Zain aka HH my husband (yes husband no longer fiancé but I don’t live with him.YET) joins me on the sofa, I close the laptop immediately when he pulls me against his chest. "mu bard 3alaich?" he says.
" hmm la 3ady, im enjoying it"
" matabeen peanut butter?" he offers me the jar of peanut butter in his hand.
I frown " la esta'3fer allah"
He chuckles. " kaifich 7adda latheth"
" bel3afia" I say while I wipe the corner of his mouth with my fingertip. I stare at his face for a while and take in his features. His big black eyes, his dark skin and his beautiful lips with that sexy mole on his chin. I smile when I remember the first time I saw him, he's no saud but he's so rayaal! I remember telling Jana.
" enzain matabeen takleen shay?" he asks again.
" in thirty minutes, may9er akel gabel" I tell him.
" faroo7a I love you and everything bas entay film! Mala da3y dieting, enjoy life, and I LOVE your body,wallah.."
" I wanna fit into my wedding dress! O feh farg bain skinny o SUPER skinny and every bride should be super skinny"
" if you say so" he flips open his laptop and begins working on something, I take the chance and open mine and resume writing the last part of the story.
"You're…different!" his eyes widened.
"You're… HERE" I gulped.
" yes. I am" he said and then his beautiful face broke into a smile.
"happy twenty fourth birthday Jana" he handed me a small bag.
I stared at him blankly; I still couldn’t believe my eyes.
" enzain will you take my humble gift? And will you let me in?" he grinned.
" oh, um..come on in, I um sorry" I stuttered stupidly.
I locked the door behind him and led him to the tiny living room. " you want some coffee?" I asked.
I covered my half naked body with my soft fluffy robe and headed to the kitchen. My hands trembled while I prepared the coffee. It was the worst situation I ever experienced. Why would my ex fiancé come all the way here after a whole year of our break up, why?!
And what scared me the most was that I longed for this moment for as long as I remember and when it finally came I felt nothing,I felt...cold.
I poured the coffee into the thermos and placed it on the tray along with two cups; I sighed deeply and went to the living room.
" et'fathal" I handed him a cup of coffee politely and sat on the chair besides him.
" so how are you?" he began a conversation.
" mashy el 7al, how are YOU?"
" el7emdella, 3ayesh" he said. " jana?"
" wayed met'3ayra, tadreen lo ashofich bel share3 ma3arfech"
" I don’t think I've changed" suddenly I was so annoyed. He didn’t have the right to show up here and act all normal and easy like we're old friends or something.
" your appearance changed I meant" he said " but you're still beautiful" he added.
I ignored him and sipped my coffee.
" why are you angry?" shit! How did he know?!
" im not" I faked a smile.
" you know what was really bad about our relationship?" he said.
"is that we got to know each other way too well" he grinned " so don’t fake it, I know you very well"
I sighed. "you know what? Yes I am angry! You know why? Because I don’t know what you're doing here! why did you come here?! YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE!" I yelled.
" I came here to wish you a happy birthday, and because I've …missed you"
I laughed " it took you a year to miss me? mashallah 5osh love hatha! Terki ana baroo7 anam, and I think you know your way out, bye." I got up from my seat and left him alone in the living room.
" laish tnamen embacher, it's Friday!" he shouted.
I ignored him, turned off the lights and slammed the bedroom's door behind me.
I woke up the next morning with a heavy heart. My body ached and I didn’t want to get up from bed but I wouldn’t let him win again, I suffered for months and that was enough. Him showing here after a year was not a big deal, I didn’t love him anymore. No, I didn’t love him.
I took a quick shower, wore a comfy dress and had my morning coffee while reading the paper. The bag Terki gave me yesterday was there in the kitchen. I took a quick look inside the bag. There was a card that said " happy 24th to the most beautiful person on this planet. You'll always be in my heart.
Ps: I know how much you love decorating your beautiful earlobes:)
Pps: I still own the darabeel box you gave me
I couldn’t help smiling at the card. It was so cute. I took the little velvet box out of the bag. I opened it and the most beautiful pair of pearl and diamond earrings were there. I ran my fingers gently over it and decided to "decorate" my ears with it. I placed one on my right ear and looked at my reflection in the mirror, I gasped when I saw how beautiful it was with my blue-black hair. I placed the other one and took out the rest of the contents in the bag. A dead flower and an album. Weird, I thought.
I opened the album and a picture of myself wearing a red dress and smiling at the camera appeared. I could feel a lump in my throat when pictures of me in Terki's arms started showing while I flipped over through the photo album.
The doorbell's ringing made me jump. I tucked the album inside the bag and went to answer the door.
It was him again.
" you're crying?" he almost whispered.
I couldn’t resist I kissed him back, I didn’t realize how much I missed his taste and his body against me, god I missed him.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my closer. " what are you doing?" I said breathlessly.
He shut me up with an even deeper kiss.
Before I knew it we moved to the bedroom, he picked me up and threw me on the bed and lied besides me. "I have bad news" he whispered into my ears.
"what?" I whispered back.
" we are still madly in love with each other" he said.
" I don’t care, I don’t want you to go" I buried my head against his chest.
He kissed my head. "I won't" he promised.
And then he moved in with me. I knew it was wrong but I wanted him as close as possible to me, besides he would be leaving in two weeks and I wasn’t sure that he would come back again.
It stayed like this for almost two years now. We lived separately, me between Kuwait and London, him in Kuwait and between other countries because of his job and as soon as he gets a vacation he'd visit again. I'd lie if I tell you that I was okay with this weird relationship. We weren’t even a couple. I lived my life normally without him except at some nights when I lose connection with myself and cry myself to sleep.
I lied on bed thinking. For some reason I couldn’t sleep and it was hot. Terki was sleeping there next to me. I thought about us and how wrong our relationship was. I should talk to him, I thought.
His loud breathing interrupted my thoughts. I touched his bare shoulder in an attempt to wake him up.
"baby?" I whispered.
"hmm" he groaned.
" did you take your pills today?" I stroked his hair.
He struggled to open his eyes " eshfech?" he asked.
" 5athait your pills elyoum?"
He rubbed his eyes " la chenny nesait"
"damn it Terki! Where are they?!" I snapped.
" madry , in my case over there maybe" he said with his sleep filled voice.
I rushed towards the kitchen with a glass of water and took his pills out of his case. " DON’T forget it again, PLEASE?!"
" enshallah" he swallowed the pill and shoved it down with water.
Before he drifted back to sleep again, he brushed my hair and said " I can't live without you janoona, this time I'll take you home with me" and then he took me into his arms and slept on the scent of my hair.
" why did you come here?" a single tear trickled down my cheek and before I could say anything else he pulled me into a deep passionate kiss.
We were both shocked.
" is..is .. IS THIS JANA'S APARTMENT?!" I asked him, blushing.
" um, yeah yeah, 7ayach!" he welcomed me inside awkwardly.
I sat on a chair in the living room with him in front of me. Before I could open my mouth to say something, A skinny girl with Cleopatra-like hair showed. "FARAH!!!" she screamed my name.
"OH MY GOD!! FAROO7AAA!!" she said and jumped on me, giving me a monster hug.
I was taken aback; I thought she didn’t want to see me again. I really, really missed her.
And then I hugged her back and to my utter dismay I started crying. " what the hell is he doing here?" I whispered into her ears.
" I'll tell you everything, just get me out of here first" she whispered back.
I pulled away and wiped my eyes. " Terki,can I borrow Jana?"
He smiled when he saw my tears "sure farah, bas please latabcheen, o latbachenha weyach"
I giggled " I'm sorry"
Jana took her coat and we left the apartment.
" wow, long time no see" she said.
I sighed " I've missed you"
" I thought you didn’t want to see me again" she said. her eyes filled with tears.
" so…tell me first, eshlonich? How's your life here?" I asked.
"el7emdella, everything's great"
"you mean it?"
"yes I mean it" she assured me " I am happy but.."
" but TERKI …9a7?"
" yes, we don’t even have a relationship, it's like when we're on the verge of breaking down he comes back to me, and it sucks" she said. and then she told me about the whole thing between her and Terki.
" hmm, I don’t like it" I said.
" me neither"
" you know, you should write a book about your love life"
" akteb 3an sheno exactly? 7arakat Terki el '3areeba? Wela sowad wai fahad o s3ood?!, plus I don’t have a love life"
I laughed. " show women what men are really like, plus people love those kinds of things"
" Farah I don’t need to show them how men are screwing our lives, they already know! And speaking of which, are you still with your boyfriend?"
I nodded. " I've never been so in love actually"
She reached for my hand across the table. "testahlain 7abebti, tell me about him, what's he like?"
I sighed. "Perfect, he proposed to me twice and I didn’t give him an answer"
" el rayal min zeman kan yabeech eb zawaj, he didn’t want to play around, entay madry laish 7anachtay 3leh, a5er shay kalamteh hehe" she said " ohwa wayed mo7taram Farah, do you want to marry him?"
" I love him but I'm scared, madry ya3ny" I said.
" say yes, you guys deserve each other, at least one of us will end up with the man she loves, do it for me" she smiled.
I squeezed her hand. "eshlon el derasa?" I asked.
" lo3aa, wallah lay3a chabdy , lots of work, what about you?"
" mashy el7al, bas aby aftak! En5ale9 min el jam3a ye6la3lena shay thani" I said "enzain tell me, what are you going to do about Terki?"
" I think I need to talk to him" she said.
" ana agool, golela about what you feel, tell him its either getting official AGAIN or breaking up because what your having now is mala da3y! he shouldn’t come back and stay at your place as if you were a married couple!"
" my mother hates him" she said.
" but you're only happy with him, and she wants you to be happy!" I was getting impatient; I so wanted these two to get back together.
" I will talk to him tonight, I promise" she said.
I walked with Jana to her apartment, hugged her and took a cab to my hotel.
When Jana entered her apartment Terki wasn’t there, she changed her clothes and waited for him in the living room.
After less than thirty minutes he showed up with tons of Harrods bags in his hands. " hi 7ayati, I've missed you" he said.
"where were you?" she asked him. " o sheno kel hatha?"
" re7t ag3ad weya o5oy, he's here with his wife"
" I know, Farah told me"
" and I brought us dinner" he handed her the bags.
" Terki, I need to talk to you"
"me too" he said.
He sat down beside her. " ladies first"
" it's about us Terki, I don’t like what we're doing. It's like you can live without me,3ady 3endek and when you have a vacation you come here and I welcome you wela chenna 9ayer shay, I hate it Terki, and I don’t want it to happen again" she sighed.
" I know, I hate it too, that's why I want you to be my wife, not my fiancé, MY WIFE" he took her hand in his " would you marry me Jana, baby?"
A million thoughts raced across her brain in a split-second as she sat there. she didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t like before, he wasn’t even her boyfriend. she looked at the loving, gentle expression on his face and her eyes betrayed her and she could feel the warm flood of tears streaming down her face.
She touched his face gently " I'm sorry Terki but what you did to me before one week of our wedding was unforgivable, selfish and heartless. Enta mafakart feeny, instead you considered your brother ely el7een 5a6ab o soon ra7 yetzawaj o wela hamma, you didn’t want to hurt your brother bas rethait enik tejra7ny, you know what's the difference between me and you Terki? I love you so much to the point that I let you in my life again without hesitation, I amaze myself when it comes to you, adoos 3la karamty bas 3ashan I satisfy you, o enta wela 3al bal, tsafer o tred o matgool feh w7da 7mara na6ratny here, despite everything I still love you like before and I'll always will, nothing changed except one thing, the fact that I can live without you, I think I can survive without you and I don’t think that my life sucks without you."
He opened his mouth like a gold fish, he couldn’t speak. He was so shocked and very surprised by her reaction.
And then he took her both hands in his and kissed each one of them and stared at her. " I'm sorry 7abebti, I don’t deserve you" he said.
He let go of her hands, stood up and made his way to the door. She was so overwhelmed with the whole situation, she couldn’t stop crying. And then she stood up and went over to him at the door.
When he saw her approaching him he swept her off her feet and hugged her with every nucleolus of love in his body. He crushed her bones with his love and he didn’t care, he hugged her and refused to let go because he knew that it was the last time he'd be this close to her.
After a while he put her down and kissed her deeply on the lips. "good bye Terki" she said.
"you wish" he and pulled her again for a kiss.
" don’t forget me" she said.
"never" he assured her.
"I'll come to pick my stuff tommorow when you're out" he touched her hand slightly, ran his hand over her delicate fingers and then he spoke again " bye 7abebti"
To her utter surprise, she didn’t feel sad when he left. Actually she couldn’t stop smiling, she finally let go of her anger and was able to move on with her life. Of course she still loved him with every pulse in her heart but she knew that she deserved better. She didn’t want another man and she didn’t want to get married, she just wanted to be happy and thank god, she was. she took her coat and her purse and left the apartment with a huge smile on her face and red eyes.
she wandered happily across the cold,wet streets of london. she was finally breathing for the first time in three years.
love you all ;**