Unsuitable 11

My heart began racing, I wasn’t ready to see him , I wanted to dissapear and at the same time I wanted him to see me and see how marvellous I looked. 

I sat down in a total trance, my heart ready to burst out of my chest. Shit I wasn’t ready. 

“ hii zayoon, shfech” my friend said. 

“ h-hala hala sara7t shwy”

“ shfech..”

“ he’s here..” I whispered 

“ who?”

“ Mu-“ I began when my friend’s squeel interrupted me “ HIiiiii “

We embrace and kiss while he watched in total awe. I thought. 

Ok He was totally watching us. 

So I observed the girl he was with. Black long hair, tanned, beautiful… I thought in resentment. She was tall and lovely , so unlike my pettite form and blonde hair. So unlike me. 

Her dress was tacky I hated it. He obviously thought otherwise. 

“ mino hathi?” i texted my friend. 

“ I dont know her really bes tqith, enti a7la” 

I wanted to wail. 

He laughed at something she said. His eyes were on her, but ocassionally he would steal glances at me. 

I felt so small and unwanted, I wanted to leave, go straight to bed and cry myself to sleep. But my friends wouldn’t let me. God I missed him…

Later on that night I tossed and turned , hoping for a text from him but I never received any. I cried myself to sleep dreaming about that dark haired girl and the worst case scenarios, one of him being married to her. 

The next morning I woke up to a hundred missed calls and texts. I read the first message slowly, my brain refusing to comprehend the text written “ اللهم بارك لهما و اجمع بينهما بالخير.."

I read it one, two, ten times , my forehead dripping with cold sweat, my hands shaking and my vision blurring..

Shit I was having a panic attack….