet caught my attention, and then my eyes moved involuntarily to the slight cut on my wrist. I sighed; I always seemed to forget how delicate my skin could be.

I poured myself into my old jeans and my orange, long sleeved kaftan, for some reason I had been feeling cold lately. I brushed my long hair hastily and as always, swept it to the side. I was already running late and tourists tended to come more often to the scent shop on weekends so I didn’t have time to pass by Enola's.


The amazing mixture of scents slapped my nose as soon as I arrived to the shop. My partner Wendy wasn’t there yet. I switched on the lights and put on the "open" sign outside the door. I played the usual, soothing Brazilian music CD and switched the air conditioner in moderate mode, I just couldn’t take the cold, maybe I was sick or something, I thought.



Today was a very thriving day for the shop. We didn’t stop mixing, we even ran out of fresh pomegranates and oranges. People really loved floral scents.
It was Wendy's lunch break when an unexpected customer came to visit our humble, little shop. I looked up in surprise when I saw Alex's imperfect face entering the store with another man. A very handsome man too. The man grinned and pointed at me, Alex nodded and they both approached my counter.

"Good afternoon Vanessa" Alex's voice came deep and husky.

"Good afternoon Alex and Alex's friend" I said in a businesslike tone. "How can I help you?"

His friend laughed. "Hello Vanessa, I heard so much about you, or may I say, your cookies"

I grinned widely. "Oh, we don’t sell cookies here"

He laughed again. "I know, but seriously girl, I nagged Alex for meeting the famous chef in person"


Alex rolled his eyes.

"I'm no chef, but I can cook" I said matter-of-factly.

"And you're beautiful too" he grinned.

I laughed, hiding my embarrassment. This guy was a total stranger but I felt as if I had known him forever.

"So what's your name Alex's friend?" I asked him, grinning.

"Jon" he stretched out his hand to shake mine.

"Nice to meet you Jon, call me Nessa" I shook his hand, It was soft and warm.

He nodded. "Sure, Nessa"

"So don’t we get to have free cookies?" he asked in a childish way. I laughed.

"Of course!" I muttered excitedly. "After all, Alex saved my life and you're his friend?"

"I'm his-"

"Cousin" Alex answered coldly, interrupting Jon. I could see the resemblance; they both had dark, bronze skin, thick eyebrows and beautiful, imperfect features. Except for the hair, Jon's hair was so short, almost bald.

"Sure" I smiled at Jon sweetly. "So, what are your favorite scents guys? I can certainly help you here!"

"I think we better get going" Alex said.

"You go, I'll stay. I want to have my own scent" Jon winked at me. I giggled. He was adorable.

Alex looked at Jon and then at me. "You know what? I think I want my own scent too, I can't leave you alone here Jon, she might hurt you" he had a half smile on his face, yet his eyes were serious.

"I don’t think she will" Jon smiled at me and I had the feeling that he might hurt me with that dazzling smile of his.

"Great" I said hesitantly.

"So what's your fave scent Jon?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I don’t know, what do you think I'd like?"

I made a "come here" motion at him. He hesitated at first and then he saw my serious expression and got closer to me almost immediately. I sniffed his neck, his collarbone and his chest. I nodded.

"Apple spice" I answered his thoughts. "Wait a second I'll get the ingredients and you can watch me do it!"

"Great" he wore his dazzling grin again.

I sat the ingredients before me on the counter; apple juice, cinnamon, and drops of grapefruit. , I mixed the fresh apple juice with the rest of the ingredients and poured the liquid into the small glass bottle; both men were watching me in fascination.
I closed the bottle with the cork, wrapped a small baby blue ribbon around it and handed it to Jon.

"Wow" he said. "Thank you very much Nessa!, how much?"

"It's on me" I grinned.

He opened his mouth to say something but I didn’t let him. "Look, next time you can pay, just not this once, 'kay?"

"You're amazing girl" he said. "She's amazing" he turned to Alex.

And for the first time since I met him, Alex laughed. He looked different; much younger.

"So, you want to sniff me too?" Alex asked, preparing himself to get close to me.

"Nah, no need, I can smell you from across the room" I said casually.

" oh" he grunted.

"Almond joy" I said, catching his eyes accidently. "But…with a zest of lime.

Um, we have it ready, I'll just mix some lime with it"

Wendy's gold head appeared at the door. Her lunch break was already over. "Hi" she said to nobody in particular.

"Hey wends!" I exclaimed.

"We have customers" she grinned while eyeing them both. "Hot ones!" she whispered into my ears.

" hello, I'm Wendy, Nessa's partner" she introduced herself " I can see you guys are liking it here"

"Oh, you both have Disney names?" Jon asked. "Charming!"

We all laughed. "Vanessa is a Disney name?" I asked him, I watched Disney cartoons on my childhood, never came across a Vanessa.

"The little mermaid" he said, blushing. I laughed. "Little mermaid? I know an Ariel, not a Vanessa"

"Vanessa is the sea witch" he winked. "When she turns to a chick"

Wendy chuckled and nudged me playfully. I looked at Jon and gazed at the natrual content glow on his face.

----------------------------------------------------------------

When we closed the shop at sun set, I went to Enola's straight away. Every Friday we'd gather at her house for dinner, her daughters and all their kids would come. I loved them so much, they were my family now. Besides I was so eager to tell them about my new friends, about Jon in particular, I wouldn't consider Alex a friend. Yet.

white(2)

three days later

I was going to go down to the small town to find my savior, I wanted to give him something and thank him for saving me since I didn’t even have the chance to say thank you. But I needed to do a special dish since that was the only thing I was capable of to show my gratitude.

I was baking my special coconut cookies all day. I added a few slices of mangos to make the cookies fancier. My neighbor and god mother Enola came over to help me, she stuck around the house for the past three days, she was really afraid to leave me alone.

At noon the cookies were warm and ready. I sprinkled coconut on top of them and left them with Enola while I went to my bedroom to get dressed. I put on my old jeans, and the top I wore for occasions; an embroidered blouse Enola got me for my birthday.

I let my hair down and swept it to the side to hide the permanent scar on my left cheek. I got my keys, threw them in my purse and went downstairs to find Enola waiting for me.

Enola saw the man who saved me and recognized him, he was a town resident, she declared. So I had to bring her along with me since she knew where to find him. We took a cab and drove all the way to the small town. I wasn’t fond of our little trip, cars made me nauseous and I wished we could walk but the heat and distance weren’t helping.

The house was huge comparing to the houses next to it. It was also very different. The house's bricks were a combination of baby pink and purple, surrounding enormous windows, and a little green door. And then came the little garden, which was breathtaking, it consisted of different kinds of flowers; peonies, lilies, jasmine, hibiscus and roses. It looked like a house from a fairytale.

"Should we knock?" I asked Enola.
She nodded and headed to the little door with me behind her.

A short old woman opened the door for us; she welcomed us inside after hearing what we wanted. "You probably mean Mr. Casseus, I'll give him a call, he'll be here in a minute" she said.

A blonde guy came to us after less than a couple of minutes. He had a friendly smile on his beautiful, tanned face. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him, his hair crowned his head like leaves of gold under the sunlight, he was wearing white from head to toe, his blue eyes were so pierced against his dark skin, and I would have mistaken him for a Greek god with that name of his.

"Rosa said you wanted to meet me, How can I help you?" he asked politely.

" I think she got it wrong… I, um…do you have a brother Mr. casseus?" I asked hesitatingly.

"No" he frowned. "Are you sure you got the address right?"

"Isn’t this Donna Carina's residence?" Enola raised her brow.

"It is the one" a different male voice came behind us.

I looked up at the voice's source. He was the same man who was at my bedside three days ago. He sat on the edge of the sofa beside Casseius.

I examined him shamelessly before I spoke, he looked so messy, his hair naturally disarrayed and wild. His dark skin so smooth yet he needed to shave, he was so huge but he had a body of an athlete. He was beautiful, yet his face wasn’t perfect like Casseius's, his face looked alive, there was this aspect of life in his beautiful, imperfect features.

"Hey I'm Vanessa, I didn’t have the chance to say thank you the other day" I began. "So I…I decided to come by and…"

"I know who you are, sure" he interrupted me coldly.

"oh" I grunted. " um, I thought you might like this" I handed him the cookies.

He looked at me blankly.

"That's very nice of you Vanessa, Alex likes cookies, we all do" Casseius shot Alex a hard glance.

"Yeah, thanks" Alex said coldly, eyeing my scar.

I was taken by surprise by Alex's attitude. What was that all about? Maybe he was upset about something else. I thought, suddenly defending him.

When we left the strange fairytale house, I felt uneasy and was really irritated.

"what are you thinking of Nessa?" Enola eyed me suspiciously, interrupting my thoughts while we were in the cab.

" Those people were weird, I didn't get them, what were they to eachother if they weren't brothers?!"

" well, Donna Carina is Alex's mother, I think the other man is the son in law or something, I'm not sure" Enola said.

" and how on earth you know so much about them?!" I asked her urgently.

" my daughter used to work at their house Nessa" she said.

" oh, okay, that guy,Alex wasn't really nice" I muttered angrily.

the cab pulled over and I stepped out hastily. " thanks for coming with me today Enola, it meant a lot" I forced a smile.

" of course I'll come with you, you silly!" she patted my hand gently.

" um, I'll be needing my privacy, there's no need to stay with me all day, I'll be fine!" I sounded desperate for my freedom. she laughed.

"sure" she said. " just don't forget to come by to my house tonight, the kids will be around".

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lay on the white, strange bed, I shriek and moan with agony, the pain is so close to my heart, my heart aches. I try to open my eyes, I can't. a very dark, evil force is pulling me down, down , down...until I'm out of bandwidth.




to be continued....

white

I was really inspired by the beach and the ridiculous beauty of the islands so I wrote this, I don't know if there's more of this story but I think whenever I'm free I'll write...hope you enjoy it PEOPLEZZ;**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kill yourself?-what's the point? It achieves absolutely nothing." Precisely: it achieves nothing and nothingness is what I want." I recited these famous words once again in my head. Words were written by the Austrian poet, who killed herself two months after writing them. Why would anyone crave "nothingness"?. Does the question even matter? The damage was done. She wasn’t happy with us. My mother wasn’t happy with us, that’s why she killed herself. Maybe she craved nothingness. Maybe nothingness was her aim.

I enjoyed lying between my own sheets, free and unbound but I couldn’t sleep, I tossed and turned in bed just like any other night. Hell, it had even become a routine to me. Dark circles were a dominant part of my soft, baby face. They were a part of my eccentric, dark personality.

There wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to be able to sleep so I decided to get up and head to my favorite place in this island; the private beach.

I wrapped my crochet shawl over my nightdress, pulled my thick long hair into a ponytail and took my keys. I caught my reflection accidently in the mirror and gasped, I avoided mirrors as much as I could. I never liked what I saw.
I ran down the short stairs of my small shack-like house, and into the narrow street. The air was crisp and delicate as it surrounded the midnight streets. It slapped me gently, as soon as I was out. I inhaled it deeply and started walking to my favorite place. I lived two streets away from the beach, so getting there by foot was easy. As I walked past the small buildings near my house I could see the moonlight painting patterns upon the dark, asleep island.

I could smell the salty sea breeze as I approached. The rich scent filling my lungs as I inhaled. I sat on my usual spot preparing myself for my own ultimate bliss. I slid down the rubber band that was in my hair and let my hair fall down my back forcefully. This was my personal heaven, my own little happy place; there was no need to hide. I shut my eyes. The air blew my nightdress furiously; I let out a giggle while I remained still with my eyes closed. My hands automatically reached for the sand, grabbing it gently, playing with its softness.


The usual feeling of relief washed over me, the relaxation that came with the sense of isolation and serenity, the ease and the familiar comfort. But there was something different about that relief, it wasn’t the same one I felt every single day since I started coming to this little haven of mine. And I couldn’t fully relax. There was definitely something different tonight and I couldn’t blame it on the suddenly cold weather. Different wasn’t even the word. Something was wrong about my happy place.

I shifted uneasily from my position, and opened my eyes slowly. I took in the beige sands and the glittering dark sea water under the moon light, the ridiculously bright green palm trees and the long grass. But something else caught my eyes, a new thing in my happy place, a scary thing…a dark shadow behind a tall tree.

I caught my breath and jumped to my feet when I noticed the shadow approaching me. I wrapped my shawl tightly around my body and brushed my hair back with my fingers. I could see the shadow clearly by now, a man was standing right before me, a dangerous looking man.

"Perfect night for a murder, huh?" His thick, masculine voice spoke, making me jump in my place.

A bead of cold sweat trickled down my forehead; I shivered slightly although it wasn’t really cold.

"What's wrong pumpkin? I'm not really scary" he flashed his yellow, jagged teeth in a very wicked grin.

"Um…I think I'll head home" I muttered softly.

Suddenly he ran towards me and held my arm in an incredible strength "not so fast" he said.

"Get off me you…" I was about to finish my sentence when his big hand reached for my face and shut my mouth. I tried to scream but he wouldn’t let me go. I struggled to free myself from his strong, dirty grasp, but he was much stronger than I was.

His other hand reached for my thigh, I screamed at the top of my lungs but it was muffled with his hand covering my mouth. "Don’t scream you bitch, I'll finish it quickly" he said huskily while he tried desperately kissing me.

I started crying violently because at this point I knew that I was completely alone and completely…dead. His small, dark eyes bore into mine and I couldn’t take it, I lifted my head up and looked at the beautiful moon above me, trying with the little strength that was left in me to ignore watching my slow death. I closed my eyes.

----------------------------------------------------------------
I didn’t feel a thing, not a single thing. No pain, no nothing. My death was so painless, so soft and comfortable, just like…bed sheets. My eyes hurt. I could feel a luminous light directing my eyes. Was this hell? I didn’t even deserve hell; I was raped and murdered for god's sake.

I struggled to open my eyes; the light wasn’t getting any better. Sour Tears stung my eyes as I opened them slowly; the bright light was surrounding someone before me. Someone I didn’t know; a man was sitting at my bedside, surrounded by the bright sun that was coming from the window. But it didn’t matter, I was dead.

"I'm dead aren’t I?" I whispered.

He laughed without humor. "No you're not"

"Oh" I looked around me; I was on my bed, at my home. So I wasn’t dead after all. I closed my eyes again, I couldn’t take it all in. he didn’t kill me, the ugly monster didn’t kill me and that's all that matters.

"Then who are you?" I asked him, with my eyes closed.

"He didn’t touch you, he won't come near you again, or any other girl" he said sternly.

My eyes flew open, his anger surprised me. "You saved my life" my mouth muttered the words involuntarily.

"You're welcome" he smiled briefly, got up swiftly and left the room.

behind these hazel eyes(new)

im going to tell their news in a storytelling way just like i've started...

--------------------------------------------------------------

I've always known that we will always be in each other's lives, no matter what obstacles we face, problems we go through, and even no matter whom we end up with, I'll always be his and he'll always be mine. I've always been aware of my unconditional feelings for him. I've always been aware of us.

So him contacting me again was not at all a surprise, I was even expecting it. It all started again last year, in winter. I secretly believe that winter is our season, since we met in winter, broke up in London's winter and got back together in Kuwait's winter again. It was 12:30 am, I was indulging my big Mac and watching friends on mbc4, when all of the sudden my phone beeped announcing a message. I reached for my cell phone casually with my burger greasy hand. Flipped it open and faced the message that made me whole again. " my heart misses it's life source…" Terki.

My heart did a back flip and my hand trembled, I took a deep breath, put the phone down and continued biting off my sandwich, ignoring my rapid heartbeats. After I finished eating, I ran to my bedroom, sat on the bed and stared at my phone again. I reread the message several times and decided to send him something in return. Something smart. "Did u cut back ur pills?"I sent him. Very smart Jana, I thought.

"I wish it was the pills, it's actually sumthin else, sumthin stronger...wud u take a guess Miss. Jana?" He sent me back, less than a minute later.

"No you tell me" I rolled my eyes, my messages were so lame, I should be smart, I should impress him after all these years!

"Something small, breathtaking, unbelievably cute and oh so stubborn!" he sent.

My cheeks got really warm and flushed unexpectedly; I held my cheeks with my both hands and stared at his message. After five whole minutes I decided to send a message. "What took you so long?" and as soon as I sent it my eyes filled with huge, warm, painful tears.

I changed my style but my roots were showing(28) FINALE

I am sitting in the most beautiful place you can think of. Literally, the most beautiful. I can see the bright moon's reflection on the sea that is right in front of me, yet I'm nowhere near it. The ac is on since the weather is really dusty outside and The leather sofa's rubbing against my skin is sending chills through my entire body. But I don’t mind because marveling at the lavender beauty on my engagement finger every five minutes alone can warm me up all over. I stretch; I've been writing this post all day long (on this particular sofa!) And suck on my vanilla lip gloss for the hundredth time since my diet prevents me from snacking before dinner and being a food lover, I'm dying of hunger!

Zain aka HH my husband (yes husband no longer fiancé but I don’t live with him.YET) joins me on the sofa, I close the laptop immediately when he pulls me against his chest. "mu bard 3alaich?" he says.

" hmm la 3ady, im enjoying it"

" matabeen peanut butter?" he offers me the jar of peanut butter in his hand.

I frown " la esta'3fer allah"

He chuckles. " kaifich 7adda latheth"

" bel3afia" I say while I wipe the corner of his mouth with my fingertip. I stare at his face for a while and take in his features. His big black eyes, his dark skin and his beautiful lips with that sexy mole on his chin. I smile when I remember the first time I saw him, he's no saud but he's so rayaal! I remember telling Jana.

" enzain matabeen takleen shay?" he asks again.

" in thirty minutes, may9er akel gabel" I tell him.

" faroo7a I love you and everything bas entay film! Mala da3y dieting, enjoy life, and I LOVE your body,wallah.."

" I wanna fit into my wedding dress! O feh farg bain skinny o SUPER skinny and every bride should be super skinny"

" if you say so" he flips open his laptop and begins working on something, I take the chance and open mine and resume writing the last part of the story.
--------------------------------------------------------------

JANA

He gasped. I froze. I could hardly believe my eyes, I blinked. Is he really here? Oh god I can't do this, I can't take this! I didn’t even see this coming; I thought I would never see him again. And there he was stunningly standing there, right in front of me.

"You're…different!" his eyes widened.

"You're… HERE" I gulped.

" yes. I am" he said and then his beautiful face broke into a smile.
"happy twenty fourth birthday Jana" he handed me a small bag.

I stared at him blankly; I still couldn’t believe my eyes.
" enzain will you take my humble gift? And will you let me in?" he grinned.

" oh, um..come on in, I um sorry" I stuttered stupidly.

I locked the door behind him and led him to the tiny living room. " you want some coffee?" I asked.

"sure"

------------------------------------------------------------------

I covered my half naked body with my soft fluffy robe and headed to the kitchen. My hands trembled while I prepared the coffee. It was the worst situation I ever experienced. Why would my ex fiancé come all the way here after a whole year of our break up, why?!

And what scared me the most was that I longed for this moment for as long as I remember and when it finally came I felt nothing,I felt...cold.

I poured the coffee into the thermos and placed it on the tray along with two cups; I sighed deeply and went to the living room.

" et'fathal" I handed him a cup of coffee politely and sat on the chair besides him.

" so how are you?" he began a conversation.

" mashy el 7al, how are YOU?"

" el7emdella, 3ayesh" he said. " jana?"

"hala?"

" wayed met'3ayra, tadreen lo ashofich bel share3 ma3arfech"

" I don’t think I've changed" suddenly I was so annoyed. He didn’t have the right to show up here and act all normal and easy like we're old friends or something.

" your appearance changed I meant" he said " but you're still beautiful" he added.

I ignored him and sipped my coffee.

" why are you angry?" shit! How did he know?!

" im not" I faked a smile.

" you know what was really bad about our relationship?" he said.

"what?"

"is that we got to know each other way too well" he grinned " so don’t fake it, I know you very well"

I sighed. "you know what? Yes I am angry! You know why? Because I don’t know what you're doing here! why did you come here?! YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE!" I yelled.

" I came here to wish you a happy birthday, and because I've …missed you"

I laughed " it took you a year to miss me? mashallah 5osh love hatha! Terki ana baroo7 anam, and I think you know your way out, bye." I got up from my seat and left him alone in the living room.

" laish tnamen embacher, it's Friday!" he shouted.

I ignored him, turned off the lights and slammed the bedroom's door behind me.

I woke up the next morning with a heavy heart. My body ached and I didn’t want to get up from bed but I wouldn’t let him win again, I suffered for months and that was enough. Him showing here after a year was not a big deal, I didn’t love him anymore. No, I didn’t love him.

I took a quick shower, wore a comfy dress and had my morning coffee while reading the paper. The bag Terki gave me yesterday was there in the kitchen. I took a quick look inside the bag. There was a card that said " happy 24th to the most beautiful person on this planet. You'll always be in my heart.
Ps: I know how much you love decorating your beautiful earlobes:)
Pps: I still own the darabeel box you gave me
Terki."

I couldn’t help smiling at the card. It was so cute. I took the little velvet box out of the bag. I opened it and the most beautiful pair of pearl and diamond earrings were there. I ran my fingers gently over it and decided to "decorate" my ears with it. I placed one on my right ear and looked at my reflection in the mirror, I gasped when I saw how beautiful it was with my blue-black hair. I placed the other one and took out the rest of the contents in the bag. A dead flower and an album. Weird, I thought.

I opened the album and a picture of myself wearing a red dress and smiling at the camera appeared. I could feel a lump in my throat when pictures of me in Terki's arms started showing while I flipped over through the photo album.

The doorbell's ringing made me jump. I tucked the album inside the bag and went to answer the door.

It was him again.

" you're crying?" he almost whispered.

I couldn’t resist I kissed him back, I didn’t realize how much I missed his taste and his body against me, god I missed him.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my closer. " what are you doing?" I said breathlessly.

He shut me up with an even deeper kiss.

Before I knew it we moved to the bedroom, he picked me up and threw me on the bed and lied besides me. "I have bad news" he whispered into my ears.

"what?" I whispered back.

" we are still madly in love with each other" he said.

" I don’t care, I don’t want you to go" I buried my head against his chest.

He kissed my head. "I won't" he promised.

And then he moved in with me. I knew it was wrong but I wanted him as close as possible to me, besides he would be leaving in two weeks and I wasn’t sure that he would come back again.

It stayed like this for almost two years now. We lived separately, me between Kuwait and London, him in Kuwait and between other countries because of his job and as soon as he gets a vacation he'd visit again. I'd lie if I tell you that I was okay with this weird relationship. We weren’t even a couple. I lived my life normally without him except at some nights when I lose connection with myself and cry myself to sleep.

 

11-november-2008

I lied on bed thinking. For some reason I couldn’t sleep and it was hot. Terki was sleeping there next to me. I thought about us and how wrong our relationship was. I should talk to him, I thought.

His loud breathing interrupted my thoughts. I touched his bare shoulder in an attempt to wake him up.

"baby?" I whispered.

"hmm" he groaned.

" did you take your pills today?" I stroked his hair.

He struggled to open his eyes " eshfech?" he asked.

" 5athait your pills elyoum?"

He rubbed his eyes " la chenny nesait"

"damn it Terki! Where are they?!" I snapped.

" madry , in my case over there maybe" he said with his sleep filled voice.

I rushed towards the kitchen with a glass of water and took his pills out of his case. " DON’T forget it again, PLEASE?!"

" enshallah" he swallowed the pill and shoved it down with water.

Before he drifted back to sleep again, he brushed my hair and said " I can't live without you janoona, this time I'll take you home with me" and then he took me into his arms and slept on the scent of my hair.

" why did you come here?" a single tear trickled down my cheek and before I could say anything else he pulled me into a deep passionate kiss.

farah aka MOI

14-november-2008 Is when I decided to go to London with my sister Fay and her husband Khalid , I was thrilled because I loved shopping in London and I really wanted to see my former best friend Jana.

I didn’t tell her that I was coming; I wanted it to be a surprise. we landed on the British soil in the morning, we stayed at carlton tower and I'm sure you all guessed what was the first thing I did after waking up from my short nap. Well, I took a cab and drove all the way to bond street. I really wanted to see her.

--------------------------------------------------------

I pressed the buzzer and waited for less than a minute when, surprisingly for me, Terki opened the door.

" farah?!"

"Terki?"

We were both shocked.

" is..is .. IS THIS JANA'S APARTMENT?!" I asked him, blushing.

" um, yeah yeah, 7ayach!" he welcomed me inside awkwardly.

I sat on a chair in the living room with him in front of me. Before I could open my mouth to say something, A skinny girl with Cleopatra-like hair showed. "FARAH!!!" she screamed my name.

" who..JANA!!!!!!!!!" I screamed back. god my friend was different! She didn’t look like her old self at all! She was paler and skinnier, her natural golden glow was gone and her beautiful brown waves were replaced by straight shiny black strands.

"OH MY GOD!! FAROO7AAA!!" she said and jumped on me, giving me a monster hug.

I was taken aback; I thought she didn’t want to see me again. I really, really missed her.

And then I hugged her back and to my utter dismay I started crying. " what the hell is he doing here?" I whispered into her ears.

" I'll tell you everything, just get me out of here first" she whispered back.

I pulled away and wiped my eyes. " Terki,can I borrow Jana?"

He smiled when he saw my tears "sure farah, bas please latabcheen, o latbachenha weyach"

I giggled " I'm sorry"

Jana took her coat and we left the apartment.

" wow, long time no see" she said.

I sighed " I've missed you"

" I thought you didn’t want to see me again" she said. her eyes filled with tears.

" you know, ana makent aby aga63ech Jana" I said.

" I was depressed" she said " you cant blame me, and then I needed you and you weren’t there"

"Neither were you"

We continued walking silently to the nearest café in Bond Street. We sat down and ordered our drinks. " so" she began.

" so…tell me first, eshlonich? How's your life here?" I asked.

"el7emdella, everything's great"

"you mean it?"

"yes I mean it" she assured me " I am happy but.."

" but TERKI …9a7?"

" yes, we don’t even have a relationship, it's like when we're on the verge of breaking down he comes back to me, and it sucks" she said. and then she told me about the whole thing between her and Terki.

" hmm, I don’t like it" I said.

" me neither"

" you know, you should write a book about your love life"
" akteb 3an sheno exactly? 7arakat Terki el '3areeba? Wela sowad wai fahad o s3ood?!, plus I don’t have a love life"

I laughed. " show women what men are really like, plus people love those kinds of things"

" Farah I don’t need to show them how men are screwing our lives, they already know! And speaking of which, are you still with your boyfriend?"

I nodded. " I've never been so in love actually"

She reached for my hand across the table. "testahlain 7abebti, tell me about him, what's he like?"

I sighed. "Perfect, he proposed to me twice and I didn’t give him an answer"

" el rayal min zeman kan yabeech eb zawaj, he didn’t want to play around, entay madry laish 7anachtay 3leh, a5er shay kalamteh hehe" she said " ohwa wayed mo7taram Farah, do you want to marry him?"

" I love him but I'm scared, madry ya3ny" I said.

" say yes, you guys deserve each other, at least one of us will end up with the man she loves, do it for me" she smiled.

I squeezed her hand. "eshlon el derasa?" I asked.

" lo3aa, wallah lay3a chabdy , lots of work, what about you?"

" mashy el7al, bas aby aftak! En5ale9 min el jam3a ye6la3lena shay thani" I said "enzain tell me, what are you going to do about Terki?"

" I think I need to talk to him" she said.

" ana agool, golela about what you feel, tell him its either getting official AGAIN or breaking up because what your having now is mala da3y! he shouldn’t come back and stay at your place as if you were a married couple!"

" my mother hates him" she said.

" but you're only happy with him, and she wants you to be happy!" I was getting impatient; I so wanted these two to get back together.

" I will talk to him tonight, I promise" she said.

I walked with Jana to her apartment, hugged her and took a cab to my hotel.

When Jana entered her apartment Terki wasn’t there, she changed her clothes and waited for him in the living room.

After less than thirty minutes he showed up with tons of Harrods bags in his hands. " hi 7ayati, I've missed you" he said.

"where were you?" she asked him. " o sheno kel hatha?"

" re7t ag3ad weya o5oy, he's here with his wife"

" I know, Farah told me"

" and I brought us dinner" he handed her the bags.

" Terki, I need to talk to you"

"me too" he said.

He sat down beside her. " ladies first"

" it's about us Terki, I don’t like what we're doing. It's like you can live without me,3ady 3endek and when you have a vacation you come here and I welcome you wela chenna 9ayer shay, I hate it Terki, and I don’t want it to happen again" she sighed.

" I know, I hate it too, that's why I want you to be my wife, not my fiancé, MY WIFE" he took her hand in his " would you marry me Jana, baby?"
A million thoughts raced across her brain in a split-second as she sat there. she didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t like before, he wasn’t even her boyfriend. she looked at the loving, gentle expression on his face and her eyes betrayed her and she could feel the warm flood of tears streaming down her face.

She touched his face gently " I'm sorry Terki but what you did to me before one week of our wedding was unforgivable, selfish and heartless. Enta mafakart feeny, instead you considered your brother ely el7een 5a6ab o soon ra7 yetzawaj o wela hamma, you didn’t want to hurt your brother bas rethait enik tejra7ny, you know what's the difference between me and you Terki? I love you so much to the point that I let you in my life again without hesitation, I amaze myself when it comes to you, adoos 3la karamty bas 3ashan I satisfy you, o enta wela 3al bal, tsafer o tred o matgool feh w7da 7mara na6ratny here, despite everything I still love you like before and I'll always will, nothing changed except one thing, the fact that I can live without you, I think I can survive without you and I don’t think that my life sucks without you."

He opened his mouth like a gold fish, he couldn’t speak. He was so shocked and very surprised by her reaction.

And then he took her both hands in his and kissed each one of them and stared at her. " I'm sorry 7abebti, I don’t deserve you" he said.

He let go of her hands, stood up and made his way to the door. She was so overwhelmed with the whole situation, she couldn’t stop crying. And then she stood up and went over to him at the door.

When he saw her approaching him he swept her off her feet and hugged her with every nucleolus of love in his body. He crushed her bones with his love and he didn’t care, he hugged her and refused to let go because he knew that it was the last time he'd be this close to her.

After a while he put her down and kissed her deeply on the lips. "good bye Terki" she said.

"you wish" he and pulled her again for a kiss.

" don’t forget me" she said.

"never" he assured her.
"I'll come to pick my stuff tommorow when you're out" he touched her hand slightly, ran his hand over her delicate fingers and then he spoke again " bye 7abebti"
To her utter surprise, she didn’t feel sad when he left. Actually she couldn’t stop smiling, she finally let go of her anger and was able to move on with her life. Of course she still loved him with every pulse in her heart but she knew that she deserved better. She didn’t want another man and she didn’t want to get married, she just wanted to be happy and thank god, she was. she took her coat and her purse and left the apartment with a huge smile on her face and red eyes.
she wandered happily across the cold,wet streets of london. she was finally breathing for the first time in three years.

The end

-------------------------------------------------

not really..

Farah (moi): myself, is married to zain and our wedding is in couple of months.

zain(HH): is obviously married to me.

Jana: just finished her phd thesis and called me yesterday to inform me that she'll be coming to kuwait to help me with the wedding arrangements and preparations. and she's still in love with Terki but she's kinda involved with someone, it's not certain but the guy likes her alot.

Terki: is still gorgeous and single. his business is getting better and better because he's so devoted to it and I personally think that he's still in love with Jana.

Saud: is married to a girl who looks exactly like the old Jana, it's scary and embarassing. I think he was in love with Jana's looks NOT personality because he didn't even have the chance to know her.

deema: I saw her profile in facebook two weeks ago, and let me tell you, that girl is in love with herself because she has 104 pictures in her albums!

Fahad: I heard that he's with a girl I used to know at college, but nothing official yet.

Khalid: he's the sweetest thing ever! ;**

Fay: is pregnant with her second child from Khalid.

Jana met my best friend bader and the rest is history....;)

THE END.

love you all ;**
yours Farah-moi

I wore many masks that I forgot which one's my real face(27)

two years later(2008)

My London's apartment was undeniably small, but a delightful haven. I had been lucky to find it; it was on 7 George Street, five minutes away from Selfridges and Bond Street, A very desirable location. The apartment was on the second floor and consisted on a large room, a small bathroom and smaller kitchen behind it and then comes the cozy bedroom. Everyone thought that I moved here about two years ago to get my masters degree, but it wasn’t like that. I needed to be away from Kuwait because everything reminded me of him. even Farah which was no longer my best friend. At first we messaged and talked on msn sometimes but it stopped a few months ago. She was sick of trying and I was sick of pretending.

You're probably wondering what happened after I left Terki in that hospital. Well, after I left that hospital I went home right away. Surprisingly, I didn’t shed a single tear, not ONE tear. I was emotionally numb; I didn’t feel anything to the point that I wished my heart would ache so I could feel human again.

As soon as I reached home I sat on the corner sofa in the living room before my mother. She frowned when she saw my face. "jana? Eshfeech?" she said.

" maby atzawaj Terki, I left him" I told her and walked to my room.

When I entered my room, my wedding dress was hanging out on the closet's door. I brought a mini scissor from my manicure kit and stared at the dress for a while. "im sorry" I ran my fingers over it gently and then I began cutting it off like crazy.

After ten minutes when I saw my six thousand kd wedding dress turned into tiny pieces of fabrics, I sobbed like a baby.

At night my phone beeped. * Sometimes I have to be cruel for the right and wrong reasons. It's a burden only I will live with* Terki.

I saw my mother crying twice that year, and I knew that she knew that I wasn’t the one who ended it with him. She saw me as a divorced woman and it killed her. I didn’t know what hurt more the fact that I was practically divorced or that my mother was grieving.

I don’t remember my life back then, it was blurry. I remember a few things though; being pathetic, ignoring the outside world, living on the sofa and most importantly, I remember getting gray hairs.

One day I opened my eyes. I had one of those moments of waking dislocation. Where was I? I wondered. It wasn’t my bedroom's ceiling. Then I turned my head and saw the big plasma TV of the small living room. I must've slept while I was watching that series, I thought. Suddenly without even thinking of it I got up with the blanket wrapped around me, and walked to my mother's room.

" mama, bakkamel derasty"

"9ij?" her face lit up " ofcourse! Wain tabeen? Bil ba7rain? Nafs farah?"

" no mama, I thought London actually, and since when Farah betkamil bil ba7rain?!"

" 5altich muneera galatly, tgool she'll quit her job at dewan el mu7asaba o betkamil derasat'ha"

"oh" I really missed my sister Farah, who thought we would lost our friendship at the age of twenty three.

After two months I was ready to leave. Everyone came to say goodbye to me, Farah's included.

" deeray balich 3la ro7ech o lateg6e3en please" she said.

"You too" I hugged her.

When we pulled away we had tears in our eyes but we pretended that we didn’t cry. I was going to miss her terribly but I needed this so much. I needed to be away from it all.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

london

When I first moved to London, I felt totally miserable, I hated my apartment, I hated my college and I hated loneliness. I was alone, I didn’t have any friends and I needed to erase everything about him from my life.

When I walked into Selfridges for the first time and smelled APREGE LANVIN; his scent in the air, I collapsed. It was very embarrassing but I couldn’t help it, I sat on a chair at fendi's store and wept. Everyone was looking at me. And then someone came and touched my shoulder "lo sema7tay? Entay kuwaitia?" a soft female's voice said.

I looked up and saw her familiar face. Her beautiful face was tanner that before, her short blonde hair was longer. She was simply beautiful. " jana? 9a7?!" she said.

" yes deema" I sniffed. " hi"

"are you okay?!" she looked concerned.

" not really" I smiled weakly.

Then she helped me to stand up and took me to one of the Cafés upstairs . " I've heard about your um..breakup with Terki , im really sorry " she said.

" you don’t have to be sorry, it was along time ago" I cleaned my nose.

" he's always like that" she said.

" can we please not um talk about him?!"

"sure, sure im sorry" she said and she looked like she meant it.

we talked alot, and I have to admit I really had fun with her. she lived here and she gave me her number and said that I could call her anytime. but I never did.

------------------------------------------------------

25th of july-2007 was the first time I let him in my life again. It was my twenty-four birthday. I was watching TV on bed, when I heard my doorbell's ringing. I was wearing a tiny agent provocateur night dress, my bones were sticking out beautifully; I had lost tones of weight. I got up from bed, smoothed my fringe with my fingers and my new black hair and opened the door.

the LAST cut is the deepest(26)

25-9-2006

ge3adt min enoom, jesmy metkaser...ta3bana...whats wrong with me? ana adry mafeeny shay, im not sick...eshfeeny?

myself replied me back with a very soft sad voice: you're heart is broken.

I never thought a heart break can cause such a physical pain.

-----------------------------------------------------

I cried for an hour before turning on the engine and drove home. I cried while driving my way home. I cried when I saw the fourteen missed calls from Farah. Then I cried even harder when I reached home.

I took a shuddering breath; I couldn’t go on crying forever, though I felt as if I wanted to. But what was the point? I'd ruined my life. I'd hurt myself and the man I love.

After what seemed like hours of crying I decided to go to the bathroom and clean up my face. I gathered my strength and dragged myself to the bathroom.

I couldn’t help starting crying again when I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was a ruin; my eyes were red and minuscule in the puff pastry around them. My nose, especially around the nostrils was bloody red. I was ugly! I splashed my face with cold water which felt so good on my burning face; I splashed it one more time and shuddered. My eyes filled with tears when I looked at my reflection again. I knew that this breakdown wasn’t just about Terki. I cried because I hurt him and because I myself was hurt, I cried for my past, I cried for getting physically hurt by fahad, I cried for not having a decent chance to love Terki; the guy who made me feel the rollercoaster of emotions I had always longed for.

I was about to start crying again when my phone rang. I ran out of the bathroom quickly, hoping it would be Terki regretting what he had said to me, hoping that he wanted to get me back before losing me for good. I began frantically searching through my purse, the phone was still ringing. Where the hell is it? Where the hell is it?!!

When I finally found it, my face fell with disappointment and shock. It was fahad calling.

I picked up without hesitation, I just couldn’t let that bastard get away with what he had done. It was revenge time. " aloo" I began.

" jana, ma9adeg!" he said.

"shoof fahad ana engaged now okay?!!! malek 7ag etdeg 3ley o et2atheny!! Enta 9ij 7aqeer!! How can you live with yourself?! WAI3 YOU'RE DISCUSTING!! I never loved you, being with you was difficult and DISCUSTING!! I hate you!!!! I hate youuuuuu go to hell!! O dawerlek w7da min esheware3, MABY ASHOF REG3AT WAYHEK HERE FAHEM?!!!" I knew it was harsh but I really needed to let go of my anger.

Silence.

" bye Fahad" I was about to hang up when he spoke.

" jana?" he said.

"WHAT?"

" im sorry for everything, good luck o allah ewafgech, bye" and with that he hung up.

I was taken aback by his reaction, I stared at the phone for a second and then, suddenly I burst out laughing.

----------------------------------------------------------
I woke up the next day to the morning light edging underneath my half closed shutter. Something was different. I woke up today with something I didn’t have yesterday, I woke up today with hope.

I could see Terki while I showered, I could see him all miserable and needing me, I scrubbed my body and soul with the loofa until it ached.

I didn’t want to give up on him, not yet at least. I wouldn’t live with the fact that I didn’t try to get him back, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.

" 9aba7 el5air 7abebi:)* I sent him.

To my utter disappointment, he didn’t reply me back. But I didn’t give up, maybe he was still asleep.

I had breakfast with mother, changed my clothes watched TV with my brothers, and I still hadn’t received a single message from him.

* eshfeek ete'3ala?;p* I sent again.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It had been like this for the past two days I sent him lots of messages yet he hadn’t replied. It was utterly frustrating, but I didn’t lose hope.

One day I decided to call him and see what he was doing. He called me after I gave him two missed calls.

" Terkii" I stretched his name in a dala3 way.

He sighed.

" jana are you okay ? me7taja shay?" he almost whispered.

" I need you Terki, I love you.."

" jana please don’t make this harder than it already is"

" wainek?!" I said ignoring what he just said to me.

" at the hospital"

" why??! Whats wrong?!" I panicked.

" NOTHING'S wrong, im just doing my regular checkups" he said.

" which hospital?!"

" jana.."

"WHICH HOSPITAL?" I interrupted him.

" hadi's hospital, now can we please hang up l2na this isn’t making anything better"

" im coming" I said and hung up on him.

I went to hadi's hospital to see him, I needed to talk to him as soon as possible, I needed to stop this madness, I will get married to him, and I will get married to him next week.

He was sitting on the patient's bed and a nurse was injecting him with a large needle which made me dizzy by looking at it alone.

" eshga3da tsaween hnyy??" he muttered angrily.

" I need to talk to you, Terki you are making a big BIG mistake , 9adegny" I struggled with words.

" jana I've made my mind, laish et7ebeen et9a3been el omoor 3ley o 3laich?? Laish ya3ny?!! E7na mu awwal nas enfel "he sounded irritated.

" MABY Terki maby!! We are meant to be together! Enta eshfeek??!!! Ya3ny ana eshbagool 7ag omy o ennas?!! Eshbagolohom!! Terki this isn’t some boyfriend-girlfriend crap, WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!" I yelled. Terki asked the nurse who was burning holes in me by now, to leave.

He let a big sigh " jana we are NOT together anymore, 5ala9 you need to let go 7abebti, please?" he said softly.

I held his hand tightly " ma3aref o maby! Terki im tired of loosing you, I lost you once and it was unbearable! , maby, it feels like my soul being ripped out of me " I held his hand even tighter " maby"

" ro7ay el bait jana, you need some rest , roo7ay" he said. His eyes were filled with sorrow.

" maby!" I cried. " please don’t do this to me, please" I hugged him hard like a helpless child struggling to be in her father's safe embrace.

He pulled me away " 5ALA9 ROO7AY!! Mabeech jana 5ala9! Tabeen tesme3eny agool chethy ya3ny??!! MABEECH, I don’t want you, I don’t want to marry you" he yelled.

His words were like arrows penetrating my poor heart. I felt so sorry for my heart that I wanted to give it a hug and take all the pain away from it.

I ran my fingers over his beautiful face gently. at least I tried.

" goodbye Terki"

It started in a hospital and ended in a hospital.