behind these hazel eyes

It happened one (new year's) night (1 of 2)

2012-01-02T02:21:00.000+03:00

Helloo dear readers! merry christmas and happy new year, this is my gift to you...much love xoxo

Finishing her creamy rich mushroom soup, she sat the tray on the other side of the four poster bed and put her throbbing head back on the soft pillows. She sighed heavily, a sense of relief and comfort sweeping over the areas around her stomach and back. Even the treacherous coolness in her little toes dissolved to delisious warmth. After three hours of insufferable period pains, a handful of pain killers, hot water bottles and soup, she was finally begining to feel slightly better.

She reluctantly left the inviting warmth of the hotel bed, with trembling fingers she put the empty bowl back on the tray and made her way to the bedroom door with the silver tray in her hands.

The whole thing happened too fast, one second she was simply opening her hotel room's door to dumb the tray on the floor, but as she opened the door a rain of blinding sparks fell over her vision and she swayed heavily, dumping the tray on a pair of big, masculine shoes instead. But before she hit the floor , she became aware of a pair of strong arms steadying her frail body. She shook her head to clear her vision, blinking hard and fast. "Are you okay?? is there something I could do??" He kept saying over and over again. She tried to talk but failed and could only manage a groan, clutching his strong arm with all her remaining strength, she felt herself being carried back to her room, she closed her eyes wetting her parched lips over and over again.

He carried her all the way back inside her hotel room and placed her gently on the bed. The girl looked so small and thin, a seventeen year old or not more than eighteen perhaps, he thought, she was just a child, a child who happened to lose conciousness in the hotel corridor, right before him and he had to help yet...yet an uncomfortable unfamiliar feeling tugged at his chest, a feeling he couldn't recognize, he had to leave her bedroom right away, it wasn't appropriate and she looked arabian, no she looked damned kuwaiti!

" Miss" He said. " Are you here with a parent or..a..friend? shall I call someone for help?"

She shook her head, unable to speak, her dried mouth and tingling face driving her mad. " Water" She finally managed in a husky, small voice.

Shit. Why do such things have to happen to simple, busy man like himself? where the fuck where her parents? was she here alone? He was suddenly furious with himself and with everything.

He went to fetch a bottle of water from the mini bar, and came back to her bedside emmediatly. He lifted her head up and helped her drink the cold, relieving water. She drank and sighed heavily, finally managing to open her eyes. That's when he noticed the beauty of her round, thick lashed light brown eyes. So big, so astonishingly golden around the irises, he instinctively leaned closer to take a better look. She suddenly became aware of his closeness and the heat of the stranger's body around her. staring down at her was the largest and most handsome male she had ever seen. His shoulders wide and beautiful in a gray, expensive suit, his black hair tousled and thick, framing a handsome tanned face with features so vivid she had to swallow hard to keep from swooning again, a beauty mark on the corner of his full pink lips caught her eye and she slowly colored, she self conciously tried to set up, making him jerk his dark head back in surprise and something else she couldn't read.

"I-I'm s-s" She stammered like an idiot, unable to perform actual words. She shook her head and tried again. " Thank you..I.."

" What's your name?" He suddenly asked, startling them both. He felt an odd curiousity towards this young girl, he wanted to know as much as he could about her. He wanted to know her favorite food, her favorite color, her name and age..good god, what the hell was wrong with him?

" L-lulu..and you Mr...?" She blushed hard, unable to look at his penetrating black eyes, her shy eyes settling on his tie.

" Yousef" He suddenly smiled, revealing startingly white teeth, contrasting the smooth of his tanned skin. Slight wrinkles appeared in the corners of his eyes, making him look more human and approachable, a touch of humanity and vulnerability for a face too perfect.

" What happend out there Lulu?" He asked, frowning slightly. " Are you ill?"

She shook her head, the color rising in her cheeks. " Just a bit tired, I'm fine now..thank you for everything.., this is really embarrasing" She let out a shaky laugh.

" Its okay" He said. " Should I call someone for you? a mother or a-"

" I'm here alone" He heard her say. " But thank you"

Wait a second. " Alone? how come you're alone?" He asked, one eye brow arched in surprise.

" With work" She grinned. "My work place sent me here, to you know..work"

"How old are you?!" He found himself askng, shocking them both yet again.

" Twenty four" She chuckled. " And you?"

"What? I mean sorry, um..." He cleared his throat. " I thought you were no more than 18 years of age"

She laughed. The sound musical and soft, making his heart clutch in a funny, unfamiliar way. He couldn't help but grin back at her.

" I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing" She said, jokingly.

" I don't know either" He said and gave her one of his charmig, heart warming smiles.

The next day she pumbed into him in the hotel lobby and then the next and the next until he told her, in that sexy deep voice of his. " I think that we are unconciously dating"

The fact that she was recieving attention from a gorgeous gentleman for the first time in her life, amused and frightened Luluwa, if only her sister knew, she smiled mischevieosly. Luluwa's sister Lujain was definately the one with good looks and charm. With only one year of seperation between the birth of the two girls, they looked nothing alike. Lujain, with her striking good looks, voluptuous curvy figure and stubborn, strong personality.While Luluwa the younger sister, painfully shy, easily overlooked and forgotten with average beauty and a small, narrow boned body of a little girl. Men naturally preffered the older one, even their mother liked Lujain better; a fact Luluwa bitterly accepted since childhood.

She rarely if never recieved any attention from the other sex, except for that skinny, boring cousin of her's whom her mother already contemplated as the only potential husband for her unlucky daughter.

Everything changed for Luluwa in that particular night. It was a night of new beginings and passion, the night she agreed to meet him over new year's dinner. They were both lonely and away from their families and friends in a merciless, impersonal city. The invitation seemed so innocent and casual at the time, but deep down Luluwa knew that there was nothing casual and innocent about him. He was the man every young woman fantasized about, the man mothers didn't approve of, the man she'd fall in love with in a heartbeat.

The fact that she spent two whole hours getting ready for the small, casual dinner was beyond her. She'd never spent that time getting ready for anything, yet she desperately wanted to impress him, she craved this stranger's attention, she wanted him to look at her like a man look at a beautiful woman and her own unlady like desire appalled her.

She finally settled for a red, cashmere dress that flattered and warmed her body. She even put on effort on her hair and make up. Her shoulder length, naturally straight brown hair was in gleaming waves and curles. She applied a little make up,due to her inexperience with cosmetics and therefore avoiding the risk of looking like a clown and she was honestly satisfied with the results.

Her heart thumping hard against her chest, she made her way inside the restaurant she promised to meet him in. He was already there, looking all relaxed and informal, the first two buttons of his crisp white shirt unbuttoned, showing the smooth skin of his tanned throat, the sleeves rolled to his strong forearms, the hairs and muscles made her swallow hard, perfection indeed. Luluwa felt out of place with her overdressed state, it was indeed a casual dinner. She colored with embarrasment.

He was deathly handsome and he was so out of her league.

She was not a great beauty yet he found himself furiously attracted to her. Maybe it was the way she looked, so young and innocent...she made him want to be very, very bad.

She took off her coat and sat on the chair opposite him in the round dining table. "glad you made it" He said, his smiling eyes meeting hers. A mistake...

" It's not like I have anything better to do" She said teasingly. Her glorious eyes glittered like liquid velvet, he wanted to stare at them forever.

The meal seemed to go on all night, they talked about nothing and everything and ate...a lot. And by the time they were finished, it was already five minutes before twelve. Five minutes before new year's. Everyone was gathering outside waiting for the fireworks and countdown to start, he paid the bill and took her outside to join the crowd.

" Oh my god this is insane!" She said, giggling.

His hand brushed against her's and she felt his warm fingers circling around hers. Maybe it was the magic of the night or being caught in a moment of sheer excitement, but she applied preasure on his fingers and they stood there, looking at the sky, fingers entwined.

10

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1

" HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"

They were standing so close, she could smell his aftershave and the deep underlying skin of clean male. The crisp scent of his wool coat and fragrance invading her nostrils. And before she comprehended what was happening, his powerful arm had brought her against the heat of his hard masculine body, his other hand travelling to her hot, pink cheeks. " Happy new year" He said leaning so close to her face, their noses touching, and he took her mouth in his.

She gasped and tried to push him away with her powerless fists but he didn't relent. He kissed her deeper, his tongue sliding tentatively across her lips,urging them to part and to her utter surprise, she responded, kissing him back with timid inexperience at first, and his hungry, urgent mouth gentled, now kissing her softly, savoring her as if he had all the times in the world.

She felt herself going limp, her senses drugged. Her traitorous fingers curled into the thick, soft hair at his nape, then moving to his powerful shoulders, clutching hard for support. Panting heavily, he slowly took his lips from hers and his hand brushed lightly against her cheek.

That was the last memory she had of him. It was the last time she saw him, the man she loved so violently for eleven months, for endless nights she thought and fantasized about him but didn't dare look for him. Until this day, when she saw him in her own home.

The man her sister was marrying..

To be continued...

My name is Nouf (21)

2011-11-21T02:21:00.003+03:00

Nouf almost shrieked with delight when her husband announced that they'd better go home rest before their flight. Of course his mother protested and made unecessary comments but he didn't relent and she almost ran to his car with relief. He must had known that something was amiss because as soon as he started the engine and drove away his hand reached her thigh, settling on her knee. He gave her knee a gentle squeeze. " what's wrong? you were quiet most of the time? tisti7een min ahaly?" He said, kindness filling his deep voice.

I very much would love to practice my boxing skills on your mother's botoxed face. " mafeeni ella el3afya, bes shwai daykhaa"

His hand was still on her knee. " Namay al7een as much as you can, I'll wake you gabil la enro7 il ma6ar"

" Can I ask for something?"

" Name it and it's yours" He said.

She grinned. New husbands were simply perfect. This one was at least, Nouf thought lovingly, he rarely denied her requets, his complete attention was for her and he gave her everything she wanted, almost everything; since she really fantasized about having her honeymoon on a tropical island, like most conventional couples, she wanted to wear bikini's, lie under the warm sun, get a tan and show it off. Unfortunately Sagir had other plans; he chose the least desirable place on earth for a honeymoon. A deserted, anonymous ski resort in Canada, she hated the cold, winter simply wasn't the season for her. She loathed layering jumpers and jackets which only made her look fat and unappealing, the entire gloomy nature of the season depressed her. Yet...yet she couldn't say all these things to him. She have always been tongue tied and terribly shy with the men in her life. Never expressing how she trully felt or what she really wanted, even with her friends she hated to dissapoint anyone and it was a sorry trait.Most people called her a pushover and she couldn't do nothing about it, inspite of hating this side of her and desperately tried to change it, she failed. Unlike Sheikha. Nouf had always dreamt of being like her best friend, spirited, strong and courageous. Nouf's heart swelled with longing at the thought of her best friend, unfortunately she won't be able to see her before her departure. She decided to send her a long message instead.

He bought her her desired coffee and then they headed home. Nouf was unusually drowsy and very sore, every inch of her hurt and she wanted bed instead of packing her luggage. She changed into a tiny slik nightgown, bared her face of make-up and put her hair into a messy bun.

"My entire body hurt, I'm so uncomfortable" She complained as she climbed into the bed.

He sat on the edge of the matress and took her hand. " Did I hurt you..last night?" He almost whispered.

Her face turned pink abruptly. " Is-is this really necessary?"

" Yes, I wanna know if I did..I'm sorry" He said in a husky voice.

" Yes" She said, blushing furiously.

" It's natural to feel sore in..in the begining, I promise it will feel less painful the next time we.." His words trailed as his eyed caught the dark blue bruise that covered her left arm. He ran his warm fingers over it, examining the mark. " hmm, you bruise easily" He told her and planted a kiss on the bruise.

A shiver of delight went down her spine. " Why do you think so?" She said, her voice a tiny whisper.

" Let's say I'm experienced" He smiled wickedly.

" That's not a very romantic thing to say!!" She punched him playfully on the arm.

" I'm not a romantic man" He grinned.

She rolled her eyes and showed her annoyance with a breif scowl. He wanted to kiss that scowl off of her pretty face. He wanted to take the annoying nightgown off of her, strip her of every piece of clothes and...

His phone rang loudly, interrupting the moment. He cursed under his breath and moved off of the bed.

while he talked on the phone, she lied in bed with her eyes closed, her skin still burning from his touch, she contemplated the events of the day, her amazing husband; dear lord, she loved him too much! she wondered if he'd stay this way after a year or two of marriage or if he ever wanted kids, she wished he'd stay this way forever.And then his annoying mother popped into her mind ruining the fantasy along with other unecessary thoughts of the ugly past, but then her lids grew heavier and weariness finally won over and she lost touch with the world.

Sleep was dark, sweet and dreamless . She awakened to the sound of a foreign alarm o'clock, blinking hard she tried to move and twist in bed but a muscular bare arm that was draped over her waist stilled her. She smiled, finally registering that her husband was sleeping next to her, his breath hot against her hair. She turned around to face him, settling herself closer to his side. He was sleeping on his stomach, his other free arm curved around the pillow beneath his head, his dark, eyelashes ridiculously long for a man casting shadows over his cheeks. Her hand involuntarily reached for his face, tracing his cheeks, his full lips and his jaw. He didn't move and his breathing didn't change but he shifted closer to her. She continued her joyous exploring, reaching for his arm, she traced the broad lines of his shoulder, sliding her hand to his arm with a gentle caress, he was so warm and smooth, that made her smile for his constant warmth puzzled her. Did the man ever get cold?

Then she lowered her small hand to his chest, drawing circles and silly hearts on his skin, unaware that he was fully awake by now. She jumped slightly when he captured her playful small hand with his big one. "Enough" He said in a husky, sleep filled voice. " You're torturing me"

His reaction to her touch made her heart swell with pride, she was so thrilled to discover that this gorgeous, desirable man could be so undone by her touch. The thrill of having the upper hand was too...too good to be true. But her joy was short-lived as he bent over her and took her ear in his mouth, he bit at it gently and tickled the lobe, his hand moving down to her thighs, catching her short nightgown and drawing it upward. Her breathing grew shorter and harsher, and she had to grit her teeth to keep from showing him how she enjoyed his touches.

" Sagir, we have a plane to catch..oh!" She clasped her hand over her moved when he moved lower, biting her flat stomach. He laughed and kissed the red spot softly.

The heat of his skin transferred to the coldness of her's and her resistance gradually weakened. She couldn't push him away. Damn it all she wanted to stay this way with him forever.

"S-surely the plane can wait.." Her voice shook.

" Definately" He laughed softly and siezed her mouth in a hot, demanding kiss.

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The flight was excruciatingly long and hellish. Nouf wanted to weep with exhaustion. Although the first class seats were supposedly comfortable, her back ached and she simply couldn't fall asleep. Sagir tried his best to distract her, inspite of the fact that she didn't complain once.Her face must have showed it all; the weariness and the irritation. He talked, made her laugh and ate with her but then weariness took over him and he drifted to sleep.

And then came the long torturous trip to the snowy mountains. The driver drove carefully along the threatening wintry roads. She was looking out the window through the whole entire long ride, trying to catch something interesting but all she saw was darkness. It was unbearably gloomy and cold. She shook violently underneath her long wool coat. Her small hands frozen in her lap, she was in the verge of tears and she couldn't look at Sagir, afraid she'd lose it and slap him hard on the face for making her going through this ordeal. She felt nauseated and she could find no comfortable position. Sagir suddenly pulled her against him, wrapping her arms around her. "Lean against me" He whispered into her ear.

She didn't utter a word and did as she was told, leaning against him. He was incredibly warm, she thought grudginly, tucking her trembling hand on the inside of his jacket. "I'll eventually die min il bard" She hissed.

"You won't" He held her tighter. " And quit the frown, we're almost there"

The rest of the journey became a blur, as she dozed off without realizing it. When they finally reached their destination, Sagir gently nudged her awake, she didn't open her eyes, only mumbled something and settled closely against his chest. He helped her outside the truck, carrying her all the way to the small cottage. The wind was harsh and agonizignly cold around them. He lowered her gently on the big bed and went to get the baggage inside the cottage with the help of the truck driver. When the whole thing was done, he locked the door of the small, luxurious cottage and threw his weary body on the bed beside her. It was deliciously warm inside, he wanted to sleep with his travelling clothes on. The whole effort of washing up and changing into Pajamas was too exhausting, yet he forced himself to leave the bed and get a hot shower. He lingered in the shower, thinking about his sleeping wife. He brushed his teeth and shaved, finally getting warm. When he approached the bed, she was still unconscious, snoring loudly with her heavy clothes and shoes still on. He took off her shoes, her coat and stripped her off her sweatpants and shirt. " Don't you want to take a hot shower?" He shook her gently.

She looked at him as if he was an idiot and shook her head. "mmm 3afia abii anaam...later" She didn't make any sense, he laughed and dressed her in a nightgown she packed in her small handbag. He brushed her hair and that lulled her deeper into sleep, finally he put the brush aside, he wrapped his arms around her waist and slept, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair.

to be continued...

my name is Nouf (20)

2011-11-14T23:28:00.000+03:00

The desperation in his husky voice made her turn around and stand right in front of him. She tried to see his face through the darkness yet failed. He extended his hand to her and pulled her on his lap. She searched his eyes for reassurance. When she finally found her voice she spoke, her voice was strained. " Sagir, I'm so fucking scared"

" I know baby, me too" He whispered while his hand moved to her hair, he tugged at it gently.

"really? I'm very impressed" She touched his bare arm.

He chuckled. "it's hard to believe I know.., your hair is the most beautiful thing, so shiny and soft" He pressed a rich lock of golden brown hair against his lips.

She blushed. "nonesense.."

" shut up and accept the compliment and let's go to bed."

And before she could protest he scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. He dumped her on the large bed and went to the other side of the bed. Damn it he was sick of waiting and he wanted her as soon as possible.

The bed all but swallowed her up.She lied down on the bed straight on her back, crossed her arms across her chest, closed her eyes and said " I'm ready"

He had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing, she looked like a dead person, only her breaths were shallow and panicky.He had to do something to make her relax.

Her eyes still shut, she felt the covers being pulled back then the bed sagged from his weight, he streched and got closer to her.

"Nouf.." He whispered and tickled her cheek, she opened her eyes and slapped his fingers. " Don't tickle me I can't bear it!"

He gave her the most devillish of smiles. " I didn't know you were ticklish, that's.....very, very important to know"

She rolled her eyes. " I'm serious"

" Oh, me too" He kissed her brow and pulled her to him.

" What the hell am I going to do with you?" He whispered into her hair while holding her to him.

She sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist.

His fingers slowly moved to the straps of her night gown. He slid the thin strap off her shoulder and she held to him tighter, a single hot tear escaping her tightly shut eyes. "Shhh, I'm going to be very gentle, I promise" He whispered into her ear and planted a soft kiss on her bare shoulder.

She shuddered and her skin was warm; it was a good sign. He rolled her onto her back and kissed her, with the sweetest mix of tenderness and strong need. His fingers awkward and trembling when he touched her hair, smoothing it away from her face. the going tender and slow task was proving to be ten times more difficult than he'd imagined. Her arms reached for him to wrap around his body, she touched his shoulders, her arms, his neck and his face and then she settled for his thick hair. She looked achingly small and fragile beneath him and he didn't know what do to so he pulled back slightly, fearing that he could hurt her. The only sound was that of their harsh breathing, he whispered. " Nouf, if you want me to stop..say it now..because in a few minutes I won't trust myself to stop"

She touched his cheek and when she finally managed to speak her voice came weak "Don't...stop" She rasped.

And he didn't.

When Nouf woke up the next day, sun was streaming through the half closed shutters, she opened her eyes slowly expecting to see Sagir lying next to her on the soft bed. He wasn't. She tried to move to a sitting position but her entire body hurt, She felt her cheeks burning when she remembered last night. She sighed and burried her head back against the pillows.

As if on cue, Her husband appeared, entering the bedroom with a cup of coffee in his hand. "saba7 elkhair" He grinned, revealing the set of his pearly white teeth, his darkly tanned skin making them appear even whiter. She blushed, He was shirtless with only pajama bottoms, he wasn't even wearing slippers.

"ahlan!" She grinned back at him, her cheeks furiously rosey. " esa3a cham?"

He couldn't believe she was all shy and blushing after all the things they've shared the night before, he found it amusing and extremly, heartbreakingly adorable. He ached to touch her. " it's 12"

"ollah! I must have over slept, when did you wake up?" She said, her voice still husky with sleep.

" About an hour ago, I've missed you" He smiled devilishly, his eyes glittering.

"Me too" Her cheeks turned beet red, she had to laugh it was the most ridiculous conversation she'd ever had, god help her she was so ridiculously in love.

" What are you having?"

"Black coffee, tabeen?"

"Yes please" She nodded.

He moved to her side of the bed, lifted her up and sat down and placed her on his lap. She took the cup of coffee and took a sip. "Mmmm thank you"

"Bel3afia" He planted a kiss on the top of her head. "ee tara elyoum ghadana ebait oboy, lazim ensalim 3layhom gabil la ensafir"

"What??? laysh maga3dtni abchaaar??" She almost yelled.

" ob oob, 3adii kelshay yamdii, elghada e6ee7 esa3a 2"

" ambaih, I better go take a shower"

"can I join you?" He smiled wickedly.

She rolled her eyes. "No!"

He spanked her behind. "klba"

"I'll make it up to you!" She grabbed a towel and hurried up to the bathroom.

Two hours later she was all dressed up and ready to leave the house. She took a final glance to admire her reflection before going downstairs to Sagir who was such a darling with this whole waitingwait ordeal, he didn't complain once, he kept cheking his emails and emailing work and she thanked god for that. She put on so much effort on her looks just to impress the mother in law and the sister in law precisely, she took a deep breath and studied her reflection to look for mistakes.

Her hair perfectly blow dried, cascading over her slim shoulders, complementing her long sleeved orange silk dress which ended just above her knees. She put the sexiest of her killer heels, grabbed her classic chanel purse and left the bedroom.

His face lit up at the sight of her. "kil malich oo etsereen a7la o a7la" He said.

His compliment made her glow all the way to his parents' house, making her forget all about his family's irrational dislike for her.

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" allah ehadakom ta2akhartaw! ubook mat min elyou3!" His step mother said as soon as they appeared on the door. The woman was impossible, it was fifteen minutes after two only, Nouf thought grudginly.

Sagir chuckled and planted a kiss on the crown of her head. "eshda3wa yumma, kaho el walid mafee ella el3afya"

Nouf smiled nervously while holding the cake they grabbed from the nearest bakery. Her knees almost buckled and she looked at Sagir.

" 7i6eha 3l 6awla 7abeebti al7een elkhadam eyoon ewadoonha el ma6bakh" He said.

Nouf placed the cake on the dining table and went to greet her mother in law.

" Shloonich khaltii? asfeen 3l ta2kheer bes 3la ma maraina el bakery o-"

" 3ad Sagir moo min 3awaida yet2akhar.." She said coldly, interrupting Nouf.

He laughed. "Akthar wa7id yet2akhar ana!"

Nouf didn't, she forced a smile and stood up to greet the rest of the family.

His sister was nice enough, of course she gave Nouf the famous once over, but at least she didn't make any mean comments. His father and brother on the other hand were utterly sweet, she couldn't help but fall in love with the three men of the family.

" bnaytii et'habil, walla Sagir yi6la3 minna" His father joked, smiling at her. She blushed and chocked back the lump forming at the back of her throat, she knew she was acting unreasonable, but unexpected kindness usually made her feel that way.

" Mashkoor 3ammi" She said politely. They were both sitting at the dining table waiting for the rest of the family to join them.

His step mother decided to ruin the moment with her acid tongue. " Nouf 7abeebtii goomay 3n hl kirsii, hatha mokan khalid"

Nouf's cheeks burned and she thought she was going to cry. " asfa, bes 3ammii gali ag3ad yamma" She forced a weak laugh and stood up.

" la 7asha walla Nouf latgomeen!! gi3day yuba ana ag3ad yam Sagir wela ay mokan! el walda allah e7afith'ha etagashmar wiyach, gi3day estree7ay" His brother said quickly, giving his mother an angry disbelieving look.

Nouf sat down, blinking back the tears of anger and humiliation, she wanted to punch that old wrinkly, or not really so wrinkly bitch! and to make matters worse Sagir went to fitch his nieces which meant he missed the whole horrifying incident, she will never be able to tell him how much she despised his step mother and even if she did so tell him of how she mistreated her , he'll never believe it, he was simply too blind to see her flaws.

Oh god, This was going to be a very very long lunch.

to be continued..

decision

2011-11-12T03:25:00.000+03:00

hello dear readers, I've decided to complete the story "My name is Nouf" since it's unfair for you my devoted readers to leave the story unfinished besides I hate to leave things unfinished!

much love

-moi x

R.I.P moi

2011-11-02T03:54:00.001+03:00

I have lived through hell in the past two hours, in a bed of fire and sweat, living between the toilet and my flaming bed.. Slipping in and out of conciousness..I died a thousand times..and it was that thin line between awake and sleep that killed me and it was that thin line that scared the people around me, I kept calling for help, in a tiny chocked voice, that strong cold hand clinging to my own sweaty hot one yet fear and pain seperating us. And then black happened. I awoke 2:50 drenched in sweat and tears..the pain was gone, fever and nausea also gone only tightness around my heart that remained. I am still weak but relieved.

...But, I'm not here to post about my bad reaction to the beautiful weather, in fact I'm here to say goodbye... Two years ago I've met Moi, she was inside Me, a part of me. The most beautiful part of me perhaps the worst.., back at the time I introduced her to myself and the blogsphere, we, Moi and I met all those amazing people (I miss all of you too much), and then with time Moi's presence started to fade away, to lose it's importance inside me, I guess I'd lost her. So I stopped posting, or I didn't post as much as I used to and eventually I forgot all about this place; my blog and her.

I can't find her anymore. It's just Me now. I guess it's time we say our goodbye, in the cleanest way possible (won't even explain that). Goodbyes aren't always the end, and maybe this goodbye means we'll meet again soon?...my fever isn't making any sense.

I'll miss her as much as you all will do if you ever do, I'll long for all those nights of creating posts of spiced up realities to keep the charming mystery of Moi's life. I'll miss writing down Moi's joy, sadness, confessions and the list goes on..

But for every beautiful thing there has to be an ending..and they say we only part to meet again, right? ;)

Farerwell..

ps: I didn't have it in me to stop writing, other realities, maybe..time will tell..

sleeping arrangements

2011-10-18T01:14:00.000+03:00

I've missed so many special occasions, so many wedding ceremonies,birthdays and special moments. Last week I slept in another continent, this week it is a different time zone, a different bed, different faces. When I agreed to marry him I knew there was a number of sacrifices to make, I knew, and it seemed so easier back in the day, much simpler. I am back in town, back in my beautiful neighborhood in my beautiful house yet I still miss everything. I don't know why I do! I can't get enough of everybody, I miss the coziness and the heat, the ti7il6im and ligafa...I miss my mommy, she keeps telling me a precious child will settle us down and we both know it's so wrong, I don't want my child to live in different cities every few months, besides I can barely take care of myself let alone.., anyway my sister the fertile one ;p gave them a new grandchild ( I missed the baby reception) ..and I don't think I can live apart from my husband. that's out of the question!

I missed this blog too..I don't know why but posting in here have proved to be really difficult ;p and I eventually gave up.

I was walking in a nameless street in a nameless city wearing short shorts because it was really warm o masadagt 3la allah, when I saw these two kuwaiti looking women, they gave me the kuwaiti famous once over and one of them whispered something to the other and I felt like...HUGGING THEM!! I miss hl sowalif elba6aliyaa I swear!

I'm so proud of him but I'm tired. I really am. It was so much fun at the begining, now it's...it's..I can't even find a proper word, because it's not so bad...noo it's not bad at all but...

I wish there was no but's..

invite me to your birthday party, your wedding, your reception, your whatever, abi a3awith lol...

I never got used to this life but when I see his handsome face, it's all so worth it (cheesy I know, but we're still so in love el7amdella)

so how have you all been? anybody still there? I miss you so much bloggers/readers.

I'm not sleepy, I've this sudden urge to read a story, a strange, one of a kind story. maybe I should write one.., oh did I tell you I already have five breakfast plans?? lol I just couldn't resist!! so many places to go to..I know I'll be bored in a month!

emmmmm tell me something you've always wanted to tell me? a question, anything..I'm all yours my darlings...

there is not place like home x

My name is Nouf (19)

2011-08-13T12:18:00.002+03:00

I'm so soo soo sorry for the extremly long wait ;$ I know I'm like the worst blogger!! you probably lost interest in this blog as well, but oh well, let's continue...

forgive me :*

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She stopped for a mere second. please give me a moment to catch my breath, oh please help me god. She took several shallow breaths, her tightly lace corceted dress almost suffocating her. Behind her she saw her days of youth, carless, carefree and familiar youth. Before her was the unknown, her mysterious future, Sagir. Sagir! With wobbly legs that felt like jelly she took two steps further and further until she reached her amazingly decorated"kosha". As soon as she sat on the beautiful luxurious seat, she was surrounded by family and friends, greeting and congratulating her and it didn't feel so lonely anymore. She was so relieved she had tears in her eyes.

She observed the dancing peacocks, swirling and moving gracefully on the glittery dance floor. These girls were more like a fresh basket of fruits, not peacocks, she decided. Several heads of shiny brown, black and one or two dark blonde shone under the enormous modern chandeliers, damn they were gorgeous. She thought with envious admiration .In the old days the bride used to be the center of attention and admiration, today Nouf didn't stand out at all, yes she was beautiful and elegant but she still wasn't the prettiest. That fact was amusing as well as depressing to her, the competition was fierce in the dance floor, these girls were competing in the classiest way possible, She swept her gaze over the sea of nameless faces, the familiar and the strange, the old and the young, and then... she saw her. Garbed in a simple strapless gown of offwhite silk, that clung to her voluptous curves perfectly, contrasting her dark bronzed skin, her shiny black curles tumbled over her bare wide shoulders, framing a face of rare prettiness. No she wasn't as pretty as Nouf, not even slim as her. She posessed real curves opposed to Nouf's stick thin figure, her black head the opposite to Nouf's golden brown satiny hair, yet...yet she had an aura of sophistication, grace and confidence that Nouf lacked and her heart darkened with envy. This very woman, was her husband's former lover, this woman who attended Nouf's wedding and danced gracefully and happily when in a lifetime ago she would have been in Nouf's place. She wondered if he whispered the same words of love he spoke to Nouf to this woman, if he kissed her the same hot, demanding way, if he...,she kept wondering and wondering in her wedding day when there wasn't supposed to be a place for doubts and jealousy and then a new group of friends came to congratulate the bride and the other woman was soon forgotten.

After several hours of dancing, showing off and socializing, it was time for the groom make appearance and Nouf was nervous as hell, she was about to start hyperventilating when Sheikha came to her side to rescue her.

"wain Noura, mashift'ha..l-laish mayet etsalim 3lai, oh Sheikha shaswii, Sheikha abi maai..." She was losing control, her hands shook while she spoke and she was out of breath. Sheikha squeezed her hand and leaned down to whisper in her ear. " shhh, take a deep breath awal shai...yes, good girl...al7een ayeeblich mai, get a grip"

"wain Noura?" She sounded calmer now.

" madri, you know how she's like when-"

" No I don't! it's my wedding day and she's supposed to be enjoying herself 3al aqal tistanis 3ashani!, shal misakha!" Nouf snapped. They both knew that their best friends had a jealous nature, and ever since Nouf got engaged, Noura kept her distance, they both knew that it wasn't going to be the same for them after this day, specially that Noura wasn't there for Nouf when she most needed her.

" shhh fee camerat!! smile, be6agag elli e6igha, eb 3irs'ha ana a3alimha, ana lazim aroo7 now, that handsome groom of yours will grace us with his presence and I want to see his expression when he sees you" She grinned mischeviously.

Nouf couldn't help but smile back. " oh Sheikha, I'm so scared!"

"he's going to lose his mind looking at that pretty face of yours" She kissed her cheek and left her all alone and scared in her glorious kosha.

And then it was time. She had to face him. She saw his handsome face amongst many others, walking down the glittery aisle. With every step the groom and his men took, she felt weaker and her heart heavier, trying not to think of the enormity of what she was about to commit, she let her gaze drift over the crowds of people who were gazing at the groom. She closed her eyes for a second, took a deep breath and her lungs filled with the sweet scent of bukhoor and roses and then just then when she sniffed the achingly familiar scent of his cologne, and felt his presence as if it were a tangible force she opened her eyes. He planted a kiss on the crown of her head, took her cold hand in his and sat down next to her. Warmth spread through her and her whole body started to tingle. He was here! she thought wildly, her husband was here.

He looked like an arabian mythical knight in his crisp dishdasha, ghutra and bisht. His doe like black eyes, kindled a burning fire within her, within every young woman with sense in her head, his dark vivid coloring stirred pride and desire in her heart. Her husband was beautiful, as beautiful as the handsome arabian princes she used to read about when she younger.

He leaned down and whispered in her ear and she could recognize the humour in his serious words " I'm sorry you have to go through this, terribly sorry"

She chuckled. "I'm sorry too"

God help her, the next chapter of her life just begun.

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Thirty minutes have passed. Thirty long minutes have passed with her husband waiting outside in the car expecting her to come down any minute. She gently pulled down her long veil , tossed it in one of her bags and smoothed her perfect chignon with her delicate fingers. She took her time looking around the beautiful luxurious suite. It was such a waste that they were not going to spend their wedding night here, just like most newly wedded couples, before travelling to their honeymoon destination. No, they were going to spend their first day in his house, their house. it was all Sagir's idea and the way he had spoke that thought to her with that smoldering doe like eyes of his looking directly at her soul, she simply couldn't say no. So here she was nervous and abandoned in her hotel room, making her groom even more nervous and abandoned than her. With a loud sigh she draped a small shawl across her tiny shoulders, took her purse and left her room with the assistance of her two cousins.

" thank you sweethearts, I can take it from here.." Nouf thanked her cousins as soon as they reached the back door.

" you sure?"

Nouf nodded, hugged them both and made her way out of the ballroom in the swirly perfection of white silk and satin that made her look more like an angel than a mere human being. Sagir opened the car's passenger door for her and helped her get inside and then they were on their way to home.

When he helped her out of the car, she put her hand in his and looked up at the majestic building that was their house. She took two steps forward and then she stopped dead, staring in disbelief at the massive amout of glitter! Home was beautiful and...pink! A thousdand, No..a million little pink and white fairy lights decorated every inch of the big white house, glittering furiously just like a big, expensive pink diamond. It was breakthtaking, Nouf's chest tightened, she was speechless.

"I've been told you fancied pink jewellery" He whispered into her ears before she had the chance to say something.

" 3ajeeeb!" She whisprered. "how could you mana- oh,beautiful absolutely beaut- oh my love!" She turned around, wrapped her slender arms around him and drew him closer. " Thank you, thank you" She whispered huskily into his ear.

He led her inside the two story house and showed her around. The house looked thoroughly different from the last time she visited.It was newly furnished in luxurious cream, beige and gold. It looked perfect for a...family, unlike the simplicity and cleannes of the old furniture which suited a single male more. She was thankful for the effort he put into transforming the house to suit his new life. Her husband was such a sweetheart. When it was time to show her the bedroom her heart started thundering and she felt dreadfully uneasy. Her nervousness beaded her forhead with prespiration and her stomach churned, she wanted to gag!

The bedroom was as big as the beautiful living room in the same floor. The king size bed dominated the room, with it's black leather frame, the crisp white coveres, the giant crochet black bed spread and the several gray and silver cushions. Inspite of the fact that she didn't choose it herself, she loved it tremendously! Her eyes then moved to the enormous plazma TV screen and the round cream leather sofa facing it. She hated having a TV in her own bedroom but at this very moment with her increasing nervousness she didn't really mind at all, she even liked the idea, just a little.

Nouf excused herself to take a shower after the long tour around the house. Her house! She deliberately lingered in the shower, reminding herself over and over again that everything will be alright and that Sagir will be considerate and will know what to do, dear lord she was frightened.

When she was finished, she towel dried her hair and body, applied lavendar scented moisturizer and lightly blow-dried her hair. Her hands shook as she put on her little heart shaped diamond necklace, and then her fragile white night gown. The night gown was as light as a feather, as white as snow, not very revealing, yet not quite covered, she blushed furiously for the realization and decided to put on her equally white silk dressing gown.

The walk from the bathroom to their bedroom took forever, she nervously tightened the knot of her robe's belt, and made her way to the large bed. He was splendidly sitting on the bed, in only his pajama bottoms, flipping through TV channels, his hard, bronzed muscles in full display to her poor, terrified eyes. Sensing her presence he emmediatly looked up at her. His breath caught in his throat at the magnificent sight. God help him, she was exquisite. She saw the fires blazing in his eyes and the fear she tried hard to block, came rushing to the surface .She swallowed audibly and forced a nervous smile.

He smiled back. "ta3alaii..."

She joined him on the bed, feeling awkward and helplessly aware of her embarrasment. God, what was wrong with her! this isn't supposed to be this difficult, she knew this man, she trusted him, why on earth was she ready to run away if she had the chance?!

As if he sensed her uneasiness he asked her. " Am I making you nervous?"

She shook her head.

" you are making me nervous" He grinned.

"sij? laysh?" She knew he was teasing her.

" I'm not used to sleep next to a beautiful woman"

She giggled. "I'll make it easy for you...let's watch a movie! I brought a couple of DVD's with me and a popcorn bag!"

what the.. " M-matabeen etnameen?" He stammered stupidly. " Oh wait, we didn't have dinner yet" He totally forgot about that.

She shook her head almost violently, her hair spilling over her left shoulder, making her even more inticing and irresistible to him. Lord, she wanted to watch a movie and he...didn't want to.

" I don't want dinner, emsh el ma6bakh khansawii popcorn!" She said almost too excitedly. She grabbed his hand and shoved him off the bed. Too stunned to protest he followed his charming bride to the kitchen.

She threw the popcorn bag on the microwave and waited for it to be ready while he watched her every move intently. She was clearly nervous and frightened as hell but he didn't want to distress her more by telling her that she looked it. When the popcorn was ready, she poured it in two new bowls while he fetched drinks from the fridge.

"walla zain, it's stocked up." He said. " shino tishribeen?"

" madrii, water or hmmm fee redbull?"

He nodded. " bayeeblich athnain'hom"

He kissed her cheek and gave her a fierce hug before they went upstairs, he couldn't wait to touch her, he wanted to do it more than anything but he knew he'd ruin everything for her if he did it so soon.

Two hours later they were still sitting on the round leather table, facing the TV. His long legs streched out in front of him while she sat with her knees drawn up against her chest, her arms wrapped around them. She was thoroughly enjoying herself , snuggled up against him and eating slightly warm popcorn, he on the contrary was trying to pay attention to the movie but his mind and body were both distracted by the exciting presence of her in his bedroom. God, he wished he had more self discipline, he couldn't hold his annoyance any longer, he was annoyed with himself more than anything, afterall he was able to control himself all those past months from commiting the deed, why did this one extra night mattered so much? hell, it was because he fully well knew that in all cultures, a wedding night automatically meant one thing; lovemaking, and he obviously and unfortunately wouldn't get any tonight.

Another hour passed with her still watching TV, the movie ended yet she refused to leave the sofa. She told him she wanted to watch the other movie, he couldn't say no to her. He gave up.

" 7ayati ana baroo7 anam, etha khalastai join me" He yawned and stood up, trying desperately to hide his irritation.

" oh, taw ennaas.." Her face fell with dissapointment, she didn't want him to leave her, it was their wedding night for god's sake! and she was finally overcoming her fear and trully enjoying herself.

" enti allah ehadach 20 filim betshofeen, walla dayikh 7abeebi, ta3ali namai weyay.." He said, hope filling his gruff voice.

" mafeeni noom...khalas I'll go watch it bil salah, 3ashan ma az3ijik.."

" la you stay here, ana baroo7 anam barra. Good night" He kissed the top of her head, grabbed a pillow and blanket and with a quickened pace he left her to sleep alone, on their wedding night.

As soon as he left, the bedroom's air seemed to thicken around her. Her heart swelled with strange, heavy sadness, but it was better this way,she wasn't ready to sleep in the same bed with him, it was too soon for that and there would be many more nights and days to come, right? She could feel the tears burning at the back of her eyes yet she blinked them back, refusing to weep. She was going to act like a grown woman, watch the rest of the movie and go to sleep. alone

He strode into the living room, propped the pillow on the biggest sofa and lied down. He knew that if he went back to their bedroom and tried tender persuasion she would very likely be convinced to come to bed willingly with him,yet for some reason he couldn't do it. He sighed loudly and closed his eyes.

Several minutes have passed and neither sleep nor Nouf came to him. With a mixture of dissapointment and annoyance he turned his mind away from thoughts of her, let out a sigh of frustrated irritation and shut his eyes for the hundredth time.Exhaustion finally took mercy on him and nudged him to sleep.

Nouf stood before the enormous bed, torn apart between the confusing desire and yearning she felt for him and the fear she could not control. Pulling back the sheets, she got into bed and hid under the covers, trying desperately to stop thinking about him.

The task proved to be painfully difficult, if not impossible. She couldn't banish him from her thoughts and to make matters worse she was wide awake, it was the truth that she was aching to be near him. She drew back the sheets, put on her dressing gown and went to the living room.

To her utter dissapointment he was fast asleep. She stood and looked at him in the darkness for a long minute,and then something made her take several steps closer to him, until she was standing right before him. She marvelled at the beauty of her sleeping husband and wanted more than anything to touch his bronzed muscled arms. She leaned down and carefully drew the sheet up over his bare shoulders, unaware that he was a light sleeper she planted a kiss on his forehead and then straightened to leave and get back to the bedroom. She was about to turn her back to leave, when his voice came in a ragged whisper " Nouf, please don't leave..."

to be continued...

My name is Nouf (18)

2011-05-18T03:33:00.000+03:00

Standing before the full-length mirror in her tense, cold bedroom, Nouf studied her reflection for the hundredth and last time before she went downstairs to meet her in-laws. Garbed in a pearl-incrusted cream satin dress that draped to her slim legs, making her look shorter and fatter around the waist. With her matching real pearl earrings, ivory sandals and red lips she looked like a younger version of her dear mother, she hated her dress, her make-up and her straighetend-to-perfection hair and with each passing minute more flaws appeared in the woman staring back at her, but she wanted to please her mother so she agreed on wearing what her mother had picked up for her.

She sighed in defeat and with trembling legs and a heavy heart she made her down the stairs and into the grand reception room where her family and his gathered.

The first one to catch Nouf's attention was Sagir's step mother. Sitting across from her own mother and her two much younger aunts, she looked the youngest and to Nouf's shock the prettiest. Clad in an elegant, above-the-knee silk dress, her glistening light brown hair tumbled over her shoulders and back, appearing even prettier against the rich coal black of her dress, the diamond studs at her earrings gleaming furiously with each slight move she made and Nouf couldn't help but admire her. Unlike her own conservative, old fashioned mother, Sagir's mother looked fresh, young and very modern. Next to her, sat his only sister who looked nothing like her mother but equally pretty in a pink, bodycon jersey dress, her black shoulder length hair, framed her small oval face with delicate,tanned features, her face glowed with health and she wasn't even wearing a lipstick, Nouf hated the way she looked even more. Standing before these two stunning women she felt very ordinary and common.

She greated all women politely and sat opposite her future mother-in-law. The woman gave her a cold once-over before muttering a question to bewildered Nouf. " shloonich Nouf, enshalla 6ayba?"

Nouf answered all her questions politely, until the woman began asking her personal, vicious questions starting with the simplest."chum 3omrich Nouf?"

" t-twent f-four" Nouf stuttered.

" ee mashalla, 7isabtich eb 3omir Sagir" She said coldly. " enti teshtaghlayn ma3aah, 3adil?"

Nouf nodded, trying to hide her hurt and bewilderment. " ee walla sayirli eb 7dood el five months"

Nouf knew two things at that moment, the first thing was; she looked nine years older than her real age, the second thing was; her mother-in-law hated her for no appearant reason.

" Nouf mashalla, esamoonha barbie el sharika" Her mother laughed cheerfully. " esmilla 3leha..." And her mother kept chattering away beautiful lies about Nouf, making her own daughter cringe with embarrasment and grit her teeth with fury.

The rest of the evening was disastrous, as Sagir's mother and sister kept asking her questions that doubled her uneasiness, and to her complete horror making her look no more than an ambitious, young gold digger. Her mother's behavior was even more shoking, she kept grovelling to them and muttering nice things that weren't entirely true about her only daughter. Nouf tried her best to hide her annoyance and hurt behind a mask of false merriment and her face ached with the effort it took to smile, she had been smiling the entire time and she was going to keep doing it until the two mean hearted women walked out of this room, and then she was going to explode.

" yumma fashalteeni!!" Nouf cried as soon as they were both alone. " laysh chethi etsaween 7aram 3leech!!"

" haw! eshsawayt feech??? elmara mistansa 3alaych o galat khan7adid maw3id elkhi6ba elrasmeya o elmilcha!! enti shfeech yanna o ga3da?? 3alamich etebachbechaayn?"

" shakli khaysis!! badlity etlawi3 elchabd!! ba7righa!! telgainhom al7een ga3deen yagrithoon feeni!! shefteehom eshgalaw 3anni!! e7asbooni 3aanis!!" She sobbed brokenly. She felt inferior and ashamed although she was fully aware that she didn't know anything wrong." fashalteeni fashalteeeni!! laysh chethi tgolelhom!! laysh etchathbeen?? ma7ad e6ale3ni bil dawam! wela a7ad darah 3anni!! o aslan omma hazi2atnii! 7asbalich laih wasalteeni elsima chethi betghayer rayha feenii??"

" e7tarmi nafsich o chub!" Her mother grabbed her elbow hard and Nouf cried harder. " enti mat3arfeen masla7tich...tawich yahil o safeeh, sim3eeni 3adil, ma7ad ghayyar rayhom feech ella ana, latgoleeli el rayyal yabeeni! elrayyal etha omma erfith'tich mayegdar eghayyir rayh'ha bes ehi shafatny san3a o shafat khalatich eshloon tharbeen, fa ghayirat rayha, al7een mabii asma3 minich wela kilma, thilfay 3n wayhe"

Nouf wiped her tears with the back of her hand. " baroo7 akalim obooy, tisbi7een 3la khair"

She went to her bedroom, closed the bed softly and then she walked to her bed, sat down and burried her face in her hand and wept. An hour later, she couldn't push the awful events of the evening away from her feverish mind and damn it all, she already hated her fiance's family and even her own mother for her shameless behavior. Nouf was fully aware that they were ten times richer than her own family, she also knew that his step mother would have picked another more sophisticated bride for her half son if the choice was her's. She decided to take a hot shower to calm her nerves and by the time she was finished, she was down right exhausted and dead to the world in scant minutes.

Nouf awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of her phone. She reached for it between the damp pillows and pressed it to her ear. It was Sagir.

" Aloo, akheeran radaitai" His voice came, gruff and angry in the other end.

It took her a moment to register that she wasn't sleeping anymore and that he was really there talking to her. "hala" She muttered huskily, her exhausted voice, a mere whisper sounded so strange to her own ears.

" feech shai? you don't sound well" His voice suddenly softened.

" kint nayma" She muttered with an enormous effort.

" ga3id adig 3laych min taqreeban 11 ella robi3, it's 3 now" He murmured.

" I'm sorry bes ethahir nimt oo ana madrii, I miss you" She said.

" me too darling, esh'saar 3la elyom..er..ams?"

The mortifing memories of the day before came rushing back to her tired brain and she shut her eyes emmediatly as if she could stop the thoughts. " madrii" She said.

" hmmm, 7adich malich khilg" He chuckled. " bes baghait agoolich that we already set a date 7g gas elmahar, o I can't wait to get it over with, lo mansawii 3irs b3d a7san" He teased.

" khosh walla!!" Nouf sat bolt upright, the sleep was finally leaving her heavy lids. " lazim asawii 3irs or else, ommi ra7 titbarra mini..., mabii shai wayid kibeer, 7afla sgheera-"

" darling, you will have a big wedding" He stated calmly. " ommi elli mara7 etkhaleech"

She sighed heavily. " emsh enroo7 vegas o nis7ab 3lehom!"

" et'hagen?"

"aha!"

"hmm I had very interesting fantasies about you" He muttered huskily.

" stop it!! you're gross" She giggled.

"you love me"

" you're not suppose to say that, you know...you're supposed to say something else!"

" et7ibeeni, etmoteen 3ley"

She laughed. " you're so romantic mashalla"

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Three months later and before their wedding day in one week Sagir came to visit his bride. He was waiting for her in the living room, fumbling with his phone when he looked up and saw her coming towards him. His bold eyes moved appreciativly over her face and body and a hint of proud possesiveness gleamed in his smoldering eyes and Nouf's stomach made a nervous back flip. He had never looked at her this way before, she realised, with this strange sexy possesiveness.

He reached for her as soon as she was within arm reach of him and pulled her into a fierce hug while burying his face in her soft hair. "Hmmm I can't wait to..." He murmured in her ears while his hand reached for shirt ,loosening the first button.

Her hand laid automatically on his chest, drawing him slightly back. " eshga3id etsawi!" She whispered fiercly. " ommi ehni ga3da et7oos lo etshofna 3adii nit6alag gabil la nitzawaj!"

" I don't care" He circled his arms tightly around her tiny waist and pulled her closer to him. A jolt of desire shot through her as her legs colided with his hard, muscular thighs and her heart began to pound in erratic confused beats when his lips touched the corner of her mouth. She thought he was going to give her, one of his hot, demanding kisses but he didn't, he stepped away slowly leaving her confused and shaken.

" I got you something" He said, and took out a small velvet box out of his pocket. " put it now, and don't ever take it off, ok?"

A small heart-shaped diamond necklace rested against the black velvet.It was beautiful and it made her heart swell with emotion.

" enzayn laysh etzif?" She supressed a giggle. She was fully aware that her future husband was a wild panther by nature and she meant to tame him.

His face reddened and he changed the subject. " fillay sha3rich, ma7iba chethi.." He commanded.

" haw! don't you like my pony tail? arya7 chethi.." She said.

He reached for her hair and slid the elastic band from it. " gitlich filleeh"

" you're unbelievable"

"you're still marrying me"

She rolled her eyes heavenwards.

" How do you feel?" He asked softly, contradicting his gruff, authorative nature.

" the same way I look"

" that good?" He teased.

The warmth in his gruff voice and the softness in his eyes warmed her heart at once and she felt her cheeks flushing. " I'm pleased to marry you"

" But ofcourse" He said with satisfied arrogance. " I've to go now, salmai o namai 3adil don't worry, everything's going to be...perfect. o adrii mara7 etkhaleeni ashofich again layh youm el3irs, ra7 olah 3alaych.., give me a kiss"

She leaned up on tiptoes, put her arms around his neck, and brushed her lips on his freshly shaven cheek and then she stepped back with a mischevious smile on her face, she left him dissapointed, wanting and very eager to see her again.

Later that night the unexpected happened and Nouf couldn't decide what to feel exactly. Just before getting ready to bed, her phone began ringing frantically and when she didn't recognize the number and refused to pick up, a message was delivered to her, a very unexpected message. She was overwhelmed with mixed emotions as she reread the message several times. It was from Faris, the man who mercilessly jilted her, without giving her a proper reason or even a proper goodbye. The man who hurt her dignity and pride and simply walked away without saying a word.

'' tara shifitch last week egbal shalaihna, yal khayna kil hl sexiness min warai? u were striking...I miss you too ;)" She reread the offending message for one last time and then Sagir came to her mind, her beautiful Sagir and the anger and digust suddenly subsided, replaced by mixed feelings of gratitude, pride and a strange sense of victory. She was going to marry a wonderful, honorable man in less than six days, she came along way and a simple, stupid message wasn't going to break her. Her heart burst with pride it almost ached and she reached for her phone and absently dialled his number.

" Aloo, Sagir esma3 ana a7ibik amoot 3layk."

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Clutching the bouquet of vibrant red roses to her chest, she made a step further.Unable to decide which shook more her small, french manicured hands or her legs. Sheikha came rushing to straighten the train of her best friend's wedding dress and stand beside her before she made her grand entrance into the ballroom. "bamoot min elkhar3a! yadroon enni badish?" She asked Sheikha worriedly, her heart racing harder by the second.

" eeee 6abee3i enich etkhafen Noufa, now come inside o ba3dayn ensolif ok?" Sheikha assured her.

Nouf nodded.

" etyanineen, I'm so proud of you" Her friend squeesed her hand tightly and then Nouf made her way inside the glittery ballroom and Sheikha followed behind, holding the train of Nouf's dress.

A sudden bolt of anticipation shot through the five hundred wedding guests, as glamourous heads turned to take their first look of the beautiful bride. Clad in pearly white, strapless wedding gown that clung to her slender frame perfectly,her long dramatic veil fell delicately over her bare shoulders and arms, contrasting the smooth golden color of her skin and the glittering diamonds on her small earlobes and throats outshined and completed her entire look. She was an exotic beauty with her shiny, brown hair pulled up in an elegant chignon, framing soft, vulnerable features.

No one looking at her would have believed that the confident, cheerful bride was having a panic attack.

No she wasn't ready to do this, she wasnt ready at all!

to be continued....

My name is Nouf (17)

2011-04-29T03:46:00.002+03:00

Nouf stared at her phone mindlessly, waiting for her phone's alarm o'clock to announce her waking up, in ten minutes she was to rise up from bed, dress up and start her ordinary work day, except that there was nothing ordinary about today or the three dreadful days prior to it. For three days and nights, she deprived her fragile body from food and sleep due to the guilt and remorse that were eating her chagrined heart. She had began her investigations right after that dreadful phone call and to her own shock and relief he was telling her the truth and she was too damn ashamed to text or call him, that and the fact that he didn't show up for two days in a row at work made her days as dark as the bleak, sunless sky of the dawn.

With a savage,unlady like curse she dragged her limp body out of bed, washed her pale face hastily and put on the first shirt that was before her eyes along with the same black pants she wore for the last three days, only this time she added a small belt to her narrow waist to prevent the trousers from falling. The incredible weight loss was undeniable but she failed to notice it. She wrapped the chocolate waves of hair,cascading over her back and slender shoulders into a pony tail, put on her enormous sunglasses and left the house in an unexplainable, irrational hurry.

She strolled into the empty office and as usual she was the first to arrive. She was also the last to leave. In her breif coffee break, she went to his office, ignoring the suspicious eyes and blazing tongues of her colleagues, she waited in anticipation and a faint hope outside the wooden doors of his office, but to her utter dissapointment, his secretary informed her that her boss was not coming to work today because of some important matters he had to deal with. The annoying secretary refused to give her further information so she reluctantly dragged herself back to her office.

In the fifth day, whatever shreds of sanity she had left deserted her slowly. The sleep deprivation mixed with the aching longing to see him made her at the edge of tears all the times, when she was alone she shed a couple of tears, tears that were so strange and hot and painful ;tears which were aimed to dampen the tormenting, unbearable self loathing she was experiencing.

When she hasn't heard of him or seen him in the office that day, fury shot through her entire being and she found herself finally having the courage to write a message to him. "I need to see you, now!". The message was so unlady like but she was too angry to have noticed that and when he didn't reply her an hour later she began writing endless angry messages, begining with hopeless,empty threats to pathetic, heart wrenching pleas.

After two hours of false concentration in her work and to her joyous disbelief he replied. He replied and he was here in this building, in his office, in this very corridor! Joy and relief seeped through her while she read the small, precious message. " cum my office, 5:14"

The hours passed by so slowly and with each passing minute her heart shook with anticipation and her brain screamed with uncontrollable hysterical thoughts and unspoken words. She was also very afraid; she didn't know what to say to him and she didn't expect what he had to say to her in return.

At twelve minutes past five, the office was entirely empty. With wobbling legs, she pushed her chair back and stood to straighten her appearance before meeting him. She rubbed her sweaty palms against the fabric of her skirt, took a deep breath and dragged her numb body to his office.

Her trembling, delicate fingers knocked slowly on the wooden doors, waiting for him to signal her to come in, she turned the door knob when his gruff voice came strong behind the door.

She was fully aware that she was a sight,with her frizzy hair, pulled away from her pale face in a tangled, unattractive pony tail, black circled her enormous eyes matching the gloomy colors of her shapeless, gray T-shirt and dull black, pencil skirt and finally those hideous, dirty black ballet flats. She wished that earth would open up and swallow her whole! And it wasn't her sight that made her wish that, it was the beauty of the creature that was before her. Clad in an italian suit, (minus the blazer) Sagir was sitting there on his desk all relaxed and gorgeous, his sleevs rolled up to his muscular deep tanned elbows, the first three buttons of his shirt opened, and his dark hair messy and gorgeous against his glowing skin. The contrast of his crisp white shirt and the deep tan of his skin made him look like a greek god. Power and authority emanated from him and she found herself shuddering with fear and helplessness. How the hell did he get browner over the weekend?! he said he'd sleep the weekend off for god's sake! She thought angrily, achingly supressing the fresh urge to weep.

He was here and he was handsome and healthy! While she spent the last five days in torment and regret he was...tanning somewhere.

" Have a seat" He offered, motioning at the chair seated before his desk.

" I..I'm fine where I am" She said shakingly, her head held high, contradicting the quavering of her voice and the furious trembling of her hands.

His eyes danced with laughter but he coughed and nodded. " so, you wanted to talk..."

Suddenly the ground began trembling furiously or was it her legs? oh my god, she needed to sit down, now! or else something very embarrasing is bound to happen. She took a step backward and he watched her with amused interest. "So?" He raised his brow.

" Can I sit...down?" and before he could answer her she found herself landing on the floor with gentle carefulness not to show him how shaken she was.

" on the floor?" He asked, supressing the urge to laugh.

" I-I like to s-sit on the floor" She lied.

" then can I join you?" He asked with mock seriousness. " I can't hear you properly from up here"
" sure, maktibik..kaifik" She mumbled lamely.

He sat down next to her on the cold, marble floor and crossed his arms around his chest waiting for her to say something appropriate. When he noticed the furious trembling of her small hands, a wave of sympathy and tenderness shot through him and he decided that he'd do the talking for her. He noticed her appearance, the exhaustion that masked her beautiful face and the incredible weight loss in her little body and remembered the first day he had met her in Bahrain. She was as upset as she was now, as scared and worried as she was now, as outrageously beautiful as she was now.

Damn it, he was begining to posses some pathetic strong feelings for the little girl sitting awkwardly next to him on the floor and it disgusted him, afterall men shouldn't fall in love, matters of the heart were women's concern not serious, grown up men, not Sagir.

"So..., we need to talk" He started awkwardly.

Please don't leave me. "yes"

quit looking so vulnerable, you're making this difficult for me." So last friday, there was er...some..misunderstanding, and well, enti wayid thayagteeni, esloobich, o 6areeqtich bil kalam 7asisatni enni-"

" I know, I-"

" khaleeni akamil kalami tali golai elli 3indich..." He said irritably.

Nouf ignored the aching lump in her throat and nodded.

damn it, she's going to weep. "elmohim Nouf I know where you came from, I understand raddat fi3lich bes ana fakkart bil mawthoo3 over the last a few days, oo elli sawaiteh ghala6...elmafrooth kinti tes2ileeni before you attack me like that, kanat el7araka killish malha da3ii o sadgeeni wayid wayid thayagteeni, matwaqa3tich enti et7acheeni chethi, o mithil ma ana withaqt feech o e7taramtich, I expected the same from you bes you dissapointed me oo ana etwasalt enna ana weyach manisla7 7ag ba3ath"

painful, hot tears burned the back of her tired eyes and she bit down hard on her lower lip to keep herself from crying. " I understand" She whispered brokenly.

" kil hl 7anna and you don't have nothing more to say?" He teased.

She shook her head furiously. " I just wanted to apologize, I know what I did was wrong and I'm terribly sorry bes you can't possibly blame me, I..I don't know you very well"

" You don't?" He asked, hiding the amuesment in his voice. He never really considered dumping her, she was too important for him but he intended to teach her a lesson to avoid a similar situation in the future and because she did hurt him.

" I'm sorry, I think I should leave" The words came out of her mouth in chocked whisperes.

She was about to stand up when his hand came forcefully, grasping her elbow, pushing her down to the floor. " We don't suit as erm..a..boyfriend and...and girlfriend"

A hot tear crept down her cheek. " you made that clear, can I leave now?"

" But I bet we'd be just perfect as a husband and wife"

" What?" She blinked, unable to believe the wonderful words he just spoke to her.

" marry me, Nouf" He said. " and stop crying"

She tried to say something but couldn't. She burst into tears.

" el7een laysh tabcheeen?? don't you want to marry me? kahals I'm sorry I didn't mean it"

Sobs wracked her slender frame and she covered her eyes with her both hands to save face." How the hell did you get your tan??" She mumbled between tears.

" your crying because I'm ...tanned?!" His eyes widened in disbelief.

" oh, shut up!" She sobbed.

He laughed. " mokhich thaarib, my sweet"

She reminded him of a puppy he used to have when he was a kid so he did what he used to do to it, he ruffled the top of her chocolate brown head. " don't cry, I don't like it when you do" His voice softened and he wasn't teasing her or jesting anymore.

She wiped her eyes and looked at him. " Do you really wish to marry me?"

He nodded. " I didn't mean to startle you, if you don't want to accept my offer I'll kindly-"

" I hope you did mean to..." She whispered.

His eyes danced with delight and he automatically reached for her hand. " I take that as a yes?"

" yes!" She exclaimed.

" mabrook" He kissed her knuckles.

"alla ebarik feek"

" Can I ask you something?" She said.

" anything"

" that time in your house.." She trailed off, blushing furiously.

" I was scared" He confessed.

" scared? why?!" Her eyes widened in astonishment.

" You were too..., I couldn't stop..." He was rambling like an old woman but he made perfect sense to her and she understood fully, despite the fact that he didn't directly tell her the three words yet, she felt him. She felt his love.

With their hands interwined they both sat there on the floor for an hour, each lost in their own thoughts. She, thinking about her glorious wedding gown, the wedding ceremony and spreading the good news all over kuwait as soon as she left his office. He, however thought about the single thing that most males preferred in a marriage; getting her in his bed as soon as she was officially his.

If only she could hear his thoughts.

If only he could read her mind.

With greenish blue bruises in her young face, a big grin and high spirits, Nouf left the facelift clinic with her two best friends in the world.

" enzayn are these blue bruises normal? ero7oon bisr3aa?" Nouf asked worriedly, after her first botox appointment.

" eeeh 3aadii, I do it all the time, yomain o wayhich yet3adal!" Noura assured her friend. " Don't worry!"

" in a week beseeroon your cheekbones like a super model's!" Sheikha muttered excitedly.

" a week!!" Nouf clapmed her hand over her mouth, unable to hide her panic. " in 3 days beyoon ahala eshofoonii!! oh my god, OH MY GOD! I should'nt have listened to you two!"

" it won't show with make-up!! besides ana balaght yom gilt a week, the spots usually fade in 3 days..." Sheikha said reassuringly.

Nouf sighed loudly. " okay, I need a drink before the fake lashes appointment"

" starbucks?" Noura suggested. The girls nodded agreement in unison.

After getting brand new high cheekbones, extra-long, extra-thick eyelashes and extra-long, silky hair, Nouf was exhausted beyond belief and she needed the comfort of her bed and Sagir's soothing voice, so she decided she'd get home, retire to her bed and give him a call before moving to dream land, but her plans failed because as soon as she threw her weight in the satiny, inviting bed of her's she was dead and unconcerned to the world.

In three days, she'd meet his mother and the rest of his family, in three days they'd approve of her, in three days their engagement would be confirmed and official.

to be continued...

my name is Nouf (16)

2011-04-24T01:48:00.004+03:00

" yalait yakhthich wild Mona rifeejti, mashalla 3alayh adab o akhlag weshzeena, o foug kil hatha 3inda khair mashalla, bes enti wayn kella emkamkima 3omrich matyeen tirtazayn ma3ai bil 3azayim" Nouf's mother told her while Nouf drove them to the chalet.

" mabi atzawaj wa7id ma3rfa" Her daughter replied.

" enshalla shlon bet3arfeena gabil el zawaj?? 7abeebti eyey ekha6bich el rayal taalii teyeen et3arifayn 3leh, sowalif 7ub o misakha hathi matamshi 3indi"

" yumma enti da2a adeema" Nouf said.

" chubbay"

" enshalla, basik el thalatheen o lal7een etcha3mooni! bachir jiddam e3yali etcha3mooni" Nouf complained.

" drama queen" Her mother said in a thick accent.

Nouf burst out laughing. " mino em3almich?? cuuute"

" moo bes enti et3arfeen engalayzi" Her mother blushed. Nouf's mother was thirty six years older than her, she was so old fashioned and the age difference between the two made it hard for them to understand eachother and that led to a constant quarrel, yet they both secretly enjoyed the strange, warm friendship they shared. However Nouf liked her father best because he was everything a father and a man should be. He was a respectful and honorable, he was kind-hearted, generous and very understanding. he was all that and more and he loved his daughter with all his heart.Unlike her mother he spoiled his little princess yet treated her harshly when it came to teaching her the most imporant traits a person can posses, such as integrity and honesty, he wanted her to be the best in everything and she definately earned her good heart, honesty and pride from him.

" elyoom 7i6eelich hl k7aila wil 7omra o ta3alii ge3dai m3ana, khalatich o sadeeqat'hom beyoon, oo latsaweeli tasree7at leskhool maltich! na3mai sha3rich khal eshofoona"

" enshalla yumma" Nouf answered her mother automatically, she wasn't in the mood for another argument.

When Nouf drove by Faris's family's beach house in Bnaider she cursed under her breath and her mother heared her.

" 3alamich?" She eyed her daughter suspiciously.

" ma7ib waladhom emghazilchi" She said quietly, trying to hide her annoyance.

" haw, esh3alaych minna" Her mother said, curiousity filling her voice. " latitkalimayn 3n khalg allaa"

She snorted. " ok khayr enshalla" Nouf's mother always told her not to gossip about other people yet her mother did exactly that and Nouf found it for someone reason, funny.

Her family's chalet was already packed with her mother's sisters, friends and their daughters. Her aunts' beach houses where next to her family's and the entire family gathered here every weekend and this weekend was no exeption.Nouf went straight to her bedroom to steal a moment of solitude before she joined them again downstairs, today like every other friday would be long and tiring and she needed to be fully prepared for it. She streched down on the cold bed and reached for her BLACKBERRY, dialled Sagir's number and waited for him to wake up. The other night he had told her to wake him up at eleven, and it was already eleven thirty.

After dialling his number twice, he didn't pick up.With great dissapointment, she brushed her natural, thick waves that were spilling like melted chocolate around her shoulders and back, applied lipstick to please her mother and headed to the door. As soon as she turned the door knob to leave,her phone vibrated and a giggle tore from her throat. " mu sij!" She said before pressing the phone to her ear.

" Shsayir?" He said huskily, sleep filling his voice.

" ams geltli ga3deeni esa3a 11, al7een esa3a 11, sa7 elnom" She mumbled while she grinned involuntarily, she was so damn happy to hear his voice.

" oh, mashiba3t noum" He almost whispered, and she regretted it emmediatly.

" I'm terribly sorry, yalla ana akhaleek etnaam" She said apologetically.

" I love your voice" He suddenly said, still in that husky,intimate voice, taking her by surprise. "it's raspy and very sweet"

She chuckled while blushing hard. " thank you!"

" entai bil shaleh?"

She was glad that he remembered. " ee!"

" enjoy it darling" He said surprising her again by the term of endearment he was using with her

for the first time. She swallowed hard. " t-thank you, you too enjoy your w-weekend"

" you enjoy it for me, shakli banaam le yom el a7ad"

" that's boring!"

" try working as a manager for some boring investment company" He teased.

She giggled. " I thought you liked your job!"

" I live for my job, ofcourse I like it"

" nice"

" hmm"

She ended their silly yet so sweet, phonecall and headed downstairs to join her family. The breakfast was messy, big and filled with laughter and endless conversations. Nouf ate, laughed and talked with her favorite cousins about her new job and the latest fashions while the elder ladies gossiped about the latest engagements, marriages and receptions.

Nouf was so engrossed in conversation with her eighteen year old cousin who kept asking her about her college days that she didn't even hear what her other was telling her from across the dining table.

" Nouf shisma modeerich?!" Her cousin shouted again.

" halaa?" She yelled back.

" your manager, elli wathifich 3inda!, shisma??" Her cousin demanded empatiently

" oh, ee Sagir AL-fulani" she said, her heart skipping a beat by the mere mention of his name.

" tara sa7 ohwa!" Her other cousin said.

" la7tha shel salfaa?" Nouf asked, now curious than ever.

" tathkireen Zain al-fulani elli kanat ma3ai bil jam3a?"

Nouf shook her head.

" embalaa et3arfeenha, hatheech elmamloo7a el smayra, sha3rha curly? elli es7abat awragha o ra7at tadris barra?"

" aaah, ee 3araft'ha" Nouf said. " eshyab el6ari?"

" She's married to your boss!" Her cousin grinned mischievously.

" What?" Nouf stared at her blankly.

" hathy tizawijat Sagir, the owner of the company you work for"

Nouf Laughed nerveously. " No, this is a mistake, ohwa moo mitzawij"

" yes he is! yal thakeya, tathkireen marra dazaw broadcast khi6ba taqreeban last year? ehya tiseer cousin rifeejti o rifeejti dazatli eyaah o ana dazaytlikom!"

Nouf paled and her heart began thumbing hard." mit2akda?" She swallowed hard.
" walla el3atheem, awareech el message, mitsayiv bil history" Her cousin said proudly.

" egoloon ti6aligaw" Her other cousin provided.

"noo lal7een together, egoloon tishtighil ma3ah! ana esara7a madrii 3anha bes her cousin etsolif o chethi"

Nouf's face slowly drained of color and she was clutching at the wooden dining table forcefully for support, a married man?? she thought almost hysterically, she kissed a married man?? she was falling for a married man?? the whole idea was so ugly and revolting to her own ears that she almost threw up right there and then.

In his little modern kitchen, Sagir poured himself a cup of freshly ground coffee, while holding the coffee pot in his other muscular hand. He stood in the kitchen barefoot, dressed in only his pajama bottoms, his hair in wild dissaray, contemplating his future and his new found lovely girl.

A year ago he had finally decided to marry, and his beautiful second cousin whom he held powerful feelings for was the one and only candidate. Sagir trully believed that he had strong feelings for her, as she was intellegent, witty and simply different. She came back home after three years of studying abroad and the moment they lied eyes on one another there was an undeniable spark between the two. He never thought that he'd fall for his mother's cousin's daughter but it was there and he couldn't ignore it and to top it all, she welcomed his love with an open heart and agreed to marry him.

In their first engagement days, he discovered that she was in love with someone else and that Sagir was a mere tool to make the other man jealous and to his own horror and humiliation, Sagir was the other man, not the other way around. After that painful, ugly discovery he called the wedding off and banished the idea of remarrying.

After a whole year of being loyal to that decision his traitorous heart began softening toward another woman, another magnificent woman and suddenly his single marvellous life seemed so dull, so plain and in desperate need for a woman. Nouf was very pretty, he thought, but it wasn't that that drew him to her, she was incredibly sweet, smart and kind-hearted, most importantly she was everything his ex was not.

He wasn't sure if he loved her yet but he liked her enough to know that with time he would and that she represented everything he wanted in a wife. In the four months they had been together she showed him that she wasn't another mindless, airheaded beauty and he knew that she was in the perfect age to marry and even bear a child.

He'd see her tommorow and talk to her about it, he thought with a smile.

After fifteen minutes of trying to supress her furious rage and tears, Nouf burst into hysterical, uncontrollable laughter. She didn't believe how fate was being cruel to her! and she didn't know how to react to that so she found herself torn between laughing and crying, confronting and ignoring him, she decided to do the latter.

An hour later Nouf tossed the whole matter behind her head and decided to enjoy her day with the rest of her family, she did not want to spend another tear on that adulterous, filthy man. She put on her swimming suit, short shorts and headed downstairs again and to the pool were the girls were gathering.

While the girls talked, ate freshly cut melons and swam, Nouf didn't, couldn't fully enjoy herself. He took advantage of her and she couldn't simply ignore the whole matter! She decided she'd confront him next sunday, impersonally and while they were at work, meanwhile she'd enjoy her time without the constant interruption of his face in her mind. A fresh surge of anger shot through her and she took another dip in the swimming pool to cool off.

At six pm. the girls finally left the pool and went to dry off and change. Nouf went to her bedroom and involutarily the first thing she did was to search for her BLACKBERRY. She picked it up from under her pillow where she forgot she even put it there and to her horror there were three missed calls from him.

With a sigh of frustration she put the phone down on the pillows and headed to the bathroom. When she finished scrubing herself red, blow dried her hair and put on fresh clothes she picked up her phone again and began writing a message to him. " I don't want anything to do with you anymore, kindly delete my number, and if you no longer want me to work in your company, I'll gladly resign. BYE!"

In less than five minutes her phone rang as she had expected. Her heart sank and her hands began to tremble, she closed her eyes and desperately fought the urge to pick up the phone.

The phone stopped ringing after a few minutes and she let a loud sigh of relief. She rose from her bed and began to leave her depressing bedroom when her phone beeped announcing a message and she collapsed back down on the soft sheets with a moan of defeat.

" may I know why?" She read the simple four words and sudden outrage exploded in her brain. She picked up the phone and dialled his damned number hastily , her fingers shaking with indignation.

" Why did you lie to me?? why didn't you tell me what you really are??" She yelled. "of all the sick,vile, low people-"

" lie about what exactly?" He interrupted her calmly.

His cool tone made her even angrier and she thanked god he wasn't anywhere near her. "why didn't you tell me you were married?"

" what?"

" you heard me!" She snapped.

" I'm not married to anyone" He said icily.

She laughed without humour. " stop it!! khalas I know the truth you don't have to hide it anymore, bes I called to end this stupid, sick game! I don't want to play anymore, I'm breaking up with you!"

" you're crazy" He suddenly said. "I refuse to talk to you in this mood, oh and next time make sure your "information" is correct before you attack me like this and by the way there will be no next time.bye" He ended the phonecall without even giving her a chance to react.

Her chest rising and falling with fury, she looked at the phone in her damp hand and remembered his calm, insulting voice. She felt tears sting her eyes and the indignation she was feeling slowly subsided replaced by great pain and a strange sense of loss, because a part of her actually believed that he was telling the truth.

to be continued...

my name is nouf (15)

2011-04-20T01:52:00.003+03:00

" so you're telling me that he had the chance to kiss you but he decided..not to?"Sheikha asked Nouf slowly trying to analyze everything her dear friend had just told her with so much anger and frustration.

" jeez, that's weird" Noura frowned.

Nouf nodded, ignoring the feeling of fresh annoyance that was sweeping over her. She spent the last two days overthinking about the humuliating situation and help her god she was starting to get angry and just didn't have it in her to tolerate some other jerk who had the face to act that he cared.

" damn it, this is so embarassing" Sheikha chuckled. " maybe he's gay!"

" you think?" Nouf said sarcastically. " you know, once I caught him flipping through vogue paris, not to mention that he always dresses so fashionably!..oh and those shoes!"

The girls laughed and Sheikha patted her friend's hand. " his loss, bes Nouf, you shouldn't have went to his house-"

" I know, I know!" Nouf interrupted her. " I think there's something terribly wrong with me-"

" chub" Sheikha interrupted her firmly. " there's nothing wrong with you, it's just that you have a habbit of falling in love with the wrong ones"

" and I thought this one was different" Nouf sighed. " the weird thing is, I don't feel sad. be6agag elli e6iga, I'm just angry"

Noura eyed her suspiciously. " that's great Nouf"

" oh, please" She snapped. " I thought you knew better than this"

Sheikha placed her cup of coffee hard on the wooden table making a loud sound and that brought the two girls' attention emmediatly to her, she cleared her throat and began to speak. " listen, I liked this Sagir enough to give him a chance to..er..explain, maybe he wanted to save it for a better time and..um, place?"

" what kind of man would think such a thing while getting intimate with a girl,any girl?!" Noura asked.

" you little bitch" Nouf smiled at her friend.

" sorry" Noura mouthed sympathetically.

The girls were having an early breakfast at prime&toast and Nouf decided to join them before heading to work.It was a gloomy sataurday and obviously she didn't have to work on gloomy satuardays, not that she ever worked on any satuarday but she had to catch up on her unfinished work, especially after that pointless, stupid one day trip her boss forced her to go to! She thought angrily.After finishing two cups of coffee Nouf had to excuse herself and leave to work. It had been two days since she last heard of Sagir, and she resisted and fought the urge to call or text him, and boy that was the hardest thing she had to do. She wished that he'd called her and explained to her why he bailed on her, and she'd forgive him at once! she knew it, but he didn't and she hadn't been this angry her entire life.

Tucking a strand of soft brown hair behind her ear, she made her way into her office which was for some reason empty. She landed all her weight in the chair facing her desk and began working. if I put all my heart in my work it might take my mind off of other less important things, she thought with a loud sigh.

luckily for her there was a lot of work to do, since that business trip her work accumulated and today was her most suitable time to catch up. after several hours of hard working in front of the computer with only excusing herself for a couple of times to the toilet, she finally drew back her chair and looked up from the screen only to see a tall, broad shouldered figure towering over her desk, she jumped with surprise. " damn you!" she blurted out.

Sagir was standing there looking at her, she didn't know how he got in here as she didn't hear him coming. " I'm sorry...again" He said, amuesement filling his deep, gruff voice.

" I gather you're developing a hobby of getting scared of me" He added.

" I gather you're gathering a hobby of surprising me in my office" she mimicked him.

He bit back a chuckle.

" stop sneaking up on me!" She yelled.

" I'm the boss, I do as I wish" he said icily and that made her angrier.

" okay Mr boss, I think I've finished my work here, can I leave?"

" you're mad at me" He said in that cold tone of his and it wasn't a question. He was so arrogantly stating a fact.

" why would I be mad?" She demanded impatiently.

He took two steps closer to her desk and her heart leapt. He must have felt it because his smooth, inviting lips twitched into a smile.

A wave of unwanted heat shot through her entire body and she shook her head with confusion and then the unexpected happend.He knelt down before her chair and took her small, cold hand in his warm one.

" damn..." He cursed under his breath, and her eyes widened in disbelief. " shfeek?" Her voice shook with a mix of emotion and worry.

" I..I'm..." He frowned. " Nouf?"

She looked at him, still confused. " you look thinner" he said.

" thank you" She said.

" that wasn't a compliment" He said harshly. " laysh maywakloonich?"

She chuckled. " you like fat women?"

" I like women who look like women" He said.

She shot him a resentful look and snatched her hand away from his. She shoved her chair back and began to stand up, he stood up with her, blocking her view with his powerful frame. " I'm leaving" She said, her voice shook with fury.

" you're not going anywhere unless I say so" He said, a sense of authority in his gruff, deep voice.

" who the hell do you think you are?!" She snapped.

" why, your boss" He said, giving her a hard look.

" You arrogant, loathing-" and before she could continue enlisting all the insults she knew to provoke him he pulled her in a rough kiss. Her breath was sucked out of her lungs as he parted her lips forcefully, roughly with his hot, teasing mouth.

His finger dug painfully in her arms when she resisted at first, but as his kisses deepend she lost control over her achingly strong emotions and kissed him with almost the same urgency and passion that she was recieving from him,and that was when his roughness turned to sweet, torturing caresses along her back and waist and she was absolutely sure that if he pulled away from her now, she'd...hurt. Her hands circled the nape of his neck and pulled him closer. She should be offended, she should be pushing him away, do anything but melt into his arms. She cursed herself for being to easy when it came to him, why didn't she have any problem with resisting all her exe's? even Faris, the one she thought she was madly in love with, wasn't a problem to her control. She lost her control now, in front of a man she barely knew, in front of a man she wanted oh so much.

He was arrogant, stubborn and...irresistible! She let out a groan of defeat and he finally pulled away, resting his chin on the top of her head. She was the first to speak. " you are a man of contradiction"

" you're still mad at me" He said again through her hair, pulling her closer to him.

" I'm not, I just...you're weird" She said.

He laughed. " I've missed you"

" oh you missed me so much that you decided to ignore me?" She said sarcastically.

He didn't say anything for a minute but when he spoke again the cheerfulness in his voice was gone. " you won't understand" He said.

" No I won't" She snapped.

" Will it matter if I said I'm sorry?" He looked down at her, she was very upset, he noticed and it took him a huge effort that almost caused him physical pain to stop himself from kissing her again.

His tormenting uncertainty vanished when he saw a hint of an approving smile on the corner of her lips. He let out a loud sigh of relief and she chuckled.

" wow! I think I love to see you like this" She grinned.

" Like what?"

"never mind" She waved her hand dismissively at him. At that moment she was hundred percent positive that he cared for her and that she held some sort of power over him, she saw it in his eyes when he was so desperate to prove to her that he wanted her and that what happend before today didn't matter.

" okh" He suddenly spoke after a moment of silence. " esa3a 3addat 2, nesait enni emwa3id el ahal atghada ma3ahom, I'm sorry Nouf kan weddi I spend the entire-"

" No Sagir, min sijik! my parents are awaiting me for lunch too" She lied quickly. " you go to that family lunch, oo I'm sorry I distracted you" She blushed.

" you did" He said, amusement filling his deep voice. " but that won't stop me from walking you to your car"

The building was completely empty, she noticed as they walked to the elevator together. He kept gazing into her eyes when the elevator's door closed behind them and she couldn't help but giggle as it was so corny and the fact that she enjoyed it made her laugh even harder. She'd never experienced anything of this sort, she happened to realize that later, because when she was with Faris, their relationship was so distant, so cold and superficial, and to her embarrasment their relationship revolved around the fact that she was desperately trying to win his heart by showering him with gifts and doing all she could do to please him while he treated her like dirt, made her feel insecure and in constant fear of being deserted any second. She also came to realize that she never loved him as a person; It was his charming looks that she loved, his powerful name and the fact that he was one of the most eligible bachelors in kuwait.

Sagir's phone rang, and he picked it up emmediatly, moving his eyes away from her's to concentrate on the phonecall. " hala yumma" He muttered through the phone. " mani em6awil enshalla, enshallah, ok, ok ma3a elsalama"

" troubles?" She smiled at him.

" la bes el walda mat3rf takil ella o ana yamha" He said, returning her smile.

" ya7lelha, allaa ekhaleeha" She said, touched by the way he talked about his mother.

" allah esalmich" He replied politely.

He walked her to her car, kissed her hand tenderly and waited for her to start her car's engine and drive then he walked to his. Nouf could barely concentrate on the road, she played Frank sinatra's strangers in the night and sang along " something in your eyes was so inviting, something in you smile was so exciting" and blushed gorgeously when she remembered his passionate kisses.

When Sagir reached his family's house, his nieces' joyous laughter filled the magnifecent garden of the house and a delightful grin filled his handsome face. They ran up to him as soon as they spotted him walking to them across the vibrant green grass, the two girls adored him for he showered them with gifts and love.

" hii uncle" Luluwa the three year old wrapped her arms around his legs when she saw him. He picked her up and planted a kiss on her soft cheek.

" halla wallah eb 7abeebti" He said.

Haya, the seven year old niece tried to grab his attention by tugging at his dishdasha and blowing the enormous gum that was in her mouth. She was so tiny comparing to his tall, broad shouldered frame that he had to kneel down to talk to her. He smiled knowingly and took hold of her hand. " hala wallah eb hayoona, taghadaitaw wella na6reeni?"

She blushed furiously and nodded. He laughed and walked to the house with both girls clinging to him.

Inside their big house, his half sister and her husband were sitting in the living room, across from them sat his younger half brother with his step mother next to him. " Esalam 3lekom" He muttered and headed straight to his step mother, kissed the crown of her head and greeted the rest of his siblings and his sister's husband. " 3ayal wayn oboy?"

" ga3id eb maktiba egool 3inda shighil, mal o oho yan6irik, kelina yowa3a" His step mother complained.

He smiled. " Asif yumma 7abebti, al7een agoom anadeeh"

He stood up and made his way up the stairs to his father's office. Sagir was born and raised in this big, beautiful house and although he moved to live in a seperate house five years ago, this house was home to him, it meant much more to him because for one thing he could still remember his mother's sweet voice filling the house, her laughter when she played with him, her warmth when she told him stories of soldiers and heroes before kissing him goodnight and finally her cries of anguish when she was too sick to know he was there listening to her heart-wrenching cries and shuddering with fear. He was eight years old when his mother discovered that she had a deadly breast tumour . He didn't understand anything at the time yet he knew something was terribly wrong because one day after he came back home from school, his mother was sitting in the living room, her face red and tear-stricken. She blew her nose and dabbed at her teary eyes when she saw him coming to her and his handsome, young face fell with horror and surprise.

His father said cheerfully, trying to hide his fear. " omik babyyaa, tabchii mithil el yahal"

Little Sagir giggled at that " laysh?"

" 3ashan qazooha ebra o ehya takhaaf" His dad grinned, his eyes twinkling with unshed tears, But Sagir was too young to notice that.

Sagir approached his mother and held her hand. " mama, latabcheen ohwa e3awir bes ebsir3a..e6eeb"

His mother wept harder and hugged him to her.

At bed time, his mother didn't come to kiss him goodnight or even made sure that he brushed his teeth and was in his pajamas for the first time in his short life. He drew his bed covers back, rolled out of his bed and made his way to his parents' room. He froze before their bedroom's door when he heard his mother's loud sobs and his father's hard voice. " el walad wayid mit3alig feech , lat3aqdeena min sighir, 3ashani latabcheen jidama marra thania, khaleech qaweya, ohwa mi7tajich wayid hl fatra"

" shagoola? mabuga shai el diktor egool mintishir" She cried.

" ensafir barra" His father said.

Five months later she passed away.

A year and a half later his father married his cousin who loved Sagir like her own child and gave him a little brother and a sister.

to be continued...

the pair

2011-04-02T06:35:00.001+03:00

Lying between the soft, plump pillows that were surrounding her, she watched him fix his "nasfa" in front of her dressing table. Her man standing ever so gorgeously, fixing his "nasfa" in front of the glossy,large mirror. Her man, she thought while smiling viciously. He turned around hastily and began to leave the cosy bedroom to head to work but his eyes betrayed him and landed on the beauty of the creature that was lying seductivly on his bed making him pause for a moment and then change his way to the bed instead. He sat on the spot beside her on the bed and reached for her small hand. She smiled for believing that she controlled him, she could easily seduce him with a flutter of her long,curled fake lashes( but of course he believed they were naturally her's) or simply with her ravishing smile . He brought her soft hand up to his lips and planted a small kiss over her fingers.

" you need to stop doing this, I cannot possibly skip work...again." He said while smiling at her,the green in his hazel eyes standing out against his tanned skin.

" doing what?" She asked him with exagerated innocence.

He answered her by placing his head over her chest and holding her close to him. " terki...I too have to go to work" Jana said through his hair.

" I don't want you to work" He said while tightening his arms around her.

" your perfect "nasfa" will be ruined" She said. " and I do want to work"

He sat up and took his hands off of her, looking her in the eyes. " I think obedience is a good quality to have in a wife"

" I should've married a woman who stays at home to clean, cook, listens and agrees to almost everything her husband says and takes care of their upcoming children" He added ever so seriously, but she could see a hint of amuesement in his beautiful hazel eyes.

" you should have..." She said softly.
" I shouldn't have picked a rebellious hard headed, stubborn woman who-"
" rebellious!" She interrupted him in disbelief.
" that hair..." He ran his long fingers over her light brown hair which was almost blonde and furiously shiny under the sun lights. This very discussion has taken place between the two of them many times before and it always ended with him still hoping of her quiting her job and staying at home while her stubborness never failed to kill that hope, but only temporarily.

" I love my job baby" She told him.

" I don't" He said honestly. Despite the fact that he was a modern, open minded man he still prefered the idea of his own wife, staying in the safety of their home, not necessarily cooking or doing anything at all as it killed him to see her tired, but he always thought that his wife was too delicate to handle that demanding, exhausting job of her's. Of course he fully knew that she was a strong, independent woman, afterall she lived in a foreign country all by herself for several years and she obviously did well without the help of a man. And he saw it with his own eyes in the times of the year when he visited her. And damn it he couldn't admit it to her but he loved to see her doing feminine stuff that he was too shy to talk about He smiled as he imagined her spending her mornings in their bed watching tv, reading a fashion magazine or simply...knitting.

She has agreed to take a week off from her job for his sake but she loved her job way too much to quit it. She never understood why he hated the idea of her working, he did not have a problem with that before he proposed to her! Maybe he was jealous, she thought while she bit her lower lip to prevent a smile. Maybe someday she'd quit and obey her husband, just not today or tommorow or the day after...

"fine" He rose from the bed in defeat, kissed the crown of her head and ordered her to rest before leaving to work. As soon as he got inside his car he lit up a ciggarette while waiting for his engine to warm up. Terki blew a smoke and smiled when he could almost hear jana's voice threatening to break his neck if she caught him smoking again and then his smile left his full, pink lips when he remembered her complaining about the severe neck and back pains she's been feeling lately. He was too worried and afraid but he never told her anything about those feelings and he wasn't planning to.

He couldn't convince her to quit her job this time, and he could not possibly force her to stay at home against her will, he loved her and respected her too much to do that. Oh, how much he loved her but maybe tonight, or tommorow or perhaps the day after tommorow his love for her lessened and then he'd be able to make her quit her goddamn job. With that thought, his smile landed back again on his mouth, he put the gear to drive and drove off, the smile never leaving his handsome face.

Back in their bedroom, Jana thought of her gorgeous husband and his ridiculous obsession with rest. "I've known him for 6 years, laysh tawnii alaa7ith that he's old fashioned?!!" She asked no one in particular before she flopped back against the soft pillows.

She never knew that she was the center of his universe and the mere thought of any harm that could happen to her left him in constant worry and fear that was too complicated to be easily seen as an obsession.

my name is Nouf (14)

2011-03-17T00:53:00.000+03:00

our plane landed safely on kuwaiti soil early in the morning. It was such a bliss to be back in the comfort and familiarity of my bedroom and to finally have time for my weary self. A huge smile plastered over my bare face as I reached home and found mother drinking milk tea and eating breakfast while doing so with my father. I kissed her cheeks, kissed my father's head and sat down on one of the chairs around the table.

"el7emdlellah 3ala salamtich yummah, eshsawaitaw, shlon kan el mo2tamar?" mother asked while pouring me a cup of tea.

I chuckled. " yumma kan ejtima3 o esara7a makint adrii wain allah ga6nii!"

"haw! 3ayal eshmalah rai7a?"

" khibra" I winked at her. She laughed.

"hathela banatna, emdali3een, e7na ayyam gabil waain" My father mumbled while biting on a powdery piece of darabeel.

" yubah, awwal ghair oo il7een ghair" I said. " yumma khaleehom esawoollii omellete, mishtahia bai'6". I felt my phone vibrating on my lap, looked down at the screen and emmediatly silenced it as I saw Sagir's name flashing on the screen.

I ate my breakfast almost slowly, ignoring my now rapid heartbeats.I loved it when I made him wait. I hated the idea of being too available for a man, especially a man I had cared about too much and wished to be around him more than anything.

after finishing my breakfast I headed straight to my bedroom, laid on my lonely, very comfy sofa and dialed his number.

" Aloo" he answered on the third ring. " naima?" he asked.

" la, kint ga3da m3a el ahal.." I answered steadily. " what's up? mataby etnam? mint emdawim?"

He grunted. " la ta3ban 7ddii, shakli ba6igha nouma, hmm I miss you"

" midak?" I said, amusement filling my voice.

"osh, come over let's have breakfast together"

" la bil3afiaa tawni makla.." I was a little taken aback by his offer.

" ok latakleen bes t3alii.." His tone dropped slightly.

" wain? baitkom? are you serious?"

" my house, not the family's" He said. I felt awkward, he must be really rich.

" do you think it's appropriate to show up in your house?" I asked, trying my best to play hard to get while a big part of me wanted to be there with him.

"it's not. I'll show you around, o I want you to be here tjableeni wana akil"

I laughed. " fiiine, tabi ayeeblik shai wana yaya? oh and the address please!"

I showered, changed into comfy clean clothes and straightened my natural wavy hair. By the time I was finished it was already past 10 and I hurried to my car to the realisation that I made him wait for quite a long time. back in the car I reapplied my sheer lip gloss and ran my fingers through my hair.

I parked in front of his house which looked more like a beach house with it's sleek modern design and floor to ceiling glass windows and equally big glass gate. It was white and big yet very simple. It was absolutely beautiful.

I was about to press the buzzer when I heard his voice shouting "it's open 7ayach" and realised that he was already sitting outside watching me watching his home, I blushed deeply to the thought, pushed the gate gently and entered the house.As I predicted he was sitting on the deck, dressed in navy pajama bottoms and a V neck white T-shirt.He looked absolutely gorgeous and relaxed in the daylight.
"allah e7ayeek" I smiled at him.

He patted on the space next to him, an invitation for me to sit down next to him. I did so, leaving a small space enough for both of us to move without touching. " how can you manage?" he asked.

"manage what?!" I asked him, his question confused me.

"looking this gorgeous all the time.." He said. I laughed.

" you know I don't look gorgeous all the times! you look good yourself" he really did.

his hand reached out for my cheek and caressed it gently and ran it back smoothing my hair causing me to wince by his simple yet very effective touch. I blushed instantly as I saw a smile of knowing, forming at the corner of his beautiful luscious mouth.

" would you like to come inside?" He said gently.

I nodded. With our hands interwined, he led me inside the house which was much more simpler in the inside. It consisted of white and everything about his decor shouted male! it wasn't as sophisticated as it looked from the outside, but it was still beautiful, I decided.

"So do you live here like..all the time?" I asked him.

" most of the time, it's much quiter here, artaa7 akthar broo7i" He said while leading me to his small kitchen. The kitchen was also very modern with it's Stainless steel appliances and wooden cabinets. It was surprisingly very clean for a single male who lived alone.

"I ordered sushi for two, matabeen titghadain?" He grinned.

"Sagir! tawni mitraygaa!" I laughed.

" 3adii, you're too skinny, you could use some fat you know.." He said while his eyes dropped to my waist.

" I'm not and I do eat...Alot!" I lied. ever since I met that bastard Faris and I'd made a decesion to stop eating, partially because he loved it when I was at my thinnest and since then I've developed some sort of phobia with food, mainly fatty foods.

He picked up the food bags easily in one hand while still holding into my hand with his other. " let's eat in the living room, you'll feel more comfortable there" He assumed without waiting for my openion.

He sat on the floor while I sat on the white leather couch opposite him and watched him rip the bag, he first took out the chopsticks and then the many bags of sushi and sashimi that were inside the white plastic bag.
" t3ali gi3day yammyii" He ordered.

" kani yammik"

" no you're too distant...t3ali eklai m3ai" He said while offering me brand new chopsticks.

"if you insist" I sat next to him on the floor and took the chopsticks from his hand.I wacthed him closely in admiration as he threw the first sushi in his mouth and chewed rapidly. I was developing strong feelings for this man and I wished from all my heart that he felt the same way towards me.

"try this, it's so good" He said, interrupring my thoughts. I savored one and emmediatly felt like eating another and he was more than happy to offer me the entire plastic box. We ate, talked and laughed together. This intimacy was becoming stranger by the minute but I enjoyed every minute of it and I never wanted it to end. I was so comfortable around him that I was too afraid to trust this, to give him my full trust.

I felt his hand again on my body, this time he was brushing my exposed arm ever so gently, I closed my eyes involuntarily, a mere touch from him had left me weak and wanting him even more. He was examining me carefully, mentally touching me with his eyes, I was out of breath as I saw his gaze dropping to my collar bone while his hand travelled up there to feel it. His fingers traced my neck, up to my chin and then back to my collar bone. " you're beautiful" He whispered.

I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I felt a strange lump rising in my throat. As if knowing what I was feeling, I felt his other hand wrapped tightly around my waist, pulling me closer to his warm body on the floor.

What the hell are you doing Nouf? that nagging small voice in my head tried to put sense into me but I ignored it by burying my face in his broad, taut chest, his masculine, unique smell invaded my nostrills and I clinged to him even harder.

Suddely, unexpectedly he grapped my arm and pushed me down on the floor so my back was pressed against the cold marble floor. I gasped with fear and maybe excitement when he clasped his hands on the floor on both sides of my face and lowered his body to mine with so much passion and force that were almost frightening. He was so close to me that I could feel his warm breath on my cheek.I shut my eyes when his breath came closer to my mouth and held my breath with anxious anticipation. With my heart almost running out of my chest I waited for a second, two and three but nothing happend and suddenly a wave of cold air hit my now burning cheeks. I opened my eyes slowly only to see him standing up, and looking as casual as nothing of these intimate events just took place between the two of us.

I was startled. I waited for a minute for him to explain what just happened before I adjusted my clothes and began to stand up with my wobbling feet.
" you must be very tired, I too need to rest.." He finally talked. His voice was so calm and collected.
"ye-s, I'll leave" I said, my voice hoarse.

" don't forget your bag" He said coldly,and without waiting for a response from me he headed up the stairs to his bedroom,leaving me alone and startled in his living room. with wobbling legs, I clutched my shaking fingers aroud my bag and rushed outside his house with sudden, hot tears of rejection and humuliation forming at the corner of my eyes.

to be continued...

كويت العز

2011-02-26T00:02:00.001+03:00

happy 50 years of independence and 20 years of liberation my dear kuwait <3

ps: the fireworks were amazing..

trapped

2011-01-08T04:04:00.007+03:00

She hesitated sitting on the wooden, damp bench for she was afraid of ruining her expensive jeans. A huge tear escaped her soft lid only to land on the already wet bench, she cried for her, for her loss, for this dark, merciless night.

Her legs began aching so she surrendered and sat down on that bench she dreaded. How very human of her. She looked up at the dark , star less night sky and more tears began falling, one after another. Desperation invaded her heart, her body, her precious soul and she didn’t find a way to rescue herself. So innapropriate for a girl to be out in this hour, yet she chose life. Staying in her bedroom meant death and she wasn’t ready for that.

A little wind coming from somewhere, blew across her body and ruffled her shoulder length straight hair and her body shivered in response. Her phone; her major source of unhappiness rang, breaking the painful silence of the night, her heart didn’t jump like it used to, she didn’t glance at the screen emmediatly like she used to do everytime it rang and she didn’t pick up like she used to.

"shhh" she muttered, soothing her wounded soul while keeping her wet eyes shut.

A single droplet of rainwater fell from the sky and landed on her left cheek. She opened her eyes and looked up at the sky again, to face the natural shower that was about to wash her clean.

" you're crying too?" she spoke directly to the sky. " I'm sorry"

Three hours ago she was the first to attend his event to support him, his crappy event. She was too sick to move from bed yet she showed up Wearing her hair down exactly the way he loved it, and the red lipstick he thought looked good on her perfectly covered her full lips. She smiled, clapped her hands excitedly until they turned a deep shade of red and she tried so hard to love his crappy work that lacked originality. She tried.

Not a word of appreciation or even a simple text message, he smiled breifly when he saw her but never stopped to chat with her even though she saw him talking and thanking many people she didn't know, mostly very pretty girls.

" it's 2 a.m Hessa…why arent you safely tucked in your bed?" The night said.

" I see his face while awake, while on a public park…" she chuckled between tears. "sleep makes everything worse…I am not ready to die and see his face in my grave"

" Go home" The night ordered.

She did as she was told. She got in her car and played her current favorite song " ما ظنتي" while driving. The way abdulmajeed sang " thaya3tnii 7isbi allah 3alaik" made her cry so much as she could relate to the song, she literally was lost.

A year has passed and it feels like an eternity ago but the pain is as fresh as ever.

She is still trapped.

my name is Nouf (13)

2011-01-07T03:55:00.003+03:00

I sat awkwardly in the limo with Hessa the excellent accounting girl and Maryam's assistant next to me in the back of the car. Up front sat maryam the pretty-young-for-a-supervisor supervisor. She never took her IPHONE off of her ear as she kept talking to Sagir about business related issues. I secretly wished I were in her shoes.
I was just wondering how I was going to endure the rest of the car ride with the arrogant accountant who ignored my existence and the nagging headache on the right side of my head when the driver pulled up in front of the Movenpick hotel.

Relief washed over me as the driver rushed to open the car door for us. I adjusted my black, shiny Abaya and equally black hijab and draped my small bag over my shoulder. My heart did a back flip and I felt nauseous for some reason as we stepped out of the limo. I could see Sagir and the rest of the men getting out of their limo too, which was parking right before our's.

As soon as I reached my tiny hotel room I took off the veil that was covering my head and lied straight on the bed. I wasn’t feeling very well as I had only two cups of coffee in me and sleep deprivation started to have its horrible effects. The conference was supposed to be held in less than an hour from now so I didn’t really have the time to nap. I let a little groan as I left the clean bed and headed my way to the small bathroom. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and reapplied my essential make up, tied my hair into a neat pony tail and covered my head with the now wrinkly black hijab.
I swallowed two pain killers and three bottles of water and took several deep breaths before I left the room.

the conference has dragged on for too long and I started getting bored out of my mind since no one asked for my help or opinion about anything, I was sitting there like an invisible someone, like a useless statue and I so wished I was in my warm bed back at home. I could feel my head pounding and my hand shaking furiously; damn I needed food and sleep.

I came out of my trance as I felt a hand very gently nudging me. It was maryam's assistant, indicating that the meeting was over. My face burned with embarrassment as I looked up and saw everyone's talking and gathering their things, I must have slept with my eyes opened.

I stood up and gathered my notes and pen with my shaking hands; I glanced at my watch while doing so and was slightly shocked that it was nine p.m already. I was about to head out when my favorite voice spoke, to me.

" 3afwan Nouf, momkin el awrag elli wasaitich 3lehom?" Sagir said.

It took me a moment to register what he had requested before I handed him the papers. "Thank you" he nodded.

I smiled without looking at him directly in the eyes and left the conference room.

I flopped back into the soft pillow. Moving my head alone was enough torture. My stomach growled with hunger yet just thinking of the effort of leaving this bed made me decide otherwise.I shut my heavy lids and the next thing I knew that I fell into a dead sleep.
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing loudly, my head throbbed achingly and my heart fluttered, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. It took me a while for the far-away bell in my dream to register as my phone. I finally found my phone hiding between the messy duvet mountain.

It was Sagir. " aloo" I answered huskily. "Are you okay, do you need anything?"

"No, no…did I wake you?"

Yes you did Mr. "la, 3adii" I said with my sleep filled voice.

" Asif..." he said in a low tone. " bes..I missed you"

I breathed deeply into the phone, my tongue failing me yet again with words.
" khalas ana akhaleech etkamleen nomtich…o mrra thania asif 3l ez3aj" he said in a more serious tone.

"No, please don’t hang up" I was already wide awake and I kind of missed him very much too.

He chuckled heartily. "I have an idea,can we meet now?"

That took me by surprise. "now? laish?"

"weddi ashoofich... ana brra el hotel eb my car t3ali…everyone's asleep already" he said.

"Are you sure ma7ad be6ee7 3ley?" I felt like a teenager sneaking to meet her boyfriend.
"I wouldn’t put you in this situation if I wasn’t sure" he said with that lovely, masculine tone of his. I felt my heart melting. "yallah, I'm waiting."

I brushed my teeth and washed my face hastily, put on the wrinkly Abaya and hijab and quickly left the room. I was aware of how horrible I looked but I knew if I started with makeup, Sagir would have to wait for a long time.

The reception was literally empty for my relief; I quickly dialed Sagir's number as I made my way out of the hotel.

"Turn to the left; I'm in the black-"

"ee shiftik" I interrupted him when I saw a black G class parked outside the hotel.I emmediatly knew it was him.

As soon as I got inside the car he drove off. "Where are we going?" I said.

"To park somewhere else, mala da3ii chethi ogaf barra el hotel" he said while driving.

" shaklik daal 6ireejik" I said. He really looked like he knew where he was going.

" ee rab3ii kelehom ehnii" he turned to grin at me. I blushed involutarily.

It didn’t take so long before he pulled up the car and turned to look at me.

" eshloonich..?" he said gently.

" zaina, how are you?"

"ta3ban, weddi anaam o bes" He sighed.

" ya36eek el3afia…the conference is over, you get to sleep le bachir sa7?"

"allah e3afeech… I wish.. mara7 ekhalooni"

" ma3alaih…enshalla eb tirtaa7 soon."

" Nouf?" He said in a much softer tone. " I never had the chance to say this to you directly but I like you very much and I think enni bedait.."

"I like you too Sagir, but…"

" latkhafeen mara7 athgha6 3laich.." he interrupted me while his hand reached for my face, I didn’t know what he was doing until he tucked the large lock of hair that was dangling on my face inside the black Hijab that was covering my head.

" nisait enni mit7ajba" I said sarcastically.

" 7ilo 3laich…" he almost whispered.

I laughed while blushing furiously. " thanks"

" ee, tithakart…I got you something" he suddenly said and started fumbling in some of the many little bags in his car, he seemed like a very messy person.

His hands finally rested upon the familiar beauty of the deep red carrier bag , I gasped when he took out the little red velvet box within and opened it to reveal a set of diamond cartier earrings from the "love" collection I adored very much.

"No Sagir I cant accept this!" I croaked. I wanted to decorate my earlobes with them so bad but it wasn't appropriate to show him how excited I was. Diamonds were literally my best friend and I couldn't deny it neither hide it.

" I'm sorry but you have to…" his face lit up with a radiant smile as if he sensed my excitement about the little gift. " may I?"

I nodded. I could feel my face turning a twenty different shades of red as he got closer to me. He took the silky black fabric easily off of my head and when my earlobes were on full view he placed the sparkly pairs one by one on each ear while mumbling "perfect" in my right ear. I shuddered as I felt the warmth of his breath and then the soft touch of his lips on my hair.

His fingers found their way between the spaces in my own fingers. I tried to pull my hand away but before I knew it, I was squeezing it back, wanting him closer to me more than anyone I've ever met. He raised my hand to the level of his lips, his eyes smiled up to me and then he kissed it for a long time before he pulled it away from his mouth, still cradling my hand between his.He started the engine and drove off without saying anything to me. Words were not necessary, it was all so obvious now; we were falling very hard for one another.

I stopped for a moment to compose myself before I entered the hotel and then as I came through the door I could see Sagir, out of the corner of my eye, following me inside. I was very pleased when my phone vibrated in my hand, it was another very cute message from Sagir "you take my breath away" it said. I sighed and reread the message for what seemed like a million times before I replied him with a simple yet meaningful text. " I'm glad I do...goodnight ;* ". He sure had a way with words.He really was something.

I nervously slid the plastic key down the slot, opened the hotel room's door and walked in. I threw my bag on the bed, took off my shoes, unbuttoned my Abaya and headed straight to the small bathroom to shower. I never took the diamond earrings off.

to be continued

my name is Nouf (12)

2010-12-27T07:04:00.004+03:00

The weekend had passed quickly with events such as Sagir interviewing me and showing me around the office to make me feel at ease in my first day at work. I parked in the employee-only parking lot, gathered my things and stepped out of my car.

I slowly made my way inside the building; I was very nervous, almost tearful yet confident. It felt exactly like first day of school, I didn’t know what to expect and I sure didn’t know how things worked in an investment company.

My stomach churned as I entered the elevator with a bunch of strangers I held my breath and waited for the elevator to stop at the floor I was supposed to work in. My sudden smile outshined the sunshine as I read the message I just received from Noura. "Good morning Noufie! Knock 'em dead ;* "

I took a deep breath, trying to hide my genuine grin yet failing, god I loved my friends. I got off the elevator as it finally reached my floor and headed to my office, everything was familiar thank god, I thought. I landed safely in my cubicle, unnoticed.

A couple of minutes later Two girls greeted me, introducing themselves as Nadia and Latifa. They worked in the same department and I loved the friendly vibe they gave off.
The first few hours were eventless; I spent several hours of sitting at my computer, trying my best to pay attention to every word Nadia was saying about working here. I was starting to get hungry and a part of me was wondering where was Sagir and why wasn’t he around for me to see him. I knew it was ridiculous since he's an investment manager and he didn’t have time to check on the new employee. I bet he forgot all about me by now.

When it was finally time for my coffee break, I made a successful visit to the restroom to fix my hair and makeup and then to the nearby STARBUCKS to get my daily dose of grande skimmed Latte with a drizzle of caramel on top, along with the not so good skinny blueberry muffin.
When I finally turned back to the office the girls were talking about our supervisor "Mariam" whom I have not met yet. They talked about how pretty and kind she was and they mentioned something about her being in a business trip. I didn't participate in the conversation yet I enjoyed listening to their small , girly talks; my colleagues were fun I decided.

By five PM which is when I got back from work, I was starting to feel hysterical. I was really feeling the effects of a night without sleep and I yearned to be home, in my bed.
After taking a slow, hot shower I slipped into my pajamas and headed straight to bed to have my milk tea before drifting into a goodnight sleep.

I picked up my BlackBeryy, even though I was dead exhausted and began typing a message to Sheikha on BBM, my phone quickly vibrated in my hand and I jumped. Not expecting it at all, I quickly opened the message that was the begining of it all.

" ya36eech el3afia...adrii dawamna wayid mut3ib o shaklich mit7asfa 3la gad sha3ar raasich enich rethaiti eb this job" the message was from Mr Sagir himself.

I smiled involuntarily, that caught me off guard. I began typing a message as a reply to his, I tried to think of something smart to say but ended up with " allah e3afeek :), you can say that.."

" afa2! kint bayey at6aman 3lech bes el shighil elyoum mayisma7…7itta ma3indi wagt a7ik raasi, hatha yizai?"

" hehe eshda3wah, I'm kidding. I loved it there, again thank you so much Mr Sagir.." I replied him emmediatly.

" radaina 3la Mr maltich hathi, yuba getlich Sagir o bes latkhaleeni asadig 3umrii, o lat7ateen 6al 3umrich kelha esbo3ain thatlath o enshalla betit3awidain o eb takhtheen 3l shighil" I couldn't help laughing at his message. I found it a bit weird for the manager to text me, especially that our messages were not at all formal yet they gave me this feeling of familiarity and comfort.

" enshallah Sagir.., I'll try my best"

" I believe you will, we need someone like you. good night." I reread his last message and automatically saved it. There was something about it that made me feel wanted, needed...it might be the word "need", I couldn't decide then.

When I got to work the next morning , I saw Nadia, Latifa and some other girls gathering around a woman and talking a bit too excitedly. I approached them saying my hello before heading to the office, only to be stopped by Latifa who introduced me to Mariam, our supervisor. Mariam was a tall brunette with a body of a goddess and a smile of a hollywood diva and as soon as she greeted me I fell for her charms like the rest of the girls.

At eleven I wasn't the slightly bit expecting Sagir passing by our office. He entered the office so tall and handsome in his gray "wintery" dishdasha and neat ghutra and that was the moment when I realized how hot he was and how much I'd wanted him. And the fact that he stood right before my cubicle didn't make anything easier. "Nouf, sa7?" he said, looking so serious, I gulped.

" aamir"

" mayamir 3lech 3adow bes baghaitich etsaweeli shaghla, fe file mawjood eb your computer abeech teshtaghlain 3leh wetkhalseenly eyah elyoum." He ordered, not a hint of a smile on his face.

" enshallah" I simply obeyed.

After less than five minutes I recieved a message from him that made me blush a hundred shades of red.
" lesh ekhtara3tay? btw u look even nicer than the last time I saw u in bahrain."

I didn't know what to reply to him, what if he treated everyone here this way? my stomach churned for the thought and I shook my head to push it aside and replied him back instead. " madri, I didnt expect you..thank you"

I put my phone away and began working on Sagir's file hoping to finish before five PM, I had lost track of time working on that file because when I finally looked above my computer screen, the office was already empty.I glanced at the digital clock resting on my desk, 5:11 PM. " ugh, mita akhalis!" I whined loudly as I knew nobody was around the office.

" coffee?"

I jumped in my place and my hand atumatically landed over my mouth to stop an upcoming shreik. " YOU GAVE ME A FRIGHT!!!" I yelled.

" besmillah 3lech, I'm sorry I'm sorry! eshfeeni ga3id wakhar3ich elyoum.." Sagir apologized while standing awkwardly with two STARBUCKS cups of coffee in his both hands.

"I'm sorry" He apologized again. I gazed down at my manicured nails, not bothering saying anything to him. He placed the papercup in front of me, on the disk, waiting for me to take it.

"thank you" I said and finally looked at him again.

" you're doing a great job Nouf..." he said gently.

"I'm not ..quite done yet" I almost whispered. I could feel the hard lump in my throat, keeping me from talking, I sighed heavily and to my utter dismay a big, fat tear escaped my lid and landed on my cheek.

I could see the shock in Sagir's face as I lost control of my tears, he placed his cup of coffee beside mine and pulled a chair to sit next to me. I burried my face in my hands and I cried and cried and cried, while he remained silent in the chair next to mine.

"Nouf...6al3eeni" He said.

I wiped my tear streaked eyes with the back of my hands and looked at him.

" ana 7aywan" He said ever so seriously and I laughed.

" it's just been a long day" I said, blushing deeply. " I'm so sorry for what just happend"

"Don't...mara7 agool 7g a7ad" He winked.I laughed again.

" enzain yallah goomay, wayid eshtaghaltai elyom, let me walk you to your car."

We walked together to the parking lot, sipping our coffee and talking about random things. He opened my car's door for me and my heart did a back flip.

" drive safely.." He said. " o Nouf, mabii ashoof dmoo3ich again"

A month had passed with him as my boss and my...undefined. We texted each other all night long, spent hours staring at each other at work if we had the chance, he would stare and I'd blush and pretend I didn't see him, he would buy me my favorite STARBUCKS drink everyday and walk me to my car if we both worked until late and nobody was around, I loved everything about it and I couldn't imagine a day without his good morning messages and his strong perfume.

It was one of those long days at work when he called me into his office. I adjusted my skirt, ran my fingers through my hair and nervously made my way to his office, aware of the audience that were my very curious colleagues.

I walked in his office and closed the door behind me. His face emmediatly lit up as he saw me walking in.

" el salam 3lekom" I said politely.

"wa3alaikom el salam ya hala" He grinned, obviously enjoying this.

" Nouf..." Oh god I loved my name coming from his mouth.

"aamir?"

" mayamir 3lech 3adow... enshallah bachir 3indina conference bil khobar 7g our company oo... I really want you to come..."

" bachir?" Sagir and his surprises, I thought.

" ee, for two days only...bes enshallah 3ogb salat el magharb benroo7, please come as my assistant.."

"madri Sagir...faja2tnii"

" ra7 etyeen? 3ashani..?" He looked deeply into my eyes and I knew right there and then that "No" wasn't an option.

" yes Sagir, I will go with you"

When I went back home that day I was welcomed by mother and her friends who were having tea and watching their favorie turkish show at the living room. " ya36eech el3afia Noufa, ta3ali shirbai weyana chwaiha" mother offered,

" allah e3afeech, La yumma mashkoora 3lekom bil 3afia ana baroo7 arayyi7 foug"

" 3la ra7tich, bes lat6awleen, banat khaltich shireefa beyoonna b3den"

" enshallaa" I assured her. " oh and yumma? zahbeeli 3abat eb geyaasi"

to be continued...

My name is Nouf (11)

2010-12-25T23:40:00.004+03:00

A couple of days later I picked up sheikha at Bahrain international airport with opened arms and a huge smile. " Shayooooooookh over here!!" she turned around when she heard my voice, almost ran and jumped up to hug me.

"Missed you" I said while hugging her back.

" chub!" she said and I giggled.

" I have so much to tell! Eshrayich engi6 your luggage el hotel b3dain we go somewhere for coffee?" I suggested.

" allah wil luggage!" she looked down at her small Samsonite bag." but yeah, sure!" she said excitedly.

After making sure her small baggage was safely delivered in my hotel room, we headed straight to café Lilou.

I ordered two skimmed cappuccino s and a MILO MILO to share.

" so tell me, how are you, really?" she said while sipping her cappuccino.

I sighed. " okay, I guess"

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. " eshsawaitii broo7ich for the last few days?"

" I met this person…" I said.

" what? What person?!" she said a little too loud.

I stuck my fork into the sinful MILO MILO , scooped up a bite and shoved it in my mouth. I told her about Sagir, from the very first day until the day we exchanged our numbers and he left to Kuwait. She kept nodding and listening carefully to every word.

" his name is Sagir al Fulani" I said while having another bite.

she gasped and almost choked on her bite. " 7ilfaaay? Sagir el Fulani maghairaa??"

I nodded. " he gave me his business card, bes madri wain 7a6ait'ha"

" mashallah, tadreen hatha mino??" she asked, still in complete astonishment.

" Nope, never met him before" I said with all honesty.
" chathaba mat3arfeena! hatha wild flan el Fulani, mashallah he's 28 bes 3inda khair, he's like the youngest billionare! he made his own wealth, o egoloon he's hot! sij?? ana sam3a feh wayid bes wela marra shifta! o hathi sharikat oboh bes he runs it, lat6awfeen el fursa! Khosh mokan tara!" she said quickly, going breathless mid sentence.
" I told him I'll think about it" I scatched my head, still trying to swallow everything she just had told me.

" you'll text him now, saying you'll take the job." She said firmly. "now!"

" enshalla, enshallah! I will text him but not now, I need more time to think" I bit my lower lip.

" to think of what? you desperately need a job Nouf"
" oh lord, I do" I already had my fair share of vacations and time off and I thought it was time I started doing something other than being on a vacation.

" great, yalla jiddami text him" she ordered.

" I'll do it tonight, I promise" I promised her while marvelling at the beauty of the chocolate cake that was staring back at me and waiting to be finished.

We talked some more and then it was time to leave the café , I was already feeling tired but I refused to go back to the hotel until bed time,we needed to enjoy our day before leaving tomorrow to face reality.
We then went to quick shopping at Al-A'ali mall, bought a couple of pretty shoes for work, some skirts and lots of formal shirts.

By the time we went back to the hotel, it was already past eight pm and I thought it was time I sent the message that will change things, a lot of things.

I put on my night gown, brushed my teeth and sprayed bodycology cocoa body mist. Sheikha on the other hand changed into a fresh blouse, reapplied her mascara and lip gloss and put her hair up into a high bun. " Er, shayookh… since when you dress up for bed?"

" min gallich we will sleep? It's too early and boring for that" she said while throwing her small bag over her shoulder.

I giggled. " wain binroo7?"

" dinner, I'm starving" she ran her fingers over her flat tummy.
" mali khilg abaadil!" I whined.
" 3adi ta3ali eb your pajama I don’t mind" She shrugged.
I put on last night's wrinkled sweater and a pair of jeans, didn’t bother put any make up on, put my hair into a neat ponytail and was ready to go out.

Sheikha wanted sushi for dinner and I didn’t mind so we had our sushi at Nu Asia. It was a very slow and delicious dinner and I enjoyed every bit of it. Ever since Sheikha came here and I had been feeling alive. I ate, laughed and stopped wishing to be somewhere else. I liked here, I liked this moment very much.
"Nouf…" said Sheikha with an unusually serious tone in her voice.

I looked up at her.

"What really happened with Faris?" she asked.

My mind flashed unwanted, very painful pictures in front of my eyes and I shook my head to clear the ugly thoughts away. I sighed heavily; I kind of expected that question. "It's over"

"Are you okay?" she asked me for the second time today.

I was quiet for a moment but then I felt a stabbing pain at my chest and I felt hot, fresh tears sliding from my lids.

"oh god! I'm such a bitch!" She said in dismay.
"No, its okay…I can't keep it forever" my voice quivered.

"I'm so sorry" She extended her hand to wipe my tears away.

It was very hard for me to pretend when it came to Sheikha, she was the sister I'd never had and being open and honest to her all came naturally.

"Time will heal all wounds, time will heal you whether you liked it or not." she said soothingly while squeezing my hand. I wanted to believe her but my broken heart didn't allow me to.

When it was finally time to go to bed, I sent the message saying that I'd start working as soon as possible and that I was very excited to work for such a prestigious company and I thanked him again for the offer. My phone beeped twenty minutes later announcing a message. I picked it up, opened the message and read the three words slowly "good luck Sunday"

My heart did a back flip and I couldn’t stop the feeling of combined excitement and fear that had crept into me.

I collapsed into a deep coma of exhaustion, warm and hopeful with my phone in my hand.

kuwait

I woke up to the sound of the nagging alarm clock ringing in my ear. I rubbed my eyes and glanced at the clock, it was 5:55 AM. I rose quickly and headed straight to the bathroom. After washing up and straightening my hair I slipped my SEE BY CHLOE black leather and suede dress over my head, I knew I could never go wrong with black and my lethal armani hollywood red lipstick which I was about to apply.

I put on a pair of green suede pumps, stuffed my essentials in my tan leather bag and rushed down the stairs and out the door to my car. I started the engine and checked my reflection in the rear view mirror while waiting for my car to warm up. After five minutes I put the gear on D and drove to work while listening to U2's it's a beautiful day. I was more than ready to start my very first day at work.

to be continued...

" el 7igraan ega6i3 el misraan"

2010-12-10T15:24:00.005+03:00

his cousin and cousin's wife were inviting us for dinner, I spent four, long, real and VERY tiring hours deciding on an outfit, the perfect outfit needed to be put together PERFECTLY, but he didn't know that because he obviously thought that I didn't spend the whole day staring at my wardrobe which suddenly seemed so dull. He simply picked out his dishdasha, did his "nasfa", sprayed half the bottle of his perfume and was ready. I on the other hand, straightened my hair and then I used the curling iron to achieve those perfect big, shiny curls. spent a decent hour on my make up, because I wanted to look perfect, for you Mr , and for your cousin and his wife to " yemdi7oon" your wife. I poured myself into the bright pink " pencil" skirt, tucked my white tee into the "pencil" skirt and finally my fringed leather jacket. I filled the essentials in my small clutch; ruby woo lipstick, a tiny perfume bottle and kleenix.., He was already waiting for me in his car, I got in the passenger seat and began to apply my red lipstick carefully.

" enti eshlabsa?" He eyed me from head to toe.

" clothes?" he never had a problem with the way I dress before so I was very surprised! was he PMsing? I heard men PMS too.

" mu 3ajibni libsich" I've known him for too long to know that he was literally mad at me.

" mumkin etgooli shino elli mu 3ajbik eb libsi?" it was my turn to get mad.

" roo7ay badlai, I'll wait" he simply said. eb kil biroood!!!

I paused for a second. tears forming at the corner of my eyes but I refused to cry. " mani embadla"

" goomai badlai gitlich ra7 an6ir!" his voice got higher.

" shino tabeeni albis mathalan, 3abaya?? libsi el 7imdella mafi shay, o for your information ana 6ool 3umri albis chethii bes enta el thahir tawwik etla7ith!"

" gitlich ma7ib talbiseen thayij chethi, 3l aqal ghayrai hal tanoora! aslan moo 7ilwa, 3indich wayid hdoom a7la."

"gitlik mani embadla"

" et3andeeni y3ni? mrra thania mabeech tishtreen skirts chithii, mu 7ilween 3lech ( mayyit min el7arra)" moo rathi yaskit! moo rathi yaskit! wela sikat! 6ool ma he was driving e7in e7in e7innnnnn, but I ignored, I ignored and played with my phone.

I ignored o za3alt za3la chaida..., during dinner, solaft with his cousin and his cousin's wife, my smile never leaving my face bes ohwa killish ma3a6aita waih, on the way back he was already " mit7asif 3la gad sha3ar rasa" o kil shwai yet7arrash feeni. " moi, tathkreen lamma kinti tadriseen bil bahrain? ayam el mitin, madrii shlon 7abaitich"

WTH? that wasn't funny. " aslan I was thinner. 7asilik bes!"

He laughed. " la el7een wayid a7la, el thahir 6agich el mil7 min awwal ma akhathteeni"

I ignored.

when we got home, he tried to " esaaa7ilni" as much as he could. I simply ignored him because he literally lawwa3 chabdii, 6alla3 el 6al3a min chabdi! oo mako e7saas, he simply thought that I will forget everything and get back to normal in minutes.

after all the 7igraan and 6anagir what do you think he said? " moi, y3nii le mita eb ta7gireeni? I already miss your ez3aaj...wayid"

I won ;)

My name is Nouf (10)

2010-12-01T21:26:00.004+03:00

With my now furiously shaking hands, I dialed his number while holding my breath; my heart was shaking hard as he picked up on the first ring. I was surprised, he never picked up his phone, and he always, always called back!

"halaa bil 7uuub killaaah" he said a little too loud.

"Faris?" I whispered my voice quivering.

"fajoooorty" he said " ma3aach"

My heart sank as I realized what he just called me and then I started to panic. I clamped my hand over my mouth in order not to make any sound. I ended the phone call without saying a word.

I sat on the bed, motionless and unable to breathe. I shut my eyes and breathed slowly, trying to regain my control. My sweaty hand reaching for my phone again, which was lying beside me on the bed. I pressed the letter F and his name immediately appeared along with many other names in my phone book. I punched the delete key, deleting him from my phone and my life, for good.

"Not this time Faris" I muttered under my breath, feeling the bile rise in my throat, but I refused to cry over that man again. At least it made sense now that I knew he was seeing someone else and was obviously so into that someone.

I vowed not to cry over that lying, cheating scumbag ever again and I so far I was keeping my promise. That night I miraculously collapsed into a dreamless, deep sleep.

I woke up the next morning just as suddenly as I'd fallen asleep. I smiled as I felt the sun rays streaming through my window and shining directly to my face. I stretched out on the warm bed before rolling out of it.

I showered slowly, enjoying the force of the water drops running down my body. I washed off the bad memories out of my hair, my face and body until my skin turned to a deep shade of red; I decided it's time I left the shower box.

I rummaged through my messy suitcase and looked for something nice. I decided to put on an effort to look hot for a change. Ever since I came here I didn’t bother even look at the mirror and that didn’t feel like me at all, I was missing my old self already and I wanted her back. I picked out a gray body-con jersey dress, silver tights and the same black, boring ballet flats which were the only shoes I'd brought with me. I inserted the flats to my feet in disappointment, secretly wishing they were a six inches killer Christian Louboutins. I applied some mascara, a bronzing blusher to define my cheek bones and a colorless lip gloss. I glanced at my hair and gasped with horror, I didn't think it had looked this bad before. I looked around the room for something ; my eyes laid on a bright brochure of the hotel's spa and I suddenly came up with the brightest idea.

I called the hotel's spa and salon and asked if it was okay to have my hair done without an appointment, for my delight the woman on the phone said that the best hair stylist was available and that I was welcomed now. I draped my bag over my shoulder and excitedly left the room.

I entered the spacious, airy place, welcomed by the strong smell of incense and aromatic oils. An Asian lady greeted me and led me to another room where she sat me at a shampoo chair and called the hair stylist.

"Hi!" the small, black haired woman greeted me with a huge smile and asked me what I wanted to do with my hair.

"I need a haircut, two inches shorter and perhaps a few highlights!"

She washed my hair with shampoo and rinsed it slowly while massaging my scalp. I sighed and shut my eyes; I haven’t felt this good in a long time!

After in what seemed like two hours my waist length hair was slightly shorter, two shades lighter and much more alive. I loved it so much; I couldn’t stop touching it and beaming at my reflection in the mirror.

I stepped in the food court in the hotel lobby which was invaded by the glittery sunlight, it was past ten in the morning and my stomach was already making noises.

I spotted him immediately, from his dark tan which was so alien for this cold weather. He was wearing the traditional Kuwaiti dishdasha, ghutra and e'gaal and was sitting at the largest table in the centre with his phone pressed to his ear. He was talking to someone loudly and I could hear him clearly from where I sat. I sat on a two seats table, ordered a cup of coffee, cheese omelet and today's paper. I looked out of the window that overlooked the same huge pool I spent my previous day, in and around it. I smiled, today was different. Today was shiny, new, and beautiful.

He ended his phone call and looked up to meet my eyes. He didn’t recognize me immediately as he sipped his coffee and fumbled through the papers which were scattered across the enormous table. I found myself waving at him "Sagir" I called his name. He looked up again, this time smiling as he recognized my voice.

"Nouf?" he asked.

I nodded.

"asif mantibaht" he laughed. I blushed a little, fully aware that I looked completely different from the night before.

" 7ayyach, 7ayyach!" he muttered while standing up.

" la la 3adii I can see you're busy"

" la wallah tawni emkhalis ejtimaa3 min suba7 allah khair, raasy sadda3" he grinned. " wallah bint deeratna mankahleeha etarayg broo7ha, 7ayach"

I knew refusing to sit with him wasn't an option so I headed to his table, cheeks blushing and my large tote in my hand. He stood up and held the chair for me. " etfathilay" he said politely.

" mashkoor" I muttered and sat down on the chair opposite him.

So I did join him on breakfast, feeling slightly awkward yet delighted that there was someone I could talk to. I was beginning to hate this whole time alone.

"So, ejtimaa3 shno if you don’t mind me asking?" I said while smiling at him.

He sighed. " wallah this is a business trip o lazim kint asawi meeting with a couple of foreign business men wayid mohimeen 7g sharikatna"

" oh, mashallah" I said. "So everything is going well, I hope?"

" ee el7emdella, aham shai eftakait o agdar arja3 el deera bachir el sib7 enshallah" he said while beaming at me.

" anyway shino tishribeen?" He asked , not giving me a chance to talk.

"Thank you, I already ordered coffee" I said.

" brilliant. So what about you Miss Nouf, mita ra7 tirji3een enshallah?" He asked. I caught him frequently looking at my hair.
I hesitated. " mo mista3yila 3l raddah, mita ma radait. Besides I don’t have a job or anything important to get back to"

"oh, mo nawya teshtaghlen? Qadamti 3la watheefa?" he asked, he seemed so interested.

" wallah weddi! Qadamt 3la wayid amakin bes na6ra mokan zain, mabi ashtighil ay mokan" I said honestly.

" shino your major?"

"Marketing" I said confidently.

"Excellent. Are you interested to work for our company?"

"You're serious?" he took me by surprise.

"I am" he grinned.

"I… erm, can I ask what's your company?"

"It's Al fulany's investment company but we really do need some good marketing students" he winked.

I laughed. "That would be awesome! Thank you so much"
" So I consider that a yes?"

" yes!" I giggled.
He nodded. " bes 3la shar6!"

" shino el shar6?!"

" ana aseer your boss" he said ever so seriously.

I laughed again. " 6ab3an Mr Sagir!"

" o ba3ad fee shar6 thani"

"And that is?" I raised an eyebrow.

" el a7ad el yay tabdeen dawamich, which means ra7 etrideen el Kuwait this weekend"

My heart sank and my stomach churned. Nausea overtook me as he brought up the subject of me getting back, was I ready to get back to the place I escaped from?

" ha eshgiltay?" he asked gently.

"Can I think about it and get back to you?"

"Yes. Sure! "He muttered.

Relief washed over me as the waiter showed up with my cheese omelet and the cup of coffee. He placed the tray on the table before me and asked me if I needed something else, I thanked him and sent him away.

We talked a lot while I ate slowly, I loved that he did most of the talking and since his stories were interesting and funny, I enjoyed listening to him very much.

" I enjoyed this very much Nouf, thank you for keeping me company" he smiled while standing up. " ana sar lazim amshi 3ndi cham shaghla lazim asaweeha, bes gabil la amshi mumkin takhtheen raqmi 3ashan mawthoo3 el shighil?"

" ee ee sure" I reached for my phone on the table and asked him to type the number himself. " ektiba enta a7san akhaf aghli6 eb a digit"

He did as I said and gave me back my phone. " sayavta bes digeely ranna 3ashan asayiv your number too"

"enshallah" I said.

" yallah, tabeen shai yuba?"

" salamtik, o etrid bil salama enshallah" I said.

" esalmich, o na6ir minich rad" he smiled.

" enshallah" I giggled.

" faman ellah"

"bye"
------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night I couldn't sleep. I lied awake thinking of everything that happened earlier today. I thought about the job offer, about Sagir and everything he had told me. I was begining to feel very lonely, that was when I decided to call my favorite people in the world; my two best friends, Noura and Sheikha. Knowing that Noura's mother would never allow her to travel alone I called Sheikha; I desperately needed a friend.

" Noufaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" she screamed my name, she didn't even wait for my hello.

I giggled. " 7abeeeeebti walhana 3leeeeeeeeeech o 3la Nwaaaair!"

" Noufooooooooooo wai wai masaaadig" She yelled excitedly.

" sadgay sadgay, sheikho ta3aly el ba7rain!" I said.

" faj2a! I would bes lazim agool 7g oboy!" she said.

" eeeh please goleela Noufa ga3da hnii with her cousin o min hl 7achi" I was desperate.

" enshallaah bes 6amneeni 3alech, shloonich? shakhbarich, are you okay??" she said, concern filling her voice.

" magdar agool shai al7een , please come over, I really do need to talk"

" khalas I'll go talk to my father now o I'll call you back okay?"

" I might be asleep etha maradait text okay??"

" okaaaay, emwaah bye"

I phone kissed her back. " bye"

My phone beeped an hour later indicating a message. " I'm coming baby!" it was from Sheikha.

You could imagine how happy I was, I didn't bother text her back, as I was drained with exhaustion, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I dreamed of Sagir, the job offer and Faris's phone call.

to be continued....

my name is Nouf (9)

2010-11-23T23:39:00.000+03:00

" 3afwan, etha widich tig3ideen hnee o mista7ya, tara ana mashy…" he said politely.

" laaa, la 3adii , ekhith ra7tik, ana elli mashya" I bit my lower lip; I was feeling guilty for some reason.

" khalas 3ayal etha bag3ad entai ba3ad ra7 tig3ideen" he said, looking determindely at my face. I stood there quiet for a moment, I thought about it quickly and decided that it won't hurt anybody if I stayed down here with him , it wasn't like I have something better to do. " sure" I said, forcing a weak smile.

We walked side by side awkwardly, he waited for me to sit on one of the wooden chairs facing the swimming pool before he joined me. I noticed he was so polite. I sat on the chair next to his, shuffled in my chair and moved it slightly away from his, he pretended not to notice and sat on the chair beside mine.

The atmosphere was blanketed with an awkward silence. I quickly searched in my head for a topic to bring up , only to be struck by the most beautiful picture I've ever seen. I didn't know if my mind was exagerating but I was so mesmerized by the man in the background picture of Sagir's laptop, by his eyes to be precise. His entire face was masked with a red shmagh, showing only his beautiful, dark black eyes. The man's eyes were so captivating that I couldn't keep my eyes away from the picture, his thick lashes colliding with his thick eyebrows, creating a beautiful mess, I finally noticed that he was holding a huge black hawk, a real hawk! and was standing in the dessert. He reminded me so much of the hot men they described in the arabic poetry I sometimes read about.

" wow" I said involuntarily, blushing a little.

"beautiful isn't he?" He asked, a sincere smile danced across his face.

" who is he?" I asked, still looking at the picture.

" he's my favorite hawk!" He said excitedly. WHAT? oh...oh right, he was talking about the hawk, right. Does that mean...? I looked up at him, seeing his face for the first time. His eyes, similar to the ones in the picture, but darker and ...scarier. I shuddered, not sure why I felt so scared, I took a deep breath and looked away.

" are you okay?" he asked me, examining my face.

" yes! I'm fine" I coughed and rubbed my eyes, trying to understand what just happend. I must be very tired.

"so sagir e7ib el sagir?" I asked him teasingly. He laughed, blushing a little. " shagoolich, 3ishgy el barr(dessert) , amoot 3la shai esma barr o chethi barr activities, tadreen enni gabil la ayey hnii kint emjabil el ghanam wil horses?" He grinned. that explained why he smelled bad at the airplane! He obviously was engaged in so many "barr activites" .

" ghareeba, hl sowalif mo chinha 3ateeja? barr, ghanam, 7aywanat?" I joked. " yes well, my grandfather is my best friend" He winked and I wasn't sure if he was joking.

" anyway Sagir, I think it's getting late, I better go get my dose of beauty sleep" I lied, I didn't want to sleep but I wasn't feeling very comfortable sitting with this stranger with the captivating eyes.

" will I see you tommorow?" he asked, looking directly at my eyes.

I was a little taken aback by his question but I recovered quickly. " why not? goodnight" I said.

" good night Nouf"

--------------------------------------------------

once I was finally back at my hotel room I thought it was time I switch on my phone and start making some phone calls, I missed my parents and my two best friends so much, and I couldn't help but miss him the most.

I reached for my phone, switched it on and opened my inbox to find five messages,with shaking hands I opened the only message that stole my attention, and read the two words that literally stopped my fragile heart. " feeni entay"

My name is Nouf (8)

2010-11-12T03:24:00.007+03:00

I miss you readers!! why don't you comment like before anymore? :( is anyone even reading the story ? :O hellooo? hellooo? *waves*... *cries* I miss everyone! why did you all dissapear? bloggers and readers!! what happend to last year's bloggers? :'( they all have dissapeard! no one writes anymore! no one comments! everyone has deserted blogs and moved to the so called twitter! wai3, I hate it, its lame :( ... if anyone is still reading this blog please leave a comment saying I'm still into blogs! what happened to all the story writers? I remember how many were there! mashallaa I couldn't catch up! wain ri7taw? habba much? :/ moi za3lana....

part eight...

I wrapped my arms around myself and kept them there for a while. A sudden wave of embarrassment mixed with insecurity hit me right there and then. This stranger had witnessed the worst of me and I wished that this was the last time that I'll ever see him yet I had to express my gratitude for what he had done to me. Okay that wasn’t entirely the truth; I actually wanted to talk to him because for one I wanted to save what was left of my image as a sane person. I bet he thought I was a pathetic suicidal woman who lacked faith and talking to him might cure my…boredom.

I picked up the first cardigan my eyes laid on and draped it over my arm, not bothering actually wearing it. I was aware of how horrible I looked so I skipped looking at the mirror.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, picked up my hotel room's pass in key and left my junior suite.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The cold breeze stroked my bare face gently, sending shivers down my spine and making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My exposed chest bones ached slightly and I buttoned up my cardigan hoping that I would warm up.

I walked slowly past the large swimming pool and paused for a moment. I could see him from where I stood. He was typing something on his laptop and looking completely distracted. that was when it suddenly hit me;coming here was the stupidest idea and I must turn back slowly before he noticed I was here.

I turned around and tiptoed my way back to the hotel, I didn’t want to make any noise fearing from him noticing me. I didn’t realize how wet the smooth ground was until my feet skidded; I fell over and landed hard on my butt.

No no no nooo this didn't just happened , oh dear lord why me?

Talk about embarrassment.

"Are you okay?" the stranger called out for me. My face started giving out a hundred shades of red and I wished that the ground would open up and swallow me whole! This couldn’t get any worse! Damn you Nouf for "thinking" of coming down here in the first place!

Oh god this was horribly embarrassing but I couldn’t show him how embarrassed and hurt I was, so I got up slowly, smoothed my pants with my fingers and my now all over the place hair.

"I'm fine" I smiled widely with fake confidence.

Ouch my butt hurt!

"Caution, wet floor" he said with full seriousness but I could see a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

"Oh that, I was just-"

"Testing the gravity?" he raised an eyebrow. He stood so tall, towering over me and I loathed it. I loathed him despite the fact that I didn't know him.

"Fine! 6i7t, so what?" I was getting furious; he cannot think what just happened was funny! It wasn’t! Okay, maybe a little if my butt didn't hurt so much!

"salamat" he said.

" allaah ysalmik" I muttered awkwardly, my face burned with embarrassment and I wasn’t so cold anymore. I wished my phone was with me so I could do what I usually did in awkward situations; pretending to text people.

"Sagir" he said.

"na3am?" I asked stupidly.

"My name is sagir, and yours?"

"Oh. its...Nouf"

"Nice to meet you Nouf" he smiled. The feeling is not mutual I thought.

"Look I'm sorry I interrupted whatever you were doing... I better head back to my room and…thank you for …um…what happened earlier today." I stuttered breathlessly. I turned around quickly to head my way back inside the hotel but was very surprised when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"wait..."

oh crap! what did he want from me now?!

to be continued...

My name is Nouf (7)

2010-11-04T00:05:00.002+03:00

I know it's been too long!! in my defense: I wanted to update earlier but my dear laptop died on me. here's part 7, I wrote it quickly and didnt have time to edit! so forgive any mistakes ;p, enjoy xx

Oww my head hurt, so badly. My chest ached so much! I felt nauseous and a horrible pain shot through my entire body. Brrr it's so cold! Get me a blanket my feet are freezing. Oh god I can't move them. I might get up and get me a warm blanket or…wait a second it's too dark in here.

I opened my eyes slowly and snapped them quickly shut. Oh god what happened to me? What the hell happened! Why was everything hurting! I was panicking; I didn’t know what really happened. Oh did I die? Wait a second I had a couple of painkillers and then…

Oh dear lord was I dead? I opened my eyes quickly again and looked around my surroundings. I was lying in a bed apparently in a hotel room! Was I dreaming? I smiled briefly for the thought. And then a silhouette of a man appeared in the dark interrupting my only hopeful thought.

I rubbed my eyes hard and rose up from the bed with great effort. Ouch, my head. He approached the bed and his face began showing. He was the weird guy from the plane. Oh crap, what the hell happened?!

"oh that explains why you're a creep! Are you the angel of death? Oh god esta'3ferallah" the words rushed from my mouth involuntarily.

His eyes bulged right out with astonishment and he opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind almost immediately. I trembled.

"No, I actually found you in…in the pool…I…I thought …" he looked down awkwardly ,unable to finish his sentence.

My eyes began tearing up and I couldn’t hold it any longer, it all came back to me, I drowned in that pool and if it wasn’t for this good man I would be dead. I gulped.

"I wasn’t trying t-to k-kill….myself" I sobbed. Tears were no longer welling at the corner of eyes.

"Is there something I could do?" he asked awkwardly. Sympathy filling his voice.

I covered my face with both my hands and started crying, it was so embarrassing, the whole situation was so sad and embarrassing and I wasn’t a big fan of myself at this very moment.

"Death in the family?" he asked.

That took me by surprise. I had no clue why he came up with that idea! I vigorously wiped my tears with my fingertips and sighed giving myself a chance to breathe. "Something like that" I mumbled.

"I'm sorry" he said awkwardly. He obviously wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a weeping girl in his hotel room. Suddenly his phone started ringing and vibrating. Saved by the bell, I thought.

"I'll have to…um…take the…" he waved the phone before my face awkwardly.

"Yes! Yes, sure" I blurted out. He smiled briefly and literally ran out of the room.

I sighed heavily and collapsed on his bed. " bada3tay Nouf bada3tay" I started crying again, this time in humiliation and shame, and because I could not help but feel so sorry for myself.

After that dreadful incident I rushed to my room, took a long, hot shower and wrapped myself in the hotel's fresh towels. I decided to stay in bed and never leave until I find a situation for what I'm going through, until I find a reason to leave bed.

I got a couple of text messages and missed calls from my beloved best friends shaikha and Noura who were obviously very worried about me. I couldn’t use my phone yet so I switched it off and threw it in my purse.

I rested my head against the soft, white pillow and sighed heavily. Who would've thought that the fun, bubbly Nouf would end up like this? Dumped and alone in a hotel room. That thought brought tears to my eyes. It seemed that all I did today was cry and…die.I was slowly losing myself.

I woke up shortly after that accidental nap, feeling disoriented. My head hurt and I was starving! I got out from bed and headed straight to the mini bar, I took a bag of salted peanuts, a redbull and a snickers bar.

I sat on the floor, in front of the enormous floor to ceiling window. I drew back the curtains and gazed out of the window while throwing a handful of peanuts in my mouth.

There he was sitting in a chair beside the huge pool, rummaging through a small, black suitcase, with his laptop placed on the small table before him.

to be continued...

mid life crisis?

2010-10-05T23:28:00.002+03:00

"moi! Moiii goomay ebsir3aa" my husband's loud voice filled the bedroom. "sharayt shai "ezgirt" "

"goomay" he nudged me out of my thirty minutes after work nap (yes I am a working woman now ;p will tell you about that later)

"shinooooo??" I yelled back with my sleep filled voice. "matshoofny naima, what is it?"

"mara7 etakhayelain shno shareeeet!" he grinned.

" sharetly baaaait?" I was suddenly fully awake and excited.

"shno? Hmm laa" he rubbed his head (something he always does lamma yetwahag) "6illay min el dereesha"

"okay!" I rushed to look outside the window and to my horror I found a big…." Wanaaaaait???? Shareet wanaaait?" I almost screamed.

He chuckled. " shrayich? "

"emga3idni min el nom 3ashan etraweeni wanait? La o shakla qathir o …WANAAAIT? Laysh shari wanait??"

" eshfahimich tara hatha "ezgirt" " rad gal ezgirt :)

"shno ezgirt? HH 7ag shino shareeh? You already have a car!"

" la hatha esheel aghraath o tara shighil 3adil! Tabeen a6al3ich feh?"

Omg my husband 3gaidiiiiii!

" tadreen kil el rabi3 sharaw minna? Shighil 3adil 7g barr, chalet, lamma enroo7 el chalet this weekend ra7 awadeech feh"

"maby arkuba! Maby arkab wanaitik!" my eyes filled with tears. ega3idni min noumty el ghaliaa 3ashan ewareeni wanait? UGLY wanait?

" eshfeeech? et3arfeen lamma enti teshtireen jan6a eb 1000? o etgooleli enta mat3arf-"

"ana mita sharayt jan6a eb 1000!"

" ashwa eny ana elli dafi3" he smirked.

my face turned a zillion shades of dark crimson and "3alaik bil 3afia" escaped my mouth.

walla lo el wanait mo7taram chan sikat! bes shakla jiddan qabeeeee7 qub7 shadeeeed:p..., oo faj2a he has this sudden interest in crappy cars? I wonder who's behind it...

mid life crisis symptoms? lol maskeen he's still young...

on another note eshtaghaaalt =D I looove my job, it's all Im talking about lately! it took over my life and it's exhausting me but it's my dream job

ps; galolii wanait my husband is called " bo shanab" waaaayid ezgirtttt saaaa7? :)

goodnight xoxo

My name is Nouf(6)

2010-09-22T00:42:00.002+03:00

I stepped into the wataniya airways plane the next morning. The hostess immediately greeted me and led me to my big, wide seat. I couldn’t smile; I couldn’t even take my shades off. My eyes were puffy from last night's hysterical crying and I didn’t bother wear any makeup.

I literally threw my body on the seat. I sighed and stared out of the window. The sun shone brightly, directly into my eyes.

"Thank you" a close masculine voice spoke to the air hostess.

"No problem sir" the air hostess smiled and walked away.

I flinched as he adjusted his weight on the seat next to mine. He wasn’t so close yet I could smell him and feel him moving. He smelled awful. As if he was out in the dessert or something.

I looked him up from head to toe; I didn’t care if he noticed me looking. I didn’t care about anything at all. He was wearing gray sweatpants. A white polo shirt and a navy coat. And was wrapping a"chmagh" around his neck. Yes a "chmagh"!

"yummah ana bil 6ayara" he said while holding the phone in his hand . He was obviously recording something to his mother.

I was looking at him all the time. He shut his phone and turned to look at me. He smiled and looked away.

It was about fifteen minutes in the flight, the seat belt signs had switched off, and we were taking off. I breathed with relief. I felt relaxed as soon as the air craft was no longer touching the Kuwaiti soil.

I started counting very slowly with my eyes closed, and that worked because by the time I reached thirty nine I was already moved to dream land only that I wasn’t dreaming.

----------------------------------------------

I stepped into the large hotel lobby, suddenly finding myself in such perfect surroundings. This would be my perfect weekend getaway in my normal days but I just couldn’t feel it, this wasn’t a normal day.

My hair was frizzy and my skin was dehydrated and itched so badly. I was fully aware that I looked like complete, utter crap. I was also aware of the familiar face that was standing next to me at the counter. The guy from the plane was there, standing right next to me.

"I was wondering if you had a room available." I said to the foreign woman behind the counter.

"Yes actually there is a plenty of excellent choices for you Madame" she smiled widely while tapping on the keyboard before her. "Would you like a single or perhaps a junior suite?"

"I-I'm not sure about the suite since I-"

"Suite a7sanlich" the guy from the plane said interrupting me. I turned to look at him ,surprised.

"You need it" he said while looking down at his phone's screen and before I could say something, he left with the room's key in his hand.

"mako faida Kuwaiti" I muttered under my breath.

" So, have you decided miss?" she said, the smile never leaving her friendly face.

"The suite. I'll take the suite"

I dropped my travel bag on the floor as soon as I was inside the "junior suite". It was huge, modern, beautiful but most importantly it was unfamiliar.

I skipped everything and headed straight to the huge white bed centered the tastefully cream bedroom.

I ran my hand on the soft white sheet and turned to look out at the floor to ceiling window which showed a beautiful view of a large blue pool. The surface of the water glittered from the ray of sunlight reflecting against it. It looked beautiful, safe, and calm.
I could drown in it. I would drown in it. So calm, beautiful, safe…

My heart throbbed. Ouch, that hurt. I needed a painkiller. I opened my purse and took out a packet of Panadol Actifast, a bottle of multi vitamins and a another bottle of Brufen.

I washed down a couple of panadol. Ouch, the pain didn’t go away! It actually intensified.

I took two more. Oh god I couldn’t take it anymore! I should try Brufen. It's stronger. Yes yes it should take the pain away.

Oh god my heart is burning, it's so hot in there, I needed a swim. I don’t care if it's cold outside, I should take a quick swim and I shall feel better afterwards.

dying in a swimming pool in a five stars hotel in Bahrain was never the plan...

my name is Nouf (5)

2010-09-01T13:53:00.002+03:00

"We just had a small fight, it was nothing" I blew my nose.

"What do you mean by nothing? You look like a widow" Noura said.

"It was my fault I upset him but it's all going to be fine in the morning, I'll call him and apologize" I mumbled while rubbing my wet eyes hard.

Noura came to sit next to me and touched my arm gently. " 7abeebtii you look horrible, please tell me what really happened?"

" mojarrad argument 3adii! But I got emotional, I'm getting my period that’s why" I lied.

"I'm sorry" she rested her head on my shoulder and then my heart shredded into million tiny pieces but I had a slight ray of hope that made me able to breathe.

I didn’t sleep all night. I tossed and turned in bed and was grabbing my phone so hard that I could feel my hand leaving a trail of sweat on the phone's screen.

I was going crazy lying there doing nothing, I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t even cry. So the unthinkable happened. I threw on a large jumper, took my car keys and rushed downstairs. I turned the engine and drove straight to his house.
I parked in front of his house and called him. I waited for him to pick up but he didn’t, I called again and still he didn’t pick up so I decided to get in. his parents were travelling so it was only him and the maids. I pressed the buzzer and waited for a response.

Nothing.

I pressed the buzzer again. No response.

I gave up and decided to wait. I sat on the wet porch. It was cold, actually freezing. I stared at the sky; it was star less tonight. I rested my head against the grand gate and closed my eyes. "besmillah el rahman al raheem" I murmured and that was the last thing I said before I lost connection with this world.

"Nouf!" a loud voice interrupted my joyful, dreamless sleep. What the fuck are you doing here??"

"hmm" I grunted.

"eshyaybich hnee?? Tabeeny adig 3l shir6a!!" the voice was getting higher.

My eyes cracked open. "Huh? Oh, Faris I…um.."

"Are you stalking me??" I could see his eyes widening with disbelief.

"No, no! Faris I came to apologize…" I said with my sleep filled voice. I could feel my throat tighten.

"Apologize for what?? What part of "I don’t want you" you are failing to understand?"

Painful, warm tears collected in the corners of my eyes. And my heart throbbed with pain. "I love you" I whispered between tears.

" etha mari7tay al7een tara wallah…" was he threatening me?

"Why are you doing this to me?? hal kethir hint 3leeek??" I cried. "I hate you so much!! You heartless piece of…" and before I even realized what was happening I felt his big hand gripping my arm hard and walking me to my car. He overpowered me. I couldn’t do anything but cry and beg for help.
He opened my car's door furiously and threw me on the driver's seat. "sem3eeny 3adil, mu entail elli etyeen 3ind bab baiti wetsabebeeli fethee7a o qalaq, emshai bil 6eeb la tara wallah betshofeen shai 3umrich mashifteeh, o la ashoof rig3at wayhich again, fahma?" and with that he slammed the door violently on me that I screamed and jumped with fear.

My hands shook furiously and I tried to move but couldn’t. I started to turn over the engine but failed miserably. I was in total shock and that shock paralyzed me! I reached for my phone with difficulty, tried with the little power that was left in me to dial shaikha's number. I succeeded. Luckily for me Shaikha picked up straight away.

"ta3alai bait f-faris bsir3a" I said in a low, drained voice.

"Oh god! Nouf?? Noufa? Whats wrong? Ok ok kani yaya" she yelled, panic was filling her soft voice.

---------------------------------------------------
A soft plumped object brushed against my face as I opened my eyes slowly. All I could see was white; I was sleeping against a soft, white pillow which wasn't mine. I was sure there wasn’t a single white pillow on my bed. I turned to my other side slowly, feeling my long brown hair slapping against my shoulders.

"She awoke!" a familiar voice spoke.

"shhh, roo7ai yibeelaha mai!" another familiar voice muttered. It was Noura but I couldn’t hear her properly.

My entire body ached, I moaned. There had obviously been a breakup disaster. And I obviously had lost consciousness. How was I supposed to face my friends after all that they said about Faris? after all the warnings!
"where am I? I mumbled.

"You're in my bedroom noufie, shame on you to not recognize it!" Shaikha snapped.

"why am I here?"

"because-"

" I want to go" I said, interrupting her.

"go where??" Shaikha said. "your'e too weak to move"

"Here's your water babe!" Noura rushed to my bedside with a glass of water in her hand.

"To Bahrain" I myself couldn’t believe the sudden decision.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I packed lightly for the first time in my life. I didn’t even see what I was packing. I stuffed whatever reached my sight. My parents weren’t an issue because my cousin was studying there and I visited her on a monthly basis.

Why Bahrain? I always thought of it as my sanctuary. The only place in the world that made me feel at home after Kuwait; my real home town. And at this moment home didn't feel like one, so I had to run, I had to protect myself or else I'd die.

Little did I know that even running to china couldn't save me from the heartache. A heartbreak is a heartbreak, you could never run from it...

I'm alive!

2010-08-29T08:26:00.000+03:00

ana wayhe waih fagir!! gobisaaaaaa! , the other day I was gathering with a bunch of girls, friends and friends of friends chan eseer shai elmafrooth mayseer! they talked about my blog, yes yes they talked about "Moi" ...

the conversation went like the following:

"Moi, elli 3a6aitich el link mal her blog! ashkara chathabaa or ga3da fathya wet2aalif!"

" haha I thought so too she's a fictional character, or telgainha 3aanis! mafii wa7da bil kuwait chethii rayilha emoot 3leha! eshda3wa eshsayiir!" said the other.

"matadroon yemkin she's real"

" ee sa7 waayid ako reyayeel chethii, her husband broo7a too good to be true!"

guess what girls?? she is real and she was sitting amongst you the other day! kaifi ana em3asbaaa ;p

on another GOBISSA note I was in a vacation with the hubby thats why I'd been away.. the vacation sucked BIG TIME! we had a fight, I got a sun burn, and there was this woman..need I say more??? you bitch you ruined what was left in my vacation! weee3 lo ga3da bil kuwait ashraaafliii :'(

appearantly that woman had a huge crush on my husband, the married man!! it still breaks my heart when I think of the whole salfa............bes allah may6ig eb 3asa :@

moving on, I attended the gorgeous zuz's ghabga last week and I had a great time!! thank you so much zuuz for having me ;** wallah it means alot!! and I have a couple of comments ;p...

awwal shaaai tislam eedich 3la hal decoration el3ajeeb! thanii shaii I loved the macaroons pyramid :p ehaabil! I took a pic of it :$

last but not least I saw um mit3ib's picture in the graduates file of al yaqaza magazine and mashallaa her eyebrows are lovely! um mit3ib please read this, mino esawilich 7awajbich? :p mino your 7afafa? ;$

I miss you all and mubarak 3leekom baajy el shahaar ;***

ask away

2010-07-11T08:04:00.001+03:00

aske me anything you like readers! I'm bored and I would like to answer all your questions ;p sooo ask away!

ps: stole the idea from other bloggers who did it before me oo it was fun so yallaa shiddaw 7ailkoom bil questions o wansaw Moi :p

-lots of love xo

my name is Nouf (4)

2010-07-03T03:04:00.002+03:00

sorry for the long wait my dear readers but alot have happend and I'm...sorry? :$ , hope you enjoy the post ;*

--------------------------------------------------------------------
I inserted the bunny ears on top of my head and applied another coat of lips gloss. I was all dolled up and ready for the annual costume party at my friend Zaina's house.

I was a playboy bunny, sexy, funny and something Faris would like. Yes I had planned to show him my costume, I'd excuse myself from the party and we'd work something out.

Shaikha's driver was already waiting for us downstairs, Shaikha and Noura were already at my house since we always get ready for parties together, it's something we used to do since we were in high school and it became a tradition. Shaikha was dressed as Jessica Rabbit, she was ravishing, sexy and her tiny waist made me slightly jealous. Anyone else wouldn’t look this gorgeous wearing a bright red wig, I thought. Noura on the other hand was a "manoush" as she referred to it; she was a gypsy girl.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girls looked like dolls in all shapes and sizes. I made my way between a packed crowd of swaying bodies, different colors, different shapes, sizes and looks. My head spun so I looked away and focused on Zaina's welcoming, warm grin. Zaina looked gorgeous as ever in an orange, sparkly retro, one shoulder jump suit. She extended her arms towards us and we all hugged her at the same time. "waaaai I'm so happy that you're here! I thought you couldn't make it because of jetlag" she yelled.

"walaw! Of course we'll make it!" I said and kissed her cheek.

" haw 6umasha shlon en6awif" Shaikha said and we all laughed. We chatted for a few minutes and then Zaina excused herself to greet more guests and we sat in a place right before the dance floor.

The girls danced, chatted and ate while all I did was glancing at my phone every now and then. I wanted to go see Faris and I wanted to do it while I still looked fresh.

"eshfeech et7ineeen??" he texted me.

"don’t you wanna see me?"

"aren’t you suppose to be in a party??"

"yes but I thought we agreed on…you know ;) "

" what? Why cant you just enjoy your time without including me in everything?"

" :S "

"fine, 6il3ay!"

"ok ;*"

I excused myself and rushed to my car and perhaps told a little white lie to cover what I was about to do. I told Faris to meet me somewhere nearby Zaina's house.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
I parked and waited for him to arrive. Twenty minutes have passed and he didn’t show up.

Fifty minutes.

An hour.

I had to call. I dialed his number and he picked up on the second ring. "wainik?!!!"

" on my way" his voice came at the other end of the phone so calmed and that erritated me.

" Faris tara sarli sa3a an6ir!!" I yelled.

"latsarkheen! Getlich I'm on my way. Bye" he hung up on me. HE HUNG UP ON ME!

Blood rushed to my veins and I started grinding my teeth. I felt like screaming on top of my lungs but I sighed heavily and rested my forehead against the steering wheel instead.

A few minutes later I heard a gentle knocking on my car's window. I quickly looked up and saw his face.

I rolled down my window. "Why don’t you come inside?" I offered.

He got in the passenger's seat and closed the car's door behind him. " entai min sijich 6al3a chethi with your bunny ears?? fiskhay ba3ad??"

" 3adii mako a7ad!"

" kil hatha mako a7ad! ekoon eb 3ilmich its 9:30!" he yelled.

"you're the one who made me wait!"

"chub!" he said and I couldn’t believe what I heard.

"wh-what?" I said almost whispering. I was utterly shocked.

" getlich chub! Why are you so selfish?? It's all Me-Me-Me with you! You think life revolves around you only?? For your information I have a life! Moo bes ental eb 7ayati! Grow the fuck up! You won’t change ever would you?"

I started to shiver but I wasn’t cold. " I… I'm sorry"

"I don’t want a girl like you Nouf. I need an independent, real woman. You hear me? Real woman! Bes 3iftich entai mara7 ete3adelain, wela ebnayya hal 7azza te6la3 chethi?? entai kellish mu san3a!"

A single tear crept down my cheek and I looked down. "I can change, I can be better! I am the one for you Faris, I can prove it! Please Faris…I love you!" I was sobbing hysterically now.

"Drama queen" he said. "lawa3tai chabdi I should have known that you are just a mindless, selfish girl who cares about nothing in the world but herself and the new season's shoes!"

"You know I'm not like that" I croaked. My voice has disappeared and I wasn’t even sure that he heard me.

" I love you" I said between sobs.

"spare me"

"I swear! Wallah el3atheem amoot 3alayk…you are my life Faris! Please give me a chance!"

" you are pathetic" he said calmly. " go back to your party allaa yastir 3alaych"

"r-right" I mumbled.

" I don’t want to hear from you ever again" he said without looking at me. He unlocked the door and left the car.

you could say I learned the true meaning of the words "cry me a river".

I thought everything was fine

2010-06-28T03:30:00.002+03:00

"you break my heart when you cry like this Moi" sadness filled his voice.

I rub my eyes hard and let a loud sigh. "walhana 3alaih"

"It's been a long time honey"

" did you see him on the video?" I laughed with huge tears running down my cheeks, wetting my shirt. "he was so ...energetic!

He remained silenced.

"enta eshfeek?? why are you so surprised? he was my brother ok??? my twin, my best fr-friend" I sobbed loud and cried like a baby. I could see his expressions clearly; surprised, sad, pained all at the same time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I was pregnant in the dream. It was painful" I said.

" fi shai emthaygich? tell me"

"no, mafi shai emthayegni"

"then why do you look like crap?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------
"my head hurts"
"my hair is falling"
"I lost 6 kilos in a week"
---------------------------------------------------------------------

"entai ma36eenich 3ain" she frowned.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought everything was fine until I was comitted to the hospital.

التاج السلطاني

2010-06-03T03:26:00.001+03:00

قوانين التاج السلطاني

اذكر اسم من طلب منك حل هذا الواجب

تحدث عن ستة أسرار قد لا يكتشفها من يقابلك للمرة الأولى

حول هذا الواجب إلى ستة مدونين، واذكر أسماءهم مع روابط مدوناتهم في موضوعك

اترك تعليقا في مدونة من حولت الواجب إليهم، ليعلموا عن هذا الواجب

I've been tagged by my favorite Glitter ;*

6 secrets about Moi:

1- I don't feel like I want to have kids and be a mother. I don't crave kids at all.

2-one of the bloggers some of us love and adore is one of moi's best friends ;p

3- I am very liberal.

4- lately I've been feeling so insecure in my relationship with the husband

5- all the characters in my stories are real except "white" it's 100% fictional

6- ever since my best friend decided to marry that girl he claims he's in love with and I've been feeling jealous and uncomfortabe around him. he was like a brother to me and she stole him. yes I guess am selfish.

I tag all of you moi's readers ;*

My name is Nouf (3)

2010-05-10T00:46:00.003+03:00

"el sa6i7??" disappointment filled my voice.

" agool 7asellich hal sa6i7, wait and see"

I shot him a resentful look, I hated when he talked to me like that but I rarely said anything. " akhaf a7ad echikna? Mu mamnoo3?"

"Nothing is illegal or forbidden for Faris alfulani , nesaitai meno your boyfriend?"He smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, show me what you got"

*weddii a6ega ;@* I wrote a BBM message to Shaikha.

*3a6eeh afa :D*

*ahahahah nathla shaikho!* I snorted with laughter as I read her message.

"shfeech teth7ekeen?" Faris frowned a little.

" just a joke" I said quickly.

He ignored me. " yalla wesalna"

I said nothing as he led me outside the elevator and into that large, opened roof. It looked like a place out of a movie. Romantic, chic and expensive! Everything looked so costly, from the large bed in the center of the spacious roof which was consisted of cream sheets and big gold cushions, the round small table with the two cream chairs and the delicious looking food and drinks on the table.

"I concede. You were right about this place" I was very impressed.

"Told you, mu 3ajibha ba3ad elklba" he spanked my butt.

"Hey ya qaleel el adab!" I shouted involuntarily.

" mu chethy esiboon yal…"

"I'm…I…I'm sorry!" I stuttered pathetically, he sometimes scared the shit out of me.

"Masawayt shai '3ala6! Entai malti, sa7 wela la2?" his voice softened and he asked although my answer didn’t really matter to him.

"Yes". I answered robotically.

"How did you manage all this?" I asked, still in surprise. "It's…beautiful"

He took my hand and we sat on the large, luxurious bed. He opened his wallet and pulled out a big wad of cash and three credit cards and he threw them on my lap. "Money baby" he laughed.

I took the money of off my lap and threw it on the other side of the bed. "Faris! Sh'hal 7araka el baykha!" I snapped.

He laughed. "Loosen up, eshfeech 3lai elyoum" he brushed my cheek with his pinky.

"That was unnecessary." I looked down.

" sheno? It is true. If you have the money you can buy everything. Literally everything" he gazed deep into my eyes and I shuddered. Those brilliant eyes never breaking contact for an instant. How often had those eyes held me with power and intensity? And I found myself, again helplessly in love with his perfection.

He pushed me down on the bed and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He kissed the back of my head and inhaled my hair. I turned around to face him. "tabeen etjableeni?" he asked tenderly.

I nodded. I touched his shirt at his chest, right above his heart and left my hand there for a while.

He looked down at my hand and touched it. He started examining my French manicured hand. " 7e66ai red nail polish, it's sexier"

"What's wrong with my French manicure? I thought you liked it" now it was my turn to examine my own nails.

"ethayeg elkhilg a7isich ommi" he frowned.

I hit his arm softly. "Faris!" he laughed and moved closer to me. "tabeen etbooseeni?" he almost whispered.

I kissed my finger and touched his lips with it. "eta'3ashmerain?" he asked, seriously.

I ruffled his barely there hair and examined his lovely features. "He is way too sexy he'll never be anyone's fiancé" I remembered Shaikha saying when we first laid our eyes on him. But I never really believed that. Who needs a fiancé anyway when you got the hottest boyfriend in town? Besides he never said he'd never get married.

"Can we move to the dining table please? I'm hungry" I lied. Physical interaction with Faris was a very difficult thing for me to do. Not because I wasn’t attracted to him, in fact it was the exact opposite. It's just that I was aware that a small kiss wasn’t enough when Faris was involved. It wasn’t enough at all.

I knew him way too well not to notice the utter disappointment that filled his handsome face but his arrogance didn’t allow him to show it and "yes, sure" escaped his beautiful mouth.

He moved his chair to sit next to me instead of in front of me and that delighted me. We ate our second dinner slowly, or at least he did. I kept gulping on my glass of non-alcoholic white wine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the time I was about to leave it was past 3 in the morning and Faris was fast asleep with his head on my lap. I covered him with the bed duvet and left the chilling roof.

He left the next morning and I couldn’t help not missing him terribly even when I went skiing with the girls. I secretly hoped I was in the airplane in the seat next to him.

to be continued...

My name is Nouf (2)

2010-04-30T04:25:00.001+03:00

"aloo" I murmured huskily through the phone.

" hala wallla bil zain killa, eshloonich?" he said in an apparent happy tone.

" ebkhair damik ebkhair"

He laughed a little. " magilt enny ebkhair...esh3indich now?"

"It's 12 so we're staying indoors, watch a movie and stuff"

" bashoofich"

"Now?" I asked surprisingly. He caught me off guard.

"You know where my room is, 7ayyach" his voice deepened.

"But-"

"lebsai pajama I like you best when you're not trying hard" he interrupted me.

My heart started pounding rapidly, it was late but he'd be leaving tomorrow and I had to say goodbye properly. "enshalla, shwai oo ayeek" and I hung up.

I froze in my place for a second, my heart leapt and a zillion thoughts ran through my head. I didn’t know what sort of "pajama" to wear. I didn’t pack any interesting ones and my hair was dripping wet. Damn it Nouf why didn’t you wait for the morning to take this damn shower. I shook my head and made my way out of the bathroom. The girls were lying on the bed talking and the TV was on.

"Where's the hair dryer?" I asked nobody in particular.

"Over there" Shaikha pointed at the night stand.

I brushed my hair hastily and put on a long sleeved baby blue pajama that looked like anything but sexy. "ambee shaswii, 3indkum pyjama 7elwa?"

"ebtekshekheelina? Nice." Noura rose from the bed.

"I am going to meet Faroos al7een!"

" al7eeeeen? Laysh? Wayn? It's late!" Noura's eyes bulged out.

"kaifii, it's just for a few…minutes, his flight bacher o mara7 ashoofa ella lamma enrid"

" kaifech, kaifech bes please reddai ebser3a 3ashan akhaf eseer shaii"

I laughed. "Eshda3wa his room is the last room in this corridor"

" tara pyjamtich mafeeha shai, don’t change" Shaikha gazed at me.

"thaim! Chinni teenager" my voice was filled with disappointment.

" bel3ax, y3ni 'naturale' eshfeeech"

"What about my hair? My face! Aren't they way too "naturale"? 3la goultich" I mouthed in dismay.

"Remember entai elmafrooth betnameen so naturally you won't be wearing makeup". Shaikha winked.

I was ready in less than thirty minutes; I tied my hair in a neat pony tail and couldn’t help applying some concealar and vanilla flavored lip gloss. I decorated my earlobes with my small pearl earrings, inserted my feet into the hotel's white slippers, took my phone and our room's card and was ready to leave.

"la7tha Noufa nesaitai shai muhim!" Shaikha said in panic.

"sheno?" I looked at her with eyes filled with worry.

" nesaitai talbiseen a3la ka3ab bil 3alam" she laughed hysterically and Noura joined her.

" Malat. el sharha 3lai elli ma36eetkum wai" I bit my lower lip, trying to hide my grin. My friends were crazy I couldn’t stay angry at them for long.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"7ayallaah" his face lit up when he saw me outside his hotel's room. We both went inside and he closed the door behind us.

"7alaat el banaat walla bil pyjama" his eyes examined me from head to toe.

I blushed. " thank you" I was happy to say the least that we were finally together, alone.

"yesti7oon ba3ad" he grinned. "ta3alai abii hug elli e7iboon ba3ath" he extended his hands out to invite me in. I laughed.

Everything about Faris screamed "Kuwaiti" The way he looked, the way he dressed, talked and behaved. It should be a crime for a man to be that good looking, irresistibly tall and well built. There was an aura of confidence and power around him; He was the type of guy I would marry in a heartbeat.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him deeply. "hmm ree7tich 7elwa" he murmured into my ear while he placed his both arms around my waist.

"you too" I said.

He ran his fingers over my hair for a few seconds and then he pulled away. "tabeen awadeech mukan etsolfeen 3anna 7g refeejatich ba3dain?" he asked with a hint of amusement in his eyes.

I chuckled. "sheno ya3nii?"

" 3n el3ayara adrii enna you girls etefalsefoon 3la ba3ath eb hal sowalef" he grinned.

" madrii min wayn etyeeb hal sowalef" I grinned back while blushing deeply. "And where is that place you are talking about Mr. Faris?

" come with me, I'll show you" he offered me his hand and I accepted. He took his wallet, a bottle of still water and we left the room hand in hand.

My name is Nouf

2010-04-29T02:44:00.002+03:00

Beirut

A gentle, cold January breeze ruffled my hair, leaving a tingly, gentle feeling over my soft face. I ran my fingers through my hair pulling it away from my face and pushed my deep red shade colored lips into a faux pout in an attempt to look hot in front of Faris; the love of my life. "Oh my god he is staring!" I whispered loudly to my two best friends Noura and Shaikha. Noura rolled her eyes and murmured something that I couldn’t pick up to shaikha. "I saw that. tara 3indii 3yoon" I said grudgingly.

" Nouf. Just relax!" Noura suggested boringly.

"She's right, you try so hard, you've known him for a year baby, you must feel comfortable by now? Eshda3wa kil hal khabba" shaikha added.

"I am comfortable! What's wrong with you girls?! I just want my beauty to strike him just like when we first met" my face turned a dark shade of crimson and I bit my lower lip.

" eshda3wa lal7een mastaw3ab ennich 7elwa" Shaikha raised her left eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes. "shaikho o yahad latet7areshain, ana weyah nenyaz ok? malich she'3il"

She sipped her skimmed hot mochachino, ignoring my latest comment.

This conversation took place many times before this once and I honestly had enough with this subject that I lost the ability to get mad at their mean comments. I didn’t know why my best friends didn’t like my boyfriend or the way I behaved around him. Faris was everything I imagined in my future husband. He was Handsome, wealthy and very sweet and romantic if he was in the mood for it, so naturally I tried my best to keep him comfortable and delighted with me, I didn’t want him to look at any other girl; I wanted him with me forever and I was blindly confident that he will be someday to the point that if someone ever asked me about Faris I would say "no he's not my boyfriend, he's just my future husband".

We were sitting in grand cafe enjoying our warm cups of coffee and a variety of desert dishes which left untouched except for that vanilla ice cream. The girls watched their figures constantly ; they had acquired a delightfully small appetite and since Faris and his friends were sitting in the table before us I couldn’t take the risk of having one bite in fear of ruining my carefully applied red lipstick.

*Noufty, we are leavin* I received a BBM message from Faris. My face fell with disappointed and I found myself writing him as fast as I could * but it's too soon, laysh? :(*

*el shabab ta3aba benro7 enrayyi7 shwai*

*oh, ok 7abeebii ;* * he read it but didn’t reply.

"kil hal khabba akhir shai begomoon!" Shaikha said while playing with a shiny, small brown curl from the pool of brown curls which was her hair.

" yooh! Y3nii el nas matertaa7? om elsaan!"

" magelt shaii!" shaikha almost screamed. I glared at her grudgingly.

. " el7emdella wishikir, yanaitaw?" Noura finally participated in our small fight.

She was so serious and I couldn’t help but burst into laughter, the girls joined me and we laughed until we cried. The waiter started giving us disapproval looks and that’s when we decided to head back to our hotel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I shared my hotel room with Shaikha, while Noura stayed in a large suite with her mother and little sister, but it didn’t stop her from spending the entire night with us. We were inseparable me and my two girls. Despite our silly fights and major differences we loved each other as if we were our own biological sisters.

I took off my rhinestone Bibb necklace and stared at my familiar reflection in the mirror. I ran my fingers over my soft cheeks and smoothed my eyebrows. Sometimes I saw myself flawless just like most people would say about me. By general Kuwaiti standards I was considered beyond pretty and always wondered why he rarely comments about the way I looked. Faris wasn’t like the other men I had known, he wasn’t easily impressed and that was what made me desire him even more.

"eshfeech etkhozreen eb 3umrich?" Shaikha said with her mouth full of a snickers bar she had taken from the mini bar across the room.

"Huh? Um nothing" I murmured distractedly.

" wayhech 7azeeen" she stated. " eshda3wa, whats wrong nofooo" she stood up and put her right arm around my shoulder.

My eyes watered out of the sudden but I swallowed hard and tried to hide the pain I felt at my chest. " mafeeni shai 3aadi" my voice broke.

"ashkara Faris is involved" she curled her nose.

" mamalait minna, ebser3a raa7" I said finally letting my tears down.

She sighed "come here baby"

I placed my head on her lap and sobbed. "God I miss him so much, he left early!"

Shaikha was a typical Kuwaiti beauty. She could manage to be the hottest in a pair of Free City pants and a simple tee with her long brown curls, olive skin and pearly smile. She was effortlessly, heart achingly pretty. And she didn’t do one damn thing to earn it.

She patted my head gently. "Are you sure he misses you as much as you do?"

I pulled my head furiously from under her fingers and straightened myself. "Of course he does! Entail hatha elli fal7a feeh?!"

She chuckled. "I was just trying to solve your problem yal kalba! Khalas then latakhtheen rayey min el asas. Walla!"

"yekoon a7san"

"You do realize that we fight a lot recently because of your "Faris"?" she glared at me.

" entaw 7a6een doobkum o doobi! Getlekum I love him, he's good with me bes marrat madri shloon eseer because he is busy mu 3ashan may7ebnii"

" ashwa ennich entai elly teshtekeen, honey we are just trying to help. lamma ana o Nwair engoolich hal kalam mu ma3nata we don’t want you to be happy! It's totally the opposite, and you are fully aware that your boyfriend emgassir eb 7agich and that… 3yoona zay'3a." she clamped her hand over her mouth as soon as she realized that she gave away too much information.

"sorry sorry wallaa I couldn’t control my mouth!" she apologized.

I sighed heavily. " Shaikha I trust him, I'm going to take a shower" I stood up and made my way to the bathroom with my BlackBerry in my right hand. I didn’t want to miss Faris if he called while I was busy showering.

When I was done showering I wrapped my head and body with the hotel's, fresh, clean towels and unlocked the bathroom's door. I was ready to make my way out of the bathroom when I heard Faris's name. I froze.

" qaleel el adaab! he was staring at me the whole time getlich min theech elmarra, tara khafeef o 3yoona zay'3a!" Noura muttered.

" I know, ana min awwal ma3arfta I noticed the way he looks at girls, o maskeena hal Nouf ga3da wetrage3la, I bet she noticed all that and she's in denial!" shaikha said.
"Even that time when we were having lunch with the girls last month, Taiba said that he hit on her once, while he was with Nouf!" Noura shook her head.

" Nouf can do much better ! lo bes tesma3 kalamna hal ebnayya"

A chill shot through me. How could they talk about me behind my back? How could my two favorite people in the world say such things about me and Faris? I was starting to think that they were jealous that I got to have an amazing man like him. Screw them. I'll show them that we are deeply in love and that someday not far from today he will propose. And that we will live happily ever after and nothing will ever stop that.

My phone vibrated in my hand making me jump and Fari's name appeared on the small screen making me forget what I had just heard. oh god I loved him so much.

to be continued...

no place like home?

2010-04-15T01:42:00.002+03:00

My phone rang.

I picked it up.

"aloo" his voice came at the other end of the line, desperate.

Huge, warm tears filled my sleepless eyes when I heard his voice for the first time after thirteen days, 3 hours and…I didn’t know really, all I knew that those thirteen days felt like thirteen years.

They say no marriage is perfect.

I couldn’t possibly be mad at him for the rest of my life, so I came back home.

They were right; no marriage is a perfect one.

*sniff*

yours; lost moi

maly 7ag bs...

2010-03-05T01:44:00.000+03:00

maly 7ag az3al or a3asiib lakin I'm really sad and angry :@ because...because WHY most of my fave bloggers are leaving the blogsphere?? huh? HUH? leesh y3nii girls? nzain khallaw your blogs o ge63aw b3deen reddaw ;p ana ga3da aswii chethii :p... love;*, ruby woo, um mit3ib UM MIT3IB!, eshda3wa (are you comin back?), chez zaina, um manaf (his love for hatred)...akammil?

ps: start blogging again or else!

yours- not very pleased moi

akheeraan etgarra2t!

2010-01-30T23:36:00.005+03:00

short story of someone I know who needs help, please share your openion ;*

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I hated my curly hair, mainly because he preferred straight, silky one. I ran my delicate fingers through my black, natural curls, checked my reflection in the rearview mirror and finally turned off my car's engine.

when I opened the chalet's front door , he was lying on the sofa , with the remote control in his right hand, snoring. he was asleep.

I touched his hand gently , freeing the remote control from his grip; he pushed me away involuntarily while he was still fast asleep. I sighed, he's a baby; my big baby.

"Khalid?" I called his name softly.

No response.

"Khalood?"

"Mmm" he murmured.

"Wake up 7abeebi"

"wakhray...wakhray 3anni banaam"

"yeet broo7ii , ana segt le hnii brooo7ii!" I muttered excitedly.

He finally opened his eyes. "laish waayed mestansaa? Awwal marra teyeen broo7ich or what?"

I was taken aback. "yes Khalid, ana akhaaf amshii masafat 6weela broo7ii , remember? especially le el chalet, ma7eb a..."

"shhh latagregeen 3la rasii wayed. yo3an" he said, interrupting me.

"oh, d-do you want me to cook you something?" I hid the pain I felt in my chest with my soft, loving words. I have never gotten used to his sudden, cold behavior towards me. He was like this most of the times, but I never had the ability to build a shield to stop getting hurt, although we have been together for six years.

"sheno eb te6bekheen y3nii?! mako shai bil kitchen and it's not like you're a great cook!"

"Why are you always so angry at me??" the words escaped my mouth , surprising both of us. I had never questioned the way he treated me, I never asked for answers neither did I complain, I was okay with everything as long as he was mine. I was so scared of losing him , but this time I didn't know what happened to me. Maybe I was PMSing or something , I really can't remember.

He watched me with shock and confusion in his beautiful, big brown eyes, but for my utter dissapointment and before he could open his mouth I walked out of the small living room and rushed into the bathroom, I locked the bathroom's door behind me and rested my back against it. Oh god, what have you done Muneera? what have you done??

A gentle knock on the door interrupted my thoughts and made me jump with fear. My eyes started getting ready to water when his masculine, familiar voice muttered my name. "Muneera" he said. " open the door 7ayaati"

"o-okay" I opened the door without hesitation and found his hand touching my cheek as soon as I was in his sight.

"I'm sorry, okay?" he muttered the words in an obvious difficulty.

"I don't believe you" I managed to shock myself again.

he sighed and rubbed his head. " Muneera! latnarfezeeni akthar min chethy!"

"excuse me?"

"what do you expect from me y3nii?? I'm khalid Al-fulani , et3rfeen sheno y3nii khalid al fulani?? y3nii I'm good looking, kil bnayya tetmanani! I'm rich, you're...not! I'm..., tadreen shloon? enty elmfrooth ta7mideen rabich enich weyay ANA!"

I stood there before him shocked beyond belief. I couldn't say a word, I wanted to cry, to beat him, to run! I didn't know what to say or do. My legs shook furiously but I managed to stand still. I closed my eyes for a moment , took a deep breath and opened them again.,

"Um, Khalid "AL-fulaani" yemken ana "not" rich , or yemken enta "a7la" menni o kil el banat yaboonik bes lo etlif el kuwait kellaha, KELLAHA maraa7 etlaagii wa7da faithful o zaina o tet7amelek nafsii! enta meno yet7amelek?? enta a9lan matta3ashaar! yallah take care!"

I took my purse and rushed outside his damned chalet.

that was a month ago. he still calls me and begs me to get back together with him. What should I do? forget him and move on or give him another chance although he does not deserve it?

yours-moi ;*

happy new year :D

2010-01-01T02:30:00.002+03:00

happy new year my faaaavorite cyber people ;p hehe, shsawaytaaaw hal new year? :D ana I spent it in kuwait ;p with my family and my dear husband :*, we had a barbecue at our house and everything was perfect and cosy :*...and I must say the weather is amaaaazingggg!! hehe I'm happy ;**

love you people o enshallaa this year etkoon fat7aat khair o sa3adaa 3lena kelena

love-moi ;**

white(6)

2009-12-15T19:28:00.003+03:00

hellooo lovely readers ;***, I miss yall tremendously!! especially those who sent me emails and commented while I was away! I decided to post part 6 of my last story, I know its very short! but it's just a reminder since I forgot the story myself!! hehe ;p , so you guys remember it? :o, anyway I'm inspired now ;p so I think I'll be posting alot! enjoy! xoxoxo

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The white pearly light blinded my eyes as I tried to take in the whole scene that was happening right before my wondering, innocent eyes. the world spun around me slowly and I miraculously fought the urge to surrender to the other side of the world, to faint. I ignored every object around me and focused on the amazing creature that was glistening and shining furiously. Beads of sweat trickled down the rusty dark body of the wings holder. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him , I was so mesmirized by his beauty that I forgot about Jon's arms tightly wrapped around me. He was suffering, silently. the creature was in pain; invisible pain.

I didn't know how I managed to slightly look away from the dazzling beauty of the creature and finally notice the beautiful glittering , human butterflies that were surrounding him, as if they were out of a beautiful painting.

I recognized one of the beautiful faces surrounding him, it was the guy I saw at Alex's house the day I went to thank him for saving my life. I recognized his beautiful face. cassius's beautiful face.

their beauty was so dizzying, or was it the blinding light that was radiating from them? I wasn't really sure but whatever it was , it sent me to the other side of the world in a blink of an eye.

"Nessa?...Ness?" I found Jon's soft voice whispering in my ears while his big hand stroked my head, reviving my heart again, and I was sent back to the real side of the world.

"I wasn't dreaming was I?"

He shook his head. "Nope"

"o-okay.." I gulped.

" Do you think you have the time to listen to a, um...different kind of story?" he asked.

I sighed. "why not."

a night in bora bora

2009-10-12T23:59:00.003+03:00

I put on a short white caftan while dipping my feet in the warm water in the glass tub of the small dining table in our bungalow. The small bright fishes swam around my feet making me ticklish all over my body. A giggle escaped my mouth breaking the beautiful silence of the night. I ran my fingers through my sun streaked hair and picked my phone with the other hand. His gentle voice came at the other end as soon as I dialed his number. One of the things I love about him; he never makes me wait. " khala9tay?"

"ee shway o nazlatlik"

"Don’t make me wait"

"enshallaa"

I stood up, my feet still in the tub. I grabbed my purse and my little diamond studs which were lying on the small dining table. I replaced the studs on my ears, wiped my feet with a fresh towel and wore my tacky Swarovski encrusted flip flops.

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'' 7abeebti, don’t you think your dress is short?" I found his warm mouth whispering in my ear, making me shiver.

"No" I said without looking at him in the eye. "I mean it looks short, but… it's not really that short, besides nobody's around!"

He rolled his eyes. " ba6aweflich now because we're in our "honeymoon" "

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Fine, let's go!"

I grabbed his hand and we left the hotel.

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"Oh my god!" I laughed out loud. "barrrrddd but I'm enjoying this!!"

"3asa matemarethain wallah" he gave me a disapproving look.

"You're a typical Kuwaiti! Aren’t you?! Come on baby this is fun! Ahem this is why I wanted to come here in the first place" I splashed water on his face and tried to run as fast as I could but accidently fell hard on my bum.

He bursts into laughter. " testahlain! And I'm not going to follow you, you little sneak!"

"Ouch, my butt!" I shot him a resentful look. Suddenly the rain started falling harder than before making my vision blurry.

"wow!" I almost shrieked. "HH come here this is amazing!"

He came to the edge of the ocean immediately offering me his hand. But I refused to get up and pulled him back down with me. "I always wanted to shower under the rain" I said innocently.

" '3aragtay mo bas tesaba7tay!" he grinned at me teasingly.

I brushed his wet hair. "You don’t know how to have fun!"

"Me?! etrahneen?" he challenged me defensively.

"No you don’t" I shook my head. I knew this was going well.

He stood up, took off his damp shirt and ran over the sand and into the dark, cold ocean. He disappeared.

I scanned the ocean; it was too dark and too blurry for me to focus. "HH" I called out his name. "I can't see you"

"Don’t you wanna join me Moi?!" he challenged. "It's freezing"

"Oh, there you are!"

" yalla, come" he motioned with his finger towards me.

" o-okay" I hesitated. "I'm coming in"

It was cold, yet it felt warm since I was already so wet. I swam into the middle of the ocean and found him waiting for me with a charming smile plastered all over his handsome face.

I clung to him as if I were a baby chimp on my mother's back and He kissed my hand that was wrapped around his neck.

We swam for a while, wind blowing us with rain and enormous waves from the deep ocean. I didn’t stop shivering and deep down I was sort of…bored. "um, HH…?" I called out his name.

"Your lips are purple" he said.

"Get me out of here!" I said desperately.

He chuckled. "6ala3tay ekhre6y, emshay, I have a better idea"

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I wrapped my body with the white bath robe tighter while sipping my warm hot chocolate. I was still shaking and dripping wet when HH's voice came louder than I expected making me jump.

"It's ready" he announced.

He was already waiting for me next to the Jacuzzi tub. He took off my robe and held my hand. "Ready?"

I nodded.

Next morning I was sneezing and coughing like a pathetic old lady. after all we are really a typical kuwaiti couple.

boom chicka waw waaw!

2009-10-05T22:55:00.003+03:00

I applied the rosy blusher gently over the apples of my cheeks, and over my lip balm covered lips to give 'em some color. My shiny, dark brown waves tucked carefully behind my ears showing my favorite pink diamond earrings fully. I sent my reflection in the mirror a flying kiss, grabbed my purse and got out of the bedroom with a big confident smile plastered all over my face.

I was really looking forward to my first day at work! I even wore the "serious" skirt. hmph..and my dear husband sent me a very beautiful bouquet of my fave flowers so it suppose to be bearable!! right?! NOT!!! I hate my job :( today was my first day and I don't like it at all! even the people who work there are all over themselves ;s ..okay I only spent 1 day around there but it's not really my kind of place :( so what should I do?! (bear in mind that I dreamt of this position my whole life!)

* sooo I almost found the best candidate for my best friend who wants to get married :p, she's amazing!! allah e7afeth'ha..nothing happened yet but a girl can hope;p! besides she's totally his type and he's the one who asked me to find him a wife!!

* I need to do some shopping...a7is ennii 3ayooz :(

* I miss you all people!! <3>

* yesterday I remembered something dreadfull :/ I should blog about it!

*sooo what have you all been up to?!

ps: I'm back officially, I MEAN IT :D!

love: moi ;***

twittie ;$

2009-09-16T02:49:00.002+03:00

hellooo my dear bloggers;***, I'm the worst blogger out there;$ adrii kel ma agool I'm back achtheb 3lekum;p bas wallaa mo menni!! so anyway I have a twitter account ;$ akher wa7da bel 3alam;p hehe, so here's the address incase you want to follow me..

https://twitter.com/moiq8

nighty night my lovelies;**

the ballad of J&T

2009-08-24T05:25:00.005+03:00

awwal shay mubarak 3lekom el shahar 7abaybeee;*** o 3asakom men el 3aydeeen wel fayzeen...I was away for a couple of days so mamedaanii abareklekom bel shahar..sam7ooni 3l eg9ooor in this blog :( adri kelesh mo ma36eta 7agga bas I promise I'll make it up;** and I hope you guys enjoy this post!

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A wave of pain hit my chest for a second but I stopped it before it cut my heart slowly. I tried to think of what will happen instead of what would've happen between us if we never broke up. It's not late, yet. He's not married, I'm obviously not either. He still has feelings for me. I'm crazy in love with him and…I need him so much! If I don't see him now I'll …die! Yes, yes! I need to breathe again. I thought.

Two weeks later we met. He was even sexier than I remember. He looked so mature and simply breathtaking in that crisp white Dishdasha. and his scent surprised me. His scent didn't change at all; aprege lanvin with a hint of tobacco.

"I'm turning 31 this week, I should find a wife" he said casually while we sat across each other in his car.

"Yes you should" I agreed.

" kel mrra agool chethy o ba3den a'3ayer rayey, fekrat el zawaj ebkoberha eta3eb!" he sighed.

" hathy sennat el 7ayat" I said jokingly. "o enta mo s'3eer"

"you don’t have to remind me yal s'3eera" he rolled his eyes.

"eskit eskit, I'm six years younger than you! Dad!"

" bas enty eb sen el zawaj, ya3ny ana weyach nafs el 7ala" he shrugged.

" allah kareem, bas ana mo mesta3yela" I said defensively.

" weddy ashtrey sayara yededa" he said cheerfully. He was obviously trying to change the subject. Typical.

"Then do" I said coldly. For some reason he was pissing me off.

"I love speed. It takes my mind of off things" he muttered while staring at my eyes directly.

"Great" I stared back.

"walaht" he said. And suddenly my heart softened and I was no longer angry at him.

"walaht 3laich jana. Ta3abteeni" he sighed.

" tawik etgool? I was around you know"

"matabeeni…you broke up with me, remember?" he stared at me again.

" manesait, latkhaf"

"you suppose to say I miss you too, shay chethy"

"I miss you too, shay chethy!" I said sarcastically.

He chuckled. "Not funny"

"I waited for you" I almost whispered, I didn’t want to be defeated by my emotions.

He extended his hand to reach my hair, and brushed a lock of hair with his fingers swiftly. "jameela" he murmured.

My cheeks turned crimson pink like the shade of my fingernails and words caught up in my throat. I had nothing to say so I stared at his pretty face.

"enty lel7een teste7een?" he teased. "makebartay 3la hal sowalef?"

I chuckled. "ley bacher"

" amooot 3lech" he said.

" I've been in relationships after you, o adri enta ba3ad, bas all I wanted was you"

" I loved someone...but she wasn't you" he admited.

" so you're single now?!" I asked, hoping for a positive answer.

He nodded. " agolech zawjooni etgoleli you're single! ofcourse I'm single"

" and by the way I love your new hair" he added.

beautiful nights

2009-08-14T06:23:00.004+03:00

I love nights! especially beautiful cold nights..full of sparkly stars night...romantic ones...and so on;p

btw I'm back :D with lots of news and stories;p;p miss everyone;******

so what's new with you my lovelies?

confessions of a giant kuwaiti girl

2009-07-10T23:26:00.005+03:00

I always have been a big child. I was so tall for my age. It started when I turned four; I was taller than everyone, even the boys. It embarrassed me so much and I remember always asking my mother why all the other kids were small and I wasn’t, she'd say things like; "everyone's different and you are a very special child". It never made me feel better because I never stopped growing. At the age of 10 I became so tall, my legs were impossible! I was the tallest in the entire school and to make things worse I became the best friend of the tiniest, cutest and most adorable girl in school. She was so small and her features were so soft and girly. Unlike myself, my hands were big, my jaw was strong, not to mention my height. I always wished I was her. And she always wished that she was me LOL, of course we found out about that many years later. Anyways, at the age of 14 I looked 20 because of my height even though I was skinny and my thick eyebrows weren’t touched yet. And I didn’t wear any make up but still, I looked older. I couldn’t wear heels since I was already so tall although I liked them a lot and I always wanted to try them, my best friend used to wear whatever she wanted. She looked like a doll with all those pretty dresses and heels while I stuck to shorts or mostly man jeans since I felt self conscious about my legs and most girl jeans were short on me. I loathed my height until one sunny afternoon in California; we were in a vacation with the family. so I was walking down the street with my twin brother(allaa yer7ema), I was so not attractive at that time with my messy ponytail , short shorts , dirty flip flops and the smear of chocolate ice cream on my chin. We were so similar to each other except that I was taller, yes I was that tall, and anyway this man stopped us. He looked really cool with his black shades and expensive clothes. "hello kids" he said.

We looked at each other and then my brother finally muttered "hi"

" is she your sister?" the man asked.

My brother nodded.

"How old are you honey?" the man asked me. I was so shocked LOL and so young!

"14 sir" I said politely.

"You're not really young aren’t you? You're a woman" he grinned while he talked to himself. Of course I don’t remember what he had said exactly but it was something like that.

"Are you interested in modeling honey?" he said.

I looked at him, wide eyed with shock and then at my brother, my brother watched my expression and giggled. "I'm sorry but were not from here and she's a kid" my brother said.

"Look, I won't consider this an answer, think about it and then give me a call. Here's my business card" the man handed my brother the card, winked at me and left.
When I turned back home I felt much confident about my size. Of course I still found it really hard to accept my looks, and I dreamed of a small, feminine figure but when I turned 18 every girl I knew wanted my body and that’s when I started liking the way I look. I didn’t stop growing until the age of 21 and all men I liked were shorter than me but that was okay because I was a shy girl and never dated. Until I met my husband…who became my bf of 3 years..he was the tallest! I looked small next to him, awwal marra 6ab3an;p and to be honest that's the first thing that attracted me to him. now I'm just worrying about the kids. If I ever have one it's going to be a tower:/ since his parents are giants! poor baby..

ps: I still think this tall figure does not belong to me and that I'm small and adorable;p!

white(5)

2009-07-08T00:43:00.004+03:00

My pillow was damp with tears as I struggled to surrender to sleep. I couldn’t sleep that night. I got so used to the simplicity of our relationship that I didn’t even imagine complication would hit it. And unfortunately it did. I sobbed to the thought, I didn’t know why I felt so hurt, I was going to see him again, what all these tears were for? Besides he was only a friend, a friend I got used to so much that his departure made me hurt so deep.

When I finally slept I saw the same dream, except for one small difference. I was lying on the same bed, hurting, Alex was there looking at me blankly and Jon too. Except that Jon was crying, because I was in pain.

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling disoriented. I rubbed my eyes and covered my body with the soft blanket tighter. The bitter cold outside the bedroom window tried to seep in and work its way under my covered body. I shuddered furiously. Jon invaded my feverish mind. Jon was all I heard, all I saw, and all I wanted. Jon, Jon, Jon.

I sighed heavily and extended my arm to reach the cell phone I rarely used on the nightstand. I gazed at Jon's saved number in the contact list before I pressed dial. The phone rang several times before someone picked up. "Hello?" a crisp deep voice answered the phone. I recognized it, it was Alex's.

"Hello, um can I speak to Jon please?" I didn’t know why but Alex intimidated me.

"Whoever you are, don’t you think it's a bit late to make phone calls?" he asked coldly.

"I don’t think it's any of your business; if Jon is awake please give him to me!" I snapped. Suddenly I felt really furious towards him, he didn’t have the right to speak to me that way.

"Give me the phone" I heard Jon's soft voice on the other end.

"It's 3 am for god's sake!" Alex almost hissed.

"Hello Vanessa" Jon's friendly voice finally filled the other end.

"What was that all about? I thought this was your phone"

He sighed. " Nessa it's late"

"I don’t sleep remember?" my voice softened a bit.

"Yeah right, you're voice is filled with sleep" he said desperately trying to get rid of me.

"I don’t need too much sleep" I muttered. "Why are you awake? Isn’t a bit too late for you too?!"

"What do you want Nessa?" patience was running out from his voice.

"I need to talk to you" I almost whispered.

"Couldn’t you wait for tomorrow morning or something?"

"No" I answered honestly.

He was silent for a minute before he spoke. "Fine, what do you want to talk about?"

"Yesterday" I kept my answers short and straight to the point.

"Nothing happened yesterday Ness, we had dinner and then I left because I needed to get some sleep, what was the problem?"

"I don’t see anybody asleep, not you Jon!" my voice was raising involuntarily and I couldn’t help the anger and pain I felt inside my chest.

"What's with the attitude detective!" his voice got higher too.

"Look who's talking!" I snapped. "You're unbelievable!"

"I thought we were friends" he concluded.

"So did I, goodnight Jon" I hung up the phone before he could say a word. That was better.

I got up from bed and into the bathroom directly. I needed a hot bath to clear my feverish head.

My body was fully relaxed when I came out of the bathroom; I changed into short shorts and put my wet hair up into a ponytail high on my head. It was past five o'clock in the morning, I must've slept in the bathtub.

I ate breakfast slowly to waste the long time I had before going to work. I washed the dishes and the entire kitchen too.

After two hours of productive time wasting I was downright exhausted but it felt good because I didn’t think of Jon or any of whatever was happening while I was at it. I sprayed cherry vanilla; a perfume I mixed a long time ago and became my signature, which consisted basically of wild cherry and French vanilla.

Work was getting repetitive and I didn’t enjoy it today like I usually did. I yawned and looked at my watch. It was still too early to leave and I couldn’t stay any longer so I mixed two easy perfumes and told Wendy that I didn’t feel well, she was kind enough to let me go without questions.

The next couple of days were the same; I spent most of it alone, between my house and the scent shop. There was no sign of Jon, he never came to see me or even called and I missed him terribly.

For some reason work ended quickly today and I had to close down the shop. Wendy was already gone since I stayed here longer than usual, avoiding getting back home as much as I could. I dreaded loneliness after meeting that amazing friend I got attached to so quickly and easily.

I saw a shadow leaning against my little house's door when I reached home. "Jon?" I muttered his name loudly as I approached the door.

" Nessa" he nodded. His cute face was clearer now that I was closer to him.

"What are you doing here?" I said without looking at him, I unlocked the door and got inside with him right behind me.

"Aren’t you happy to see me? " he asked. I ignored him.

"Fine! I came here to apologize"

That caught me by surprise. I turned around and looked directly into his eyes. "For what?" I played stupid. I wanted him to say it.

"For what happened last night"

"Sure, what happened exactly Jon, why did you leave when I mentioned that…thing?"

"I think I was upset" he said apologetically.

"Upset? Why?"

He looked down. "It's complicated. You just won't….understand.

"People are just so selfish, when someone's different they start talking and making terrible judgments" he added.

"So you're telling me that Alex is different" I frowned. "But how?"

"I told you, it's complicated"

"Why were you awake at three am yesterday? And why did Alex answer your phone?" I asked suddenly. My questions caught him off guard.

" I came here to apologize, isn’t it enough? I don’t see the reason behind all these unnecessary questions!"

"Are you in love with him or something?" I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

He rolled his eyes. "What are you doing Nessa?"

"I don’t know! I don’t get this" I sighed heavily.

"I've missed you" he said. I gazed at him, his expression filled with strange pain and sincerity.

Something inside me twisted, subconsciously moving and I found my arms draped over his shoulders and pulling him closer to me. I hugged him as tighter as I possibly could. It wasn’t a sexual hug, I didn’t have those sorts of feelings for him, I guess I just needed him and I really did miss him.

He hesitated for a second before he pulled me even closer to his body. He brushed my hair with his fingers softly. "You have some double personality disorder, don’t you Ness?" he whispered into my ears.

I pushed him away slightly. "You stupid devil!"

He laughed and pulled me again into a bear hug.

"Jon" I mumbled through his shoulder.

"yeah?"

" I'll let you spend the night here and I'll cook a very delicious supper" I began.

"Sounds good to me" he said.

"In one condition" I challenged.

He looked down at me. "uh oh"

" please Jon, I want you to tell me why people talk about Alex and why is it so complicated please" I begged pathetically.

" I will, since you became a close friend of mine and that means you're already involved in this" he said matter-of-factly.

"Thank you Jon"

He looked away without saying a word.

I made grilled cheese sandwiches which were the easiest and fastest since Jon wanted to show me instead of telling me as he had put it. And I wanted this meal to be as fast as possible because curiosity began killing me slowly.

When we finished our meal we got into his car and he drove off to a very familiar place that didn’t even need a car to get to. He drove to my happy place.

" I know this place" I said.

He ignored me and pulled over. He opened the door for me and led me through a narrow path between the big palm trees and greens. After a few minutes we reached the rocky mountains of the island. He turned around to face me. " what you're about to see now is different. It's something you never witnessed before. It might seem wrong to you, but if you see it from their perspective..er I mean ours and only ours it will seem the most normal and right thing you've ever saw, so I just need you to believe in what you'll see, after that I'll tell you everything" he said calmly.

I nodded.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I sighed and nodded again.

And then he opened a door I wasn’t aware of before this minute and I was facing the most abnormal thing I had ever witnessed, the thing that changed my life…forever.

I wasn’t aware of Jon when he clamped his hand over my mouth because I gasped louder than I should.

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"white is the color of clarity and innocence"

Yet every cell in my body ached while I lied on that white bed....

white(4)

2009-06-30T22:56:00.002+03:00

El marath thabe7ny...I'm literally sick, god. I can do nothing but lay on the sofa. my family is travelling next week and this is when I wish I wasn't married. I wish I can go with them, summer is so boring here. and marriage is not really perfect if you ask me. *sigh*

they say: * a perfect writer can make an emperor weep*, hope you guys enjoy this part;**

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I poured the gravy carefully on top of Enola's special chicken and potato dish and put it down with the rest of the dishes on the big, wooden dining table. The strong odors of the cheese, garlic and curry made my stomach growl louder. I hadn't eaten all day and I couldn’t wait any longer.

We gathered around the dining table noisily and started reciting our prayers together, it was some sort of a tradition here to pray, and connect with each other through the food. Food was a symbol of love and care in this family that I belonged to now.

"Hey, Iris, your mother told me that you worked at that pink house in town" I stuffed more grilled potato in my mouth and shoved it down my throat with a big swig of lemon juice.

"What pink house?" she frowned. Iris was Enola's younger daughter and she used to work at houses to pay her college funds.

"Donna carina's house" Enola answered her.

"Oh, yeah that house was creepy" she made a face.

"Creepy? Why?!" I bit my lower lip in confusion.

She looked around the table, examining the curious faces, including the kids, fortunately for me they were distracted. "How do you know about that house Nessa? I thought you hated going to town"

" um, actually they're kinda my friends. Alex and his cousin Jon" I admitted.

" Nessa, I don't know about Jon, but you don’t want to be friends with Alex" she warned.

"And …why is that?!" Although he wasn’t really my friend, I felt defensive towards him.

"He's not really nice" she said. "And people say that he was cursed and his mother was a…sorceress" she was whispering by now.

"A what?" my eyes bulged out and my body became hotter. "And you believe this shit?!"

"Well, I've seen the mother, she looked normal" she shrugged. "But that house looks different and people talk, anyway how did you meet him Nessa?"

"He's the man who saved me" my stomach did a back flip as I muttered the words.
When I got home that night I was unnaturally and utterly exhausted, I brushed my teeth, combed my long hair hastily and put on my long, white night gown. I climbed into bed and covered my body with the sheets. The bed sheets were soft and welcoming as ever, I buried my face against the soft, fluffy pillow and sighed heavily before I fell to the darkness of that other world I rarely visited.

I struggled to wake up but couldn’t, the dream held me too tightly in its coils. It was the same dream I had a few days ago, same white bed, same pain. I couldn’t breathe or move, the pain hurt so much that it felt real. And Alex was there. He was wearing a white lab coat and was staring at me while I was moaning and screaming with agony and he didn’t do anything to stop it.

I was really dazed when I woke up first thing in the morning. I took a quick shower and spent longer than usual in front of my little closet. I wasn’t really obsessed about the way I looked. We all dressed the same in this island, especially in the village, since we lived near the beach and the weather was always so sunny. But this once it was different, I wanted to impress Jon since he was coming today as I promised him to bake him cookies. And Alex might come along with him. I wanted to impress Alex too.

I finally decided on an orange embroidered shirt and my same old jeans. I braided my hair and wrapped a colorful scarf around my head. I knew the permanent scar on my face would be showing fully with my hair away from my face but I just didn't care.

When I reached the scent shop it was already opened which meant that Wendy was already there.

I entered the shop, and to my surprise Wendy wasn’t alone, Jon's cheerful face appeared next to her's. "Good morning Wendy, Jon" I greeted them.

"Morning, you look good" Jon smiled that dazzling smile of his.

"Yes you look good" Wendy chuckled. I shot her a hard glance.

"Thank you Jon, you're… early!" I muttered excitedly.

"You're late" he laughed. " Nessa it's 10"

"I don’t come early on Saturdays"

"Oh, um. So can I steal you now?"

"I don’t think so, I have to be at least here for two hours" I said apologetically. His face fell with disappointment.

"You know Nessa I can manage alone" Wendy smiled at me.

"You sure?" I asked her.

"Oh please, go!" She ordered. I laughed.

"Thank you" I mouthed the words silently.

I took Jon around the village and showed him my favorite places, including my former happy place. He wasn’t amazed by the beauty, he sounded as if he had seen much better than this in his life.

"Nice" he said.

"Nice? This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

"Ok ok, calm down" he grinned.

"You're mean!" I laughed.

He looked away and continued walking to the beautiful, glistening turquoise sea. I followed him and he turned around, facing me now.

"Breathtaking" he said.

My mouth opened involuntarily to say nothing in particular but he answered my thoughts. "Your eyes. They remind me of the beach, they are a different shade of blue obviously; hyacinth-blue, but they are so deep that’s why they remind me of the beach" he blushed.

I laughed. "That was so poetic, thanks, I guess"

"Yeah" he grinned.

We then walked along the beach and talked a lot. Jon was an easy person to be around, I enjoyed every second of being with him, I didn’t even feel self conscious with that hideous, big scar on my face and he didn’t seem to notice how ugly it looked. Instead he admired my eyes.

When we went to my house to bake the cookies I was already starving, we ate olives and drank water because that was the only thing in the kitchen that was ready without cooking.

"How's Alex?" I asked him.

"He's fine" he said with his mouth full of olives.

"wh-why didn’t he come along with you?" I hesitated.

" you want him to come with me?" he asked.

" I don’t care" I lied.

He smiled. "Aren’t they ready yet?"

"Oh, they'll take long" I grinned. "Sorry!" I looked apologetically at the oven.

"That's okay because it means I'll enjoy more of you" he said and laughed at the way he said it.

"You're definitely a poet, I'm sure of it!" I laughed along with him.

In the upcoming days we became closer, we'd meet every day and spend the entire day with each other, and I enjoyed it a lot, I didn’t want this simple friendship to end.

One day after I finished work, I closed the shop and headed home. Jon had promised me that he would come by for dinner tonight. It was seven pm and I was very tired, I had a long day and I didn’t have the time to cook a decent meal.
I changed my clothes quickly to a more comfy shirt and pants, washed my face and headed to the kitchen. He was there.

"How did you get in?" I asked him. I wasn’t surprised, I was just happy.

"The door was open" he said, smiling.

"I brought something, thought you’d be hungry"

"Oh I am, thanks Jon!" I put down two plates on the little, wooden table along with two forks and knives.

We talked a lot while we ate, as usual. I loved talking to Jon a lot, he was a good listener and a good well, speaker.

"I heard something very strange about Donna Carina's house, and…Alex" I said, finally deciding on telling him.

He looked up in surprise. "What did you hear?"

"That…that he was cursed and" I broke off hesitantly. " and that his mother is a...sorceress"

His face turned red, he looked utterly angry. "That's plain bullshit Nessa"

"I'm…sorry, I know it's not true" I looked away in shame.

"It's okay, people talk a lot when you're different" he sighed.

He was silent for a minute before he spoke"You probably need to sleep now, I'll see you tomorrow Ness" he put his fork down

"No!" I almost screamed. "Don’t leave, please. I don’t really sleep early, I barely sleep"

" it's okay Nessa I should go" he stood up.

Suddenly my eyes filled with huge, warm tears when I realized that he was gone without even looking at me in the eye.

white(3)

2009-06-26T12:47:00.005+03:00

I fell in love with this story and all my characters, I think about them all day! and I think I'll write it as longer as I can. hope you guys love it too;*

" your aunt is very lucky, she has two lives; the one she's living and the book she's writing" the hours.

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white(part 3)

The yellow, bright sunlight was what woke me up. So yellow, so painfully shiny, coming from the crack between the curtains. I blinked several times as the sunlight shone directly on my face, burning my eyes yet it felt so good; sometimes I thought it what made me wake up every day and go on with my life, it just looked so cheerful and bright next to the dullness of my universe and that was an enough reason for my existence.

I was a lonely person. I lived between my house, Enola's and the scent shop. But it never really occurred to me that I was lonely. I mean I was okay with my life, not happy but I wasn’t sad either, until the age of innocence vanished. Until my mother killed herself and a year later, my dear old man's departure. It was the summer after I finished my school years. I was fifteen. A child, but I had a mind and a soul of a woman. I woke up that morning feeling uneasy; waiting for a disaster to happen. I headed to the kitchen in my white night gown; my father was already at the kitchen table. He wore a pained expression, it was another kind of pain; one I had never seen before.

"Morning papa"

"Morning…Ness" he'd begun. "I'm leaving"

"Of course you're leaving, you should go to work!" I avoided looking at his eyes.

"No, Carina" he'd said in his thick Italian accent. "I'm leaving for good"

"wh-why?" my voice trembled.

He sighed heavily. "I can no longer take care of you Nessa, my part is over"

"But…but I'm your favorite ugly duckling" I laughed bitterly. "You love me papa, I need you! You can't abandon me!"

"You're not an ugly duckling Carina, you’re a swan, you will always be my swan but I have to let go, the rest of your life is for you to discover, goodbye Ness" he kissed my forehead and left with his burlap suitcase before I could recover from the shock and move my wobbly legs to catch him.

I groaned as I struggled up, out of my warm, comfortable bed. A smear of blood against the white sheet caught my attention, and then my eyes moved involuntarily to the slight cut on my wrist. I sighed; I always seemed to forget how delicate my skin could be.

I poured myself into my old jeans and my orange, long sleeved kaftan, for some reason I had been feeling cold lately. I brushed my long hair hastily and as always, swept it to the side. I was already running late and tourists tended to come more often to the scent shop on weekends so I didn’t have time to pass by Enola's.

The amazing mixture of scents slapped my nose as soon as I arrived to the shop. My partner Wendy wasn’t there yet. I switched on the lights and put on the "open" sign outside the door. I played the usual, soothing Brazilian music CD and switched the air conditioner in moderate mode, I just couldn’t take the cold, maybe I was sick or something, I thought.

Today was a very thriving day for the shop. We didn’t stop mixing, we even ran out of fresh pomegranates and oranges. People really loved floral scents.
It was Wendy's lunch break when an unexpected customer came to visit our humble, little shop. I looked up in surprise when I saw Alex's imperfect face entering the store with another man. A very handsome man too. The man grinned and pointed at me, Alex nodded and they both approached my counter.

"Good afternoon Vanessa" Alex's voice came deep and husky.

"Good afternoon Alex and Alex's friend" I said in a businesslike tone. "How can I help you?"

His friend laughed. "Hello Vanessa, I heard so much about you, or may I say, your cookies"

I grinned widely. "Oh, we don’t sell cookies here"

He laughed again. "I know, but seriously girl, I nagged Alex for meeting the famous chef in person"

Alex rolled his eyes.

"I'm no chef, but I can cook" I said matter-of-factly.

"And you're beautiful too" he grinned.

I laughed, hiding my embarrassment. This guy was a total stranger but I felt as if I had known him forever.

"So what's your name Alex's friend?" I asked him, grinning.

"Jon" he stretched out his hand to shake mine.

"Nice to meet you Jon, call me Nessa" I shook his hand, It was soft and warm.

He nodded. "Sure, Nessa"

"So don’t we get to have free cookies?" he asked in a childish way. I laughed.

"Of course!" I muttered excitedly. "After all, Alex saved my life and you're his friend?"

"I'm his-"

"Cousin" Alex answered coldly, interrupting Jon. I could see the resemblance; they both had dark, bronze skin, thick eyebrows and beautiful, imperfect features. Except for the hair, Jon's hair was so short, almost bald.

"Sure" I smiled at Jon sweetly. "So, what are your favorite scents guys? I can certainly help you here!"

"I think we better get going" Alex said.

"You go, I'll stay. I want to have my own scent" Jon winked at me. I giggled. He was adorable.

Alex looked at Jon and then at me. "You know what? I think I want my own scent too, I can't leave you alone here Jon, she might hurt you" he had a half smile on his face, yet his eyes were serious.

"I don’t think she will" Jon smiled at me and I had the feeling that he might hurt me with that dazzling smile of his.

"Great" I said hesitantly.

"So what's your fave scent Jon?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I don’t know, what do you think I'd like?"

I made a "come here" motion at him. He hesitated at first and then he saw my serious expression and got closer to me almost immediately. I sniffed his neck, his collarbone and his chest. I nodded.

"Apple spice" I answered his thoughts. "Wait a second I'll get the ingredients and you can watch me do it!"

"Great" he wore his dazzling grin again.

I sat the ingredients before me on the counter; apple juice, cinnamon, and drops of grapefruit. , I mixed the fresh apple juice with the rest of the ingredients and poured the liquid into the small glass bottle; both men were watching me in fascination.
I closed the bottle with the cork, wrapped a small baby blue ribbon around it and handed it to Jon.

"Wow" he said. "Thank you very much Nessa!, how much?"

"It's on me" I grinned.

He opened his mouth to say something but I didn’t let him. "Look, next time you can pay, just not this once, 'kay?"

"You're amazing girl" he said. "She's amazing" he turned to Alex.

And for the first time since I met him, Alex laughed. He looked different; much younger.

"So, you want to sniff me too?" Alex asked, preparing himself to get close to me.

"Nah, no need, I can smell you from across the room" I said casually.

" oh" he grunted.

"Almond joy" I said, catching his eyes accidently. "But…with a zest of lime.

Um, we have it ready, I'll just mix some lime with it"

Wendy's gold head appeared at the door. Her lunch break was already over. "Hi" she said to nobody in particular.

"Hey wends!" I exclaimed.

"We have customers" she grinned while eyeing them both. "Hot ones!" she whispered into my ears.

" hello, I'm Wendy, Nessa's partner" she introduced herself " I can see you guys are liking it here"

"Oh, you both have Disney names?" Jon asked. "Charming!"

We all laughed. "Vanessa is a Disney name?" I asked him, I watched Disney cartoons on my childhood, never came across a Vanessa.

"The little mermaid" he said, blushing. I laughed. "Little mermaid? I know an Ariel, not a Vanessa"

"Vanessa is the sea witch" he winked. "When she turns to a chick"

Wendy chuckled and nudged me playfully. I looked at Jon and gazed at the natrual content glow on his face.

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When we closed the shop at sun set, I went to Enola's straight away. Every Friday we'd gather at her house for dinner, her daughters and all their kids would come. I loved them so much, they were my family now. Besides I was so eager to tell them about my new friends, about Jon in particular, I wouldn't consider Alex a friend. Yet.

white(2)

2009-06-23T23:15:00.011+03:00

three days later

I was going to go down to the small town to find my savior, I wanted to give him something and thank him for saving me since I didn’t even have the chance to say thank you. But I needed to do a special dish since that was the only thing I was capable of to show my gratitude.

I was baking my special coconut cookies all day. I added a few slices of mangos to make the cookies fancier. My neighbor and god mother Enola came over to help me, she stuck around the house for the past three days, she was really afraid to leave me alone.

At noon the cookies were warm and ready. I sprinkled coconut on top of them and left them with Enola while I went to my bedroom to get dressed. I put on my old jeans, and the top I wore for occasions; an embroidered blouse Enola got me for my birthday.

I let my hair down and swept it to the side to hide the permanent scar on my left cheek. I got my keys, threw them in my purse and went downstairs to find Enola waiting for me.

Enola saw the man who saved me and recognized him, he was a town resident, she declared. So I had to bring her along with me since she knew where to find him. We took a cab and drove all the way to the small town. I wasn’t fond of our little trip, cars made me nauseous and I wished we could walk but the heat and distance weren’t helping.

The house was huge comparing to the houses next to it. It was also very different. The house's bricks were a combination of baby pink and purple, surrounding enormous windows, and a little green door. And then came the little garden, which was breathtaking, it consisted of different kinds of flowers; peonies, lilies, jasmine, hibiscus and roses. It looked like a house from a fairytale.

"Should we knock?" I asked Enola.
She nodded and headed to the little door with me behind her.

A short old woman opened the door for us; she welcomed us inside after hearing what we wanted. "You probably mean Mr. Casseus, I'll give him a call, he'll be here in a minute" she said.

A blonde guy came to us after less than a couple of minutes. He had a friendly smile on his beautiful, tanned face. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him, his hair crowned his head like leaves of gold under the sunlight, he was wearing white from head to toe, his blue eyes were so pierced against his dark skin, and I would have mistaken him for a Greek god with that name of his.

"Rosa said you wanted to meet me, How can I help you?" he asked politely.

" I think she got it wrong… I, um…do you have a brother Mr. casseus?" I asked hesitatingly.

"No" he frowned. "Are you sure you got the address right?"

"Isn’t this Donna Carina's residence?" Enola raised her brow.

"It is the one" a different male voice came behind us.

I looked up at the voice's source. He was the same man who was at my bedside three days ago. He sat on the edge of the sofa beside Casseius.

I examined him shamelessly before I spoke, he looked so messy, his hair naturally disarrayed and wild. His dark skin so smooth yet he needed to shave, he was so huge but he had a body of an athlete. He was beautiful, yet his face wasn’t perfect like Casseius's, his face looked alive, there was this aspect of life in his beautiful, imperfect features.

"Hey I'm Vanessa, I didn’t have the chance to say thank you the other day" I began. "So I…I decided to come by and…"

"I know who you are, sure" he interrupted me coldly.

"oh" I grunted. " um, I thought you might like this" I handed him the cookies.

He looked at me blankly.

"That's very nice of you Vanessa, Alex likes cookies, we all do" Casseius shot Alex a hard glance.

"Yeah, thanks" Alex said coldly, eyeing my scar.

I was taken by surprise by Alex's attitude. What was that all about? Maybe he was upset about something else. I thought, suddenly defending him.

When we left the strange fairytale house, I felt uneasy and was really irritated.

"what are you thinking of Nessa?" Enola eyed me suspiciously, interrupting my thoughts while we were in the cab.

" Those people were weird, I didn't get them, what were they to eachother if they weren't brothers?!"

" well, Donna Carina is Alex's mother, I think the other man is the son in law or something, I'm not sure" Enola said.

" and how on earth you know so much about them?!" I asked her urgently.

" my daughter used to work at their house Nessa" she said.

" oh, okay, that guy,Alex wasn't really nice" I muttered angrily.

the cab pulled over and I stepped out hastily. " thanks for coming with me today Enola, it meant a lot" I forced a smile.

" of course I'll come with you, you silly!" she patted my hand gently.

" um, I'll be needing my privacy, there's no need to stay with me all day, I'll be fine!" I sounded desperate for my freedom. she laughed.

"sure" she said. " just don't forget to come by to my house tonight, the kids will be around".

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I lay on the white, strange bed, I shriek and moan with agony, the pain is so close to my heart, my heart aches. I try to open my eyes, I can't. a very dark, evil force is pulling me down, down , down...until I'm out of bandwidth.

to be continued....

white

2009-06-21T18:34:00.003+03:00

I was really inspired by the beach and the ridiculous beauty of the islands so I wrote this, I don't know if there's more of this story but I think whenever I'm free I'll write...hope you enjoy it PEOPLEZZ;**

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"Kill yourself?-what's the point? It achieves absolutely nothing." Precisely: it achieves nothing and nothingness is what I want." I recited these famous words once again in my head. Words were written by the Austrian poet, who killed herself two months after writing them. Why would anyone crave "nothingness"?. Does the question even matter? The damage was done. She wasn’t happy with us. My mother wasn’t happy with us, that’s why she killed herself. Maybe she craved nothingness. Maybe nothingness was her aim.

I enjoyed lying between my own sheets, free and unbound but I couldn’t sleep, I tossed and turned in bed just like any other night. Hell, it had even become a routine to me. Dark circles were a dominant part of my soft, baby face. They were a part of my eccentric, dark personality.

There wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to be able to sleep so I decided to get up and head to my favorite place in this island; the private beach.

I wrapped my crochet shawl over my nightdress, pulled my thick long hair into a ponytail and took my keys. I caught my reflection accidently in the mirror and gasped, I avoided mirrors as much as I could. I never liked what I saw.
I ran down the short stairs of my small shack-like house, and into the narrow street. The air was crisp and delicate as it surrounded the midnight streets. It slapped me gently, as soon as I was out. I inhaled it deeply and started walking to my favorite place. I lived two streets away from the beach, so getting there by foot was easy. As I walked past the small buildings near my house I could see the moonlight painting patterns upon the dark, asleep island.

I could smell the salty sea breeze as I approached. The rich scent filling my lungs as I inhaled. I sat on my usual spot preparing myself for my own ultimate bliss. I slid down the rubber band that was in my hair and let my hair fall down my back forcefully. This was my personal heaven, my own little happy place; there was no need to hide. I shut my eyes. The air blew my nightdress furiously; I let out a giggle while I remained still with my eyes closed. My hands automatically reached for the sand, grabbing it gently, playing with its softness.

The usual feeling of relief washed over me, the relaxation that came with the sense of isolation and serenity, the ease and the familiar comfort. But there was something different about that relief, it wasn’t the same one I felt every single day since I started coming to this little haven of mine. And I couldn’t fully relax. There was definitely something different tonight and I couldn’t blame it on the suddenly cold weather. Different wasn’t even the word. Something was wrong about my happy place.

I shifted uneasily from my position, and opened my eyes slowly. I took in the beige sands and the glittering dark sea water under the moon light, the ridiculously bright green palm trees and the long grass. But something else caught my eyes, a new thing in my happy place, a scary thing…a dark shadow behind a tall tree.

I caught my breath and jumped to my feet when I noticed the shadow approaching me. I wrapped my shawl tightly around my body and brushed my hair back with my fingers. I could see the shadow clearly by now, a man was standing right before me, a dangerous looking man.

"Perfect night for a murder, huh?" His thick, masculine voice spoke, making me jump in my place.

A bead of cold sweat trickled down my forehead; I shivered slightly although it wasn’t really cold.

"What's wrong pumpkin? I'm not really scary" he flashed his yellow, jagged teeth in a very wicked grin.

"Um…I think I'll head home" I muttered softly.

Suddenly he ran towards me and held my arm in an incredible strength "not so fast" he said.

"Get off me you…" I was about to finish my sentence when his big hand reached for my face and shut my mouth. I tried to scream but he wouldn’t let me go. I struggled to free myself from his strong, dirty grasp, but he was much stronger than I was.

His other hand reached for my thigh, I screamed at the top of my lungs but it was muffled with his hand covering my mouth. "Don’t scream you bitch, I'll finish it quickly" he said huskily while he tried desperately kissing me.

I started crying violently because at this point I knew that I was completely alone and completely…dead. His small, dark eyes bore into mine and I couldn’t take it, I lifted my head up and looked at the beautiful moon above me, trying with the little strength that was left in me to ignore watching my slow death. I closed my eyes.

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I didn’t feel a thing, not a single thing. No pain, no nothing. My death was so painless, so soft and comfortable, just like…bed sheets. My eyes hurt. I could feel a luminous light directing my eyes. Was this hell? I didn’t even deserve hell; I was raped and murdered for god's sake.

I struggled to open my eyes; the light wasn’t getting any better. Sour Tears stung my eyes as I opened them slowly; the bright light was surrounding someone before me. Someone I didn’t know; a man was sitting at my bedside, surrounded by the bright sun that was coming from the window. But it didn’t matter, I was dead.

"I'm dead aren’t I?" I whispered.

He laughed without humor. "No you're not"

"Oh" I looked around me; I was on my bed, at my home. So I wasn’t dead after all. I closed my eyes again, I couldn’t take it all in. he didn’t kill me, the ugly monster didn’t kill me and that's all that matters.

"Then who are you?" I asked him, with my eyes closed.

"He didn’t touch you, he won't come near you again, or any other girl" he said sternly.

My eyes flew open, his anger surprised me. "You saved my life" my mouth muttered the words involuntarily.

"You're welcome" he smiled briefly, got up swiftly and left the room.

let me hold you for the last time it's the last chance to feel again

2009-06-01T22:37:00.004+03:00

LOOOOOOL this dude is funny!!!, I can't stop laughing;p;p

I have nothing to say I just wanna show you this doll:P! LOL, qalel adab;$

I'll be off to bora bora, next week enshallah:D

Hmmm, what else..yeah! I need hot swimsuits! any advice?

ahlag?:P

2009-05-28T01:52:00.003+03:00

I recieved a very funny mail and I decided to share it with you;p, a woman makes lingerie for married women 3ala their husbands names:P, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL ahlag?!!

kash5a sa7?;p, et5ayelaw asawy 3ala HH's name?:P

behind these hazel eyes(new)

2009-05-23T02:02:00.004+03:00

im going to tell their news in a storytelling way just like i've started...

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I've always known that we will always be in each other's lives, no matter what obstacles we face, problems we go through, and even no matter whom we end up with, I'll always be his and he'll always be mine. I've always been aware of my unconditional feelings for him. I've always been aware of us.

So him contacting me again was not at all a surprise, I was even expecting it. It all started again last year, in winter. I secretly believe that winter is our season, since we met in winter, broke up in London's winter and got back together in Kuwait's winter again. It was 12:30 am, I was indulging my big Mac and watching friends on mbc4, when all of the sudden my phone beeped announcing a message. I reached for my cell phone casually with my burger greasy hand. Flipped it open and faced the message that made me whole again. " my heart misses it's life source…" Terki.

My heart did a back flip and my hand trembled, I took a deep breath, put the phone down and continued biting off my sandwich, ignoring my rapid heartbeats. After I finished eating, I ran to my bedroom, sat on the bed and stared at my phone again. I reread the message several times and decided to send him something in return. Something smart. "Did u cut back ur pills?"I sent him. Very smart Jana, I thought.

"I wish it was the pills, it's actually sumthin else, sumthin stronger...wud u take a guess Miss. Jana?" He sent me back, less than a minute later.

"No you tell me" I rolled my eyes, my messages were so lame, I should be smart, I should impress him after all these years!

"Something small, breathtaking, unbelievably cute and oh so stubborn!" he sent.

My cheeks got really warm and flushed unexpectedly; I held my cheeks with my both hands and stared at his message. After five whole minutes I decided to send a message. "What took you so long?" and as soon as I sent it my eyes filled with huge, warm, painful tears.