broken dreams(25)

* im so sorry janoon, I love you, I know you're crying now, I feel terrible, we shouldn’t have fought, I didn’t mean it when I said you should leave him, you shouldn’t leave him!, you guys are great together, I love you both. But I still think you should tell him. Please give me a call.* farah messaged me after two hours.

I threw the phone away; I was still angry and hurt. She shouldn’t have talked to me like that. Maybe she was right but the way she said it was awful and it did hurt me.

I couldn’t sleep; I was in a very bad, very complicated situation. I couldn’t confront Terki, but I couldn’t ignore him either.

The next couple of days were utter hell; I avoided Farah and Terki completely. I knew that he felt how distant I was because he called me earlier today to inform me that he'll be coming for a visit; I expected that since I couldn’t possibly ignore my husband to be forever!

I took a quick shower and poured myself into a gray shirt dress. I gasped when I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, I looked like a junkie! I applied two layers of concealer , a bit of mascara and labello chapstick which did no use since I STILL looked like shit.

I didn’t have the energy to dry my hair so I brushed it wet, I was about to lie on bed since brushing my hair alone left me exhausted when my phone rang and his name appeared on the screen. " aloo" I almost whispered.

"hala 7ayati , ana ta7at" he said.

I gathered my strength and made my way downstairs, I took a deep breath and entered the living room. I smiled involuntarily when I saw his stunning figure sitting on the corner sofa; I even forgot how beautiful he was.

He stood up when he saw me and gave me one of his bone crushing hugs, I didn't hug him back, I just couldn’t.

"Are you okay?" he said, brushing a wet strand of my hair off of my face.

" y-yeah, why?"

" are you kidding me? jana where were you? Laish 7agra my calls o my messages?! Are you sick 7abebti? You're so pale!" his pierced eyes examined me.

" im sorry, bas I got my..you know" I smiled weakly.

" oh..oh sorry" he blushed " do you feel better now?"

"Much better" I lied.

He laughed.

" so every time you get your period , you'll ignore me?" he raised an eyebrow.

" hehe no, bas this once because um it was a bad one!"

He brushed my cheek. "I've missed you…wifey"

"Me more 7abebi, me more" I said, suddenly my eyes filled with tears.

"shaklech t3bana , do you want me to go?" he sounded really concerned.

"no, please stay" I touched his hand.

He picked me up and sat me on his lap "I hate to see you like this" he whispered into my ears.

I hate it too. My inner voice said.

Later that night he tucked me in bed and waited at my bedside until I drifted off to sleep. Which killed me the most because he didn’t know the truth, poor thing; he thought I was sick and needed him by my side.

The next day my wedding dress was delivered to my house. I was asleep when my mother knocked on my door. " janoona 7abebti your wedding dress we9al" my mother's excited voice came behind the door.

" Mhm" I groaned.

She opened the door and let herself in " yalla yumma gomay , gaysay el nafnoof 5anshofa 3alaich!"

" mama mabyyy banaaam!"

"Aren’t you excited?!" she asked. NO. I thought.

" mama I already tried it on bel ma7al" my sleepy voice muttered.

" el7een '3air! 3ogeb mathabe6oh! Yalla goomay warrai your mom!" she insisted.

" fine.. huff , bas 5al agoom a'3asel!"

I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. After washing my face and brushing my teeth I headed back to my room. She was sitting on the bed. " there you are!" she grinned "yallah wareeni!"

I took off my pajama and put the dress on " mama help me out" I demanded.

I poured myself into the dress, she zipped it closed for me and adjusted the fabric at the cleavage. " 7elo bas yabelech push up bra, chenich wayed tha3fana?" she frowned.

She was right; I did lost tons of weight.

" bas still esh7alatech, you're like the most beautiful bride bel denia" her eyes teared up.

" aww mama , ofcourse you'll say that im your daughter" I hugged her.

She hugged me back tighter and I started crying too. Not because I was touched, but because I wanted to wear this dress so badly and attend my wedding as Terki's bride.

Two days later I received a message from Terki *I need to see you ASAP*

*y dunt u cum 2 ma house?* I sent him back.

* No, cum to our usual café* okay this is strange, I thought.

* Sure*

I put on a track suit and drove as fast as I could to our café, he was already there.

" hi baby" I sat down before him.

He didn’t say a word, and from the black circles around his eyes I could tell that he was very tired.

" are you okay? is it your heart again?!" I almost yelled. I was panicking.

He shook his head. " jana, I want you to listen to me carefully okay?"

I nodded. Something was wrong I knew it.

" you are the most beautiful, most generous, decent human being I've ever met, you're the only one who convinced my heart to fell in love with you , you're the only one I'll ever love. I know you are strong enough to.."

" why are you saying this?" my lips trembled.

" please let me finish, please" he begged. His eyes were so red.

" the last thing I want to do is break your heart, I swear , entay 7abebti o 7ayati o kel shay, you're literally my everything. Im so sorry my baby, im so sorry I cant marry you , adry betgolin ana mu rayal , im so not proud of what im doing bas magdar a3eesh with the fact that my brother is in love with you, jana I cant marry the girl my brother loves"

" your brother loves?!! WHAT ABOUT ME??!!" I cried "you can't leave me and go, maby maby!!" I clung tightly to his shirt; I was so shocked to even realize what I was doing.

" jana please" he said " please understand"

"UNDERSTAND WHAT?!!! OUR WEDDING IS IN A WEEK!!! YOU BASTARD" I yelled. He shut my mouth with his hand and dragged me out of the café.

" gethbay elsanich!" he yelled back at me " you're making a scene!"

"fuck that!!! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, please don’t leave me" I collapsed in his arms.

He was so shocked. He carried me to his car, opened the passenger's seat and sat me on it.

" jana please don’t do this" he said " I've been thinking about the whole thing for the past two days and it literally killed me, jana s3ood e7ebich, how can I be around him with you as my wife?!!! Golely shlon!!! Shlon basawy eb o5oy chethy?!!"

I said nothing I just stared at him with huge tears in my eyes. Did I see this coming? No. did I see him like this before? No. he looked literally tormented, he even had tears in his eyes. I smiled at him and "sure" unexpectedly poured from my mouth. I opened the passenger's door and made my way to my car, leaving him behind just like he wanted.

when I got into my car I texted Farah *be happy , ely tabena 9ar*