soulless(7)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU 7ABAYBEE O A3EZA2EE;***, enshallah all your hopes and dreams will come true eb this year - yours : moi

I sat on a corner inside my shower box. Slapping water drops working their way against my hair and body , slapping my heart , my wounds, my swollen lips and bruised face. I couldn’t see a thing except the foggy glass before me and his face.

I dont know how long I've spent under the shower but when I got out my skin was wrinkled like a seventy year old.

I lied on bed , wearing my oversized football jersey. My wet hair was sending shivers down my spine but I didn’t have the energy to dry it. I didn’t drop a single tear, or any kind of emotion for that matter, Everything went blank.


I awoke to the sound of the stupid birds nesting on my window's deck. " shut up!!" I cried. I couldn’t stand a thing, everything ached, even my eyelids; they were so heavy I couldn’t open my eyes. "sektaww!! Leave me alone" I sniffed and cried my heart out. I felt my heart ripping from my chest. I screamed at the top of my lungs but no sound came out. "please.. leave me alone" I whispered talking to no one in particular. I cried myself to sleep.


5 days later

I lied on my back on the floor staring up at the ceiling planks and reflecting on the event which had led me to be lying here in filthy track pants and a stained t-shirt, my hair was unwashed for days. It was 7 pm on Monday. I was so wrapped up in my miserable thoughts ,I didn’t hear anyone entering my bedroom door and jumped when a little hand reached my hair stroking it gently. It was wahab my little brother. I looked up at him ,still lying down . he stared at me with concerned eyes. It was killing stuff. My throat tightened and a single tear crept down my cheek .

" janona shfech?" he asked.

"shway ta3bana 7abebi" I said hardening my voice. I sat myself up and faced him. "you know what will make me feel better?"

" what?" he said so innocently I just couldn’t take it.

" a big bigggg hug!" and I hugged him the hardest and tightest possible. he struggled to pull away from my arms. " enzain enzain you can go now" I laughed.

" ta3aly downstairs shofay power rangers weyana" he said .

" o-ok" i hesitated. I've spent the last five days in my room and I don’t know if im ready to go out, let alone downstairs. " 5alas ana ra7 ayey b3d shway 7abebi, go watch with 7amani ok?" he nodded and ran his way out of my room.

I switched on my phone for the first time in days. Nine messages, seventeen missed calls from farah, four from terki and none from fahad. I sighed so deeply , I think I was relieved .


I went downstairs. My mother was sitting on the big couch , I've told her that I was sick and that I needed to be left alone , she was so understanding and calm but I've seen the worry in her dark eyes. Poor mother.

Her entire face lit up when she saw my face. I kissed her head and sat beside her. "9ertay a7san 7abebti?" she said while trying hard to be normal about it.

"yes mama" I said.

" ee tara farah daggat 3alech wayed bas ana getlaha enna enty mareetha, maskeena she's worried about you, lesh matdgen 3leha ,5al teyey 3endich twansich?"

" mama shakly ana baroo7 laha 3ashan a'3ayer jaw shwaya" I said.

" okay 7abebti" she said " bas ra7 a3aref what happened exactly o you'll tell me, understood?"

I nodded. What would I tell her? That my long term sweet boyfriend( that she don’t know about) has beat me up? that he left me alone in the dark street at night?? What would I tell her?!


I put on a large sweater over my stained t-shirt , a pair of jeans and wellington boots. I looked like hell. The bruises on my left cheek were fading to a greeny-yellowy color and my lips were so red and swollen which made it worse. To top it all my hair was all greasy and messy and I didn’t bother combing it.

I dialed farah . " kany we9alt baitkom, laish za7ma barra?" I said.

" omy 3azma ahal khaled rayel fay" she said nonchalantly.

"oh, ok 3ayal ana shway wa93adlech" I hoped terki wasn’t there.

---------------------------------------------------
Farah's face drained of color when she saw me, she clamped her hand over her mouth. " omg!! What happened???!!!"

" calm down farah" I said softly.

"sheno calm down??!! Meno mkaf5ech??!!" she yelled.

"i'll tell you everything I promise! Bas calm down first, will you?"

And then I did. I told her everything from A to Z she didn’t say a thing , she was so surprisingly calm and quiet. When I finished she got up from her bed and sat next to me on the floor. " when did you start hiding things from me?" her voice broke while her eyes welled up with tears. She hugged me and started sobbing " im so sorry 7abebti" she murmured on my shoulder , I didn’t know what to do. I just hugged her back harder " you are something fara7o , ana ely en6aget o now im the one who's trying to make you feel better" .

"sektay, I hate you" she giggled.


We spent the entire night in her room. She tried her best to entertain me , we watched GOSSIP GIRL , she forced me to eat caramel popcorn and we talked. A lot actually. I told her about my feelings towards terki , and the nights I spent with him at his old house , she hasn't yet forgiven me , but I could see the excitement in her eyes when I told her how gentle he was and that he might have the same feelings for me.

" fara7 7abebti I really have to go, it's getting late" it was time to go home, besides I needed my soft fluffy bed.

" okay , I'll come check on you tomorrow" she said and hugged me tight.

" bye babes"

I made my way down the stairs . I could hear the chattering in the near living room. I decided to exit through the kitchen door to avoid bumping into someone. The kitchen was empty except for a familiar pretty striking face. he was there . terki was there.

His jaw dropped and his eyes bulged right out when he saw me. " jana? Are you okay?" he said rushing over to me.

" i-im f-fine , I was just s-ssick!" i stuttered stupidly.

he pulled me into his arms.

"you left me in a terrible state in the last few days" he said " how could you do this to me?" my heart stopped for a second.

I smiled at him ,as I breathed in his wonderful smell. But I couldn’t relax into his embrace so I pulled away.

" terki I cant talk to you here , anyone can see us" I said.

" magdar a6la3 now, it's inappropriate , I'll call you tonight, and you better tell me what happened" he said . his tone was so concerned and there was something different in his eyes. something I never saw before.