Unsuitable 14

I don’t even remember sharing my number! My cheeks grew hot, now idea why I’m blushing. 

*?* I send  to make sure. 

He waved. Oh my god he waved! In front of his folks. I waved back. 

*ahlan!, 3ashat ayamik*

“ who’s that cupcake?” My friend asks

I giggle “ sa7? Long story magdr agol al7en” 

* bil3afya* I send , suddenly feeling adventurous *what’s your name again?*

I saw him smiling while typing * afa! Mat3arfen esmi?. Esmi hamad and you are zeinah right?*

* right 😃* I send back. 

It was true I forgot his first name. Hamad. Cute. 

* elso2al el aham shino kalaitai?*

I giggled again * granola and yogurt, u?*

* baas? That’s not food , kil khair baith, khobiz , knt abi fool bs maybe3on*

I can’t stop smiling! Dammah khafeef! * eee abi ath3af*

* why?*

* because I’m over weight..*

* u serious? You’re fine * oh. He doesn’t think I’m fat?

* thank u lol* 

And then we continued to text back and forth until he left with his family. I was smiling the whole entire time , I didn’t particularly feel any attraction towards him it was just that he made laugh and conversing with him was so effortles it was like talking to an old familiar friend. 

When I went back home I felt oddly okay. Not exactly happy but okay. The heavy  weight I felt on my chest for the hundred past days felt lighter , almost not there..it must be the anti depressants. 

That night I decided to pass by my deceased grandmother’s old house. She passed away three years ago and it still hurt the same. I was her favorite grand child; I even looked like her and acted like her. My dad used to always say to me “ it’s like looking at my mother” , the resemblance was uncanny and I loved it , because I aspired to be like her , she was so classy and educated and generous and she loved her children and her country and people and life. I wanted to be like her in every way  

The indian gate keeper opened the door for me and I went inside the huge old fashioned house, still looking the same, abandoned and untouched.  

I went straight to my grandmother’s chamber ;  I sat on her bed and smelled the sheets , it oddly still smelled like musk and shalimar ;her favorite scent. I fell asleep cocooned in her floral lacey bed sheets. 

The next week went on a blur, I stopped receiving texts from Hamad and I totally forgot about him until that fateful night.

I went to Julaia, my cousin’s beach house to chill for the weekend , it was just us girls , the cousins and their closest friends. Just like the old times .

We were watching pulp fiction on a projector around the pool, the weather was warm and lovely and for a very long time I was actually empty headed, no dark thoughts ,  no happy thoughts. Just plain numbness and it was okay  

“ el shalaih eli yam eli yamkom shalaih my crush” my cousin’s friend suddenly said  

“ whoo?” The girls echoed

“ wa7id min ziman akhiza “ she giggled “ and Then I stalked his social media and found out stuff” 

“ and?” 

“ and I love him” 

I laughed “ aww, sawai shy enzain! “

“ I don’t know mali khelg..”

“ let’s go walk jbal shalehom” my cousin suggested

“ noooo”

“ yes”

“ tara yeerana min sneen ma7ad ra7 yestaghrib”

And she finally conceded

So we went for a walk next to their beach house and luckily for her the boys were sitting outside , a bunch of them watching a soccer game ..

I didn’t look up because I honestly didn’t care to see anyone or be seen. So We walked passed them and my phone beeped with a text. 

“ okh 6ala3ti yaratna “ -Hamad